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15 signs your ex is fighting his feelings for you

Breakups are painful affairs and oftentimes we find ourselves looking at our ex and wondering if they still want us.

The problem with guys is that they aren’t all that transparent with their feelings.

Most of them appear happy even if they’re dying inside. It’s almost impossible to tell what’s really going on inside them… unless you pay very close attention!

In this article, I will give you 15 signs when a guy is still not over an ex.

1) He tries to comfort you when you’re sad

If he goes out of his way to comfort you when you’re sad, it’s very likely that he still has strong feelings for you and wants to be close to you again.

Breakups are painful. It doesn’t matter if the one who started it was him or you, and being around one’s ex is guaranteed to be an emotional moment for at least one party in the relationship.

If he can set aside his pain to comfort you despite that, then it means he puts your needs above himself, and that he still has feelings for you.

But here’s a word of caution.

Pay close attention to the vibes they are giving off because while some people will leap at the chance to comfort someone because they don’t want to see that person sad, there are people who simply want to take advantage of others when they’re vulnerable.

Only you can judge for yourself whether he’s being genuinely helpful or whether he’s trying to manipulate you.

But as a rule of thumb, you’ll want to watch out for signs of an emotionally manipulative person.

2) He pays close attention to your activities on social media

If your ex likes your pics all the time, follows people you talk to online, and comments on your posts on social media, then chances are he still has feelings for you.

Think about it — if he doesn’t care, then why wouldn’t he just go his own merry way and forget about you?

He’s dedicating his time to you. Trying to find ways to relate to you, to keep you near.

Now, this kind of attention isn’t always welcome.

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If you have told him that you don’t want him following your social media, but he insists anyways, you might want to block him.

But since you’re reading this article, I assume that doesn’t bother you so much and it’s actually making you fall for him again, as if you’re back to the beginning of your relationship when everything can make you feel giddy.

3) He gets nostalgic

So let’s say that even though you broke up, you kinda get along enough to chat with each other. If he talks about stuff you used to do in the past like it was a time he wants to go back to, then he probably misses you.

He definitely misses how things used to be, and he probably wishes you two could go back to those good old days.

If you also feel the same way, then you two most likely love each other a lot still — so think about it, why did you two break up in the first place?

Did you break up because you two want different, conflicting things out of your relationship?

Did you break up because the sex got boring and you needed more excitement?

Chances are that if you could resolve the issue keeping you apart, then you’re going to get back together.

4) He blows hot and cold

He’d be super tender one moment and very cold the next. He’d reach out and be talkative, and then suddenly clam up. He just doesn’t seem to know what to do with you!

You might expect this behavior to come from women more than men, but men do it too!

If he still has feelings for you, then he’s probably wrestling with conflicting emotions that he just doesn’t know how to deal with. He’d act on his fondness for you and reach out, only for the hurt and insecurity to rise up and make him back away.

He’d need time alone to process his feelings, only to feel crushingly lonely. Then he would reach out to you and have his emotions thrown off the loop.

When your ex is blowing hot and cold, you might want to stay in touch enough to not disappear from his life, but also keep your distance enough as to avoid overwhelming him. If you two can talk about it healthily, then all the better. Do that.

5) He preens like there’s no tomorrow

He might slouch or be unkempt, only to suddenly straighten up and fix his clothes and hair when he notices you’re near.

He might try to act cool and aloof, but at the same time, if there’s a chance you might come across him, he has to look handsome, smell good, and walk straight.

And, let’s be real. Unless you’re his boss — in which case why are you dating your employee — the reason why he’s trying to look good around you is to make you want him.

6) He’s curious about what you think of him

If your ex is fighting his feelings for you deep inside, he is going to be really curious about your opinions about him.

Do you still like him? Do you now like his fashion sense? He’s going to pay close attention to the things you say that involve him or things he has done.

If he ever overhears you talking well about him, or if you’re with your friends and you mention him he’s going to be really happy at the attention. And of course, he might end up thinking that there might be a chance you’re going to get back together too.

He might also ask you or your friends about what you think of him if simply overhearing things isn’t enough for him.

Of course, if he frowns when you talk about him, even in a good light, then maybe his feelings for you are more on the negative side. That, or he loves you but he still has too much emotional baggage to work through.

7) He tries to make you feel jealous

So we established that he’s probably curious what you feel or think about him.

Something that he might do — and this is, admittedly, a bit deplorable — is try to make you jealous. He may not even be aware of it.

He would be dying to know if you still feel something for him, and he might be wondering if he can make you realize your feelings for him by triggering your jealousy.

To wit, he might act a bit too close to another girl around you. He might not really claim that she is his girlfriend, but will nonetheless give off those kinds of vibes — this way, he can trigger your jealousy.

Just a warning, though.

You might think this is cute. In fact, it’s something you see in young adult novels all the time and people treat it like it’s this big romantic.

Well, it may just be a dick move because he still has feelings for you, but it could also be a sign that he’s into emotional manipulation. He’s either immature and needs some more growing up, or he’s just straight up someone who doesn’t deserve someone to love him.

8) He keeps himself open (but just for you)

A much more positive sign, in contrast with the above, is that your ex is keeping himself open.

