If an introvert loves you, lucky you! Their love is all around you, being expressed everywhere, in so many ways, all the time…
But if you’re an extrovert, you might not realise that. Unless you tune in a little deeper… That’s because we’re not loud about it in general. And in romantic relationships we don’t shout it from the rooftops or shower our partners with lavish gifts, make big gestures or organise huge events (usually!).
You might find that some of the ways introverts express their love for you are very unexpected. And they won’t point these out to you – they’re introverts, right?
So, I’m going to share them here to help you decode the many ways your introvert partner expresses their love for you.
And if you’re an introvert, you might not realise the many ways in which you’re loving and being loved, introvert-style!
Here are just a few of them…
1) They make time for you
Introverts love their alone time, their time out with nature and their one-to-ones with close friends and family. So they won’t want to be with you 24/7.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t make time for you.
They’ll clear half an hour in their schedule to help you with a tech issue. Or give you a little boost of warmth and humour when you’re struggling emotionally, like a shot of sunshine into your day…
I’d just spoken to my partner, who’s struggling with heart failure. He’s usually stoic about it, but it’s getting him down. I wanted to give time to listen to him express his feelings and frustrations about it.
Making that time and being present with him was a way of expressing my love.
Which brings me to…
2) They love to listen to you
And I mean really listen – reflecting on, and thinking about, and feeling into what you’re saying.
They’re not thinking about what they’re going to say next or formulating a piece of advice based on what they would do.
Instead, when they do speak, they’ll reassure you that they’ve been there, maybe giving an example of feeling a similar way.
They’ll ask open questions, like, “How does that feel for you?”
They’re very directed by their own inner process, and they’ll help you get in touch with yours too.
3) They let you hold space for them
Also, they express their love by letting you hold space for them too.
They don’t always need to share with others, but they love to when the situation is right.
And they don’t do it with everyone. Hardly anyone, in fact.
An extrovert may go to family and friends (and often multiple people) with a problem or worry, or just for that boost and bit of support. It’s their way of releasing, processing and rebalancing.
An introvert will take a walk, write in their journal, do some yoga, think things over on a bench in the park. And maybe talk to a close friend who they know can absolutely hold space for them.
So, if an introvert is sharing with you, you’re honoured. You must be one of those very few close go-to people in their lives. And in a romantic relationship, where there’s even more scope for vulnerability, hurt and loss, you’re even more honoured!
And it’s not just about the tough times…
4) They allow you into their inner world
You might feel you know an introvert pretty well, but as they get more comfortable, they start to open more deeply. They drop the outer persona, masks and protective layers, and reveal more of the beautiful facets of who they are.
When they want to share themselves with you, that’s an expression of love. That could be their thoughts, their feelings, or photos of the beautiful sunset they’re enjoying.
They’ll share the art, music, movies and food they love with you.
They’ll light up in your presence (and this doesn’t mean getting really loud).
An introvert who loves you wants to share themselves with you. They want to be truly seen by you.
5) And into their outer world…
Being ushered into your introvert partner’s inner circle of treasured family and friends is a big sign of their love for you.
They don’t do that for just anyone.
They want their treasured time with loved ones to include you. That’s huge for an introvert.
And it goes further than that…
6) They want to deeply access your world too
Being loved by an introvert can feel like a warm bath of total bliss.
You feel seen, heard, understood and appreciated, in many big and small ways.
Recently while hosting a Facebook Live I mentioned loving the Smurfs when I was growing up.
A couple of days later a little Smurf holding an ‘I love you’ sign arrived in the post! It was such a lovely surprise and it meant so much to me.
My partner has posed as an extrovert a lot in his life – belting out songs in a punk band, constantly on the go, speaking to large groups of people… But inside there’s an introvert – seeing me, loving me and saying it with Smurfs!
7) They use their skills and resources to help you soar
You’ll be amazed at how an introvert goes above and beyond – using any skills or resources they have to help you make your dreams happen.
It’s not because they want to look like a rock star or take over what you’re doing. They have felt your dreams, desires and goals deeply when you’ve shared them.
And they express their love by wanting to do everything they can to help you achieve them.
When I trained as a breathwork facilitator, my partner bought me the tech I needed, helped me set it up and did some practise runs with me. He gave his precious time, his cold hard cash and his expertise in an area that I wasn’t confident in.
Underneath this practical help is the fact that…
8) They care about what matters to you
Introverts care about what matters to you, because it matters to you and they love you.
You can rely on them too – they do what they say they’re going to do, they’re committed and they genuinely, deeply care.
And because they have your best interests, dreams and desires at heart, they know when to step back and watch you fly too. Beautiful.
9) They want to build a world together
So often I say to my partner, “Wow, there are just so many facets to our relationship.”
We don’t live together and quite often we’re apart for a couple of weeks at a time, but the world we’ve built together is always there, and it’s getting deeper and richer and more expansive all the time.
It’s the memories, the private jokes, the special places. It’s the wide range of things we love to do together – whether it’s painting the fence, recording a guided meditation, doing yoga on Whatsapp or working through some tricky emotional stuff.
So, if your introvert partner wants to get chips from the same van you went to when you first met, they’re not being too cheap or lazy to take you for dinner in a fancy restaurant. To an introvert, the chip van is far more romantic, because of the deeper meaning…
And remember, they love their alone time, so their time in itself is also a gift to you and a display of love. The fact that they want to spend time with you tells you you’re easy to be with and not a drain on their energy. It’s the introverts’ “I love you.”
Because, yeah, they may not be so forthcoming with words…
10) They share silence with you
According to Wikipedia, “An Inuit dialect spoken in Canada’s Nunavik region has at least 53 words for snow, including matsaaruti, for wet snow that can be used to ice a sleigh’s runners, and pukak, for crystalline powder snow that looks like salt.”
Why am I randomly telling you this?
Because introverts could do with having far more words for silence than just, you know, silence.
Silence is rich and full for an introvert, and sharing their silence with you is sharing their love. It means they feel extremely comfortable with you.
Whether that’s the easy silence of simply being together, experiencing the moment.
Or a full silence while you both sit with something that’s come up between you, or with others in your life, or around a challenging event.
Or a processing silence, allowing raw emotion or simply too much stimulation and overwhelm to integrate.
Or a communicative silence full of body language, eye-gazing and touch in a romantic relationship.
When introverts let you into their silence, that means they really, really love you, because silence is their sacred space.
All these ways of introverts expressing love show you one thing – they’ve let you in.
Into their hearts, their inner circles, their inner worlds and their feelings. Into the small, ordinary moments in the day that mean so much to them.
You’re enriching their experience, and they want to do that for you too, in all the ways above and more. So love them for it, and watch things unfold and deepen between you even more…