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What to do when someone doesn’t want to talk to you anymore: 16 practical tips

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It’s a tough situation.

You’ve been friends with someone for years, but now they don’t want to talk to you anymore.

Was it because of something you did? Or something you didn’t do?

Did the friendship just run its course? Did they meet a new friend? Someone better than you?

Did they get tired of talking? Tired of listening? Tired of being friends altogether?

Whatever the reason, it’s a bummer.

The problem is that sometimes your relationships become too strained, and it feels like closure is unattainable.

This blog post will show you a list of 16 practical tips that can help you when someone doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.

1) Be honest.

Be honest, and be kind.

When someone tells you they don’t want to talk to you anymore,  it’s easy to panic. More so, get mad.

It’s easy to take it personally. To wonder what you’ve done wrong and if they’re doing it to hurt you intentionally.

But before you react mindlessly, think about the situation. Think about the reason why they don’t want to have a conversation with you.

Sometimes, they might not even realize that they don’t want to talk to you.

If you’re at fault, be honest.

If it’s out of their hands and there is something you can do about it, ask nicely and say, “I’m sorry for causing a problem.”

They might not say it directly, but they’ll begin to trust you again.

However, if you’ve done nothing wrong and you’re reaching out because you want to talk, be kind.

Ask them how they’re doing.

If your friend ignores you for three weeks, don’t be afraid to gently ask, “how are you?” even though you know that they don’t want to talk to you.

You allow them to set the boundary and respect it.

Don’t be pushy. Don’t be desperate.

Rather, show that you care about their well-being by showing them kindness and empathy.

It might seem like a waste of time, but being kind makes the situation more pleasant for both of you.

With a little time, it might be easier for them to drop their guard and open up about the reason for their change of heart.

If they feel comfortable, they might let you into their lives again someday.

2) Be respectful.

The golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated.

Be respectful, but don’t be afraid to say what you feel.

Respect is an important thing that can break down a barrier of tension.

It might sound silly, but it works.

Respect their boundaries and try to understand their situation.

Imagine this.

You might think that you deserve closure on a certain issue, but your friend is refusing to give it to you.

What should you do?

Let them be for a moment.

However, respectfully check in with them every now and then, and you’ll see that they’ll feel more open to talking about the thing with you.

3) Do not pressure them.

Don’t nag. Don’t call often, and don’t stalk them.

Give them space to think about their feelings.

When your friend is in a situation that they dislike, don’t be afraid to back off.

Pressure makes them feel backed into a corner and hopeless.

Your best bet is to let them know that you respect their decision and that you’ll respect it even if they don’t change their mind.

In the meantime, search for closure elsewhere.

Give them some time to think about your relationship with them.

Sometimes, it’s enough to know that they want to think about the relationship.

Not everything needs to be said right away.

4) Give them time to think about It.

Before they tell you they don’t want to talk to you anymore, give them some time to think about your friendship,

Remind them what it means and whether they want to be in it or not.

Whenever people are upset, they’re not ready to talk about it yet.

You must be patient and wait until they’re ready to open up.

Otherwise, all your efforts will fail, and you’ll never see each other again (or probably worse).

Hold out. Give them some time to think.

Don’t press them. They don’t want to talk right now, so don’t push them into it.

If they could talk about it all day, they would.

But the truth is that they don’t feel like talking all day, so you should wait until they’re ready to open up and then talk about it with them.

However much you should be patient, you should not be afraid of waiting for them to come back around.

If they don’t come back around, then you have no choice but to accept the fact that they don’t want to talk anymore.

But if they do come back around, then things are looking up, and you have a chance to be friends again.

5) Be proactive.

You can’t control the situation, but you can control how you react to it.

Be proactive and focus on yourself. Don’t blame yourself for the situation.

Your friend might have met a new friend, and you’re wondering why they don’t want to be friends with you anymore.

But your friend doesn’t feel like talking about it, for now, so you shouldn’t think about it.

Instead, you should figure out what you can do to make them want to talk to you again.

Think about the things that this friend likes and doesn’t like about you.

It’s probably not easy, but do your best to avoid the situations that make it difficult to talk to each other.

Just because they don’t want to talk doesn’t mean you have to stop talking completely.

If they need space, give them space. They will thank you for it.

Give them time, and they’ll come back when they’re ready.

But find out what you can do to make them want to talk to you again.

Let them know that you’re there for them if they ever need help.

Show them that the relationship is still important to you, but don’t get mad because they don’t want to talk.

Show that you respect their decision and have other options that they can choose from.

Think of it as a way to show your friend they’re not alone even when they feel like it.

6) Respect their decision.

Can you handle it?

What would you do if someone decided not to talk to you as a friend?

Even if they say, “leave me alone”, or “don’t talk to me anymore”, respect their decision.

Even if it hurts, you have to respect their decision.

If you dig deep enough, you’ll find that most of the time it’s not what it seems.

There might be something important that they’re going through, and you don’t know about it.

Or they might just be busy with something and want to talk when they have time.

Whenever someone wants to talk, you can always figure out what it means and what the best thing to do is.

Do you think your friend wants to go for a walk?

Do you think your friend wants to go get ice cream?

Do you think your friend just wants to be left alone?

You can never tell, but the only thing that matters is that you respect their decision.

Why do you care so much about the friendship anyway?

Try to decide how important your friendship is and focus on yourself.

7) Accept their decision but be optimistic.

Sometimes, life doesn’t turn out the way we want.

