Narcissists live in an alternate reality.
It’s one in which they are the only person of any importance and everyone else is there to serve them, understand them, pity them and fulfill their desires.
Narcissists aren’t “bad people” necessarily, they are simply stunted in their growth as a full human being. And this can do enormous damage to others around them.
When it comes to relationships this gets even more concerning, as narcissists tend to cheat at a much higher rate than normal and don’t even regret it.
12 things to know about the cheating patterns of narcissists
Narcissists tend to feel that they are entitled to whatever they want whenever they want.
Anything which gets in the way of their self-gratification is their enemy.
If they want to cheat, the mere fact that they want to is justification.
Needless to say this attitude can cause a lot of destruction in the relationships narcissists engage in.
1) They feel that the world owes them whatever they want
Narcissists can be very charming and intelligent people. If they were just boring jerks nobody would end up in relationships with them.
The thing is that narcissists are frozen in time. They are stuck at an early childhood development stage around two-years-old emotionally.
This is a time when children demand to get what they want immediately and expect to be provided for fully and satiated in all their needs. They feel insufficient and want outside help and satisfaction to get what they need.
Most of us move on from that and begin to take responsibility of some form for our lives and decisions. We begin to build a sense of self apart from what others can give us.
Narcissists don’t move on. They just physically grow up, get jobs and get relationships.
But that inner insecurity about who they are and being insufficient doesn’t end.
That’s why narcissists also tend to have addictive personalities and engage frequently in addictive behaviors including substance abuse, cheating and compulsive gambling.
They are trying to feel whole, but it never works. And the more it doesn’t work the angrier and more entitled they get about their right to do whatever it takes to feel whole: cheating very much included.
2) They stonewall you and have lapses in contact
When it comes to the actual cheating patterns of narcissists, it’s important to know a few things.
First and foremost: the narcissist always puts him or herself first.
If your narcissistic girlfriend or boyfriend is tempted to cheat or thinks it would be a rush, they’re going to cheat.
Cheating takes time, even if it’s just a quick dash to somebody’s place or in the back of a car.
But it takes time to text and arrange, to get cleaned up, all of it…
So you may notice that your narcissist partner suddenly ghosts you for a day or two here and there without any real explanation…
Messages go unanswered and once they do finally reconnect there’s no apology or explanation. They were just randomly out of reach for a few days.
“If you’re in a long-term relationship with a narcissist and they commonly use stonewalling (the silent treatment) against you.
“This could also be a sign they are cheating, as they may be using this time to pursue their other targets.
“This is why they might ask to take a ‘break’ from you or you don’t hear from them for days at a time.”
3) They make you doubt your own self-worth
Narcissists tend to be master manipulators. Inside they are beset by a feeling of inadequacy which they often try to fill with pleasures and addictions as I said.
But outwardly the narcissist manipulates and tries to bring down others. It’s a form of projection and a childish way to try to build themselves up.
Not all narcissists cheat, of course, but many do. And when they do they will often engage in behavior that tries to get you basically blaming yourself for them cheating.
All of this raises the question:
Why does love so often start out great, only to become a nightmare?
And what’s the solution to conflict with your narcissistic partner?
The answer is contained in the relationship you have with yourself.
I learnt about this from the renowned Brazilian shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love, and become truly empowered.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!
We need to face the facts about the problems we have in our love life and why.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective about the problems I’ve been having with my own narcissistic girlfriend.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to how to deal with a cheating narcissist and all their lies.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
4) They dismiss rumors about them as ‘haters’ and jealous exes
We all tend to build up some baggage in life, including rumors and bad reputation elements that might follow us around a bit.
“Oh that guy? He’s super needy.”
“Her? She cheated on her boyfriend I heard. Probably best to stay away.”
These rumors may be unfounded or they may have grains of truth in them. In that way they’re sort of like Yelp reviews. Some are helpful and accurate, some are just trolling.
In any case, the bad rumors that trail a narcissist are something they do not respond well to.
After all, bad rumors have the potential to sour their future hosts, and they don’t want to feel like they’ve run out of people who will put up with their one man / one woman show.
So, any rumors you do hear about a narcissistic person cheating will be met with scorn.
They will not only deny such gossip or accusations, but will spin a victim story about how the people spreading them are jealous haters or have a vested interest against them that is unfair and cruel.
5) They lie about small things all the time
Who among us can say we’ve never told a lie or an untruth of some kind?
I’m guessing the number would be quite small.
Narcissists are like that, just much worse. They lie all the time.
One of the most important things to know about the cheating patterns of narcissists is how they will tell so many lies that you no longer know which layer of dishonesty they’re on.
Are they lying about lying right now?
It usually starts small with lies about what they’re doing, where they were, why they said something, who they talked to and so on.
These lies don’t even have to be for any reason. They may just lie because they can.
But as they bamboozle you with lies, the narcissist builds up power and begins to get more brazen, eventually lying about affairs and other aspects of your intimate life.
It’s unfortunate and sad to see.
6) They gaslight and mislead you
Gaslighting is to make you disbelieve your own eyes.
Narcissists are master gaslighters. They will have you doubting that you saw them sexting another woman five minutes after you literally saw the dick pic.
They will have you doubting that the guy they talk about constantly at work is someone they’re attracted to even though you see them blush and get flushed every time he comes up in conversation.
The narcissist will make you believe that your own discomfort with their cheating is a problem with you.
They will have you doubting they have cheated and thinking you are a paranoid fool, but if they get caught they will find a way to make you think that you are flawed, oversensitive or over-controlling…
You paid them too much attention, or not enough attention, or you didn’t make toast for them last week at breakfast and it was the final straw.
7) They make you feel alone and unwanted
The thing about a narcissist is that they’re very lacking in empathy.
They may see you hurting and even know on some level that their cheating is totally out of bounds.
But they do it anyway, making excuses to themselves, trying to cover their tracks and leaving you in the dark.
It’s a painful place to be in, especially if you have a partner who basically doesn’t care about how you feel.
While the advice in this article will help you deal with how to spot the cheating behavior of a narcissist, it’s sometimes hard to see a problem objectively that affects you so personally.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like strongly disagreeing with someone you love.
They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago.
After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing relating to a narcissistic partner.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
8) They accuse you of cheating and wrongdoing
Another of the crucial things to know about the cheating patterns of narcissists is that they love to use projection.
They use projection because it throws other people off balance.
One of the top signs they are cheating, in fact, is that they start getting quite jealous and accusing you of cheating or becoming more controlling of you.
This is often an overcompensation, and a way for them to shine the spotlight on you while they have their fun elsewhere.
The idea is that you’ll be so busy defending yourself from suspicions and second-guessing your own motives that you won’t have time to notice their liaisons.
9) They can’t control themselves
Another of the key things to know about the cheating patterns of narcissists is that they aren’t even fully in control of themselves.
They will often use this as an excuse, in fact, if busted for cheating. They will go on about their struggles and victimization in life and how this pushed them into cheating even though they didn’t really want to.
There’s actually some truth in this, but the sad thing is they’re only using it to get free reign to cheat again and deceive their partners further.
Still, it’s correct that most narcissists have very poor impulse control. After all they’re stuck in an infantile stage of development.
They see something they like and they simply go after it and wail to the sky if they don’t get it.
From food to sex partners to money, the narcissist tends to expect everything to come to them with no work and they go berserk when that doesn’t happen.
“Someone with a narcissistic personality lacks impulse control and a sense of responsibility. A braggadocio attitude may conceal a very wounded soul, along with an alcohol, drug, or gambling problem.
“Emotionally, these people are stuck at the narcissistic stage that children go through at about two years old.
“So, you’re dealing with an emotional two-year-old in a grown-up body.”
10) They try to buy you off with presents and gifts
The narcissist can turn on the charm with the flick of a switch and they usually don’t put much imagination into it.
They’ll show up with a box of chocolates or a nice note and some flowers. The typical stuff.
It’s all about proving that they made the gesture and that you shouldn’t blame them for cheating or something else going wrong in the relationship.
How can you still be mad at them?
Don’t you see they went to the county fair and won you a stuffed teddy?
It’s so adorable, and they’re so sorry they cheated. Like, for real.
11) They keep their relationships in a gray area
Narcissists like to “kind of” be in a relationship but also kind of not.
This allows them to run a roster of sex partners and go from one to the next once they are having issues or have worn out their welcome with one.
This always ensures there’s a warm port waiting and that they can tell their sob story to someone new.
The downside is that none of us wants to be a warm port who gets used by a manipulative person because of their own insecurity and entitled approach to life.
Those who fall in love with narcissists can tell you very well about the pain and tears those people put them through.
12) They always have an excuse and a justification if they get caught
Narcissists would prefer not to get caught when they cheat, but if they do then they always have an excuse and a justification.
Because they have poor impulse control, narcissists are sometimes easier to catch cheating than your average other cheater.
They don’t always take quite as much care as others to cover their tracks when they are caught up in the heat of the moment.
But if they are caught they will justify and complain to no end.
There was a reason they cheated, or they are struggling so much, or you haven’t been supporting them enough, or the other person seduced them and they feel so bad.
It’s an endless cycle of everybody being to blame except them.
Breaking down the barriers
Dating a narcissist can be like slowly going insane. You doubt your own experiences and begin to dismantle your own moral compass, convinced that something must be wrong with it.
Are you being too paranoid and controlling?
Is your partner the real victim? Are they cheating or just really busy at work?
The fact is that narcissists have a big paradigm shift and inner work that they have to do before they can really be a mature and trustworthy partner to someone in a relationship.
For this reason, it’s crucial not to beat yourself up if you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Know that there is nothing wrong with you, and that this is on them.
I also really recommend the folks over at Relationship Hero once again.
Those love coaches know what they’re doing, and they do it well.
If you’re in a toxic relationship with an unfaithful narcissist, having outside help from a love coach can truly be a lifesaver.
Relationship coaching - done online
Find a coach from Relationship Hero’s network of coaches and finally achieve your relationship goals. Take a quiz, get matched, and start getting support via phone or video sessions. Affordable pricing + discounts available.