How to get your ex-girlfriend back when she wants to be friends: 13 practical tips

You didn’t always see eye-to-eye and you fought a lot recently. You thought the break-up would be good for you.

A fresh start.

But you find yourself missing her like mad.

You realize that no other girl can measure up to her.

Even on a bad day, your life was 100 times better with her in it.

You agreed to remain friends but you realize that you want more.

To help you out, I’ve compiled a list of 13 practical tips to win her back.

Let’s jump right in:

1) Assess the break-up

First things first.

After a break-up, it’s important to assess the situation in your own mind.

Now, there may be things you could have done differently.

Either with your ex or perhaps on the whole relationship.

What if you had been more patient? What if you were more considerate of her feelings and needs?

You know what I mean…

  • Do you want to change something about yourself?
  • Do you feel like the break-up is temporary and that the two of you will get back together? If so what steps can you take to bring this about?

What can you do to create change?

Remember that there’s always room for improvement!

It’s important to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What could I have done differently?” and then learn from that experience.

Here’s an interesting fact:

Did you know that a lot of the time relationships fall apart because people fail to communicate?

In short, you need to assess the relationship and the break-up to get to the bottom of what went wrong.

You need to learn from your mistakes so that you don’t end up making them all over again.

2) Show that you’ve changed for the better

Ask yourself:

  • Do you have a vice that was part of the reason that you broke up? Did you drink too much, gamble, fight, or play video games all day long?
  • Do you have an attitude problem?
  • Did you take her for granted?
  • Did you cheat on her?
  • Was there something that you did that drove her crazy?

Now, you need to take a long hard look at yourself. Be honest.

If you want her to take you back, you have to show her that you’ve changed.

You need to:

Work on yourself. Try to be a better and happier person.

Think about what she would like to see you doing.

You can start by writing down 3 things that she would love to see in your life.

Then start working on making them happen.

In short:

You need to show her that if she was to take you back, this time around will be different.

You’re a better person now.

You’re now ready for a serious relationship.

Give it a try!

3) Give her some space

After a break-up, it’s not easy to get back into a relationship.

  • Do you still call her all the time?
  • Do you keep showing up at her house or place of work?

Let me give you some advice, if you want to regain her trust and make her think that you’ve changed, you have to give her some space so she can think things through.

It’s a good idea to put some distance between you and your ex.

Take a week off from communication with her. Give yourself some distance from each other.

Don’t try too hard to get back together right away.

And another thing:

You need to show her that you’re ok now that she’s gone from your life. Don’t pressure her.

She needs to get the chance to miss you, to think that you may move on. This will make her want you back again.

All in all, give it some time before you really get back together and start dating again if that’s what she wants.

Now you might be wondering what you should focus on while you’re giving her some space.

Well, you should work on yourself! And for this, the best way is to speak to a professional relationship coach to determine things you need to work on in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

Relationship Hero is a website where certified relationship coaches can help you determine ways to build a healthy relationship with your partner.

The thing that I liked the most about the coach I spoke to was that they provided personalized advice based on my specific situation and considering my personality.

If this sounds like something appealing, here’s how you can find them:

Click here to check them out.

4) Work on the friendship

Before rushing back into a romantic relationship, it may be a good idea to work on your friendship.

Remember when you were friends?

Remember how good that felt?

What can you do?

  • Text her from time to time, but don’t write anything mushy.
  • Call her when she’s sick or has a bad day and ask her how she is – be there for her.
  • Let her vent about problems at work or school without saying “I told you so”.
  • Send funny pictures of animals or babies that you find on the Internet to make her smile.
  • Try to meet up for lunch or coffee once in a while and engage in conversation without depressing topics such as where did we go wrong? Etc…
  • Ask about mutual friends.
  • Compliment her on her style, “Wow, those shoes are so cute”.

Just stay positive and let things flow naturally – it’ll happen soon enough!

Basically, be friends with your ex, let her see how fun it is to just hang out with you. No pressure.

5) Focus on your other relationships

Remember that you have friends and family who care about you greatly.

Maybe you’ve been obsessing about your break-up and have neglected your other relationships.

This is not a good thing to do!

  • Make a list of your friends and family members in a journal.
  • Write down why you love them.
  • Think about how they’ve been there for you in the past. How can you make them proud?
  • Call them up, Skype with them, or send a text or an email and ask how they are.
  • Set time aside to hang out with your friends and family.
  • Take the time to get to know them again on a deeper level.

Now that you’re not with your ex anymore, it’s important that other people around you see how much they mean to you.

Here’s the thing:

If they love and care about you, they may just encourage your ex to give you another chance!

Take this opportunity to become closer with the people who are part of your life.

They are wonderful people who probably care about you a lot and have been worried about you!

6) Look after yourself

Break-ups can be devastating. We often get so worked up about where it all went wrong and how we can get back together, that we forget to take care of ourselves.

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We forget to eat healthily, to exercise, to get enough sleep. Etc…

Here’s what to do:

  • Stop with the junk food and the TV dinners. Don’t pig out on cupcakes and ice cream every day.

Instead, make yourself a healthy soup or salad. Embrace those greens!

  • Start working out. Join a gym, go jogging in the park, ride your bike, or do yoga. Whatever it takes to get you moving.

Exercise will not only help you get fit, but will get your endorphins flowing which will make you feel good and less stressed.

You’ll be looking good and feeling good.

  • Remember to get 8 hours of sleep each night. Sleep is essential for both your physical and mental well-being.

