13 obvious signs he doesn’t value you (and what to do about it)

One of the most difficult tasks in relationships can be deciphering the signs of whether or not a man truly values you.

Unfortunately, many women go years without realizing that they are undervalued and unappreciated by their significant other.

If you think that the man in your life doesn’t value you, here are 13 obvious signs to know for sure and advice on what to do about it.

Let’s get started:

1) He doesn’t respect you

This is the first sign that he doesn’t value you.

To have his respect means that he values your thoughts, feelings, and abilities.

When you first started going out, he would carefully listen to everything you said. He was polite, he smiled, and he praised your ideas.

He was also very careful to be tactful and never to hurt your feelings if he disagreed with you.

Now though, he’s often rude and condescending.

When you’re with him he only half listens to what you are saying and often dismisses your ideas and opinions and nonsense. Forget about taking your feelings into consideration!

If you feel small, stupid, and insignificant every time you talk to him, that’s because he doesn’t respect you and treats you badly.

The truth is that too many women experience disrespect from their significant others, and yet they say nothing.

If you feel disrespected, ask yourself if you really want to be with him. If you do, then you have to talk to him and tell him that such behavior is unacceptable.

In other words: Tell him you’re giving him another chance but if you don’t get the respect that you deserve, he can hit the road.


Find out what it means to me

Start when you come home

(Re, re, re, respect) Or you might walk in

(Just a little bit) And find out I’m gone

(Just a little bit) I gotta have

(Just a little bit) A little respect

– Respect by Aretha Franklin

2) He takes you for granted

What does it really mean to be taken for granted?

It means that he doesn’t appreciate the effort you’ve put into making the relationship work. He takes you for granted if he acts like you’re supposed to do everything for him, and not expect anything in return.

  • When his friends want to hang out, he’s more than happy to ditch you.
  • When the shopping needs to be done, the dishes washed, house cleaned, he doesn’t take any initiative, he takes it for granted that those are things that you will attend to.

Basically, he thinks that no matter what, you’ll always be there by his side and he doesn’t have to make any effort at all.

But if a man truly values his woman, then he will always feel indebted and thankful for what she does for him.

You see, when someone values another person, they know that if that person wasn’t around, their life would be miserable in more ways than one.

What can you do?

Start by showing him how it would be if you didn’t do all those things for him. Let him do his own laundry and cook his own meals. Instead, go out with your friends, and let him deal with the chores. Show him how life would be without you there for him.

It might just be the wake-up call he needs.

3) He guilt trips you

Does it seem like he’s always making you feel guilty about something? Is he making himself the victim and enjoying making you feel bad?

Guilt is a powerful weapon.

When applied to relationships, it can be used to make the other person feel bad about themselves, and sometimes it can be used as an excuse for them not to take responsibility for their actions.

Guilt trips can also turn out badly when used against you. It’s not cool if he uses his guilt trips as an excuse to get out of things he’s obligated to do, such as paying the rent, having dinner with friends, or cleaning up after himself.

Now, it’s only natural that from time to time someone will try to guilt trip someone to get what they want. Happens to the best of us.

But if it’s done often and systematically and with some sick kind of enjoyment, then that person is a bully.

This behavior is unacceptable and you need to tell him that. If it continues, then it may be time to consider breaking up and finding someone you can have a healthy and happy – guilt-free relationship with.

4) He’s not interested in your life

pexels vazhnik 7871562 13 obvious signs he doesn't value you (and what to do about it)

When’s the last time you heard him ask, “How was your day honey?” or, “What did you do this weekend?”

And does he ever ask you what you want to do or do you always do what he feels like doing?

The truth is that to have a happy and healthy relationship, you need to talk about your life and share your experiences.

If he doesn’t seem interested in what you’ve been up to and never asks questions, it means that he’s not paying attention to you.

What’s more, if he doesn’t care enough to hear what you do or how your day was spent, then he doesn’t value who you are as a person.

It’s like you’re only there to serve him and have no identity or life of your own.

The bottom line is that if he’s not interested in your life, he’s not interested in you. Time to find someone else.

5) He makes all the decisions by himself

Does he make all the decisions in your relationship by himself and not include you in anything?

Does he act like he’s smarter and you should just leave all the decision-making to him?

It’s like he doesn’t even see you as a person and acts like you’re his property. You’re just supposed to go along with whatever he decides.

But wait, there’s more!

He might actually be a control freak.

A control freak is someone who wants to establish unilateral power in relationships, especially those they have with other people.

Their motivation is usually one of the following: insecurity, domination, anger, or manipulation. This is a common type of dependent personality disorder.

Control disorder or not, if he excludes you from making decisions about things that affect you, it’s another obvious sign that he doesn’t value you.

What should you do?

Start by taking your life into your own hands. Make decisions for yourself in a way that is best for you. That includes whether or not you want to keep this man in your life.

6) How about talking to a relationship coach

While the signs in this article will help you deal with a man who doesn’t value you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like being disrespected and taken for granted. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

7) He doesn’t introduce you to people in his life

Maybe you’ve been dating for a few weeks or even months now. But, have you met anyone in his life?

Does he ever introduce you to any of his friends or colleagues?

