… And if you’re a woman who has pursued an emotionally unavailable man and had your heart broken…
I want to apologize.
I am an emotionally unavailable man. I’m sorry for taking someone like you for granted.
Because the truth is this:
Men do want to deep and intimate companionships just as much as women do.
The problem for emotionally unavailable men like me is this:
Our emotional needs almost never get satisfied.
You see, men have a secret emotional need that women almost always ignore.
The rare woman who figures this out has an almost supernatural allure that is impossible to resist… even for emotionally unavailable men.
When you learn about this secret, you can get men to finally see the real you… Even men who struggle to commit.
It’s no longer about finding “nice guys” or “someone who is ready”. Because this secret emotional need that all men have is the key for every man to finally open up.
If you’re an emotionally unavailable man like me and you encounter a woman who has this knowledge… everything changes.
You realize that the problem isn’t you. The problem isn’t her. There’s nothing standing in the way of a deep and lasting romantic relationship.
You can finally feel like you’ve found “the one”.
Before I share the secret I learned, I want you to promise me that you’ll read my entire story from beginning to end.
It’s important that you understand every step of this journey so you can enjoy a great relationship, even if it feels like the man isn’t ready to commit.
Now that we’re on the same page, I want to tell you about my relationship with Julie.
I couldn’t believe my luck with Julie (name changed to protect her privacy).
Our connection seemed perfect. We had gone on a few dates. It was exciting.
She was attractive, intelligent and fun to be with. It was every guy’s dream to be with a girl like this. I thought I’d hit the jackpot.
But then a familiar feeling grew deep inside my guts.
I felt numb. My excitement was gone.
I didn’t understand the feeling, so I tried to avoid it. I started to reply to Julie’s texts later than usual. I gave excuses for not meeting.
Julie got upset. She rang me and told me she was confused. Everything seemed so perfect, she said.
I remember holding the phone and my arms were shaking.
I honestly didn’t know what to say. I had no reason for feeling this way.
I didn’t know what to do.
So I made up some kind of excuse and let things fizzle with Julie over time. As usual.
I think a lot of women fail to understand how difficult it is for a man to be in this situation.
It’s like we have this blockage buried deep within.
We’re told it’s because we have a shield to our emotions.
And we just need to open up.
If only it were that easy.
The truth is that most emotionally unavailable men don’t like hurting people. That’s why we avoid intimacy in the first place.
With Julie, I took a chance and gave the relationship a shot. Objectively speaking, she was perfect for me.
That’s why it was so difficult to deal with the brutal reality that the same feeling of numbness had crept back within me.
But this time, things were different. I’d reached the stage of my life where I wanted to stop being so emotionally unavailable.
I went on a mission to figure out what was happening.
I decided to dig deep. And what I learned shook me to my core.
I was sick and tired of meeting wonderful women but failing to commit.
So I scoured the internet for solutions to my problem.
I knew deep down that it wasn’t as simple as forcing myself to “open up”. If the solution was that easy there wouldn’t be so many men like me who couldn’t emotionally commit.
I knew I needed a solution that was different to anything I’d read before.
After days of searching, I came across an author that had a counterintuitive solution for me.
James Bauer is a relationship expert. He’s been studying love, attraction, and relationships for more than 10 years.
The advice on his website was like nothing I’d seen before. It was well-researched, bold, and based on evolutionary psychology.
His ideas spoke to my logical left-brain and also appealed to my emotional right-brain.
I knew something profound would change in my life.
James Bauer was writing about the “hero instinct”.
I dived deep into James Bauer’s content. Everything James shared explained all of my relationship failures.
To be completely honest, I had mixed emotions while reading it.
The more I read, the more pain I felt at all of the missed opportunities for love in my life.
If only the women from all my failed relationships had discovered James’ content before it was too late.
I knew then and there that more people had to learn about the hero instinct.
It could save so many people from the heartache I had experienced, along with the pain I’d caused to the women who had pursued an emotionally unavailable man.
As I obsessively studied James’ content, I came across the single most important piece of advice he could share.
If there’s one thing to take away from my letter, this is it:
“When a man feels as if you have an agenda, as if you’re trying to trap him in a relationship, his defenses naturally activate. Often, it’s unconscious, but it’s ridiculously common.
