“My husband looks at other women.”: 10 tips if this is you

Do you ever worry that your husband looks at other women differently than you?

Do you feel like you can’t talk to him about it because he might get hurt or because you might get into a fight?

If your husband is looking at other women, here are 10 tips for you.

Let’s get started:

10 tips for you if your husband is looking at other women

1) Ask yourself how often this happens

Start by asking yourself how often this actually happens? Is it something that happens once in a blue moon or is it something that takes place every time you go out?

Now, ascertaining just how often this takes place, you’ll be able to see whether this is really a problem.

If you notice your husband looking at another woman a few times a year, chances are there’s nothing unusual going on (see my point further down on human nature).

However, if this is something that happens a lot, possibly every time you go out, then you may want to analyze the behavior further.

So what’s the bottom line?

It’s important to remember just how often your husband looks at other women.

If it helps, maybe write down a little X on your calendar every time you notice him doing it.

2) Talk openly and honestly about your feelings

If there is something in your relationship with your husband that’s bothering you – such as him looking at other women – then you need to be able to talk to him about it.

Talking openly and being honest about how you feel is extremely important for a healthy and successful relationship.

Now, if you keep quiet and bottle up your feelings, you’ll start to feel resentment towards your husband. What’s more, he’ll continue with the behavior because he doesn’t know that it bothers you.

What can you do?

Sit him down and calmly talk to him about it.

Ask him, “Why are you always looking at other women?”

Tell him how that behavior makes you feel.

Ask him directly, “When you look at other women, do you ever wonder if I’m looking at them?”

If he says yes, then ask him to stop. If he refuses to stop, then say that’s not okay with you and tell him what will happen if he keeps on doing it.

3) Know that “looking” is human nature

Here’s the thing:

It’s natural for people, especially men, to find other people attractive. It’s part of our DNA – it’s how we were wired.

And even when men are happily married, their eyes will be drawn to a beautiful woman. Most of the time they are not even aware of doing it, it’s just in their nature.

Let me explain…

Biologically speaking, males have a drive to impregnate as many females as possible, to create as many offspring with their genes as possible (Ehrlichman & Eichenstein, 1992).

The fact that your husband is looking at other women doesn’t have to mean that he is not attracted to you or that he wants to pursue these women.

In short: It doesn’t have to be anything other than instinct.

It’s quite possibly just biology.

4) Ask yourself, is he just looking or is there more?

It’s natural to ask yourself:

Is biology at play or is there more to it?

Is it just human nature? Is he just innocently looking at these women or is there more? Is he thinking about seeing them?

Do you get the feeling that he might be looking at other women because he wants to have sex with them?

Is he tempted to cheat?

Would he act on his impulses?

Let’s take a closer look:

  • Have you ever found him texting other women? Is there maybe one woman in particular?
  • Do you find that he’s suddenly being secretive?
  • Is he making phone calls to someone from the bathroom?
  • Have you ever caught him looking at dating sites? Or does he have a dating app on his phone?

Do you think he’s just looking or are you worried there is more going on?

Do a little investigating to see if there could be more to his behavior than just looking.

5) Is everything ok in your marriage?

If you think that your husband is looking at other women more than would be considered normal, ask yourself this:

Could this be an indicator that something is wrong in your relationship?

  • Are you happy?
  • Do you communicate with each other?
  • Do you take time out to spend quality time together?
  • Have you been getting into fights?
  • How is your sex life?

It’s important to be honest when answering these questions.

You need to know if your husband is unhappy in your marriage and if that is the reason he’s looking at other women.

In essence: If there is a problem in your relationship, you need to be able to identify it in order to work on fixing it.

6) Ask yourself how you’re feeling

But when it comes to relationships, you might be surprised to hear that there’s one very important connection you’ve probably been overlooking:

The relationship you have with yourself.

I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his incredible, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.

And once you start doing that, there’s no telling how much happiness and fulfillment you can find within yourself and with your relationships.

So what makes Rudá’s advice so life-changing?

Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but he’s experienced the same problems in love as you and I have.

And using this combination, he’s identified the areas where most of us go wrong in our relationships.

So if you’re tired of your relationships never working out, of feeling undervalued, unappreciated, or unloved, this free video will give you some amazing techniques to change your love life around.

Make the change today and cultivate the love and respect you know you deserve.

Click here to watch the free video.

7) How long has this been going on?

You’ll be able to get a better grasp on what’s truly going on if you’ll ask yourself: how long has this been going on?

Perhaps you’ve noticed that his behavior has been going on for a long time.

At first, you decided to ignore it and go about your day without saying anything.

But now, it seems to be happening more and more often. He doesn’t care that you notice and it’s really starting to get on your nerves.

Or maybe it’s just something that he’s recently started doing.

You see:

How long the behavior has been going on ties in with how your marriage is going and other factors.

What’s more, if you haven’t talked to your husband about it, he can’t know that it upsets you.

Think about how long it’s been going on and what it could be related to.

