“I want a relationship but I can’t find anyone” – 9 no bullsh*t tips if this is you

Do you find it hard to find someone to love?

Yes, that’s right. You meet people, you chat, but it just never goes anywhere.

Why is this? What’s going wrong?

That’s because relationships are difficult. You have to put in the time and effort to find someone you’re compatible with and with whom you share common interests.

But the truth is that it could be a number of things, from not being assertive enough to look for the wrong type of person.

But don’t worry! If you’re single and looking for love, here are 9 helpful tips on how to find it!

1) Be more assertive! (You’re not assertive enough)

Have you ever asked yourself how assertive you are when it comes to starting new relationships?

Maybe you’re too afraid to approach people you like, or you’re not confident enough in your own attractiveness.

If this is the case, then maybe you need to speak up and not be afraid to show who you are.

The truth is that one of the main reasons why people find it hard to find love is that they’re not assertive enough.

So what does it mean to be assertive?

It means having confidence in yourself and your abilities. You need to be able to tell someone you like them, or that you want a relationship with them. You need the confidence to take control of situations and not let them pass you by.

But hang on a second.

Why do you need assertiveness in your romantic relationships at all?

Well, that’s because if you’re not assertive, you’ll never know what’s out there for you if you don’t make the first move.

And also, you may find that if you change your approach in this way, people will easily flock towards you.

What does it mean?

You’ll be able to get a girlfriend or boyfriend more easily than before because they’ll see that something is different about your approach this time around.

They’ll know that they won’t have a chance unless they make it clear they’re interested in getting into a relationship with you!

So the next time you’re on a date, ask the person you’re without. If they say yes, great! If they say no, you’ll find that it’s much easier to approach someone else knowing that they didn’t want you.

2) Take risks! (You don’t take risks when starting relationships)

Let me tell you a secret.

When it comes down to it, relationships are all about taking risks. You can’t expect someone else to make all the moves if you don’t make any yourself.

If you don’t make the first move, how will you know that they’re interested in you?

You won’t. And if they aren’t interested, then it’ll be harder to approach someone else because you’ll feel like a failure. That simple.

But what happens when you make the first move?

Well, that’s when your relationship starts to get exciting! You’ll have a chance to find out who likes you and who doesn’t.

It’s also a chance for them to show their true colors and start to develop feelings for each other.

That’s exactly why you should take risks. Being a risk-taker is essential to have a great love life!

Do you see where we’re going with this?

You need to take risks! You need to make up your mind and just do it. If you don’t, then you’re never going to know who’s on the other side of the line.

And if they aren’t interested, then you’ll probably find someone else who is nice enough for you to get into a relationship with.

So what are you waiting for? Go out there and make the first move!

3) Decide what you want! (You’re looking for the wrong type of person)

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Did you know that the vast majority of people who get into relationships are looking for the wrong type of person?

They’re searching for an idealized version of their partner. They’re looking to find someone who will be the perfect mate, someone who is kind and caring, smart and funny, successful and attractive.

But this is a big mistake. There’s no such thing as an ‘ideal’ partner. The problem is that you’re projecting your own expectations onto him instead of letting him show you what he’s actually like.


Because there’s no point in starting a relationship with someone who’s not compatible with you.  You’ll just end up wasting your time and their time, and it won’t go anywhere.

  • Do you know what kind of person is right for you?
  • Do they have the same interests as you?
  • Do they have similar values and goals?
  • Do they come from similar backgrounds?
  • Do they share your sense of humor?
  • Are they interested in similar things that interest you?

A great way to figure this out is by asking yourself these questions every time.

But what’s even better is to start focusing on your inner self and build a better relationship with yourself.

I know this might sound confusing but that’s what I learned after watching this mind blowing free video from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. 

Rudá‘s teachings allowed me to realize that the best way to decide what I wanted is to focus on the relationship I have with myself.

You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing the internal first? 

That’s why I’m sure that this video will help you to look at yourself from a completely different perspective.

Check out the free video here.

4) Communicate clearly! (You’re not being clear in your communication)

Can I be totally honest with you?

A relationship is all about communicating with each other, and it’s vital that you communicate effectively.

Your ability to communicate effectively is one of the most important things in any relationship, and it will determine if your relationship will be strong or weak.

