Have you stopped dating a narcissist?
Well, in that case, it’s probably time to say congratulations and you dodged a bullet, right?
But what happens when they see you with someone else?
Here are 10 things that happen, so that you can be prepared!
1) They don’t believe you’ve moved on
Narcissists are so convinced of their own superiority they can’t imagine why anyone would leave them.
When they see you with someone else, they won’t believe it!
They’ll tell themselves the person you’re with is just a friend, and that you’re still in love with him or her.
They’ll call your phone all the time to get your attention, message you on Facebook (or other social media sites), and show up at places where they know you’ll be.
All that to prove to themselves that there is no chance you’ve moved on from them.
2) They’ll try to pit you two against each other
One of the things that narcissists do is purposefully try to pit other people against each other.
They’ll try to make you think less of the person you’re dating, or they’ll try to set the two of you against each other on purpose.
They’ll act like they’re trying to help, but it’s only so that they can watch the drama unfold.
You see, narcissists will do whatever they can to sabotage your new relationship.
Either they still don’t believe you’ve moved on, or they are just jealous.
Be careful with this one.
Narcissists are extremely witty when it comes to manipulation and sabotage, so make sure you and your partner are communicating effectively and keeping the narcissist out of your life as well as you can.
Don’t let them pit you against each other!
Narcissists who can’t handle seeing their ex with someone new are going to do whatever it takes to get back together with their ex.
They’ll use any tactics necessary to break up another potential relationship or make sure no one interests their ex.
A narcissist wants nothing more than to ruin your happiness, so they’ll try everything possible.
Narcissists hate feeling like they don’t control what’s happening in your life, so when they see you happy with someone else, they’re going to do whatever it takes to destroy that happiness; including telling lies and spreading gossip about the person you’re dating!
Having had a past with this person, evading that manipulation might not be an easy task.
After all, you probably got into a dynamic where your ex was holding power over you in some sort of way.
So what can you do to prevent them from manipulating you?
Begin with yourself. Stop searching for external fixes to sort out your life, deep down, you know this isn’t working.
And that’s because until you look within and unleash your personal power, you’ll never find the satisfaction and fulfillment you’re searching for.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê.
His life mission is to help people restore balance to their lives and unlock their creativity and potential.
He has an incredible approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains effective methods to achieve what you want in life and not let others influence or manipulate you.
So if you want to build a better relationship with yourself, unlock your endless potential, and put passion at the heart of everything you do, start now by checking out his genuine advice.
3) They’ll act jealous
If you’ve had to break up with a narcissist, this one should come as no surprise.
Anyone who has witnessed the wrath of a person in the throes of jealousy knows it can be brutal.
For a person who is narcissistic, their self-esteem is often tied to your relationship with them.
When they see that you have moved on and are now dating someone else, they will feel jealous and threatened.
They may act out by sending passive-aggressive texts or calls that make you question if they are still interested or not.
Make it clear to your ex-partner that things are over and that there is no chance of you getting back together.
What they will do in their jealousy is always dependent on the person, but make sure to not rub your relationship in their face too much in order to trigger them.
You don’t want to make the situation worse than it has to be.
4) They’ll become very possessive
If you have an ex with a narcissistic personality, then there’s a good chance that they’ve been very possessive of you in the past.
They may have liked to control what you do and who you talk to and spend time with.
At one point, this might have made you feel special or wanted; now it just makes things difficult.
If they see you on a date with someone else and start to call, text, or email excessively, it could be hard for them to understand that you can live your life without them in it.
They may get angry about this new person in your life and try to make their anger known by getting really possessive or even violent if the situation escalates.
It is important to be prepared for their reaction before dating someone else because it can quickly become annoying when they don’t get what they want.
Their possessiveness could reach levels that you didn’t even think possible, so make it clear to them that you are no longer their concern.
5) They’ll start rumors
Narcissists are masters at spreading rumors and lies.
They’ll try to tear your new relationship apart, by spreading false rumors about your partner.
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The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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They’ll tell people that you’re too young for him or her, or that they aren’t good enough for you.
Simply put, they’ll try to make your partner look bad in the eyes of the people around them.
Be careful with this one.
Narcissists don’t just want to get you back, they want everyone to know how much better of a person they are than you are, and they will do whatever it takes to prove it.
The rumor mill will churn and the narcissist will eagerly spread these stories to anyone who will listen.
Make sure to talk to the people close to you.
If they are your friends, then this is nothing to really worry about.
After all, they’ll know you and they’ll know about your ex’s narcissistic tendencies.
6) They’ll call you non-stop
One of the first things that a narcissist will do when they see you with someone else is calling you non-stop.
Their possessiveness is coming through and you will not be able to get a break.
In this situation, it’s hard to choose what to do.
Of course, you could talk to them, but that might just motivate them even more to call.
Instead, send them to voicemail or block them completely.
It’s time to move on and focus on your new relationship.
Think about it: your partner is probably not very happy about the fact that your ex is calling non-stop.
Focus on them and try to forget about your narcissistic ex.
7) They’ll start acting crazy and erratic
The truth is, narcissists are always crazy and erratic – but when they see you with someone else, it really shows.
They’ll start acting like they’re the most important person in your life, which is a total lie.
It can be hard to break free from their clingy behavior, but that’s what you need to do.
They may also start accusing you of cheating on them and they’ll show up at places where they know you’ll be.
They might even try to make a scene in front of your new boyfriend or girlfriend!
Narcissists don’t care who knows how crazy they are – and that means they can really take it to the extremes sometimes.
They might stalk you or yell at you, anything to get your attention.
Don’t do them that favor.
Try to ignore this person as best as you possibly can, given the circumstances.
8) They promise to become a better person
When a narcissist sees you with someone else, they might want to change themselves to win you back.
They may promise to be a better person and make amends for their past actions.
Turns out they may even go as far as saying that the other person is really just “inferior” and doesn’t deserve you.
The idea is that if the other person was so bad for you, then maybe the narcissist can be “good enough.”
I know, after a long relationship you might feel inclined to believe them, but don’t!
Narcissism is extremely hard to work on, and unless they are actively in therapy, working through all of their issues, nothing has changed.
Focus on your new, much healthier relationship, and don’t listen to the empty promises of your ex.
9) They pretend it doesn’t bother them
When they see you with someone else, they pretend that it doesn’t bother them.
This is because their pride makes them want to seem nonchalant about your new relationship.
But the reality is that it bothers them to the core and their mind will be racing with thoughts of how this person is better than them.
You see, this one is probably the best-case scenario because you won’t really notice it.
They act like they don’t care about your new relationship, so you can move on now.
However, oftentimes this behavior is followed by one of the previous ones when they finally crack and can’t take the thought of you with someone else anymore.
10) They are hurt that you’ve moved on
Narcissists will often not show any emotion when they see you with someone else.
They won’t say anything or make any comments. But that doesn’t mean they’re not hurting on the inside.
They might be feeling sad, jealous, and even angry when they see you with someone else.
Narcissists are usually very clingy, so it can hurt them to know you’ve moved on.
You see, no matter what they try to show you, nothing hurts a narcissist more than knowing that they have no more grip on you and you don’t care about them anymore.
This is like salt to the wound for them.
No matter where you are in this situation, remember that breaking up with a narcissist is good riddance.
You deserve someone who loves you for who you are and who doesn’t manipulate you.
Remember that you did the right thing and that life will only get easier from here on out.
Focus on your new relationship and the happiness that comes with that!
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
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Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder