We all know that validation is important – especially from people we trust.
But what happens when it’s not enough?
What do you do when someone you know needs it all the time?
Here are 16 ways to deal with someone who needs constant validation.
Let’s get started!
1) Get feedback and give compliments
One of the best ways to deal with someone who needs constant validation is to get feedback and give compliments.
Get them out in the open and let them know how you think they’re doing.
Let them know that you appreciate their hard work and that you would like them to keep going. The more honest feedback, the better.
Also, be wary of sounding like you’re criticizing them or that you’re nitpicking. This can shatter their confidence and you’ll be going backward, not forwards
Be sure to put the positive out there as well. Give them constructive criticism and help them work on their flaws.
Let them know that you appreciate their work and that you are proud of them.
2) Empower them to take action
When we (or someone we love) need constant validation, it can be tough to explain how we feel.
Expressing the way we feel isn’t easy.
Most of us hope for a life like that, but we feel stuck, unable to achieve the goals we wishfully set at the start of each year.
I felt the same way until I took part in Life Journal. Created by teacher and life coach Jeanette Brown, this was the ultimate wake-up call I needed to stop dreaming and start taking action.
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3) Give validation in a timely manner
One of the most important things you can do when it comes to giving validation is to timely deliver it.
You don’t want to give the person a sense that they are not valued or that they are not being taken seriously.
If you don’t get validation in a timely manner, it can start to feel like the person isn’t worth your time or attention. And this can lead to tension and conflict.
4) Be helpful
Clearly, this person feels like you have the know-how and the ability to help them.
That’s why they’re asking you for help and why they need validation from you.
They see something within you that they feel like they don’t have and want to find out to be more like you!
It’s quite flattering actually and you should take it as a compliment.
This person is hurting and they feel like they need your help.
Don’t be afraid to let them know that you are there to help them.
Be honest with them, but don’t lie or lie about how you can help.
They’ll probably appreciate your honesty and it will make them feel better about the situation.
5) Be available and supportive
Validation is critical in the development of a strong personal relationship.
It’s especially important when it comes to relationships with others, such as romantic partners and friends.
When validation is absent or not given effectively, people can become bitter and resentful.
So, when you’re dealing with someone who needs your support, be sure that you let them know that they have it.
By being available and supportive, you can make it easy for them to confide in you and be open with you.
When you’re open and receptive to their needs, they’ll feel more comfortable sharing them with you.
6) Be approachable
The best way to get someone to want to come to talk to you about their problems is not by making them feel like they’re being judged, but by giving them the opportunity to share their problem and receive validation.
That can lead to isolation and loneliness and will only make things worse.
When you’re in a relationship with someone who constantly needs validation, if you shut them down, they will retreat inwards and it will be like trying to draw blood from a stone.
Let them know you are always there for them, should they need you.
7) Be a good listener
Isn’t this pretty obvious?
But this is the most important thing you can do.
If you don’t listen, it’s like telling someone that their problems don’t matter or don’t exist.
Sometimes you don’t even need to say anything. Simply sitting in silence and listening to them shows that you respect them and this is a great form of validation!
You don’t have to have all the answers, but what you do need to do is listen.
8) Let the person know that you care
The first step is to let the person know that you care.
This can be done by asking them how they are and being genuinely interested in their answers.
Validating someone doesn’t mean that you have to tell them that they are right, but rather that you understand where they are coming from and what they are going through.
This can make the difference between a person feeling validated and feeling invalidated.
Be there for them
Validation is a process and not an event.
It’s not something that you do once and then leave it at that.
It’s something that you do every time you are around them.
9) Ask open-ended questions
Open-ended questions are a great way to get the other person talking about whatever it is that is bothering them.
A good example of an open-ended question is: “Why do you think that this happened?”
If the person does not know how to answer, then ask them to think of an example and then ask them why they think that would happen.
This will often lead the person into a discussion about what they are feeling or going through.
10) Don’t be tempted to solve their problems for them
It is a good idea to ask them what they think the solution to their problems are.
This will often lead them to talk about their problems and will often lead them to think of other solutions that they would like to try.
If you are in the position of knowing what their problems are, then it is a good idea to offer your help and support in any way that you can.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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But don’t be judgmental or critical!
It’s important not to judge or criticize the person for their current situation.
This is because this can be very damaging.
When someone feels judged or criticized, they feel like they are being rejected and this will only intensify their feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.
They must understand that you cannot solve their problems for them but you can help them to work through them.