So what does it mean?

It means that if you can’t communicate effectively with your partner, then no matter how much love there may be between the two of you… the chances are slim that things will work out for the long term.

Yet many people are often unclear in their communication with their partners… even many years into a relationship! Why?

Because they’re too afraid to say what they really think and feel. They’re afraid that the feelings they have will be interpreted as criticism or jealousy.

This is a natural reaction, but it’s worth learning to overcome this.

So, remember: communication is important. It’s the foundation of any relationship and the way you communicate will determine whether a relationship is going to be successful or not.

Here are some signs that you’re not communicating well:

  • You think that one person should be responsible for all the communication.
  • You expect your partner to drop everything when you text them, but they don’t always do so, and it’s frustrating for you.
  • You might feel like someone who is interested in them will give up on them if they don’t respond immediately.
  • It’s important to remember that people make mistakes, and it’s okay to let them know about them! This can only be helpful for both of you!
  • You always feel like there are things that need to be said but never get around to saying them because you feel like he or she will think negatively about you if they do speak out.
  • You have no idea what they’re thinking, so it’s hard for you to know how to act.

Do these signs seem familiar to you/

If so, this is probably one of the main reasons why you have trouble finding love.

You might think that this is a problem that only you have, but it’s not.

This problem is very common and it affects many people. This is because human beings tend to be afraid to communicate with each other.

But you know what?

There’s nothing to be afraid of! Just try to be more clear in communication and you’ll see that this will be easier to solve.

The key to success in a relationship is communication!

5) Understand your desires! (You don’t know what you want)

Let me ask you a question.

Do you even know what you want in relationships?

Yes, this is a problem too!

It’s true that you know that you want to be in a relationship, yet you can’t find anyone to date. But do you know why you are looking for someone to date or do you just want someone to be with?

There’s a difference.

You don’t know what you want because you haven’t been honest with yourself about what you want.

It’s important to realize that everyone has different needs in a relationship and everyone has different desires. You have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself what kind of person you want to be in a relationship with.

For example, if you’re looking for someone who is less into relationships, then it would be best for you to find someone who is more into relationships than you are.

This means that if your partner doesn’t want to be in a relationship, then it would be best for him or her to find someone who does!

If your partner wants more from a relationship than you do, then it would be best for him or her to look for someone who wants the same things as him or her!

And what’s more, you might want a relationship but not know what kind of person you should be with.

Maybe it should be someone who shares your interests and hobbies, or maybe it’s someone who will just love you for who you are.

But how do you know if that’s what will make for a good relationship?

You don’t! And that’s why you have to figure out what will work for the both of you, and then go after it!

Try different things and see where they lead. It may take a while, but eventually, things will fall into place.

6) Flirt without boundaries! (You don’t know how to flirt properly)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, flirting is a very important part of a relationship, and it’s something many people fail at doing properly. They either come across as too creepy or too childish.

The key here is to get it just right!

First off, let me say that everyone has their own way of flirting.

And the right way of doing it is different for everyone.

There is no ‘right’ way to flirt, and there’s no ‘wrong’ way either!

So don’t worry about how you flirt, just do whatever you think will work for you.

And when you’re flirting with someone, make sure that your intentions are clear.

If you’re trying to get his or her attention, then be careful not to come across as a physical object. You want him or her to like you for who you are, not what you look like!

So, be yourself and show others that they can trust you!

What’s more, you should also make sure that you don’t sound desperate when asking if he or she wants to see each other again! You want him or her to know that this isn’t a game and that you’re interested in a real relationship.

If you do this, the person will know that you’re not playing games and will be more likely to want to get to know you better. They will likely become infatuated with you.

But how exactly can you make them feel completely infatuated with you?

Relationship expert Clayton Max explains that to get through a person you’re attracted to, you can’t just convince them to be with you. Instead, all you need to do is to appeal to their deep, primal instincts.

And the easiest way to do this is by sending a number of powerful texts, which you can get by watching this free video.

7) Learn more about relationships (You don’t understand how relationships work)

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You know that relationships are complicated, aren’t you?

Yes, that’s right, they can be amazing, but they can also be horrible. They can bring happiness or they can bring pain. They can make you happier than ever before or they can make you feel like your life is the worst thing ever!