“His instincts begin to suggest you’re not ‘The One’. They point out your flaws. You become this selfish woman trying to steal his freedom. It’s here that he shuts down his emotions. He puts up a brick wall and will do anything to avoid a deeper emotional connection.”
James was right! This perfectly explained the experience of women who had chased me!
The more effort the women had put into chasing me, the more I had closed off.
I continued to read.
“Whenever a man feels as if a woman is trying to get something, he’ll put up the blockers. It’s as if he’s under attack! At this point, it’s almost impossible to get through to him. It’s Kryptonite for your relationship.
“Ïronically, it’s when you want him most that you unknowingly sabotage yourself. The more he closes himself off, the more you chase his affection. The problem gets worse as you stress about his lack of investment until he eventually pulls the trigger and leaves.”
It was as though James was writing directly to the women who had chased me… The women I had failed to commit to…
But suddenly I turned a little skeptical. This all made sense, but how could a woman use this knowledge to get someone like me to lose the feeling of numbness.
Could this actually work in practice?
James had the answers.
He explained: “Once a man sees you as ‘The One’, everything changes. Suddenly, you’re not this evil woman trying to steal his freedom. You’re the perfect partner he’s been desperately searching for.
“At this point, he won’t worry about losing his freedom. In his eyes, a relationship with you is far better than anything romantic ‘freedom’ can provide him.”
This made perfect sense.
I had always thought freedom was the opposite of being in a relationship.
But now I knew a relationship could be the thing that brings me my freedom.
The next step for me is to share the key pieces of advice for women to help men feel freedom while being in a relationship.
I saw that James Bauer had created an online course.
This course was targeted at women and taught them how to make a man obsess over them.
It was focused on the “hero instinct” – the biological driver that influences men more than their desire for romance.
I’m well educated, but I hadn’t come across this term in psychology before.
It hadn’t hit the mainstream.
Instead, James was teaching it to a small group of women in his online course.
I was initially skeptical, but so much of what James had written had perfectly explained my failed relationships.
So I withheld my skepticism and decided to give the online course a shot. It wasn’t so expensive that it would ruin me if it didn’t work out.
This was easily one of the best decisions I’ve made.
The course was packed with valuable information for me as a man. That alone made it worthwhile.
But the course was completely targeted at women. It went far deeper than sharing theory.
James Bauer broke down exactly how women could use knowledge of the hero instinct to get men to obsess over them.
I couldn’t believe how in-depth the course was.
This is where my sadness hit once again.
If only the women from my failed relationships had have known about the hero instinct.
They could have inspired me to “step up” in the relationship.
Amongst other important lessons, I learned:
It doesn’t matter what’s happening between you and your man. It doesn’t even matter if he’s pulling away.
The course teaches you how to tap into the “secret ingredient” to bring you and your man back together.
It was simple to learn. But my goodness was it powerful.
Once I truly understood the hero instinct, I knew my relationships would never be the same.
But only if the women in my life knew about the hero instinct and how to use it.
As a man who has been emotionally unavailable, I can tell you that the knowledge shared by James Bauer can be the game-changer for getting men to commit while bringing them a feeling of freedom.
Now, I want more women to know about the hero instinct.
The truth is that I feel guilty for the way I’ve behaved in relationships in the past.
And I feel a sense of sadness for the missed opportunities in my life.
I don’t want you to experience the same feelings I’ve had. And I don’t want the men in your life to miss out on the opportunity of being with you.
So I am going to share a free video by James Bauer explaining everything you need to know about the hero instinct… and how to use it to make a man obsess over you.
The video is actually quite unusual and breaks down the key learnings from his online course. If you’re a woman who is struggling with men pulling away then you need to watch it.
(Make sure your headphones are on and wait a few seconds for the video to load)
Before you watch it, can I ask for three quick things:
I know how frustrating it can be to have a man in your life that pulls away.
It’s a terrible feeling when the man goes numb inside just like I did.
I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone and I certainly wouldn’t wish it upon you.
Learning about the hero instinct has changed my understanding of what successful relationships really need.
And I’m committed to sharing this knowledge so more women can finally have relationships full of love and freedom.
Instead of letting guys constantly make excuses and pull away, you can finally have what you truly deserve.
All the best,