A good night’s sleep will make you much more perky and open to creating new relationships.

If you’re finding it difficult to fall asleep, try yoga poses or meditating.

Try using essential oils such as lavender oil to help you relax and unwind before bedtime.

Remember to take care of yourself.

Getting back with your ex may be important, but it’s even more important to look after yourself.

What’s more, if you neglect yourself, you won’t exactly look like a prize to your ex.

7) Ask yourself if this is what you really want

You’ve been obsessing about getting your ex back for a few weeks now.

But is this really what you want?

Are you sure that’s what you need to make you happy?

Because if it is, then there isn’t a problem. But if you’re not quite sure, then just give it some time and things will happen naturally.

Let the dust settle and then decide whether or not to contact your ex. NOT when you’re feeling hurt or frustrated, but when you’re feeling at peace with the situation.

Remember that dating other people may help put things into perspective and make both of you realize what you had was amazing after all and just right for the time being.

8) Don’t appear desperate

The truth is that no one likes someone who is desperate. It’s unattractive and off putting.

After a break-up, I know we all want to be with our ex.

But you have to fight the urge to be overly available and hopeful all the time!

  • Don’t beg for her to come back
  • Don’t bombard her with texts and voice messages about how much you miss her.

This is all going to seem really needy and desperate, trust me, I learned this the hard way!

You’ll only end up looking pathetic or making yourself look bad!

What’s more, most people would rather be alone than with someone who appears desperate because they don’t want to feel like they owe the other person something.

They know this person will never be satisfied because they are seeking an emotional attachment from them.

This not only makes her less likely to want to be with you again – it makes her feel upset and confused.

The last thing she needs is for you to be around all the time. She needs time and space after a break-up.

And the bottom line?

If you’re always available and in her face, she’ll feel smothered. She’ll see you as desperate and clingy and that’s not a good look for anybody!

This not only makes her less likely to want to be with you again – it makes her feel upset and confused.

So stop being clingy, don’t contact your ex on a daily basis. Give her some space and she’ll show up eventually.

9) Start dating again

Ok, I know that you want HER back and that you don’t want to date other women but hear me out.

After a break-up, I know the thought of dating someone new seems unnatural.

But, you see:

You need to start dating again for two reasons.

1) To see what’s out there.

Your relationship didn’t work out the first time around and if you want to get back together, first you have to be sure that there isn’t someone else that’s better for you.

2) You want her to think that you’re moving on.

The heart wants what the heart can’t have.

It’s a cliche but it’s true.

Once she sees you with other women, she’ll realize that you’re not pining after her and that you’re actually moving on with your life.

And that may just make her want you back!

By demonstrating to her that you’re no longer interested and putting your ex in the past, she will be much more inclined to contact you.

So go out and have some fun with other women but remember: if you really do want your ex back, don’t get too attached.

10) Say sorry and mean it

An important part of mending a relationship is saying sorry.

If you did something to hurt her, say sorry.

Here’s something you should know:

It is not a statement of weakness to say sorry.

On the contrary, it shows that you are strong enough to admit if you have done something wrong and that you care about the other person.

I know it’s not easy to apologize, but it’s worth doing as we face rejection all the time in our lives. And it feels good too!

Actually, apologizing is one of the best ways of showing love in a relationship – before you break up or after. It shows that you care and want to mend things.

Now, maybe you’ll apologize and it won’t be enough. Maybe there’s more to why the relationship didn’t work out.

It’s still good to let her know that you’re sorry, it will be like a weight has been lifted, and it will allow you to remain friends with no hard feelings.

At the same time, maybe an apology will do the trick. If she sees that you’re sincere, she may just reconsider taking you back.

Don’t ignore the fact that your relationship didn’t work out and simply pretend it never happened. That’s childish!

Be mature about it and admit to your mistakes, apologize for any wrongdoing, and show her that you are ready to start afresh.

11) Do something nice for her

If you want to get back together with your ex, show her how much she means to you.

Now, a nice gesture will show her that you know she means a lot to you and that you have a good memory.

Don’t be cheap about it. If you know her, take the time and effort to put in some thought into making it really special and meaningful for her!

And if you don’t know what kind of gift she would like, think about her likes and dislikes or her personality.

Is she sporty? Funny? Creative? Romantic?

Whatever it is, an unexpected but well-thought-out gift will be remembered long after the break-up.

12) Be the person that she fell in love with

Remember why your ex fell in love with you in the first place.

And then be that person again!

If you’ve changed over time because of the stress of life and work, try and find that fun and carefree guy that she fell for.

That guy that she remembers back when things weren’t so complicated.

You know the one I mean?

The one who would take the time to have fun, make her laugh and play games!

Ok, so you might have changed on the surface but you are still the same guy deep down.

It may not be easy but it’s worth it!

Just start by having fun with your friends and living life again!

Be the guy she first fell in love with – then see if her feelings are still there!

13) Remind her of the good old days

If you want your ex to want you back, remind her of the good old days.

When you meet up for coffee or lunch, casually bring up happy anecdotes from your life together.

Remind her of some of your first memories together.

Tell her how much she made you laugh and how much fun you had together.

After all, no matter how rocky things got, there were good times!

You can also try sending her some nice old photos with messages like, “That was the time we went to…” or “Remember when we did that?”

In short:

Thoughts and memories will always be there long after the break-up.

And they’re often what drive people to get back together, so it can’t hurt to remind her of the good times.

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Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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