Have you ever heard the saying not to judge anyone until you walk a mile in their shoes?
I fully agree.
However, sometimes it’s necessary to be brutally honest about people’s shortcomings, including our own.
That’s why I’ve put together this list of 10 definite signs of a weak-minded person.
The top 10 definite signs of a weak-minded person
1) Blaming others for your problems
Sometimes other people really are to blame for some of your problems.
But the mentally strong person doesn’t focus on that. They focus on solutions and action.
They don’t look for who’s to blame: they look for how to fix the problem.
Blame is a weasel tactic, and as long as you hone in on who or what is to blame for a substandard situation you’ll remain stuck in it and feeling powerless.
When we blame, we shift the power outside ourselves and create a scenario where we don’t have control or agency.
Woe is me!
“Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them.
Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.”
2) Seeking frequent external validation
Everyone loves to be told they’re appreciated and doing a great job.
I personally consider it a key part of building community and solidarity and encouraging people to better themselves and embrace their full potential.
But seeking frequent external validation is different. It’s born of deep inner insecurity and it’s cloying, annoying, and worthless.
So what if other people approve of you or not, how do you feel about yourself?
You can’t base yourself on the opinions and emotions of others, you need to find a deep and proven inner core of self-worth built on your own actions and identity.
The commentator alpha m. expresses it well in his YouTube video “8 habits that make men mentally weak”:
“Mentally strong people, they have an internal belief in themselves. They get self-esteem from doing and accomplishing things and knowing that they bring value to the world. They are going to try their damndest to kick ass.
But if you are someone who relies on other people to tell you ‘great job Bobby, keep going!’…you are never going to truly feel good about yourself.”
3) Being overly trusting
It’s nice to believe the best of others and give people the benefit of the doubt if you can.
But being overly trusting of strangers and people in your life can lead to major problems.
This is a lesson I’m still working on fully learning myself, but I used to be even more naively trusting of almost everyone.
Now I can discern more about their motives and inner self. I’m not perfect, but I’m more skeptical about just trusting the surface impressions I get when I meet someone who seems cool.
Being overly trusting includes rushing into friendships with people who turn out to be a bad influence, trusting strangers with money, and allowing yourself to be easily seduced, talked into shady projects, or pressured into doing things you don’t want.
You need to stand firm in your beliefs and your decisions. Trusting and following others blindly can sometimes lead you right off the edge of a cliff.
4) Embracing a victim mentality
Being a victim is a real thing, and victims should never be blamed for the pain or anger they are feeling.
But a victim mentality is an altogether different phenomenon.
A victim mentality is when we base our identity on victimhood and filter life’s events through a prism of having been victimized.
Even people who are trying to help you often become symbols of you being spoken down to or not respected. Every damn thing is just shitting all over you and it seems like there’s nothing you can do to change it!
Right? Well, actually, no…
Not at all…
The excellent YouTube channel Charisma On Command talks about this in the context of the hit film the Joker, noting that the main character has a helpless, victim mentality.
“Dedicated hard work can make an impact.”
He feels like he can’t accomplish anything or make a difference in the world except through violence, but in fact this is just him being mentally weak and embracing a victim mentality.
I’m not giving you an Ayn Rand bootstraps capitalism lecture here and there is rampant injustice and victimization happening in this world.
I’m just saying that examples of hard work paying off are all around us if we choose to look, and there’s also a very real reason why the victim mentality proliferates so much in the First World but not as much in developing nations.
5) Reveling in self-pity
One of the most definite signs of a weak-minded person is self-pity.
The fact is that self-pity is a choice.
You can feel awful, let down, betrayed, angry or confused about something that’s happened.
But feeling sorry for yourself, as a result, is a choice, not an inevitability.
Self-pity is awful, and the more you engage in it the more addictive it becomes. You think about all the ways life and other people have mistreated you and you feel like absolute crap. Then you feel like crap about feeling like crap.
Try this for a few months and you’ll be knocking on the door of the psych ward.
The simple fact of the matter is that mentally strong people don’t bother with self-pity because they know it accomplishes nothing and is usually counterproductive.
Self-pity buries us in a self-defeating loop. Avoid it.
6) Lacking goals
Goals keep us motivated and focused.
