One of the most difficult tasks in relationships can be deciphering the signs of whether or not a man truly values you.
Unfortunately, many women go years without realizing that they are undervalued and unappreciated by their significant other.
If you think that the man in your life doesn’t value you, here are 15 obvious signs to know for sure and advice on what to do about it.
Let’s get started:
1) He doesn’t respect you
This is the first sign that he doesn’t value you.
To have his respect means that he values your thoughts, feelings, and abilities.
When you first started going out, he would carefully listen to everything you said. He was polite, he smiled, and he praised your ideas.
He was also very careful to be tactful and never to hurt your feelings if he disagreed with you.
Now though, he’s often rude and condescending.
When you’re with him he only half listens to what you are saying and often dismisses your ideas and opinions and nonsense. Forget about taking your feelings into consideration!
If you feel small, stupid, and insignificant every time you talk to him, that’s because he doesn’t respect you and treats you badly.
The truth is that too many women experience disrespect from their significant others, and yet they say nothing.
If you feel disrespected, ask yourself if you really want to be with him. If you do, then you have to talk to him and tell him that such behavior is unacceptable.
In other words: Tell him you’re giving him another chance but if you don’t get the respect that you deserve, he can hit the road.
Find out what it means to me
Start when you come home
(Re, re, re, respect) Or you might walk in
(Just a little bit) And find out I’m gone
(Just a little bit) I gotta have
(Just a little bit) A little respect
– Respect by Aretha Franklin
2) He takes you for granted
What does it really mean to be taken for granted?
It means that he doesn’t appreciate the effort you’ve put into making the relationship work. He takes you for granted if he acts like you’re supposed to do everything for him, and not expect anything in return.
- When his friends want to hang out, he’s more than happy to ditch you.
- When the shopping needs to be done, the dishes washed, house cleaned, he doesn’t take any initiative, he takes it for granted that those are things that you will attend to.
Basically, he thinks that no matter what, you’ll always be there by his side and he doesn’t have to make any effort at all.
But if a man truly values his woman, then he will always feel indebted and thankful for what she does for him.
You see, when someone values another person, they know that if that person wasn’t around, their life would be miserable in more ways than one.
What can you do?
Start by showing him how it would be if you didn’t do all those things for him. Let him do his own laundry and cook his own meals. Instead, go out with your friends, and let him deal with the chores. Show him how life would be without you there for him.
It might just be the wake-up call he needs.
3) His “hero” instinct hasn’t been triggered
If you feel like your man doesn’t value you and your relationship, it might be because he doesn’t feel like you need him.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the “hero instinct”.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a “hero” in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
4) He guilt trips you
Does it seem like he’s always making you feel guilty about something? Is he making himself the victim and enjoying making you feel bad?
Guilt is a powerful weapon.
When applied to relationships, it can be used to make the other person feel bad about themselves, and sometimes it can be used as an excuse for them not to take responsibility for their actions.
Guilt trips can also turn out badly when used against you. It’s not cool if he uses his guilt trips as an excuse to get out of things he’s obligated to do, such as paying the rent, having dinner with friends, or cleaning up after himself.
Now, it’s only natural that from time to time someone will try to guilt trip someone to get what they want. Happens to the best of us.
But if it’s done often and systematically and with some sick kind of enjoyment, then that person is a bully.
This behavior is unacceptable and you need to tell him that. If it continues, then it may be time to consider breaking up and finding someone you can have a healthy and happy – guilt-free relationship with.
5) He’s not interested in your life
When’s the last time you heard him ask, “How was your day honey?” or, “What did you do this weekend?”
And does he ever ask you what you want to do or do you always do what he feels like doing?
The truth is that to have a happy and healthy relationship, you need to talk about your life and share your experiences.
If he doesn’t seem interested in what you’ve been up to and never asks questions, it means that he’s not paying attention to you.
What’s more, if he doesn’t care enough to hear what you do or how your day was spent, then he doesn’t value who you are as a person.
It’s like you’re only there to serve him and have no identity or life of your own.
The bottom line is that if he’s not interested in your life, he’s not interested in you. Time to find someone else.
6) He makes all the decisions by himself
Does he make all the decisions in your relationship by himself and not include you in anything?
Does he act like he’s smarter and you should just leave all the decision-making to him?
It’s like he doesn’t even see you as a person and acts like you’re his property. You’re just supposed to go along with whatever he decides.
But wait, there’s more!
He might actually be a control freak.
A control freak is someone who wants to establish unilateral power in relationships, especially those they have with other people.
Their motivation is usually one of the following: insecurity, domination, anger, or manipulation. This is a common type of dependent personality disorder.
Control disorder or not, if he excludes you from making decisions about things that affect you, it’s another obvious sign that he doesn’t value you.
What should you do?
Start by taking your life into your own hands. Make decisions for yourself in a way that is best for you. That includes whether or not you want to keep this man in your life.
7) How about talking to a relationship coach
While the signs in this article will help you deal with a man who doesn’t value you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like being disrespected and taken for granted. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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8) He doesn’t introduce you to people in his life
Maybe you’ve been dating for a few weeks or even months now. But, have you met anyone in his life?
