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How to pull away to make him want you: 21 essential steps

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You’ve been trying to get your man to want you.

No, more like you want him to “want to” love you.

But, it’s proving more difficult than you thought.

What do you do? You pull away.

If you’re scratching your head wondering how this article contains the 21 essential steps every woman needs to know to get a man to want you by pulling away.

Here’s how.

1) Don’t be afraid to pull away

It sounds pretty elementary but being brave is the first step!

I know it’s difficult and it could very well backfire spectacularly, but, it’s worth giving it a try.

The reason you’re doing this is that he’s not giving you what you want and you’ve tried everything else so don’t be afraid to try something new.

If it does backfire, take comfort in the fact that it probably wasn’t meant to be.

However, if it works.

You will have him eating out of the palm of your hand.

2) Ghost him

Cold turkey! No contact, disappear like you’ve fallen off the face of the earth.

Why?

Well, sometimes no response is the best response.

When you ghost him you will leave him scratching his head wondering why.

When he knows that you’re out of his life, he’ll be too preoccupied with trying to get you back to notice anything else.

3) Get advice specific to your situation

While the steps in this article will help you to pull away and make him want you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like when a guy has commitment issues. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

4) Make him feel rejected

If a man feels rejected by his woman and she pulls away, he will feel rejected by her and may leave her.

He will feel rejected by her but he won’t be able to understand why she would pull away from him, so he’ll want to know what it is that she is rejecting.

5) Let him question your feelings for him

If a man feels as if his woman doesn’t love him, he will be afraid to approach her—and he may even leave her.

If a man feels as if his woman doesn’t love him, you can increase the odds of pulling away and making him want you by playing into this fear that she doesn’t love him.

For example, you can tell the man that you don’t love him.

6) Trigger his inner hero

Men are less complicated than you think.

All men want to feel like they’re “saving the day” and thus, are being lauded as a hero.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.

This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.

I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.

The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

He tells you everything you need to know about the hero instinct, including exactly how to trigger it in your man.

I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

So, when you trigger his inner-hero and pull away, be prepared for him to chase you like you stole his money!

7) Exploit his vulnerabilities

If a man feels as if his woman is pulling away from him, he will feel vulnerable. A man feels vulnerable when he feels as if his woman doesn’t love him, so he will want to know why.

And he will want to know why again and again until you tell him. If a man feels as if his woman doesn’t love him, you can increase the odds of pulling away and making him want you by playing into this vulnerability that she doesn’t love him.

For example, you can tell the man that you don’t love him.

8) Live your best life!

After you’ve pulled away from him you now comes the fun part.

Go out there and have a ball.

He needs to see that you’re living your best life and that he’s an optional extra`

need to go on social media and show him that you’re living your best life!

All those lunches, hikes, events, and parties that you’re attending, make sure that you make a big deal of them and plaster images of it all over your Instagram story.

You’re going to drive him crazy because he’s going to realize that you’re in demand and that your social life is busy and way more important than him (even if it’s not!)

9) Look your best

Once you’ve told him that you’re having doubts about him, be sure to make yourself look like a goddess.

You could take a few days to change your hair and apply some makeup. Or you could go for a full makeover and get some lip injections or fillers.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure that you look amazing and that he feels insecure about how he looks around you.

Not only will he lust after you, but you’ll also have him beating himself up for not treating such a hotty properly in the first place.

10) Harness your personal power

Pulling away from a man can make you feel powerful!

And who doesn’t like feeling like they’re pulling the strings!

So what can you do to release your inner power and get him to want you like never before?

Begin with yourself. Stop searching for external fixes to sort out your life, deep down, you know this isn’t working.

And that’s because until you look within and unleash your personal power, you’ll never find the satisfaction and fulfillment you’re searching for.

I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. His life mission is to help people restore balance to their lives and unlock their creativity and potential. He has an incredible approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist.

In his excellent free video, Rudá explains effective methods to achieve what you want in life and this includes getting your man to want you!

So if you want to build a better relationship with yourself, unlock your endless potential, and put passion at the heart of everything you do, start now by checking out his genuine advice.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

11) Disappear for a few days

Once you’ve pulled away from him, you need to make sure that he feels as if he’s losing you.

The best way to do this is by going on vacation for a few days with your friends or family.

It doesn’t have to be extravagant or outrageous, it just needs to be, well somewhere.

Take the time to look after yourself and clear your mind. The fresh air will do you the world of good.

12) Don’t answer his text and calls immediately

When you’re in the pulling away process, this step is important.

You don’t want him to know the world revolves around him so when he texts you, do not respond immediately.

Wait a few hours and respond then, but be sure to come off as if you don’t care.

This is going to leave him wondering what you’re up to and the “not knowing” is going to drive him bonkers.

