Sometimes, people will become distant from us, and it can cause feelings of frustration or even sadness. It’s natural to want to get back in their good graces, but what do you say when they distance themselves from you?
Here are 15 things that you can say to someone who has distanced themselves from you.
1) Break the ice first & express your thoughts
If you feel that someone has distanced from you, it’s important that you break the ice first. Try to get a conversation going, or ask them why they feel the need to distance themselves from you.
This could be just a quick question like, “How are you?” or “What’s up?” but anything that shows that you care about the other person and what they have to say will go a long way towards writing off any bad blood.
Besides, this can be hard to do, especially if the other person doesn’t give any feedback or feels like they are pulling away from you. Sometimes we don’t want to say anything because we’re afraid it will upset them or make the gap between us even bigger.
That’s why it’s important that you try to bring this up with them, and express your thoughts about it.
And just think this can ease the tension in a situation where the other person might be waiting for you to strike up a conversation with them. You never know what they’re going through unless you talk to them first.
In all, remember that there’s a big difference between being real and being mean. By being honest with your friend or loved one, you’ll be giving them an opportunity to learn more about where you’re coming from in a way that encourages more compassion for you.
2) Let your feelings be heard
If you feel like you are being treated unfairly and that your friend is moving on without knowing why, it’s okay to let your feelings be heard.
The truth is when one of the ways people distance themselves is by not talking to you, you may feel hurt by this. And it’s okay to let your feelings be heard by the other person.
Just imagine that the person you’re talking to might be the person you trust most in the world, so opening up can be a huge release of pressure that means it all comes pouring out.
Then explain what you feel in real words, rather than using cliches or vague terms. At the same time, explain how this makes you feel about the other person.
Sometimes it can be as simple as pointing out some of the features that made you fall in love with them in the first place.
This can be difficult to do if you’re not naturally an emotional person, but just remember that there are two kinds of people in this world; those that show how they feel and those that hide how they feel.
However, if they’re not interested, it could get frustrating as you both start off trying but then stop after a barrage of ‘I’m fine’s and ‘it’s nothing’s.
How is this possible?
Focus on the relationship you have with yourself!
I know this might sound confusing but this is something I learned after watching this mind-blowing free video from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
Rudá’s insights helped me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love, and become truly empowered.
As a result, I realized how to express my feelings openly, instead of building up expectations that are guaranteed to be let down.
I’m sure that his masterclass will also help you to learn how to let your feelings be heard.
3) Accept the fact that some people are going to go through life without spending time with you
Sadly, this can be a hard fact to accept, but sometimes it’s just how life is. Realize that for some people, there are other people who have a higher priority in their lives.
You always ask yourself whether it is because of your personality or behavior. In other words, you are not the center of their universe.
Do you have a tendency to over-share or do you keep everything to yourself? Are you generous and giving? Generous people often need plenty of time to themselves and will often find people who are less generous difficult.
Let’s be honest, some people will never be friends with you. Some people will never become your partner. People are going to have friends and relationships with other people who share their interests and passions. Some people like this, some people don’t.
At the end of the day, it’s not worth getting angry over someone who doesn’t want to be around you. Everyone is different and while you might have been crucial to their youth, they may not have the same attachment to you anymore.
Don’t forget: someone moving on from your life doesn’t mean that you are losing a friend. People go through some traumatic experiences in life, even when they are in close relationships with others.
So,if you want to be happy you need to be ready to accept the fact that lots of people are going to go through life without spending time with you at all.
4) Show them that you are still ok without them
Sure, it can hurt to not be included in certain events, but chances are that the person who is distancing themselves from you isn’t actually trying to cut you out of their life.
After telling the other person how you feel, there’s not much else you can say or do if they don’t change their mind. Show them that you are still fine without them by doing things they enjoy with other people.
But remember this: you don’t need their approval, so show that to them by doing things on your own. Do things by yourself. Spend time with your friends and family without them.
Be like a leaf on the wind. The best way to do this is to use positive body language.
Be supportive. By being supportive, it will help them see that you haven’t lost sight of your goals in life.
