You know that gut feeling that keeps telling you – he might be into you. You feel something intangible between the two of you, yet intangible is all you’ve got.
So, you decide to ignore it and say to yourself that you are making it all up.
Well, to help you out, we will explore what makes men feel nervous, what makes them delay that first move, and finally – how to recognize that he wants to ask you out, but he’s scared as hell.
Why do men delay the first move?
So, you decide to discuss your feelings with a close group of friends. After all, objective opinions can help us get necessary clarification.
Therefore, to get relief from that confusing situation, you go out for a drink and start feeling even worse. In order to protect you, they start asking questions like:
“Why he didn’t do this, or that if he is interested?”
And, honestly, all these questions seem logical, so you try to shut down your feelings and slowly move away from the idea that something is ever going to happen with this person.
Although you probably might be weird – what makes you think that others are always reacting according to a perfectly scripted formula?
Does that formula even exist?
Does anyone think like this:
“Okay, so, I like this person, what is the next step? Oh, yes, I should give her a compliment and ask her out. She will say yes, or no. And, we will get this done real quick.”
Maybe there are people who are straightforward most of the time. To those folks, all I have to say is you rock! It truly takes guts to go after things you want.
And, you probably don’t talk to yourself like robots. The inner monologue I depicted is far beyond awkward. So, sorry about that.
Maybe it’s because I can’t even imagine someone being so cool and focused.
So, I made straightforwardness look awkward. And I bet there are many men out there, who feel pretty much the same when it comes to going after what they want.
What’s your superpower? Our revealing new quiz will help you discover your hidden superpower and unlock your greatest gifts in life. Check it out here.
Therefore, to better understand these guys, we’ll focus on the 3 main reasons that make them feel insecure about making that first move:
1) Fear of rejection
People are social creatures. We crave love and acceptance. Throughout the evolution of our species, we’ve been trying to adapt to society and overcome painful emotions related to rejection.
Men are not excluded from the need to be accepted.
Therefore, even if they like you very much they still have fear of getting rejected by you that prevents them from taking action. Fear of rejection stimulates passivity and makes the comfort zone super appealing.
2) Feeling insecure
Some men feel insecure regarding their appearance, level of success, charisma, etc. All these areas in which he feels some kind of lack will make him question his worth and block interactions with people which he finds to be way above his league.
In case that is you, his lack of self-worth will negatively impact the chances of you two going out on a date.
People who are introverted have a small group of close friends, enjoy solitude, and find large groups or parties draining at times. They also are very self-aware, enjoy observing people and situations, and are drawn to careers that foster independence.
Introverts are more focused on their inner world and feelings. They need more time to step out into the world, initiate conversations, etc.
Because they carefully analyze people and energy around them, introverted men will think through their intentions deeply before diving into any interaction.
NOTE: Introversion is not the same thing as being antisocial, having social anxiety, or being shy.
Therefore, the best way to determine whether or not your crush is introverted is to simply ask. When it comes to identity and temperament, people tend to have a pretty good handle on who they are.
When you get to know the temperament of the person you’re interested in, it will help you determine a lot regarding your mutual compatibility and their intentions with you.
So, these were the 3 main things you should examine before jumping to conclusions.
However, there is more, you should ensure there is a mutual attraction in the first place.
In the following lines, we will examine how to recognize if there is an underlying attraction between you and your crush, or you’ve been misled by something.
Signs he wants to ask you out
1) The Eyes
Subtle, yet significant. If you notice that someone is staring at you while you are talking to someone else, or minding your own business that is a great sign.
However, if the moment you say something to that person and look them in the eye, they can’t maintain eye contact…that typically showcases they are hiding something.
When a person is shy or doesn’t want to reveal their feelings right away, they will try to avoid eye contact. Although, it should be noted that if they are constantly looking away and avoiding eye contact and conversations, they are probably not interested.
Always take into account the context of the situation, body language, and track what happens when you act more friendly towards them. Does that make them more comfortable, or do they try to avoid further conversations?