If you don’t respond to his texts and calls, he’ll try to call you and text you more.

Don’t answer!

13) Tell him that you’re completely done with him

Yes, even if it’s not the truth.

Trust me.

Once you’ve pulled away from him, tell him that you’re completely done with him.

When he tries to come back into your life, tell him exactly why and how infuriating he is.

This is a very clear way of pulling away and it’s a pretty dangerous one if you don’t do it properly,

However, it works!

Why?

Remember, men want what they can’t have, and knowing you feel this way will drive him crazy.

He will do everything in his power to try to get into your good graces again

14) Make him feel insecure

Once you’ve pulled away from him and told him that you’re done with him, you need to make sure that he feels insecure.

But isn’t that mean?

Ok, it’s a little savage but there’s a method to the madness

When he feels insecure, he’ll want to know why. And he’ll want to know why again and again until you tell him.

How do I make him feel insecure?

  • Not responding immediately to his texts and calls.
  • Make sure that he has no idea what you’re up to without letting him know where you are.
  • Not telling him where you are at all times. If he asks, just say that you don’t want to talk about it or tell him where you are.

15) Make him feel like he has no power over you

Now that you’ve pued away from him, make sure that he feels like he has no power over you.

He needs to realize now that you don’t care about him and what the two of you had is gone forever.

Yes, you’re going to have to channel your inner Nicole Kidman.

When he’s thinking this way, he’ll start to believe that you are the best thing to ever happen to him and he’ll move heaven and earth to try to make you happy.

So when he knows he can no longer sweet-talk and control you, the ball is in your court.

Make it count!

16) Give him the silent treatment

If you live together, this one works like a bomb.

Give him the silent treatment for about a week.

Just like a mom would give her child time out, you’re doing the same thing but with your adult partner.

It’s important that he believes that he does things to upset you and make sure that he gives it a lot of thought before doing anything else.

Give him a lot of time and space for reflection and contemplation before warming up and speaking with him again.

This will help him come up with his own solutions or plans in order to improve things for both of you.

When he’s thinking about his next move, he’ll realize that you’re not a pushover or a doormat and he will need to reevaluate his relationship with you.

17) Make him feel guilty and responsible for your unhappiness

This is the hardest thing to do, but it will work best if you make him feel guilty and responsible for your unhappiness.

It’s important that he knows that there is something wrong with him or the two of you won’t be able to move on together.

It’s also important that you tell him exactly what it is.  Don’t leave any loose ends for him to follow up on or else he’ll never know what it is that really bothers you about the situation.

Don’t be vague or give him any hints as to what’s wrong.

You want him to think that he did something wrong and you can’t forgive him for it.  You also want him to feel like he can’t fix it.

18) Let him miss you

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. FACT!

Give him some time to miss and think about you.

Spend time with your loved ones and allow yourself some downtime.

When you are away from him, think about the things that make you happy, satisfy yourself without compromising on who or what you are as a person.

Also

Leave him wondering when you’ll be back.

Don’t tell him when you’re coming back. In fact, even if you need to drive around the block after work or go out for dinner with a friend, make him worry about you.

He needs time to miss you and think about the things he did wrong or the things he can do to make things better for the two of you in the future.

19) Do something nice for him

Kindness can be a killer!

When you’re pulling away from your man and suddenly do something incredibly nice for him, it’s going to leave him confused and feeling guilty.

This will make his brain think about how much he wants you back and will inspire him to do whatever it takes in order to try and win you back.

It’s important that you do this with no strings attached.

As difficult as it may seem!

If he tries to get something out of it, then you need to stop him and tell him that you’re not interested in anything except being friends.

This will leave him confused and incredibly intrigued!

20) Tell him that he needs to improve himself or else he’ll never get you back

This is a great way for him to realize that he needs to improve his behavior and attitude before you’ll ever consider getting back together because if he doesn’t, then there’s no way that you can ever be happy again with him.

Don’t be afraid to tell him that he’s a bad person and that you don’t like him anymore.

This will help him realize that he needs to improve his behavior and attitude before you’ll ever consider getting back together.

He needs to realize that you’re not the kind of girl who will just forgive and forget easily.

21) Make him jealous

Make him jealous.

Once again, use social media and do so by changing your profile pictures or posting pictures of you with other guys.

Nothing riles up a man more than the good old green-eyed monster. Even if it’s not the case, make it seem like there are loads of other guys that are interested in you.

This will make him realize that you can pick and choose and that he’s merely an option at this moment.

It will also make him sit back and take stock on what he needs to improve before you’ll ever consider getting back together.

Conclusion

This list is by no means all-inclusive.

There are many things that you can do to get him to chase you but if follow this list, then you will be well on your way to getting him exactly where you want him.

He’ll soon realize that he needs to change his stinking attitude or else!

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