And remember: Don’t give them the cold shoulder or act like you’re mad at them. You don’t even have to deny that they are distancing themselves from you. Just give them some time and wait for things to play out in their own way.
Then, when they come around, you will be better able to tell if there is anything worth coming around for.
5) Do your favorite thing instead of thinking about this feeling
Let yourself do your favorite activity if you feel hurt by someone distancing themselves from you. Watch a movie, listen to music, or read a book. Do something that will make you forget about this feeling and how the other person is thinking right now.
How? The best way to take control of your emotions is to do what you always enjoy. Pay attention to yourself, and do what you love to do.
Or you can make yourself busy and keep yourself busy. It can help you avoid getting lost in your own negative thoughts, especially if the person distancing themselves from you also happens to be someone you care about deeply.
And in the process, you’ll likely be able to get a handle on all those negative emotions that are triggered by this type of situation.
While a break from people may be painful, it isn’t always avoidable. So rather than feeling sorry for yourself, just think of this break as a chance to do what you love.
6) Try to understand the problem from another perspective
Reality is you can’t always know what another person is thinking or feeling. In fact, there are many people who find it difficult to express themselves.
Instead of being angry at the person who is distancing themselves from you, try to get into their head and understand where they are coming from.
For example, maybe you and your friend have been fighting over a relationship choice or an issue and it’s finally reached the point where one or both of you has had enough. Or maybe someone close to them has died or is having a health issue.
In most cases, they aren’t trying to hurt you and they just want to move on with their life without thinking about how their choices affect those around them. And that can lead to a distance between you and them.
Sometimes, when you hear about a problem and you don’t really understand how it makes someone feel, it can be helpful to try to understand the problem from another perspective.
Once you’ve managed to understand what’s going on from their point of view, it can be easier to see where they’re coming from and why they want to distance themselves from you.
7) Ask them what they’re feeling
When people are having a hard time dealing with something, they generally don’t like to openly discuss their feelings and they often keep these feelings deep inside where it’s easier to deal with them.
Deep down you know it’s true. Instead of barging into their life to try to get them to talk to you, ask your friend or loved one how they feel and listen carefully.
If you can convince yourself that they’re in a very distraught place and are unlikely to be able to talk about it with you, then give them some time to settle down before meeting them again.
This could be tricky because it’s easy for us to assume that we know what another person might be feeling and we can end up saying some things that hurt them even more.
But the truth is, if someone is distancing themselves from you, the most important thing is to really know how they’re feeling and why they’re not communicating with you.
If you’re still confident that you can get through to your friend or loved one, then what you might want to do is ask them how they’re feeling and see if this feeling is mutual.
8) Love them unconditionally
If you love them regardless of their actions, they’ll know that nothing they can do will change how you feel about them. This kind of unconditional love can help people realize that you aren’t going to let them go just because they don’t want to talk to you for a little while.
It might seem like the easiest way to deal with this situation is to show that you love them and include them in your life. But if you’re only doing this because you feel hurt or rejected by them, then that’s not very genuine and it will only make them further resent the situation.
There is a popular Christian phrase that says, “If you really love someone, set them free.” The reason this is so popular is because it’s not always so simple as just letting people walk away from you.
No matter what happens, you can love that person unconditionally and accept them for who they are.
9) Help them see things differently
When you truly love someone, try to help them see things differently. Let them know that if they think of your friendship as something more, then you will be willing to do it.
If you really feel like it’s something more between the two of you, then tell them so. Help them understand how beautiful their friendship is and how much it’s worth for them to keep going till the end.
Sounds familiar? It’s very easy for people to feel the need to distance themselves from another person when they’re not feeling understood. Show them that they are important in your life and that they can still be in a position where they want to be around you.
When someone feels like their perspective is being judged, criticized or completely ignored, then it can send a message that you don’t want to be in a relationship with them anymore.
And even though they might be wrong and you might just be trying to help them out, sometimes this approach lacks any compassion or understanding.
10) Don’t take it personally
So let’s begin, when someone distances themselves from you, there could be something that’s happening in their life.
And guess what?