Have you met his family?

Here’s the thing: If he doesn’t want the people closest to him to meet you, it’s an indication of how he feels about you.

He doesn’t value you enough to introduce you to the people closest to him. Maybe he thinks that your relationship is just a casual fling and that it’s not worth the bother.

What can you do about it?

Well, confront him about it to see if there isn’t actually a good reason why he hasn’t introduced you to anyone.

Ask him to meet some of his friends and see how he reacts.

If he keeps on finding excuses for not introducing you, then I think you should consider moving on to someone who’ll be happy to show you around and who will take your relationship seriously.

8) He doesn’t care if you see other men

Now, I know that some guys can be insecure and become possessive of the women they’re dating. But if he suggests that you go out with other men or tells you that he doesn’t mind if you see other men, then there’s a problem.

He doesn’t see the relationship that you have with him as real or something worth caring about.

At best, he sees your relationship as one of convenience and utility.

In short. He doesn’t value you and or your relationship, he’s just with you until someone better comes along.

I think it’s obvious that you should. Dump his a** and take his advice – date other men until you find the prince charming.

9) He forgets important dates

Picture this:

You’re celebrating your anniversary today and instead of getting you flowers, he forgets it’s even your anniversary and goes out for a beer with his friends after work.

Ok, so everyone forgets an important date once in a while.

Hey, we’re only human after all.

But if it becomes a habit, it could be an indicator that something isn’t quite right in your relationship.

If he forgets your birthday, your anniversary, or when you have to go into hospital for surgery, I’d say that’s a major red flag.

Could you really be important to him if he doesn’t remember things that are special for you and which bring happiness to your life?

Do you mean anything to him if he doesn’t even remember when you have important medical procedures done?

Now, if he’s always forgetting important dates and events in your life, I think it’s time to move on.

Dating is tough but you should never settle and you should never give up on love.

10) He never does anything nice for you

When you care about someone, when you love and value them, it’s only natural that you’ll want to make them happy.

Don’t you feel great when you do something nice for someone you care about?

So ask yourself this:

When’s the last time he did something nice for you, just to make you smile?

It doesn’t have to be anything big, it can be as simple as making dinner for you or buying you chocolates.

It seems like he’s always expecting you to be there for him and do things for him without ever doing anything in return.

Now, if he never does nice things that make you happy, it’s an indication of how he feels about your relationship.

If he really loved and cared about you, there would be some little thing that he would do that would make your day a little better.

Why not try and tell him how you feel? Tell him that it makes you sad that he never does anything nice for you. See how he reacts. If he feels bad, give him a chance to change his ways.

11) He makes you feel worthless

Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough for him? It’s like no matter how hard you try, nothing you ever do or say is good enough.

Does he always make you feel bad about yourself or question your self-worth? If the answer is yes, that’s a red flag.

If someone makes you feel worthless or constantly criticizes you, it’s an obvious sign that they don’t value you.

Maybe they were made to believe that they were worthless themselves and now they’re doing the same thing to other people – to you. That’s no excuse.

If you’re tired of being treated like a second-rate citizen and it’s starting to get on your nerves then stand up to him.

Nobody deserves to be treated badly and no form of abuse is ever okay.

12) He puts zero effort into the relationship

Let’s face it, a relationship takes work. Some relationships are easier while others need more upkeep. Either way, both parties involved need to make an effort and put in the work.

If your partner doesn’t put any effort into your relationship, then what does that say about him and his attitude towards your relationship?

Is he just using you for his own pleasure? Or is he just not interested in making this relationship serious?

If he can’t put any effort into the relationship, clearly it’s all the same to him whether you stay together or break up.

It’s obvious that he doesn’t see this relationship as something worth working on and making better. And if that’s the case then your relationship doesn’t have a future.

13) He compares you to his ex-girlfriends

If your boyfriend or husband is constantly talking about his ex-girlfriends and comparing you to them, it’s a bad sign.

He may say things like, “My ex never used to do that” or “Well my ex had no problem with doing…”

He may even have the nerve to compare your cooking to his ex’s, and I don’t mean in a good way.

In other words, he’s unsure about your relationship and is not sure he has a good reason for being with you.

He doesn’t feel like you’re the perfect woman for him, and he doesn’t mind reminding you of the fact that his ex was so much better than you are.

Well if his ex was so much better than you, why doesn’t he just go back to her?

If he’s comparing you to his ex-girlfriends he clearly doesn’t value you.

In my experience, it’s best to move on and stop wasting time with him. Find someone who will appreciate the greatness that is you.

Final thoughts

By now you should be familiar with all the signs that he doesn’t value you and what you can do about it.

But if you really want this relationship to work and you want him to value you, there’s really only one thing you can do.

According to relationship expert James Bauer, every man – regardless if he values you or not – reacts positively if you trigger his hero instinct.

This is a unique concept that has revolutionized the way we understand how men think and feel in relationships. It shows that when you trigger a man’s innate drives, he feels better about himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.

What’s more, if you succeed, all his emotional walls will come down. And that would be exactly what a man who doesn’t value you needs in order to see the real you and start appreciating you. 

So if you’re ready to make that change, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.

Click here to watch his excellent free video.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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