15 signs of betrayal in a friendship

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kinga cichewicz tGvcVpAc43U unsplash 1 15 signs of betrayal in a friendship

These days, we all have our fair share of friends.

Many people might think that they know their friends better than they know themselves.

But there will always be those moments when you realize that your friend betrayed you in some way.

You may not even know that a betrayal has happened until it hits you over the head like a hammer. So how can you tell if it’s happening?

Keep your ears open and look out for these 15 signs of betrayal in a friendship, and remember- trust your gut!

1) They aren’t there for you

If your friends aren’t always there for you when you need them, then they’re not a true friend.

Why?

A true friend will always be there for you no matter what. A trusted friend will be there when you need them the most.

Good friends are sometimes even more important in times like this, so they deserve to be treated well.

At such a difficult time in life, it takes a lot of strength to stand by your best friend’s side and be there for them too. A great friend will be there for you no matter what.

A trusted friend will understand that when times get tough, the people you can count on the most are your friends.  Your friends should be there for you to help you through anything.

People who aren’t interested in being there for you are not your great friends.

2) They’re competitive with you

If your friends are always trying to compete with you or never see you as the winner, then it’s time to re-evaluate.

Being competitive is a sign of insecurity, it’s energy that should not be wasted on anyone who doesn’t deserve it. It’s not healthy to be with someone who will always compete with you.

If your friends aren’t happy for your success then they’re not a true friend.

You deserve to be around people who are happy when you succeed and don’t try to compete with you in any way.

A real friend will support you instead of competing with you. Just think about it and look up for yourself!

A friend who can be trusted won’t ever try to compete with you in any way and will always be supportive of everything that has to do with their relationship.

If you’re being treated poorly by someone else in your life, then you’re in the wrong place.

You deserve to be with someone who will support you through anything and give back what they take.

3) They make you feel bad about yourself

Often, when a friend betrays you, it will seep into your psyche and make you feel like everything is your fault.

Even though they’re the cause of whatever’s going on, they’ll make you think that it’s somehow your fault. They may even bring up past events that are completely irrelevant to the current situation.

But that raises the question:

Why does love so often start out great, only to become a nightmare?

And what’s the solution to dealing with a friend who always blames you?

The answer is contained in the relationship you have with yourself.

I learned about this from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love and become truly empowered.

As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!

We need to face the facts about the fake friends who always make you feel bad about yourself

Far too often we chase an idealized image of someone and build up expectations that are guaranteed to be let down.

Far too often we fall into codependent roles of savior and victim to try to “fix” our partner, only to end up in a miserable, bitter routine.

Far too often, we are on shaky ground with our own selves and this carries over into toxic relationships that become hell on earth.

Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.

While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to deal with betrayal in a friendship.

If you’re done with wasting your time on love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities.

Click here to watch the free video.

4) They don’t celebrate with you

Your buddy will not just be there to pick you up when you’re down, they’ll also support you while you’re doing great.

It’s not enough to be a friend, you must also be a friend who supports your friends.

You must support them in good times and bad.

It’s the little things that make a big difference, like when you see your friend just for five minutes and ask how they’re doing, even though you know the answer.

You must make an effort to keep tabs on your friends and affirm their importance in your life.

If you don’t do this, it’s very easy to drop friends like a hot potato. It’s always true!

Friends are there for each other, and they celebrate with each other.

People who don’t celebrate with each other are empty-hearted and unaware of the support they’re giving others.

5) They drain your energy

This is the big one.

A real friend doesn’t drain you.

They have enough love for themselves, and plenty left over for you to share as equals.

If you’re always feeling drained by your friends, then you probably don’t have friends, only energy vampires that are leeching off of your goodness.

In my experience, toxic friends are usually masquerading as relationships. They might call themselves friends, but they’re just scheming to get to you.

By draining your energy, they’re trying to make you feel bad about yourself.

No real friend ever tries to rob you of self-esteem and make you feel self-conscious. Above all, a real friend uplifts you!

6) They talk about you behind your back

One of the worst feelings in the world is being talked about behind your back.

This is exactly what a friend can do if they’re not there for you. They will gossip about you to anyone who will listen, and they’ll never worry about repercussions because they don’t care.

