Forget about your feelings. True love is a deliberate choice

We all get caught up in our ideas of love.

Between the rush of meeting someone new and the excitement of what’s to come – we end up distracted from what love really means.

In reality, most of what we know about love is wrong.

We believe that love is something that happens to us, that it is a state of being. We think it’s a feeling that has to be there constantly, and when the feeling is gone, so is love.

But here’s the truth – that’s bullshi*t.

Forget about your feelings. True love is a deliberate choice.

At the end of the day, it’s not about the romantic way you meet someone. It’s not even remotely about your compatibility, grand gestures, or professions of adoration.

In the end, only one thing can sustain love.

It’s choice. 

You choose to love someone, no matter what. It’s a decision you make. Every second, you must give an internal effort to nurture love.

And this is the one thing that gets us in trouble.

We have to get rid of the notion that love is something that happens to us. It’s something we make happen.

It’s doing. Love is a commitment, an action, a choice.

When things get rough, you choose to stay. When the other person is unlovable, you choose to love them anyway.

You might think, “well that’s unromantic.”

But you’re wrong.

The most beautiful thing about love is knowing you are chosen by the person you chose.

Real love – mature, healthy, and enduring love is something you can have if you choose it.

The truth is – love can be painful. It requires sacrifice. And it won’t always be easy. But it is the most beautiful thing you can have when it’s reciprocated.

And the happiest and most successful couples, the ones who have been together for a long time, all have one thing in common.

They have the unconditional commitment to continue choosing and loving someone even if they’re imperfect. 

Because when the honeymoon stage is over, you’ll see this person for who they truly are – the good, the bad, the ugly. You will see flaws. Their demons will become your own. Their burden will be shared with you.

And the butterflies? They’ll disappear.

But what you’ll end up having is something so profound. You’ll have a home in this person, a place you can be yourself in, somewhere you can rest without being judged, a place where you are welcome.

What you will have is someone who truly sees you. And the best part?

You’ll have the joy and security of having someone who plans to keep loving you.

In relationships, there is nothing more meaningful than being a team, working towards something, and having each other’s back every step of the way.

You don’t choose who you are attracted to, but you can choose who you stay in love with.

Of course, this much is still true. You don’t choose who you are attracted to.

You can’t fake attraction. And before you can love someone, you first need to feel attracted to them.

Our culture puts a heavy emphasis on feelings. And that doesn’t only include love.

We are told to do whatever makes us happy and to follow our feelings.

But here’s the thing – feelings are a fickle thing. It’s fleeting.

How you feel today may not be the same way you feel tomorrow.

But real love, it’s constant. It’s something so real you can almost feel it in your fingers. It’s that tangible.

And when life proves too much or too unbearable, it’s love that gives us the strength to continue. Not feelings.

When life throws us spontaneity or surprises, it’s in love that we find much-needed stability.

Life is crazy and surprising. We face rejection, disappointment, heartbreak, and fall backs on a daily basis. To be honest, if there’s one thing constant in life, it’s our hardships.

So you can’t just abandon something when it gets hard. Especially love. Just because things get tough, doesn’t mean what you have is already worthless.

If this person makes you happy and makes your life more meaningful, then you can wither any storm that life throws at you.

Real love is about staying together and facing every challenge with the support of one another. It’s one of the key signs of emotional stability.

Love isn’t a feeling. It’s not a state of euphoria. It’s hard work. But it is rewarding.

Love will ask so much from you. Real love will ask you to sometimes go against what you believe in. It will ask you to try to understand, even when you don’t want to. You will have to do things that can be hard or confusing. It requires constant compromise.

Love will require you to work your hardest. It’s not easy.

But it is the most rewarding thing to have to work on.

So if you love someone, remember this.

Feelings can come and go. But real love? It stays.


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Genefe Navilon

Genefe Navilon

Genefe Navilon is a writer, poet, and blogger. She graduated with a degree in Mass Communications at the University of San Jose Recoletos. Her poetry blog, Letters To The Sea, currently has 18,000 followers. Her work has been published in different websites and poetry book anthologies. She divides her time between traveling, writing, and working on her debut poetry book.

Notable replies

  1. I’ve been thinking about this article lately because it captures something very important.

    What matters more than thoughts and words are actions. That’s what communicates how you feel more than anything.

    When we focus on love as a “feeling”, we become a little too introspective. Rather, love is about the actions we take.

    I wrote this article on why actions matter way more than intentions:

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