It’s all up in the air when it comes to relationships.

But what’s even worse is that not everyone understands how relationships work! Even those who have had them before often forget how to go about them.

The fact of the matter is that relationships are hard, and that’s why you need to learn how to make them work for you!

So guess what?

Relationships don’t happen overnight. You’re not going to wake up one day and find that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

In fact, it can take a long time to get a relationship going, especially if you’re starting from scratch!

It can take a couple of months or even longer for someone to become your boyfriend or girlfriend, so don’t give up too soon. You’ve got this far so don’t let the small things get you down!

And also, one of the most important things about relationships is that you need to learn how to be calm and relaxed when it comes to them.

When you’re nervous about someone getting close to another person, it’s easy for jealousy to creep in and make you feel like they’re not good enough for the other person because they have something that you don’t.

But jealousy will only cause problems between the two of you, so try not to let it get to you.

8) Believe in yourself! (You don’t believe in yourself enough)

Let’s be honest. To what degree do you believe in yourself?

I bet that you don’t believe in yourself all that much, do you?

If you’re like most people, then I’m sure that you’ve had times in your life where you’ve believed in yourself more than others.

But I’m also sure that when it comes to other people, you don’t believe as much as they do.

Why am I saying this?

Well, if you’re not confident, then you’re never going to be able to get your dream relationship with anyone, no matter how hard you try.

And it’s not just your personality that’s causing this. It’s also about how much self-esteem you have.

If you don’t believe in yourself enough, then it will be impossible for someone else to believe in you too!

So the only thing that’s going to happen is that they’ll see through your facade and they’ll move on.

But if you start believing in yourself, then everything will fall into place! So if at all possible, start believing in yourself!

You see, when it comes to other people’s beliefs about themselves, they can be pretty hard to come by!  So if you want to get their attention and make them fall for you faster, then this is the one thing that you have to learn how to do.

You have to believe in yourself more than anyone else does!  And this is something that can be done! It’s not hard at all. It doesn’t require any special skills or knowledge. All that you need is a strong belief in yourself and your own abilities. Why?

Because if you don’t have self-confidence, then it’s really hard for your partner to believe in you as much as you believe in yourself.

And guess what? It’s the same with dating! If you don’t believe that you’re attractive enough to meet someone, then it’s going to be really hard for them to do so.

So if you want to get the person of your dreams and make sure that they’re happy with being with you, then it’s essential that you learn how to build up self-confidence and make yourself feel good about yourself!

9) Set realistic standards! (Your standards are too high)

What is it that you expect from relationships?

Now think about your last relationship for a moment.  What did you want out of it?  Was it a great relationship, or were you disappointed in how things turned out?

Do you know what I’m getting at? The reason why many people fail to get the relationships that they want is that they set unrealistic standards.

You see, when we have unrealistic expectations, it means that we are expecting someone to meet all of our needs. But this isn’t realistic at all!

For example, let’s say that you’re looking for someone who is really attractive and really good looking… But the person you’re dating isn’t attractive enough and they’re not very good-looking!

Then wouldn’t that be frustrating? And don’t worry… It will be frustrating! Because if he’s not attractive enough for you, then what are the chances of him being attractive enough for your future partner too?!

So the point is this: if you want to meet someone who is attractive enough for you, then you have to set realistic standards.

Don’t expect someone to be perfect! Expect them to be good enough, and that way you’ll magically find ways to find love and be in a relationship with a person you deserve.

In conclusion

After taking a look at these tips and signs we’ve discussed above, you should have a good idea of why you have trouble finding someone to date.

So is there anything to do to get rid of this frustrating situation?

Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.

You see, when you trigger someone’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. They feel better in themselves, and what’s better, they naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.

And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate people to love, commit, and protect.

So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.

Click here to watch his excellent free video.

Nato Lagidze

Nato Lagidze

Nato is a writer and a researcher with an academic background in psychology. She investigates self-compassion, emotional intelligence, psychological well-being, and the ways people make decisions. Writing about recent trends in the movie industry is her other hobby, alongside music, art, culture, and social influences. She dreams to create an uplifting documentary one day, inspired by her experiences with strangers.

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