Especially if a friend has betrayed you in some way, their contempt makes them immune from the consequences of their actions.

They’ll always believe that what they say about you is true, so it will hurt you.

I didn’t realize how much this would affect my life until I started to open up my heart and realize that so many people had been talking behind my back.

Even if they weren’t talking behind your back, they were still thinking badly about you.

You’ll feel wounded and empty inside when a friend tells lies about you and then completely forgets who it is that they’re talking to.

7) They’re disrespectful

A friend should respect you in every way.

When you make decisions for yourself, a good friend will support that decision and be there for you no matter what.

If your friends don’t respect your decisions, then they are not faithful friends.

The best way to handle this situation is to set boundaries with yourself and tell them that this behavior is not okay with you.

Listen:

A real friend will never disrespect you in any way.

They understand that you deserve a lot more than just a name, or something else to hold against your heart, and they’ll never do this.

Whether you’re in front of them or behind their back, even if you’re in love with someone else, a real friend will respect your space and boundaries.

A great friend will always let you speak before they have something to say.

8) The friendship is one-sided

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I’m talking about both sides here.

If there’s only one person giving and nothing coming back, then it’s not a real friendship.

If you’re with someone who only has feelings when they’re around you, then they’re not your real friend. There must be mutual love if this is going to work.

A good friend will support you and help you no matter what. If you’re with a one-sided friend, you won’t understand.

They’ll only think about themselves and always have their own needs before yours.

If you give your entire heart to someone who never even asks how you’re doing, then it’s not a real friendship.

You must give and take with love, or the relationship will always be unbalanced.

9) They have something to gain from you

This is another way to tell if someone is truly a friend or not.

If your friends have something to gain from your suffering, then it’s not a true friendship.

It’s true that someone can try to use you for their own gains, but the best way to tell if this is happening is just to be open.

If you’re always suspicious of other people and never stop yourself from being hurt, then it’s useless to keep a friend.

Only “flat-earthers” will stay in relationships where they’re constantly being plotted against by others.

Listen:

A best friend will be there for you in good times and bad. They won’t just be there when you’re having problems, they’ll be there for you too.

If your friends only come around when they need something from you, then they’re not your friend.

A devoted friend will seek to give and not just take.

10) They don’t care about you

Many people who are not friends simply won’t care about what happens to you.

This is an incredibly hurtful thing to do to someone, but it’s easier than opening up your heart and letting someone in.

When a friend doesn’t really care about you, then this person is not really a friend and they must move on with their life.

What’s more?

If your friends don’t care about what happens to you, it’s time to find new ones.

When a friend truly cares about you, they will want to make your life even better than it was before.

Don’t be afraid to open up and let them in!

11) They’re jealous of you in some way

If your friends are jealous of you in any way, then they’re not the one for you to trust. If your friends don’t have anything to be jealous about, then you’re in the wrong place!

The fact is that:

A real friend will never feel the need to be jealous of you. They will support you and enjoy your life for what it’s worth.

If your friends are constantly jealous of you, then they’re not your friends. This is a sign that they’re insecure in their own lives and don’t feel happy on their own.

When you find yourself with someone who’s jealous of what you have, it’s best to stop them in their tracks before they do anything crazy.

12) They try to sabotage you

This is another way to tell if your friend is truly a friend or just someone who has nothing better to do than try to ruin your life.

If they’re always jealous of you and constantly try to strike when you’re vulnerable, then this is not a true friendship.

If you’re only with people who try to tear you down, it’s time to leave because you’re in the wrong place.

A devoted friend will support you and enjoy your life for what it’s worth even when things aren’t ideal.

A devoted friend won’t use this as an opportunity to get back at you when they feel insecure. This is another sign that they might be insecure in their own lives.

Just like the other circumstances where it’s time for you to reassess the situation, this is another sign that your relationship isn’t healthy.

13) They don’t listen

If your friends don’t listen to you, then it’s not a real friendship. If they’re always on their phone while you’re talking, they’re not your real friend.

It’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t take the time to listen to what you have to say.

So what is a true friend?

A true friend won’t just listen to you when things are going well. They will also be there for you when things aren’t so great.

Sometimes the hardest part is sticking by someone’s side when they’re at their lowest point in life.