Have you noticed that this person is somehow always finding a way to be near you? Do they show up for you more often? Do they choose to sit next to you even when there are other places to choose?
When a man is attracted to you, he will find ways to spend more time near you. Even though that might not be obvious at first glance. They might choose to go to lunch break at work at the same time as you do.
Some will change their route back home, so they can spend more time walking with you. These actions might seem natural at first, but if you pay close attention you might notice the pattern, and encourage your crush to become more straightforward.
3) Removing obstacles
No matter which material object is between the two of you, this guy will make sure it is removed. He will put the purse away, coffee cup, pillow, anything that creates barriers between you two.
Observe the way he acts when near you because that will reveal more than you could imagine. He’ll probably move the objects around unconsciously, so to note this, try to be more mindful than usual.
4) Smiles and games
Is he more giggly with you than with the rest of the people? Does he try to make you laugh, then lights up when he succeeds?
When attracted to someone, we as humans feel the rush of dopamine around that person. We feel more joyful and that can’t go unnoticed. Moreover, when we are interested in someone we want to see them happy. We love to impress them with our jokes, pranks, intelligence, etc.
Jeffrey Hall, associate professor of communication studies, did the research related to humor and dating. He found that when two strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and the more a woman laughs at those attempts, the more likely it is for the woman to be interested in dating.
Furthermore, men use humor to gauge if women are interested in them. “Men are trying to get women to show their cards,” Hall said. “For some men, it is a conscious strategy.”
5) Magic of touch
Touching is one of the ways we as humans show our affection. We use touch to cheer someone up, show love, support. Sometimes even the soft pat on the back or a random touch on the hand can indicate that someone is attracted to us.
When this kind of affection is repeated on a daily basis, in different situations, it certainly indicates that a man is into you.
6) Different behavior
When trying to impress someone people tend to use verbal and non-verbal cues. For example, a man can walk more proudly when passing by to highlight his masculinity and confidence. He will also pay more attention to his gestures, mannerisms, and will behave more kindly towards you.
Also, he can start wearing more stylish clothes, put on a bit more cologne, all with one intention – to look more appealing and attractive.
7) Wants to get to know you
When we want to get involved with someone, we are curious about them. What do they like, dislike, care about, want from life?
All of these things matter to us, and we will gladly listen and ask questions, so we get to bond even more deeply.
The same goes for the guy you fell for.
If he wants to ask you out, he will show his interest in you as a person. He will listen carefully to your words, respond in a supportive manner, ask questions, in one word he will be present.
Get the energy moving
Now that you’ve got reminded that we are all humans with insecurities and fears, hidden motives and desires – you might feel a bit more at ease.
If you notice that most of the signs from the list above work in your favor, yet nothing is happening, change something. You don’t have to initiate anything at first.
Instead, ask more questions, show more affection in a subtle, yet effective way. Be more friendly and open, and allow the person to feel safe around you. Instead of passively doubting his interest in you, invest yourself in existing interactions more freely.
Here are some of the things you can do to get the energy flowing more freely:
- Ask questions – People love when someone shows interest in them. It makes us feel seen and appreciated. Therefore, when you ask questions, show true interest. Find something that truly interests you and pay attention to the person you are talking to. That way you will get the opportunity to create an authentic bond. Don’t go overboard with questions. Instead, try to turn the conversation into stimulating dialogue.
- Respond authentically – Even though it is tempting to agree with others, to please them with compliments, and stay silent when things can get tense – try to remain authentic, while being respectful to the other person. Say what you mean, explain why you mean it, and don’t be afraid of the outcome. Fulfilling relationships come from genuine interactions.
- Bond over similar interests – If you know that the two of you have some similar interests, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Start a conversation about that topic, and see how it goes. It will either bring you closer or showcase some meaningful differences. However, it will get things moving.
Opening up is not always easy. Especially not for people who are shy, or socially anxious. However, opening up is worth the effort. So, whether it is the man you are madly attracted to, or a cool person you want to be friends with, opening up will help you bond.
Therefore, if you ever struggle to get things moving, talk to a professional counselor, and allow yourself to live your best life.