
I dived deep into James Bauer’s articles and videos. Everything James shared explained all of my relationship failures.
To be completely honest, I had mixed emotions while reading it.
The more I read, the more pain I felt for the missed opportunities for love in my life.
If only the women from all my failed relationships had discovered James’ content before it was too late.
I knew then and there that more people had to learn about the hero instinct.
It could save so many people from the heartache I had experienced, along with the pain I’d caused to the women who had pursued an emotionally unavailable man.
As I obsessively studied James’ content, I came across the single most important piece of advice he could share.
If there’s one thing to take away from my letter, this is it:
“When a man feels as if you have an agenda, as if you’re trying to trap him in a relationship, his defenses naturally activate. Often, it’s unconscious, but it’s ridiculously common.
“His instincts begin to suggest you’re not ‘The One’. They point out your flaws. You become this selfish woman trying to steal his freedom. It’s here that he shuts down his emotions. He puts up a brick wall and will do anything to avoid a deeper emotional connection.”
James was right! This perfectly explained the experience of the women who had chased me.
The more effort the women had put into chasing me, the more I had closed off.
I continued to read.
“Whenever a man feels as if a woman is trying to get something, he’ll put up the blockers. It’s as if he’s under attack! At this point, it’s almost impossible to get through to him. It’s Kryptonite for your relationship.
“Ïronically, it’s when you want him most that you unknowingly sabotage yourself. The more he closes himself off, the more you chase his affection. The problem gets worse as you stress about his lack of investment until he eventually pulls the trigger and leaves.”
It was as though James was writing directly to the women who had chased me… The women I had failed to commit to…
But suddenly I turned a little skeptical. This all made sense, but how could a woman use this knowledge to get someone like me to lose the feeling of numbness.
Could this actually work in practice?
James had the answers.
He explained: “Once a man sees you as ‘The One’, everything changes. Suddenly, you’re not this evil woman trying to steal his freedom. You’re the perfect partner he’s been desperately searching for.
“At this point, he won’t worry about losing his freedom. In his eyes, a relationship with you is far better than anything romantic ‘freedom’ can provide him.”
This made perfect sense.
I had always thought freedom was the opposite of being in a relationship.
But now I knew a relationship could be the thing that actually brings me my freedom.