Sometimes, people don’t want to talk as friends anymore.

So we should respect their decision and be optimistic about our new situations and relationships.

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That doesn’t mean you have to forget the friendship completely.

If you have time, think about what you can do to bring your friend back around.

Don’t just forget about your friendship with that special friend.

If they ever decide to talk again and if they’re ever ready, you’ll know it’s important.

If you’re not willing to spend time with them, then it’s probably not a good relationship for either of you.

But if you want it and they want it, then don’t give up.

Keep trying to see if they change their mind.

Try your hardest to bring them back around.

Show that their friendship is important and that you’re always ready to talk.

8) Take a break.

This is very important in order to give you time to calm down and reflect on the situation.

Sometimes, we just want to talk, and sometimes it’s better if we let things be for a while.

Give your friend some space and distance so that you can think about the friendship.

If you talk to them before you think it through, then you’ll probably say something that will make things worse.

Just let things be for a while. Talk to them when you’re ready.

You have to decide if you want the friendship to last long, given the circumstances.

If you think that it’s worth it, then go for it.

9) When they first say it, don’t react quickly at all.

Don’t react instantly when you hear something like, “I don’t want to talk anymore”.

Just take some time to think about it.

Think about the situation and try to figure out why your friend said that.

Is it because they’re bitter?

I don’t think so,

So you might want to ask them if they’re alright.

If they say “no,” maybe they are in need of help or some type of professional help.

You can contact the counselor or therapist on their behalf and give them a chance to vent their feelings, whatever it is that’s bothering them.

You might not be able to help them right away, but you can help start the process.

When they’re finally ready to talk (and I mean ready), then you’ll be there for them.

10) Don’t be a coward!

“Can we talk about this?”.

I know you might be afraid of rejection or being hurt but if you really care about them and you want to see them again, then just go ahead and say something like this.

There’s nothing wrong with saying that.

If they say, “no,” then you’ll know what you have to do.

Sometimes, people just don’t want to talk about the situation because the problem might be bigger than what you think.

If they say “yes,” then chances are that they’ll be a little bit more willing to talk about it.

And when they do, listen with an open heart and mind.

11) Give them some time alone.

Sometimes, they just need some time to think through the situation.

When they’re ready and when you have time, then you can talk again.

But right now, let them think and figure out what they want to do.

You would probably give them some space so that they could process the situation and come to a decision about whether or not to go on with the relationship – whatever that may be.

When your friend changes their mind and decides that they want to talk again, then give them your undivided attention.

12) Try to understand their reasons.

Just because it might seem like a lot of effort for them to talk to you doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them at all.

However, you should try to understand their reasons.

What are their reasons for not wanting to talk to you anymore?

Are they afraid of being hurt?

If that’s the case, then you should explain what happened and how you feel about it.

Sometimes, all they need is an apology or some type of reassurance.

You can’t just go around thinking that your friend doesn’t care about you because they don’t want to talk to you anymore.

They’re probably not that type of person.

Be gentle with your friend and let them know that you care about them.

For example, say, “I can understand where you’re coming from, and I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

It shows that you care about their feelings and that you want to understand what they’re going through.

13) Show them how important their friendship is to you.

Don’t give up too easily.

Be the bigger person and approach the situation more maturely.

Conflicts happen all the time.

Friends don’t always meet eye to eye, but the bond is always there.

A small misunderstanding is something you need to overcome.

Some people expect instant gratification, and they don’t understand how important friendship is in life.

But you should never give up.

Show your friend that their friendship is important by continuing to understand them better.

14) Be there for them when they’re ready.

If you think that you can talk to them again once they’re ready and if they say, “yes,” then be there for them.

Be a friend, and don’t just leave them hanging.

Be there when they need you or when they want to talk to you.

If they don’t want to talk, then just do something else with your time.

But always be ready when you are needed by your friends in times of need or crisis.

Always remember.

A friend in need is a friend indeed!

15) It’s not over until you want it to be!

Remember that just because you didn’t get a chance to say something doesn’t mean it’s over.

If you want it to be over, then go ahead and let it end.

This is the only chance you’ll ever get.

It’s a really good opportunity for you to see if your friend is really worth it.

If you want it to be over, then go ahead and end it for yourself.

No one’s going to do that for you, so don’t wait around hoping that something will happen.

If something does happen, then it’s fine.

It’s a good thing, and it’s a sign that you really care about that person.

And lastly,

16) It’s in your hands!

If you want to do anything, then just go ahead and do it.

If you want to apologize, then go ahead and say it.

That’s the only way things will get better for you.

There are no “ifs” in this world so just go ahead with whatever is on your mind.

If you’re in the mindset of doing something, then just go for it.

Don’t have regrets about the way things have turned out.

What’s done is done, and there’s no point in regretting it now.

You can’t change the past, but you can change the future so just go ahead and do what you have to do.

You’ll feel a lot better afterward because you won’t have to live with regrets.

On a final note

Not talking with a friend can stir up different kinds of emotions. It can make you think about a lot of things.

Your friend is probably thinking the same thing you are. So swallow your pride and muster up the courage to reach out.

After all, there’s no point in adding confusion to the mix.

Braving problems and misunderstandings is a true test of friendship.

If the friendship is worth saving, then save it!

Be sure to follow these 16 tips, and you will surely keep your relationships.

How this one revelation changed my love life

It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…

I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.

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I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.

If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.

Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.

I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.

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Best wishes,
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder

Written by Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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