You don’t have to be Steve Jobs or David Goggins, but you can set goals and accomplish them, even small goals.
It’s not the size of the goal, it’s your determination to reach it and your clarity in setting steps and intermediate phases to ensure that you do.
And when you fail?
It’s a learning experience and a way to sharpen your will on the pain.
One of the most definite signs of a weak-minded person is failing to set goals or interpreting any setback as a failure and reason to give up.
Fuck that: never give up, just readjust!
7) Obsessing and over-analyzing
Some decisions and situations require deep thought.
But many times mentally weak people put far too much analysis and obsession into simple matters. They overthink to the point of psychosis and mental breakdown.
Then they blame the situation or choice, saying it’s not good enough or left them trapped.
Even if that’s true: too bad.
Obsessing and over-analyzing are other of those very First World problems that start to affect people whose bellies are too full of food.
You have the luxury to sit there and whine and obsess, but it’s not going to accomplish anything other than leading into self-pity, blame, or one of the other dark avenues I’ve discussed here.
So don’t do it.
None of us get everything we want in life and many situations are a choice between two bad paths.
Stop overthinking and obsessing and do something.
8) Being consumed by envy
Jealousy has been a big challenge for me my whole life, and I don’t mean that in a frivolous or casual way.
Even from a young age, I wanted what other kids had, from their clothing brands to candy to their happy families.
And as I aged the jealousy – and accompanying resentment – just got worse.
I saw so many things other people had, including popularity and success and I wanted it for myself.
I felt like the universe, or God or other people were denying me my birthright. But I was actually just being weak-minded and believing that life is some kind of candy mountain pony show.
“We envy others because they have something we desire. It is within our power to control these actions and emotions.
Mentally strong people understand this often forgotten truth: You’re in control of yourself, mind and body.”
9) Refusing to forgive and move on
Many of us have real reasons to feel angry, mistreated, and cheated.
I’m not denying that.
But holding on to the anger and bitterness will only cripple you and put a muzzle on your dreams.
“Just take a look at the bitter people in life. The hurts and grievances they can’t let go of are like a disease that hinders their ability to be happy, productive, confident, and fearless.
Mentally strong people understand that with forgiveness comes freedom.”
If you don’t want to forgive – or can’t – do your best to at least move on. What this means is that you take a wrong that has occurred and you push it firmly into the past where it belongs.
It exists, it hurts, it was unfair, but it’s over.
And you have a life to live now.
10) Focusing on what you can’t control
There are so many parts of life we can’t control: from death and time to the emotions of others, unfair breakups, being cheated on, hereditary health conditions, and our own upbringing.
It’s easy to notice this and get really angry or sad.
After all, what did you do to deserve X, Y or Z?
Well, unfortunately, most of life and existence is not in our control.
I admit this still terrifies me, but I have learned to focus 90% of the time on what I can control.
My own nutrition, my exercise regime, my work schedule, sustaining my friendships, showing love to those I care for.
There’s still a wild universe out there that’s spinning, but I’m narrowed in on my own locus of power, not spiraling out of control into oblivion about all the things beyond my grasp.
Because it just doesn’t do anything except wear us down and make us give up.
“Focusing on what we can not control takes our energy and attention away from what we can. Mentally strong people are not trying to manage it all.
They acknowledge their limited power over all those things they cannot control and all those things they should not control.”
No time for losers
Time for some brutal self-honesty:
I used to exemplify almost all the items on this list of 10 definite signs of a weak-minded person
Through changing my mindset, daily habits, and life goals, I have managed to embrace my inner beast and begin approaching life more proactively and positively.
For years I hoped that someone would notice me and help me “fix” my life or make it great.
For years I over-analyzed, felt sorry for myself, blamed and envied others, obsessed about what I couldn’t control, and was consumed by bitterness and anger.
I’m not saying I’m perfect now, but I do believe that in the last few years I’ve managed to make real progress on using pain and disappointment as rocket fuel for my dreams instead of using it as a firestarter for my funeral pyre.
And you can turn things around too. Right away.
I’m reminded of this remarkable quotation by the British philosopher James Allen:
“A strong man cannot help a weaker unless the weaker is willing to be helped, and even then the weak man must become strong of himself; he must, by his own efforts, develop the strength which he admires in another.
None but himself can alter his condition.”