12 spiritual signs of cheating most people miss

How you can tell your partner is cheating on you?

Cheating is one of the most hurtful things that can happen to a person. It is a profound act of betrayal that can cause years of insecurity, anger, and shame.

How can you tell if someone is cheating on you? Often, we simply have a hunch — but what is that hunch based off of? Is it because of certain actions your partner has taken? Or is it something deeper? Is there a spiritual energy that your partner is exuding that clues you in to their betrayal.

We’re going to take a look at the more spiritual signs of cheating as well as what you can do once you find out.

Why do people cheat?

This is a complicated question. There are tons of theories that range from biological (is cheating innate?) to cultural. But — one thing that a lot of experts agree on is that cheating rarely happens in a bubble.

There’s usually something that precipitates it. That something could be the breakdown in communication in a relationship, a lack of warmth in the relationship, lack of self-esteem, commitment issues, anger, or even a craving to be desired.

We’re not blaming the jilted party here, we’re simply stating that cheating rarely spontaneously arises. There are typically issues that fester that lead to cheating. Cheating is frequently a symptom of a relationship gone off the rails.

All this is to say, check in on your relationship. Don’t let it get to the point of cheating.

What do we mean when we say spiritual signs?

Spiritual signs sure sound a little woo-woo, doesn’t it? After all, we’re not going to list the colors of the aura your cheating partner will have (but holy cow, imagine if we could!).

Instead, we mean those more behavioral and intangible characteristics. Non-spiritual signs of cheating could be “your partner keeps working late, won’t pick up his phone, and keeps racking up unexplained hotel bills.”

Those are pretty tangible.

Non-tangible signs, ones that concern someone’s behavior, personality, and spirit, would be something along the lines of “she keeps pulling away from you.”

Pulling away, why?

Well, let’s find out!

1) They start pulling away

Pulling away is never a good sign. It signifies that the other person is trying to reduce the importance of the relationship in their lives. It doesn’t always signify cheating — it could mean that the person is falling out of love and is looking to possibly end the relationship down the line.

It could also mean that your significant other could be depressed; depressed partners are known to pull away as they “don’t want to be a bother.”

But, if all of a sudden, your partner starts pulling away from the relationship — meaning they act distant, they don’t engage in conversation as deeply as they used to, they seem to “check out” whenever you hang out together; it very well could be a sign they’re cheating on you.

2) Being forgetful

When your partner cheats on you, they tend to hide that fact from you. They don’t want to get caught betraying you or living a double life. As a result, they often have to come up with intricate stories to keep you from discovering the truth.

Work conferences pop up. Nights with the boys are common. All of these are cover stories for late-night escapades.

But, keeping all of these stories straight can be difficult — especially if your s.o. is telling them to another person as well. As a result, they may forget that they’ve told you something, and tell you again. Then, if you mention they’ve told you that, they’ll simply chalk it up to “being forgetful.”

They’re not “being forgetful.” They’re forgetting their own lies.

3)  They accuse you of cheating

This is a classic spiritual sign of cheating. Cheaters will accuse their jilted partners of cheating. Why? Possibly to deflect suspicion. Other reasons? Because they are hoping you’re cheating. If you’re both cheating, then neither partner can get mad.

If a cheating partner accuses you of cheating, their spirit is usually full of guilt and is looking to rid itself of shame.

4) They suddenly desire you constantly

One of the more unexpected side effects of cheating is that it brings an increased sexual desire for the jilted person. If your girlfriend is cheating on you, somehow that sexual energy gets redirected back to you.

Part of this may be guilt — they feel guilty about sleeping with someone else, so they try and make up for it by sleeping with you. It also may be brought on by the affair awakening latent sexual desire in them — desire that then gets transferred back to the primary partner.

5) They become very curious about what you’re up to

Not in an “oh that’s a cool hobby you’ve taken up, let’s both do that together,” kind of curiosity. More of an “oh, where are you going tonight without me, and what time will you be back, and how are you getting home, and who is bringing you home,” kind of curiosity.

This curiosity could be a way to make sure their tracks are covered. If they know where you’ll be, they know when it’s safe to cheat. Or, it could be a way to put you on your back foot — to draw the attention to you instead of them.

6) They get super defensive

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It doesn’t seem to matter what it is you call them out on — it could be dishes in the sink, taking out the trash, not going to lunch with you and your mother — they get weirdly defensive about it. It’s never, “hmm, you’re right. I’m sorry.” Instead it’s, “you always nag me,” or, “well, you haven’t taken the laundry out of the dryer in days!”

And, if you ever question them about something more serious, like cheating, they suddenly gain a huge victim complex. “I couldn’t believe you would ever ask me that!” “Do you know how much you’ve damaged this relationship by saying that!”

Familiar with the phrase the lady doth protest too much? People who are guilty often compensate by being far more defensive when questioned. This also has the added effect of throwing you off balance. Suddenly, you went from asking a question to you being the bad guy.

