10 things emotionally secure people never do in their relationships

In life, relationships can be tricky.

But some people seem to have a magic touch.

They stay calm, they don’t get too upset, and their relationships are pretty smooth.

These people are emotionally secure.

But it’s not that they don’t have problems. They do. They just handle them in a way that doesn’t hurt their relationships.

Want to know how they do it?

Well, sit back and relax as I reveal the top 10 things that emotionally secure people never do in their relationships.

1. They Don’t Point Fingers

One of the most important things emotionally secure people avoid doing is playing the blame game.

Everyone makes mistakes, it’s just part of being human.

But when things go wrong in a relationship, it’s easy to start pointing fingers and blaming each other.

Emotionally secure people don’t do that.

Instead, they understand that blaming someone doesn’t solve anything. It just creates more tension and bad feelings.

They focus on the problem, not the person.

They talk about what went wrong and how to fix it, without making it a personal attack.

That’s not to say they let everything slide. If they’ve been hurt, they speak up about it.

But they do so in a constructive way, focusing on their feelings rather than accusing their partner.

They say things like “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You always…”.

So, the next time you’re in a tough spot in your relationship, remember to focus on the issue at hand and not on blaming your partner.

It might be difficult at first, but with practice, you’ll find that this approach leads to healthier conversations and solutions that actually work!

2. They Don’t Stay Mad

Emotionally secure people understand that holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It doesn’t work and it’s not healthy.

Everyone messes up sometimes, and it’s okay to feel upset or angry about it.

But staying mad for a long time doesn’t help anyone.

Instead of dwelling on negative feelings, emotionally secure people practice forgiveness.

They know that everyone makes mistakes and that holding a grudge won’t change what happened.

They talk about what upset them, listen to the other person’s point of view, and then they let it go.

They also don’t hold past mistakes over their partner’s head.

When an issue is resolved, it’s put to rest and not brought up in future disagreements.

So, if you’re holding onto anger or resentment in your relationships, try to let it go. It might not be easy, but it’s worth it.

Remember, forgiveness isn’t just for the person who hurt you, it’s for you too!

3. They Don’t Run from Arguments

As an emotionally secure person, I’ve come to understand that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship.

A life without arguments sounds great, but it’s not realistic.

People have different opinions and that’s okay. What matters is how you handle those disagreements.

In my own relationship, I remember a time when my partner and I had a serious disagreement about where to go on vacation.

I wanted a relaxing beach holiday, while my partner was more inclined towards an adventurous camping trip.

Instead of avoiding the issue or letting it escalate into a full-blown fight, we decided to sit down and discuss our differences.

We listened to each other’s viewpoints without interruption and then tried to find a middle ground.

We didn’t dismiss each other’s feelings or desires but acknowledged them and worked out a solution that satisfied both of us.

Eventually, we decided on a place where we could relax on the beach and also have some adventure activities.

So, the point is, emotionally secure people don’t run away from arguments or disagreements.

They face them head-on, with respect and understanding for their partner’s perspective.

They know that every argument is an opportunity to learn more about their partner and grow closer together.

4. They Don’t Depend on Others for Happiness

Emotionally secure people understand a crucial fact: happiness is an inside job.

It’s not something that can be found in someone else or something that someone else can give you.

This doesn’t mean that emotionally secure people don’t enjoy their relationships or don’t feel happy with their partners.

It just means they don’t rely on their partner to make them happy.

They know that it’s not their partner’s job to fill any emotional gaps in their life.

They cultivate their happiness through self-care, pursuing their interests, and maintaining a positive mindset.

They don’t put the pressure of their happiness on their partners, which leads to healthier and more balanced relationships.

So, if you want to follow in the footsteps of emotionally secure people, start by focusing on your own happiness.

Find what makes you feel good and do more of it! It will not only make you happier but also have a positive impact on your relationships.

5. They Don’t Keep Score

In the realm of emotionally secure people, love is not a competition, and relationships are not a game to be won or lost.

They understand that keeping score of who did what, when, and how often, turns love into a battlefield and trust me, that’s not a place where any relationship can thrive.

They don’t tally up each other’s mistakes or hold them as leverage for future arguments.

They know that this kind of scorekeeping only breeds resentment and creates a power imbalance in the relationship.

Instead, they believe in mutual respect and equality.

They don’t keep tabs on who did the dishes last or who apologized first after a fight.