He’s actively avoiding starting a relationship with someone new and, when you ask him about the other girls in his life, he downplays his relationship with them a lot.

It’s like that every time you try to talk to him about some girl you saw him talk to, his answers would always sound something like “Oh, she’s just a friend at work” or “Just someone I knew way back in high school.”

He tries to reassure you every time you might feel jealous that he is, in fact, open.

This is the complete opposite of the previous sign. Instead of doing his best to make you jealous, he wants you to know that he’s open to having you back because you still have the #1 spot in his heart.

If he does this, he’s probably trying to broadcast “I’m here! I’m waiting for you.”

9) He talks about you a lot

He may talk about how hurt he was over the breakup, or how much he missed you, or he might be complaining about you.

And sometimes it’s all three of those and more. Either way, if he just can’t stop talking about you, that’s because he still cares about you deep inside.

If he doesn’t care at all, he simply won’t talk about you. You’d be gone from his mind.

It’s especially damning if he quickly goes from complaining about you to talking about missing you and back again. That means he is probably very hurt and is trying to reconcile his feelings for you with the hurt that is eating him up alive.

10) He defends you from others

So not only is he always eager to talk about you, he’s there to defend you even when you’re not there to listen to him. It takes a certain amount of pure love for him to do that.

A friend of his might talk badly about you, for example, in an attempt to comfort him.

And in response instead of agreeing with his friend and taking the free emotional support, he would argue and say that you weren’t in the wrong. He might even scold his friend and tell them to stop doing that.

If you go around the internet, you will see people call people with these slurs like “simp” and “beta”— but don’t you mind that. If he’s defending you reasonably, he’s giving you the respect you deserve.

11) He tries to chat you up all the time

It’s a strong sign that he still has strong feelings towards you if he’s trying to chat up with you all the time. He might try to act cool and aloof, but despite that, he’d come trying to chat up with you about the most random and mundane of things.

This would be because he misses your presence. He misses the “good old days” as it were and wants to be around you to relive those days to a degree. It might also be because he just wants to know more about you and the things you love.

And you know what, so long as he is respecting your boundaries it doesn’t really hurt to at least try to be friends again. Maybe your love will rekindle in the future when you two are finally ready for each other.

12) He gets jealous when you’re around other guys

“Well duh!” you might say, but yes. If he seems to act jealous or especially when he sees you talking to other guys, he probably still loves you a lot.

He might have begun taking you for granted during the relationship, and maybe he didn’t mind you talking to other guys when you were together because, after all, he’s yours and you’re his.

When that sureness is gone, his insecurities would rise up and he’d want you back and not lose you again.

Of course, be careful.

Some guys can get violent, and if you genuinely want to move on and have found a new love, a jealous and possessive ex is going to destroy your relationship.

When this happens, you might want to warn the new guy about your ex so he can protect himself.

But if you actually do want him back? Well, it’s honestly kinda cute.

13) He stares at you full of longing

You’d often catch him looking at you when he thought you weren’t paying attention. He might suddenly smile when you’re near without realizing it.

And, hell, chances are he’d look away when you call him out on it. That’s definitely him fighting his feelings for you!

He probably feels like he shouldn’t look at you, but he just couldn’t resist and oftentimes subconscious desires win out over conscious effort.

Maybe you should try giving him a warm smile the next time you catch him looking and see how he reacts. If he’d look like he won a million bucks just by your smile, he still loves you.

14) He’s always there

This is again one of those things that can be either endearing or very creepy depending on your dynamics with your ex.

If you got off the relationship on good grounds and continue to be friends with one another, it’s totally natural for you to hang out. If you got off on a bad note, it’s probably not natural for him to be around you all the time.

But first, let’s talk about the good things.

So let’s say you two remain friendly around your breakup. You might expect to hang around a lot, but if it feels like nothing’s changed and he’s still around like before, maybe he doesn’t really want to be apart ever.

And chances are once you work out your issues, you can just get right back together. If not, then it would be natural for you two to fall into a friends-with-benefits arrangement.

When this happens, you might want to look into whether you two were looking to have an open relationship all along.

On the other hand, if your breakup was loaded with negative emotions, and he somehow keeps showing up where you are, like randomly bumping into you in the mall or somehow being always there hiding away in the corner…you might want to call the police. You have a stalker.

15) He still talks to your friends and family

If you’re totally over a person, you don’t ever want to associate with their friends and family. It’s just awkward even if you have a good relationship with them.

What else will you talk about? Maybe they already have a bad opinion about you especially if you’re the reason for the breakup.

If he’s still clinging on to the possibility of you getting back together, he won’t block them on social media. He might even still greet them during special occasions.

He knows that they can be the key to your heart. They can help you fix things between the two of you somehow.

If he’s still kinda sweet to your siblings, this guy thinks you’re a keeper and is probably contemplating asking you to become a couple again.

If you notice these signs from your ex, it’s clear that he still likes you and is just trying to control himself. If you like him too and you still want to give your relationship another shot, don’t be shy to make the first move!

He might be totally relieved when you make the first move or he’d say “Nah.”

Either way, if he’s really showing these signs, you gotta know, right?

Written by Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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