This is definitely a spiritual sign of cheating.

7) They act nervous around you

Nervous energy is something we all easily pick up on. But why would your partner, whom you presumably know so well, suddenly start acting nervous around you?

Probably because they have something to hide.

If your partner suddenly becomes really nervous while around you, there is a chance that they’ve initiated an affair. Don’t brush this spiritual sign of cheating off; it could be very serious.

8) They suddenly care about their appearance…a lot

There’s nothing wrong with caring about your appearance. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with hitting the gym and watching what you eat.

But if your partner, out of the blue, starts wearing nicer clothes to the office, putting on a cologne he’s never worn, or starts hitting the gym more often then usual, you need to consider why.

The most likely reason why is that she is trying to impress someone. The question is, who?

If you’ve noticed your partner is really stepping up their looks, but your partner isn’t treating you out on a bunch of dates and trying to put a spark into your relationship, then it may be a spiritual sign they’re cheating on you.

9) Their interests have changed… or disappeared

Remember how she always loved birdwatching? So much that you bought a beautiful pair of binoculars and memorized all the best hikes to go birdwatching together?

Now, whenever you mention going out for birdwatching, she’s all: oh, I guess we could do that. Or, you know, it’s pretty cloudy. Some other time.

What gives?

Here’s what could be happening: your partner may have initiated an affair. Maintaining an affair and a regular relationship requires a lot of time and energy. The energy that they normally were putting into little hobbies you all shared or even ones they had alone now has to go to fueling another relationship.

10) They act moody

You and your spouse/partner are close. You know their moods well. You know what brings out their joy and what makes them grumpy.

So if they start acting moody, and nothing has precipitated this change in behavior, then your gut feeling he’s cheating may be growing.

Why is this? Well, because your spouse is working double-time to hide the affair, and the affair is making them free guilty. Crazy enough, cheaters do know that cheating is considered wrong, and they don’t want you to get hurt.

So, the guilt eats at them, and it manifests as moodiness.

11) They ask what you think about cheating

They’re trying to gauge your reaction. They almost want to tell you that they’re cheating, but they want to know the consequences of their actions.

If this comes up, at the very least, they’re thinking of cheating.

12) Your gut senses something is up

Listen to your gut! If you have an inexplicable hunch that your partner is cheating on you, you need to take that hunch seriously.

It’s like how when you take a multiple-choice test, your initial answer for each question is most likely to be correct. What does your gut say?

Now, it’s time to check your work

What to do if you suspect your partner is cheating

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If you suspect that your partner is cheating, you need to take a pause before rushing to a specific action.

Step one: Collect your thoughts

If you don’t have any hard evidence, but do know that your spouse has some spiritual signs of cheating, look back on those signs and see what they add up to. How many of the signs does she meet? Is there anything else (perhaps more plausible) that could explain the signs?

If you’ve looked at the signs, and there isn’t any other satisfying answer for why your spouse is acting this way, except for cheating, then you need to move on to step two.

Step two: Figure out what you will do if they’re cheating

So, you’ve ruled out anything you can think of, other than cheating. The next thing you need to decide is what you will do if that is confirmed. Are you going to try and stay, try and make it work? Are you planning on leaving? Do you want them to leave the house? Sleep in the basement.

Figure out your game plan for what you want to happen after the confrontation.

Step three: Confront if it is safe to do so

Listen: if you believe your partner will react violently upon confrontation, do not put yourself at risk. Instead, get out of your home safely and stay with someone you trust.

If, however, you don’t believe it’s in your partner’s nature to react violently, then you need to confront them. If you have proof, have it on hand. If not, don’t waste time playing detective.

Instead, simply talk to them. Mention that you’ve seen their behavior exhibit several unusual patterns and signs, and then ask if they’re cheating on you.

You very well may get some pushback. Watch their body language. Are they avoiding eye contact? Looking at the floor? That’s often guilty body language. Are they explosively freaking out, being super defensive? That’s also guilty language.

But, odds are that they may admit the affair — or exhibit a behavior that clues you in to whether they cheated or not. Guilt is hard to suppress.

Once you have your answer, then you need to follow through with the plan you made in step three.

Step four: Take care of yourself

This is important. Even if there wasn’t cheating, there still was a relationship breakdown. Either way, you are in a vulnerable state, and need to cultivate your own spiritual strength. Reach out to your friend groups, deepen your family ties.

Build yourself back stronger.

Picture of Nathan Dennis

Nathan Dennis

Nathan Dennis is a Manhattan based playwright and poet of Floridian extraction. A graduate of NYU Tisch Department of Dramatic Writing, he served as a Rita and Burton Goldberg Fellow, and was awarded Outstanding Writing for the Stage in Spring of 2015. His most recent play, Lord of Florida, was workshopped by PrismHouse Theatre Company in the Fall of 2017.

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