If you’re with someone who can’t listen to your problems, then they’re not your real mate. This is a sign that they can’t be trusted to be there.

People who have nothing to say to another person are usually the most self-absorbed and selfish of all beings.

14) They make jokes at your expense

There is no room for jokes in a real friendship.

If your friends are the type that make fun of you or put you down, then they’re not a trusted friend.

A true friend will never disrespect you or try to put you down. This is the sign that they’re insecure in their own lives, and this makes them the opposite of a staunch friend.

A real friend will always treat you as someone they respect. A bestie will never disrespect you in any way.

They’ll be there for you even when things get tough, a real friend will always love and respect you no matter what.

If your friends are the type to put you down and make jokes about your life, then they’re not your friends at all.

It’s not necessary to listen to someone who’s constantly putting you down.

If they won’t respect your feelings and also make jokes at your expense, it’s time to end the relationship because this isn’t healthy.

15) They treat you poorly

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Treating a friend poorly is the same as mistreating them. If your friends treat you poorly, then they’re not your friends.

You deserve to be with someone who will treat you well at all times and not make fun of you when you least expect it.

No one deserves to be around someone who’s always putting them down and making fun of them in any way. It’s not enough to only have a good time and treat you well, you must also be treated well too.

A true friend will never treat you poorly in any way.

They’ll always respect your boundaries and have a mutual respect for each other, no matter what.

If they’re the type that are always criticizing you, it’s time to leave because this is not a healthy relationship.

So if you find yourself in those tough situations, there are 5 suggested solutions for you to handle the problem.

5 ways to deal with betrayal in friendship

1) Ask them straight up

If you find yourself suspecting something, then ask them straight up what’s going on.

Don’t beat around the bush, just be straight up and honest.

So what you need to do is:

Ask them if they’re happy with the friendships they have and if they’re truly happy with what they have.

If they say no, then you should leave them be because you can’t force anyone to be in a friendship that they don’t want.

If it doesn’t work out, then at least you’ve made your intentions transparent and have given them a chance to make a change.

2) Be firm in your intentions and boundaries

If they’re not respecting you, it’s time to set boundaries.

You should let them know that they are not allowed to disrespect you or put you down in any way.

This is a sign that this isn’t going to work out, and if it didn’t work out, then at least you tried.

When the time comes, set those boundaries with someone who cares about you and will respect them; they’ll never try to cross them.

If they can’t respect your boundaries, then it’s time to end the relationship and find someone better.

3) Forgive them

One of the easiest things you can do is to forgive them when they make a mistake.

If they are really important to you, it’s time for you to decide to forgive them or not.

But remember, you can’t always expect the same person who hurt you before to not do it again.

If they’ve done this once, they might do it again when you least expect it.

So if they don’t play nice with others and treat everyone as an easy target and that’s not a person who’s worth your time.

4) Remove yourself from the situation and leave

If someone doesn’t respect you and continues to put you down, it’s time to remove yourself from the situation.

Don’t worry, once you’ve removed yourself from the situation, it’s time for them to realize what they’ve lost.

A true friend will understand your reasoning behind leaving and will be upset that they’ve lost a real friend. Too many people are keeping toxic friendships because they’re afraid of being alone.

It’s time for you to leave these toxic relationships.

5) Have an honest conversation with them

If the person you’re leaving didn’t handle what happened properly, then have an honest conversation with them.

If they’re willing to apologize and understand your boundaries, then forgive them.

If they want to continue this unhealthy friendship and keep disrespecting you and putting you down, then it’s time for them to realize that it isn’t going to change.

Be honest with them and say that you’ve decided to remove yourself from the situation because they’re not respecting you.

Tell them that if they want to be your friend, then they need to respect you and put you down in no way.

If a true friend won’t disrespect their friend, as well as yourself, then there is no reason for this friendship to exist.

Final thoughts

These are some signs that tell you whether or not your trusted friends are truly what you need in your life.

It’s important to know what the true signs are that tell you if a person is someone who can really be your real friend or not.

If you experience all of these things, don’t be ashamed to leave.

It’s better off to start over and find someone who will treat you well, than stay with someone who’s constantly making your life miserable.

Your best friend is someone who will love you for everything that you are.

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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