Does he ever introduce you to any of his friends or colleagues?
Have you met his family?
Here’s the thing: If he doesn’t want the people closest to him to meet you, it’s an indication of how he feels about you.
He doesn’t value you enough to introduce you to the people closest to him. Maybe he thinks that your relationship is just a casual fling and that it’s not worth the bother.
What can you do about it?
Well, confront him about it to see if there isn’t actually a good reason why he hasn’t introduced you to anyone.
Ask him to meet some of his friends and see how he reacts.
If he keeps on finding excuses for not introducing you, then I think you should consider moving on to someone who’ll be happy to show you around and who will take your relationship seriously.
9) He doesn’t care if you see other men
Now, I know that some guys can be insecure and become possessive of the women they’re dating. But if he suggests that you go out with other men or tells you that he doesn’t mind if you see other men, then there’s a problem.
He doesn’t see the relationship that you have with him as real or something worth caring about.
At best, he sees your relationship as one of convenience and utility.
In short. He doesn’t value you and or your relationship, he’s just with you until someone better comes along.
I think it’s obvious that you should. Dump his a** and take his advice – date other men until you find the prince charming.
10) He forgets important dates
You’re celebrating your anniversary today and instead of getting you flowers, he forgets it’s even your anniversary and goes out for a beer with his friends after work.
Ok, so everyone forgets an important date once in a while.
Hey, we’re only human after all.
But if it becomes a habit, it could be an indicator that something isn’t quite right in your relationship.
If he forgets your birthday, your anniversary, or when you have to go into hospital for surgery, I’d say that’s a major red flag.
Could you really be important to him if he doesn’t remember things that are special for you and which bring happiness to your life?
Do you mean anything to him if he doesn’t even remember when you have important medical procedures done?
Now, if he’s always forgetting important dates and events in your life, I think it’s time to move on.
Dating is tough but you should never settle and you should never give up on love.
11) He’s not protective of you
Do you ever feel like he’s not there for you?
If someone says or does something to hurt or threaten you, you expect your man to be there for you,
This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to value you.
And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.
All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.
12) He never does anything nice for you
When you care about someone, when you love and value them, it’s only natural that you’ll want to make them happy.
Don’t you feel great when you do something nice for someone you care about?
So ask yourself this:
When’s the last time he did something nice for you, just to make you smile?
It doesn’t have to be anything big, it can be as simple as making dinner for you or buying you chocolates.
It seems like he’s always expecting you to be there for him and do things for him without ever doing anything in return.
Now, if he never does nice things that make you happy, it’s an indication of how he feels about your relationship.
If he really loved and cared about you, there would be some little thing that he would do that would make your day a little better.
Why not try and tell him how you feel? Tell him that it makes you sad that he never does anything nice for you. See how he reacts. If he feels bad, give him a chance to change his ways.
13) He makes you feel worthless
Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough for him? It’s like no matter how hard you try, nothing you ever do or say is good enough.
Does he always make you feel bad about yourself or question your self-worth? If the answer is yes, that’s a red flag.
If someone makes you feel worthless or constantly criticizes you, it’s an obvious sign that they don’t value you.
Maybe they were made to believe that they were worthless themselves and now they’re doing the same thing to other people – to you. That’s no excuse.
If you’re tired of being treated like a second-rate citizen and it’s starting to get on your nerves then stand up to him.
Nobody deserves to be treated badly and no form of abuse is ever okay.
14) He puts zero effort into the relationship
Let’s face it, a relationship takes work. Some relationships are easier while others need more upkeep. Either way, both parties involved need to make an effort and put in the work.
If your partner doesn’t put any effort into your relationship, then what does that say about him and his attitude towards your relationship?
Is he just using you for his own pleasure? Or is he just not interested in making this relationship serious?
If he can’t put any effort into the relationship, clearly it’s all the same to him whether you stay together or break up.
It’s obvious that he doesn’t see this relationship as something worth working on and making better. And if that’s the case then your relationship doesn’t have a future.
15) He compares you to his ex-girlfriends
If your boyfriend or husband is constantly talking about his ex-girlfriends and comparing you to them, it’s a bad sign.
He may say things like, “My ex never used to do that” or “Well my ex had no problem with doing…”
He may even have the nerve to compare your cooking to his ex’s, and I don’t mean in a good way.
In other words, he’s unsure about your relationship and is not sure he has a good reason for being with you.
He doesn’t feel like you’re the perfect woman for him, and he doesn’t mind reminding you of the fact that his ex was so much better than you are.
Well if his ex was so much better than you, why doesn’t he just go back to her?
If he’s comparing you to his ex-girlfriends he clearly doesn’t value you.
In my experience, it’s best to move on and stop wasting time with him. Find someone who will appreciate the greatness that is you.
By now you should be familiar with all the signs that he doesn’t value you and what you can do about it.
But if you really want this relationship to work and you want him to value you, there’s really only one thing you can do.
I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder