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21 signs he is in love (but with another woman)

What happens when you suspect your boyfriend or husband may be cheating or interested in someone else? Or worse, that he is in love with another woman?

Are you just being jealous? Insecure? Or is there something really going on?

Bringing up your worries to him without any concrete signs may actually cause a bigger divide in your relationship. He may accuse you of being paranoid or too needy.

Before you jump the gun and point any fingers, take a look at these 21 warning signs that he may be in love with someone else.

Chances are if you’re reading this, you already have noticed a few of these:

1) He shows disinterest in your daily life

He used to check in with you all the time and every night would ask about your day. He listened and showed real interest.

Suddenly, when he comes home at night, he no longer makes an effort to find out how your day was. In fact, it seems like he has very little to no interest in your life anymore.

He always seems preoccupied or distracted.

It could just be that he has other things on his mind, but when you try to ask, he’s distant and dismissive.

This is an early warning sign that his mind may be on someone else.

Check out these additional signs that your partner may be guilty of emotional cheating.

2) He goes right to sleep when he comes home at night

This one sounds silly, right? But it is an overlooked sign and it goes hand in hand with the previous sign that he may be in love with someone else.

If your boyfriend or partner is suddenly always tired at night and just goes right to bed, he may be avoiding spending time with you.

After all, the evenings are generally reserved for our partners, correct?

Couples therapist Stephen Betchen states:

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“Partners who are in love want to be around their counterparts as much as possible. Most cannot wait to get home from work or for the weekend to spend time with them…. If you are routinely distancing yourself from your mate, you may not be in love.”

If he continues to make excuses for being “too tired”, as hurtful as this may be to realize, he may be avoiding time with you to ease his own guilt.

3) He makes excuses to see another woman

Is your boyfriend or husband suddenly spending a lot of time with his new female co-worker? Maybe he has a new yoga instructor and is always headed to class?

It may be a red flag if all of a sudden you are hearing the name of another woman and he seems to be making all kinds of excuses as to why he has to work late, or how he has multiple private training sessions.

If he seems giddy or excited when he’s talking about her, your intuition may be trying to tell you something.

This shouldn’t mean you question your partner’s motives every time they walk out the door. Space and trust should be valued.

But, if you begin to notice your partner constantly mentioning a new name and coming up with spontaneous reasons to see this person, perhaps there is something deeper than platonic feelings for her.

4) He avoids possible encounters with her

On the other hand, if out of nowhere your partner is avoiding a particular person he’s familiar with, that may indicate something is off as well.

Is there suddenly a female friend he “can’t stand”?  Is he going out of his way to not run into a neighbor when you’re around?

If suddenly, he is now avoiding a woman in your circle, ask him what’s going on.

If he denies or brushes off your question but you continue to see the pattern, put it in your warning box. Something’s up.

5) He suddenly keeps your relationship on the low

It’s very common when someone begins to have an affair that they try to deny the existence of their current relationship by acting “unattached”.

If he suddenly doesn’t invite you to company functions, removes photos of you on his desk, and he doesn’t flirt with you or hold your hand in public, he’s not acting as if he is unavailable.

In other words, he wants people to believe that he is not in a relationship with you. Likely in his mind, he is doing this because he wants to be in a relationship with someone else.

6) He stopped posting about you on social media

Welcome to the digital age.

How people act on social media can be a big tip-off to what is going on in their private lives.

If all of a sudden, your boyfriend or husband hid his online friends from being public or deleted all of the pictures of the two of you, yikes!

Not only does this hurt, but these are big signs that he may be hiding something or someone.

7) His friends start bringing up another woman’s name

Yes, this happens.

If your partner is already involved with someone, there’s a good chance he has told, or she has met, his close friends.

He may have introduced her as his colleague or neighbor, but whatever the case, she’s met them and if you begin to hear her name, perk up your ears.

The reason why he would do this is simple: he really cares about what his friends think and wants their approval. In a 2017 published study, it was found that men care more about their “bromances” than they do their romantic relationships.

If your partner has introduced another woman to his friends, having their support will make it easier for him to admit his love for her.

8) He can’t be around your family or friends

Guilt is a tricky business.

Remember when you were a kid and you lied to your parents? How hard was it to look them in the eye?

If your boyfriend or husband fell in love with someone else, his guilt may be consuming him. Looking in the eyes of anyone who loves you may make him face his shame.

In his mind, it is safer for him just to avoid seeing them.

If you notice that all of a sudden, he no longer wants to attend holiday functions or get-togethers with your family or friends, he may be trying to hide that he has feelings for someone else.

9) He suddenly works out, a lot

If your man was always a couch potato and now is hitting the gym regularly, he may be interested in impressing someone else.

In the butterfly stages of a relationship, people usually are hyper-aware of how they’re being perceived and they give extra effort to their appearance. They want to look their best so they are attractive to their new lover.

But if you’re long past the honeymoon stage and his new habit of a mirror flex has caught you off guard, perhaps it’s because he’s thinking about how he looks to her, not you.

10) He’s secretive about his spending

Has your partner been using cash instead of your shared account or you notice a lot of nice dinners on your mutual credit bill?

If suddenly your husband or partner is very private about where and how he has been spending money, and you know it isn’t on you, that money is going somewhere. Or, to someone.

Financial deception is unfortunately one of the most common reasons why relationships fail.

If you and your partner previously shared your spending habits and now you’re in the dark, it’s time to look deeper.  Spending money on another woman is an indicator that he may be in love with her.