Then, draw your husband’s attention to what he’s doing and tell him how you feel about it.

If your husband looks at other women every once in a while, maybe raise an eyebrow and say something like this: “Honey I know that looking at other women is normal – and I know you mean no harm – but it’s just that sometimes, you kinda, well, stare. It makes me feel bad.”

8) Does your husband take you for granted?

In order to help you figure out if your husband is just looking at other women for the sake of looking or whether it’s a symptom of something more serious, ask yourself this: is he taking you for granted?

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Signs that your husband is taking you for granted:

  • If your husband is not spending time with you, it might be because he’s taking you for granted.
  • He seems less interested in spending time with you and is more likely to spend time working or watching TV.
  • Even though you both have jobs, he is used to the fact that you do all the cooking, cleaning, and shopping. It never occurs to him to help out or even say thank you. He takes you for granted.
  • He thinks that no matter what, you’ll always be there, that he doesn’t have to make an effort anymore because you’re married.

Now, it could be that he’s so used to your relationship that nothing excites him anymore.

He could be looking for excitement because he’s bored in your relationship.

He thinks that he can do whatever he wants because you’ll always be there to take care of him. In other words, he’s taking you for granted.

9) How does he react to your confrontation?

When you talk to him about his behavior and you tell him how you feel, how does he react?

Does he feel uncomfortable and refuse to talk about the topic?

Does he get angry and tell you that you’re being ridiculous?

Or, does he say that he didn’t even notice what he was doing, that it doesn’t mean anything, and that he loves you more than anything in the world.

In essence: How he reacts to confrontation will give you insight into whether the fact that he’s looking at other women is something serious that you should worry about.

You’ll be able to tell if he’s hiding something or if this is no big deal and he was just looking because it’s in his nature and there’s nothing else there.

10) Continue the conversation

Continuing to talk about the issue is very important. If he refuses to see that he is trouble, or if he gets angry, continue with your attempts to discuss how you feel.

If you love someone you need to be able to tell them what you think and what you feel.

If your marriage is important to you, then you need to do everything you can to save it.

Now, it’s important not to let it go – to continue with the conversation until your issues are resolved and the behavior ceases because sooner or later the other person will be able to recognize his mistakes and change his behavior.

You want him to realize that this is something serious for you and for him and that’s why he should put an end to it.

If you don’t talk about it, you’ll bottle up your feelings and start to resent him. What’s more, he may take things further and go from looking to something more.

How to make him stop looking at other women

1) Get him to look at you

Get him to look at you

If you want to avert your husband’s gaze from other women, one of the best ways to do it is to get him looking at you.

Dress up once in a while. Make a real effort, like when you first started dating.

But wait there’s more!

It’s not just about looks.

You want him to pay attention to you as a whole, your looks, and your personality.

So, engage him in interesting conversation. Make him laugh.

Remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place and he’ll be looking at you and nobody else.

2) Improve your sex life

If, as is the case for many married couples, your sex life has become sparse and boring, then you need to spice things up.

Surprise your husband with sex when he least expects it.

Try something new and exciting.

For example:

Visit him at work for lunch and make love to him in his office.

Not only will he be surprised, but the fact that you could get caught at any minute will make the sex very exciting.

Show him that you can satisfy all his desires – that he has everything he needs with you and doesn’t need to look elsewhere.

3) Improve your overall relationship

If you want to stop your husband from looking at other women, you need to work on improving your overall relationship.

Now, this includes taking a long hard look at where the problem could be.

If there are areas you can work on by yourself, great.

And, if you need to talk to him so that you can work on your relationship together, then do it as soon as possible.

In essence: Don’t wait for the problems to pile up.

Start working on your relationship now.

4) Plan some fun stuff to do together

When’s the last time you and your husband went out and had some fun?

When’s the last time you laughed together?

If you need to, plan a weekly date night.

Make sure that you do something fun, something different.

You need to do something that will make you forget about work, responsibilities, and the overall boring and mundane everyday life you’re used to.

You can even plan a trip, like to a museum or an amusement park.

The point is:

Get him to see the girl he fell in love with.

Have fun together again and he’ll forget to look at other women.

5) Show him how it feels

If all else fails, give him a taste of his own medicine.

If nothing else works, then make him jealous.

Start checking out other guys when you’re with him.

You might even do some flirting – for example when ordering from your waiter, or when you see a man you know.

If you do to him what he’s been doing to you all this time, he’ll realize how horrible it feels and he’ll feel sorry about doing it to you.


Hopefully, by now you’ve got a better idea of what it means when your husband is looking at other women and what you can do about it.

But if you’re still unsure of how to go about resolving your marriage issues, I’d recommend checking out this excellent video by marriage expert Brad Browning.

He’s worked with thousands of couples to help them reconcile their differences.

From infidelity to lack of communication, Brad’s got you covered with the common (and peculiar) issues that crop up in most marriages.

So if you’re not ready to give up on yours yet, click the link below and check out his valuable advice.

Here’s a link to his free video again.

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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