If you truly love them and are willing to do anything for them, then trying to find out what’s going on can help you to understand it more clearly.
Furthermore, the party who distances themselves from you may think they’re giving you a hint, but usually, they’re just letting you know that they don’t want to be friends anymore.
How about you? When the person is not going to communicate with you anymore, then why hold on? Let this person know that it was a really hard time in their life and they will be fine without them.
Seriously, when someone makes an effort to avoid you in a relationship, remember this. You are not their priority, and they are not your priority. They’re different people who may or may not be able to make the choices they want to make.
Just because someone is distancing themselves from you doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with your relationship. People distance themselves from one another all the time.
In fact, it’s something that we all do in some form or another and no relationship (romantic or platonic) will stay the same for long.
11) Don’t beg them to stay or to be your friend
When someone distances themselves from you, you may want to beg them to stay. You might also want to try and keep yourself busy in order to forget about the distance that’s growing between the two of you.
But when they aren’t interested in staying friends with you, it’s just not going to happen despite your best efforts. You’re likely to receive more negative signs and signals than positive ones.
So if they’re not willing to talk with you any longer, or they give you one-word answers or even harsh responses, there’s no use begging them to make up their mind or change the direction of their distancing.
Now stop right there! Be sure to accept the situation and stop trying to change it. If you have done something that made them feel uncomfortable with being friends with you, then apologize and move on.
12) Try to un-distance yourself
Sometimes all you need to do is when you truly feel that you want to be friends with this person again, then try to un-distance yourself from them instead.
To do this, you might just have to swallow your pride and say a heartfelt apology.
Talk to the other person and let them know that it was a really hard time for you too and you are glad for them that they are back.
It sounds simple. But it isn’t. This will make the other person realize that it wasn’t such a bad thing.
By now you’ll have realized that rather than getting angry at the person who is departing from your friendship, think about your own behavior and decide if there is anything that you can do to make things easier for the other person.
If you’ve made them feel like they’re not worth your time or that it’s no longer important to talk things through with them, then this will give them an opportunity to regain a sense of security in the relationship and the friendship might start to blossom once again.
13) Practice self-love & care
Take a look: self-love is important because it allows you to take care of yourself, so that you can focus on the things that are most important to you in your life. This can make you a happier person, which will ultimately allow you to be more successful in your future endeavors.
Here’s the deal: remember that you are a valuable person and that this person is just one in your life. If they truly love you, they will definitely stick around and stay with you.
It’s important to consider that the only relationship that we have control over is our own. We cannot stop anyone from moving on with their lives, but we can control how much we allow their actions to affect us.
The point is you are the most important person in your life, so always have care and love for yourself. Remember that you are number one in your life and have to always look after yourself.
14) Don’t blame yourself for being distanced
When someone distances themselves from you, a common reaction is to blame yourself for it. You might want to ask them why certain things are happening, and what you did wrong.
Reality is you can’t always control what other people do. This is especially true if they have decided to distance themselves from you.
It’s important that you avoid blaming yourself for the people distancing themselves from you. If they are not responding to your messages, there’s nothing you can do about it.
And another thing: Don’t blame yourself if they broke up with you, because it was their decision whether or not they wanted to be with you any longer.
And another thing, relationships change but that doesn’t mean they have to break up altogether. Just because your friendship has changed doesn’t mean it has broken off forever.
15) Honor their decision
This can be very difficult to do, especially if you’re not sure what led to the distancing in the first place. Give the other person the space they need to deal with their emotions and make a final decision about whether or not they want to be around you.
Naturally, some people will decide not to bother with others who they feel are too negative in life. You should never hate a person because they decide not to spend time with you anymore.
Besides, you don’t have to agree with them or even understand why they’ve chosen such a course of action.
Even if you think that they’re wrong, you can’t force them to change their mind.
And even if they do end up changing their mind, it’ll all be a lot more uncomfortable and difficult than they originally thought.
When they’ve made the decision, then no matter how hurt or confused it might make you feel…you need to honor their decision and let it be.
This shows that you’re willing to give them what they need in order to find peace of mind. And in time, they’ll come back around.