They understand that relationships are about give-and-take, and sometimes, one person may have to give more than the other.

So, if you find yourself keeping score in your relationship, take a moment to reflect on why that is.

Remember, love is not about winning or losing. It’s about understanding, forgiving, and growing together.

Keep your heart open and let go of the scorecard. It’s the best gift you can give your relationship. 

6. They Respect Personal Space

As someone who values emotional security, I’ve learned the importance of respecting personal space, both for myself and my partner.

We all need some space to breathe, to think, to just be.

It doesn’t mean we love our partners any less. It’s just a way of taking care of our mental health.

I remember a time when my partner was going through a tough phase at work. He was stressed and needed some alone time to unwind.

Instead of taking it personally or insisting on being a part of his coping process, I respected his need for space.

I let him know that I was there for him if he needed me but understood that he needed some time alone. It wasn’t always easy – the urge to comfort him was strong.

But I knew that respecting his space was the best way to support him at that moment.

So remember, giving your partner space doesn’t mean you’re pushing them away. It means you’re giving them the room they need to be themselves.

And in doing so, you’re not only respecting their needs but also creating a healthier and stronger relationship.

7. They Don’t Try to Change Their Partner

When you’re in a relationship, it can be tempting to try and ‘fix’ things about your partner that you don’t like.

Maybe they have habits that annoy you, or they see the world differently than you do. You might think, “If only they could change this or that, everything would be perfect.”

But emotionally secure people don’t do this. They know that trying to change someone is a futile and disrespectful endeavor.

It’s like saying, “I love you, but I’d love you more if you were different.”

Emotionally secure people understand that everyone is unique, with their own quirks and personality traits.

They appreciate their partner for who they truly are, not who they could be.

Sure, it’s okay to encourage growth and improvement in a positive way.

But it’s not your job to ‘fix’ your partner or mold them into your idea of a perfect person.

So if you find yourself wishing your partner was different, take a step back. Ask yourself if you’re looking for change for their benefit or yours.

Remember, love is about acceptance, not alteration.

Love your partner as they are, and let them be who they are. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

8. They Don’t Ignore Their Own Needs

Emotionally secure people understand that taking care of their own needs isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

It’s like the safety instructions on an airplane: you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.

People who neglect their own needs and put their partners’ needs first can actually harm their relationships.

This is because they often become resentful and feel unappreciated, leading to conflicts and emotional distance.

Emotionally secure people avoid this by making sure they take care of themselves too.

They set aside time for self-care, pursue their own interests, and maintain their individuality.

They know that they can’t pour from an empty cup, so they make sure their cup is always full.

So, make sure you’re not neglecting your own needs in your relationships. It’s not just good for you, it’s also good for your relationship.

9. They Don’t Hide Things

As someone who values emotional security, I’ve learned that honesty is not just the best policy; it’s the only policy.

In relationships, hiding things or keeping secrets can lead to mistrust, hurt feelings, and broken bonds.

Once, early in my relationship, I made a mistake. Instead of coming clean immediately, I chose to hide it from my partner, thinking I was protecting them from unnecessary pain.

But when the truth eventually came out, it caused more hurt than the initial mistake.

That experience taught me a valuable lesson about honesty and transparency in relationships.

Emotionally secure people understand that trust is built on honesty.

They don’t hide things from their partners, not because they have to share everything, but because they value the trust and respect of their partner.

So remember, if you’re ever tempted to hide something from your partner, consider the damage it can do to your relationship’s trust.

Be honest, even when it’s hard. It may cause a momentary discomfort but ultimately strengthens your bond in the long run.

10. They Don’t Neglect Their Personal Growth

Here’s the hard truth – emotionally secure people never stop growing. They don’t get comfortable and stagnant in their relationships.

They understand that personal growth is not a destination but a continuous journey.

They don’t push their personal goals aside for the sake of their relationship.

They realize that to be the best partner they can be, they first need to be the best versions of themselves.

So they keep learning, keep growing, and keep evolving, both individually and together with their partners.

They don’t fear outgrowing their relationship. They understand that growth can sometimes lead to change, and change can sometimes lead to growing apart.

But they also know that a relationship that hinders personal growth is not one worth holding onto.

So if you find yourself neglecting your personal growth in your relationship, it’s time to take a step back.

Remember, you’re an individual first and a partner second. Keep growing, keep evolving, and most importantly, keep being you.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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