11) He has new friends

All of a sudden your boyfriend or husband is hanging out with “the guys” but the issue is, you have never heard of these guys until recently!

If someone is in love and having an affair with another person, often they will meet that person’s friends. He may have become part of her circle.

If he has joined a new group of people you have never met, ask him how he was introduced. Pay attention to his details.

If he is choosing to spend time with her friends, that is a tell-tale sign that he is in love with her and values her connections.

12) He has a new hobby

Recently, your partner has found all new hobbies and interests and is a bonafide Renaissance man.

What gives?

If you suspect he may be in love with someone else, it may be one of two things: either these hobbies are fake and just serving as excuses for him to be out of the house, or he’s trying to be more attractive to her.

Ask to join him the next time he heads to his new class or gym session. If he’s insistent about going alone or avoids the topic, accept that his attention and intentions may be elsewhere.

If he is developing new interests centered around another woman, he may be in love with her.

13) He has a new scent

Yep, a new scent.

It’s no secret that cologne or perfume can generate a sense of arousal in people. In fact, research indicates that a woman’s sense of smell is the most important factor in choosing a lover.

While it is doubtful your partner knows that bit of trivia, he likely knows that there is something very sexy about being close to someone you find attractive and inhaling their particular fragrance.

If your boyfriend or husband has either never worn cologne or has always worn one particular brand and there’s a sudden shift, take notice!

14) He grooms

Okay, this is a TMI sign but it’s a real one.

If your man has suddenly started paying attention to what’s beneath his boxers and is trimming the hedges, raise those eyebrows.

When we take on a new sexual partner, most of us are very conscious about how well our nether regions are groomed.

Let’s be honest, after being with the same partner for some time, it’s common, acceptable, and even nice to not always be worried that they will be put off if you went a week between shaving. The same goes for men (everywhere on their bodies).

So when that shifts spontaneously and you notice that he is taking more steps than usual to keep things groomed, it may not be for you.

15) He doesn’t drink when he’s around you

In vino veritas, right? (In wine, there is truth).

If suddenly your man starts sobering up only when he’s around you, you may be detecting a problem.

If your partner is cheating or in love with another woman, the last thing he would want to do is put himself in a situation where he may actually spill the beans.

He is not going to risk being loose-lipped around you after a drink or two and accidentally share what he’s been up to.

16) He hides his phone or flips it over

Have you ever seen someone receive a text and then quickly flip it over? That’s because they most likely don’t want anyone to see what just popped up on their screen.

Well, if your partner is suddenly doing this after every bing and chime, this may indicate a red flag.

Is he always on the phone, texting someone but not revealing who? Does he now take his phone everywhere, even to the bathroom or just to get a glass of water? If so, it sounds as if he doesn’t want you having any access to its contents.

He may be hiding something…. his relationship with another woman.

17) Accuses you of being not trustworthy

Projection and deflection. Two of the go-to tactics of the guilty.

Is your partner constantly accusing you of lying, cheating, or keeping things from him? Especially when you bring up something about his behavior?

This is a red flag.

Not only is this a form of gaslighting, but it’s a classic emotional projection. He’s invalidating your emotions and concerns because he is feeling guilty.

He knows he’s the one lying and cheating and being secretive, but would rather project the shame upon you than have any accountability.

Read about additional warning signs of gaslighting and toxic relationships.

18) No PDA

Kissing your forehead, holding your hand in public, hugging on the street corner?

Not a chance.

He not only seems uninterested in showing you any kind of affection in public, he makes it obvious that he doesn’t even want it.

If your boyfriend or husband is in love with another woman, unfortunately, it’s her that he fantasizes about, and he won’t really want to be affectionate with you anymore. Especially in public.

19) He’s constantly irritated

Is he always in a bad mood lately? Does it seem like he is constantly picking fights or finding excuses to argue with you?

If the answers are “Yes”, he may be doing this either subconsciously or intentionally to sabotage your relationship.

He may be trying to find ways to drive you both further apart. For him, this could possibly justify his having an affair and falling in love with another woman.

20) The sex is weird

If your boyfriend or husband is in love with another woman, and you still are having sex, it will be weird.

You will sense that disconnect. He may not make eye contact or give any shade of romance to the act. He may under compensate or worse, overcompensate and be entirely off character.

For him, he may feel like he is cheating on her with you.

Your physical intimacy will be really uncomfortable if your partner is in love with someone else.

21) He’s just not “with” you anymore

If your partner is, in fact, cheating or in love with another woman, he just won’t be present with you anymore.

He will be distant and distracted and will be emotionally unavailable to you.

Trust your intuition

If you truly suspect that your partner may be in love with someone else, then you really don’t need 21 signs to show you.

Trust your intuition. Use your spidey sense.

Often, we don’t want to admit to ourselves that the person we are in love with no longer respects that love. We would rather turn a blind eye and hope that our gut feelings are wrong.

Your heart and mind will guide you in making the right decision, you just have to trust in yourself and know that if you loved once, you can love again.

Check out this masterclass on love and intimacy to help guide you towards finding sustainable, healthy relationships.

Written by Robbi King

Robbi Geane King is a plant based chef, wellness consultant and educator and the creator of The Gratifüde Diet - a coaching program on gratitude and spiritual weight gain. As a Buddhist practitioner, meditation is the central grounding practice in her life that she joyfully shares with her two young boys. Originally from Southern California, Robbi currently resides in New York.

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