When you try to solve their problems for them, it will only make them feel worse and more worthless.
Validation isn’t easy.
It takes a lot of practice and patience.
But it is well worth the effort!
11) Don’t be afraid to set boundaries
Dealing with someone who requires constant counseling can be draining.
That’s why it’s important that you set firm boundaries.
You need to be able to say “no” when you need to. This can be difficult because you don’t want to hurt the other person.
But, if you don’t set firm boundaries and say “no”, then you’re going to have a lot of feelings of frustration, guilt, and resentment.
You’ll be stressed out and your partner will become frustrated with you.
Don’t set negative boundaries with them – make sure you set boundaries that are positive and helpful to both of you.
You can say “no” to things like:
Not doing things that you don’t want to do.
Not doing things that you know will upset the other person.
Talking about their problems all of the time.
Dropping everything all the time to listen to them.
You have your own life to lead. Yes, you care about them and want to help them but not at the cost of putting your life on hold.
12) Don’t let them take advantage of you
It’s common for people who need constant validation to take advantage of you because they feel that you’re giving them your attention.
They will use this to feed their need for validation.
So it’s important to make sure you set boundaries with them so that they don’t take advantage of you.
As mentioned in the point above, you need to clearly set boundaries and stick to them.
13) Motivate them and offer guidance
Someone who needs constant validation will often dwell on their problems and what’s going wrong. So, helping them find solutions is important.
They will feel good that they’re making progress and solving the problem.
You can help them do this by:
When the conversation starts heading towards negativity, steer them in the right direction by asking questions about what their goals are.
Eventually, you will start helping them to shift the negative way of thinking and they’ll be more equipped to solve the problem.
You can also use humor to help them to shift their negative way of thinking.
14) Commiserate with them and enlighten them
Those constantly seeking validation often need a reality check.
Yes, it might seem like they have problems and are facing issues, but there are others who are facing far worse.
So, you can commiserate with them and enlighten them by saying things like these:
“It’s difficult to know what to do sometimes. I’ve been there before.”
“You’re not the only one experiencing this. I’ve heard from others who’ve been in similar situations.”
“I know you don’t like to talk about this but it’s important for you to realize it”
15) Don’t let them manipulate you
Those who constantly seek validation might try to manipulate you and take advantage of you.
It’s not okay to be manipulated and taken advantage of.
So, you need to make sure that you don’t let them manipulate you.
You can use the following tips:
“Don’t get into a conversation with them where they’re trying to manipulate or guilt-trip you.”
“Don’t give into their demands.”
“Don’t let them control your emotions.”
“Don’t let them get away with treating you badly.”
16) Give them an ultimatum
Those who constantly seek validation might not change. If you can deal with being their constant support system for the rest of your life, that’s your decision.
However, if you feel like their need for constant validation is taking a toll on you, you’re going to have to draw the line somewhere.
You have to give them an ultimatum.
It might seem harsh but sometimes it’s necessary to get them to see the light.
Why do some people need constant validation?
Some people need constant validation because they’re not confident in their own abilities. They’re always looking for external validation to feel good about themselves.
This can be especially true if they have low self-esteem.
The problem is that they may not get the validation they need to feel better, and then they look outside themselves to find it again, which takes them further away from their own confidence, which leads to more validation-seeking behavior, and so on.
If you have a friend who needs constant validation and you know why he or she does it, it might help you deal with him or her better.
But I get it, letting those feelings out can be hard, especially if you’ve spent so long trying to stay in control of them.
If that’s the case, I highly recommend watching this free breathwork video, created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê.
Rudá isn’t another self-professed life coach. Through shamanism and his own life journey, he’s created a modern-day twist to ancient healing techniques.
The exercises in his invigorating video combine years of breathwork experience and ancient shamanic beliefs, designed to help you relax and check in with your body and soul.
After many years of suppressing my emotions, Rudá’s dynamic breathwork flow quite literally revived that connection.
And that’s what you need:
A spark to reconnect you with your feelings so that you can begin focussing on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.
So if you’re ready to take back control over your mind, body, and soul, if you’re ready to say goodbye to anxiety and stress, check out his genuine advice below.
Here are some more ways to deal with someone who constantly needs validation:
Those who constantly seek validation can be a big source of stress in your life.
However, if you can learn to handle them, you’ll be able to enjoy a much more relaxing and enjoyable life.
You can use the tips above to handle those who constantly seek validation in the right way.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
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Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder