19 definite signs he loves you (and 10 signs he doesn’t)

Can’t stop wondering whether your man really loves you?

Well, stop thinking and start reading.

Below, I’ve gone through the complete list of 19 signs he loves you (and 11 signs he doesn’t).

It’s pretty cut and dry if you ask me, but have a look for yourself. You’ll probably be kicking yourself for not realizing it sooner.

Check them out:

1) He’ll do anything for you

It doesn’t matter what it is, if you’re in need of something, he’ll be there to give it to you.

If you’re feeling a little down and need someone to cheer you up, he’ll be right there telling you stupid and goofy jokes to get you smiling.

When you really have feelings for someone, you love to make them laugh and enjoy life.

Even if he’s not as funny as Jim Carrey, he’ll make a noticeable effort to get you laughing and find the humorous side of things. This is especially true when you’re down or he can sense you’re not quite feeling up to par.

Maybe you’re stressing over a job interview or feeling depressed about your body image. Whether it’s a thoughtful gift, a listening ear or heartfelt advice and encouragement.

You’ll be able to tell that he’s not just doing or saying what you want to hear.

He really means it and wants the best for you in this situation and always.

A guy who cares about you more than just a bit is not going to fade out or ditch you when times get tough.

Like anyone he has his own issues, but if he loves you he’s going to be there for you the best that he can and explain to you if he can’t for any reason.

If he lets you down he’s going to apologize and make it better next time.

Because he really cares about you.

If he’ll do anything for you when you need it, there’s a good chance that he might love you. A man that’s in love always wants to help out the girl and be the hero. When it comes to signs he loves you this is a big one.

Tiffany Toombs, Relationship Expert, and Director at Blue Lotus Mind, told Bustle that “we learn most about a person when they are placed in stressful situations.”

So if they’re reacting to the challenges you’re experiencing by helping you out, there’s a good chance he genuinely loves you.

2) He protects you

Is your safety and wellbeing his number 1 priority? Does he make an effort to protect you against things that can harm you—from the little things in life to the big threats?

When a guy falls in love, it’s often because you have triggered something deep inside him. Something he desperately needs.

What is it?

To fall in love, a guy needs to feel like he’s your protector. And that you genuinely respect him for doing this.

In other words, he needs to feel like your ‘hero’. Because when a man loves you he wants to be the one guy you can count on.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.

I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.

The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in this life. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

Although you may not need a hero, a man is compelled to be one. And if you want him to fall in love with you, then you have to let him.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say, messages you can send, requests you can use to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, watch James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

He tells you everything you need to know about the hero instinct, including how to trigger it in your man.

I don’t often recommend videos but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts in relationship psychology I’ve come across. And James Bauer is the real deal when it comes to relationship advice.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

3) He’s more distant than usual

This may seem like a strange one, but hear me out.

When a guy is in love, it can leave him feeling confused and unsure of what to do with his emotions. He may have liked someone before, sure, but now he’s swept up in something that’s more intense and all-consuming and he’s wondering exactly what to do about it and with it.

He doesn’t want to blow it because now that he’s met you he’s feeling things he might not have even known were possible.

So in order not to feel uncomfortable, he might start avoiding you. When family and friends ask about him you might wonder what to say and be worried in the back of your mind: why hasn’t he called in two days?

But sometimes when you really love someone you need to look deeper than their surface behavior to understand what’s going on: is he ghosting you or is he just feeling overwhelmed by his own feelings?

In fact, some women say that they thought their guy was going to break up with them when they actually popped the question!

A reason for this could be that a lot of men may have a fear of intimacy, so the feelings of love are intimidating them a little. If a man loves someone it can freak him out a little bit sometimes.

According to Seth Myers in Psychology Today, one study found that “men scored higher on a fear-of-intimacy scale.”

So don’t worry if he’s appearing more distant than usual, he might just be experiencing deep emotions that he’s unsure of how to handle.

Give him time and he’ll start to feel more comfortable with his emotions.

4) He wants to grow and evolve in life with you

In the free masterclass on finding love and intimacy, the shaman Rudá Iandê says that the sign of a healthy relationship is that the two partners want to grow and evolve in life together.

Ask yourself this:

Does he want to create a genuine and lasting partnership with you? Does he share his life’s challenges so you can help him overcome them?

Is he wanting to help you get through your own challenges? Make sure you are honest about the answers to these questions.

There are many signs he loves you, but this is one of the most important.

Life is a process of continual change and growth, and if your partner isn’t willing to come along for the ride then it’s going to get rocky.

Even if you started out with the love story of your dreams it can quickly go off track.

If he isn’t wanting to evolve and grow with you and doesn’t respect or value the transitions and developments that are happening in your life then you can end up lonely and disappointed.

Rudá Iandê’s free masterclass on finding true love and intimacy is full of excellent insights and valuable new approaches to understanding whether your guy is the guy for you and whether the path you are going down is one you should continue on or not.

5) He is always looking for your advice

Is your man seeking your opinion, whether it’s work stuff or social life matters? Whatever it is, if he’s looking for your advice, it means he respects you, admires you and cares what you think.

He’s not just asking your advice to be nice either: you can tell it’s because your judgment of a situation, person or event matters to him.

Why?

Simple: because you matter to him. It’s natural that we want to know the thoughts and feelings of someone we care about and hold in high esteem.

They often say that one of the most important aspects of love is respect, and if he’s asking for your advice, then clearly he respects what you’re going to say.

A man who truly loves you cares about what you say and respects your perspective even when he doesn’t agree.

“Love brings bliss to both types of relationships, but only if tempered by respect.” – Peter Gray Ph.D. in Psychology Today

6) He’s talking about the future with you in it

If he’s talking about his future plans and it’s clear that you’re apart of it, then that’s a great a sign that he is committed to a future with you.

Let’s be honest, guys aren’t exactly the best at making concrete plans for the future, so if he sees you two together in 6 months, a year or 10 years, it’s clear that he’s happy in the relationship …

… and he wants you to be part of his life for a very long time.

It’s easy to become somewhat intimidated if he starts doing this too early, but if you’re falling for a guy and wonder whether he really feels the same watch out for this happening.

If he acts uncomfortable and shies away from questions about the future or his plans down the road it’s not a good sign, but if he opens up and gets a gleam in his eye talking about a future with you in it then you know you’re in his future plans.

Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College says that when partners ask each other questions about the future, it shows “a certain level of intimacy”.

7) He feels essential to you

Men have a built in desire for something that goes beyond love or sex.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel essential to the woman in his life. Feeling essential is what often separates “like” from “love”.

This biological drive compels men to provide for and protect women. He wants to step up for her, feel essential, and be appreciated for his efforts.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I mentioned this concept above.

Watch his excellent free video here. He explains exactly what the hero instinct is and how understanding can rocket your relationship to the next level.

James argues that men are not especially complicated; we’re just driven by primal instincts when it comes to women.

We all know that instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior. James Bauer simply takes this a step further and applies it to the romantic behavior of men.

I don’t often pay much attention to new fads in psychology. However, I think the hero instinct is a compelling explanation for what drives men romantically.

No one is saying that women need a hero to take care of them. Today women can change a tire, open their own jars, and generally fend for themselves in life.

While women may not need a hero, this doesn’t mean men still don’t want to feel like one.

That’s why it’s essential that women understand what the hero instinct is all about and how they can use it to their advantage.

Here’s is a link to James Bauer’s free video again.

Some ideas can be life changing. And for relationships, I think the hero instinct is one of them.

8) He won’t forget the little things

If you tell him that you’re having after work drinks with some colleagues, he’ll remember and ask you how it was when you get home.

If you mention that you need a new toothbrush, he’ll pick one up when he’s at the store.

If he’s in love, he knows that his responsibility is to look after you and he’s not going to bail from that. And if he’s in love, he’s always consuming the information about your life that you’re giving him.

After all, you’re his number one priority.

What do people do when they care about someone or something a lot? Ask a baseball fanatic who knows the statistics from the last three seasons for every one of his players. That’s right: we remember the details.

In fact, when you’re in love, it’s hard to focus on anything else. Research from Loyola University suggests that people who are in love have lower levels of serotonin, which could be a sign of obsession.

“This may explain why we concentrate on little other than our partner during the early stages of a relationship,” said obstetrician-gynecologist Mary Lynn, DO, in a news release.

9) He’s always physically close to you

If a guy is in love, they’ll always find excuses to cuddle you and be as close as possible to you.

If you’re eating dinner at a restaurant, he’ll sit next to you so he can touch you. If you’re at a party, he’ll be by your side all night.

He feels great when he’s around you and he wants to protect you physically as much as he possibly can.

It’s just his way of saying I love you, without you know, actually saying it.

In fact, a great way to see if he’s really into you is to look where his feet are pointed. Want to see signs he loves you? His feet might literally be pointing out the answer to you.

Judy Dutton author of How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover, discussed body language with Marie Claire and explained that:

“Feet typically point in the direction they want to go, so if someone’s feet are pointed toward you, that’s good. If they’re pointed away from you, that’s bad,” Dutton explained.

“If someone’s feet are pointed in toward each other, that ‘pigeon toes’ stance is actually a good sign, since it’s a subconscious attempt to shrink in size and appear harmless, approachable … which may very well mean someone likes you, a lot.”

10) He friends already know everything about you

Surprised at how much his friends know about your life? Don’t be. If a man is in love, he’ll talk about the girl he is into you to his friends and family. What her personality is like, what she does for work, why she’s so sexy…a guy just can’t help it.

So if he’s not great at expressing his feelings, but his friends and family know everything you, know that he truly cares for you and he might be in love with you.

After all, when someone is in love, they can’t stop thinking about that person, so it’s likely they’ll talk about them to their friends.

It can be a pleasant surprise to have it confirmed that you’re not just someone he spends time with and is intimate with one-on-one, you’re also someone he’s proud of and talks about to his friends.

He does this because your connection means so much to him.

In the book “The Anatomy of Love,” by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, she says that “thoughts of the ‘love object’ begin to invade your mind. … You wonder what your beloved would think of the book you are reading, the movie you just saw, or the problem you are facing at the office.”

11) He’s always showing up where you are

If you mentioned that you love the beach on the weekend, and suddenly he is showing up at the beach, there’s a good chance that he’s got the feels for you.

If you told him you’re going to a cafe and he rocks up 5 minutes later, then he is probably in love with you.

Obviously this can be creepy if he’s a stalker and you’re not interested.

But if your heart is beating for this guy and you melt every time you see him then chances are he’s feeling something very similar if he also keeps popping up around you.

Helen Fisher says that a key sign you’re falling in love is when the person you’re falling for has begun to take on “special meaning.”

This means that if he says “yes!” within a second anytime you invite him to anything, congratulations, he is probably in love with you.

12) How is he looking at you?

One of the best ways to tell whether a guy likes you or not is to look at his eyes. Are his eyes “glowing” when he looks at you? Is he always looking directly into your eyes without flinching?

If he can’t stop staring at you, it means that his undivided attention is on you.

When he gazes deep into your eyes it’s because he’s feeling attraction and something about you that holds his attention and focus more than just momentarily.

This often means there is something more than just physical attraction, too.

In fact, according to The Independent, some studies have found that couples who repeatedly lock eyes with each other have a strong romantic connection than those who don’t.

Another way to tell if he loves you is to see if his eyes are dilated.

Body language expert Patti Wood told Cosmopolitan, “Dilation is a brain response that occurs when you like and are attracted to something,”

So if he can’t keep his eyes off you, there’s a good chance that he’s falling in love and it’s one of the key signs he loves you.

13) He just wants you to be happy

We’ve all heard the saying that in the strongest relationships, two becomes one. And when this happens, your partner’s happiness becomes just as important as your own.

In fact, research has suggested that “compassionate love” can be one of the biggest signs of a healthy relationship. Compassionate love refers to love that “centers on the good of the other.”

“I just want the best for you,” might be a movie cliche, but it can also be a sentence that’s full of deep love.

Plans don’t always align perfectly and there’s guaranteed to be some stressful days, but if this man is making it clear that he wants you to be happy above all then it is a clear demonstration that you are more than just a short-term fling.

So if you find your man is going out of his way to keep you dry when you’re walking in the rain or he is making you breakfast on one of your busiest days, it’s a sign that he has got it bad for you.

14) He seems a little more stressed than usual

While we associate love with all those great emotions and feelings, the emotion of love can also release stress in the brain.

Of course this doesn’t mean he can just act like a jerk, but it does mean you might notice him tapping his fingers oddly or scratching the back of his head a lot in a nervous way.

He could also just have dandruff, but that’s an entirely separate issue.

It sounds weird, but if you’ve found that he is a little more annoyed and stressed than usual, it might be that cortisol is getting released in his brain because of love.

Love is a lot of fun, but it’s also pretty intense!

This stressed and nervous behavior is generally in the initial stages of falling in love. A small study published in 2004 found an increase in levels of cortisol, a hormone associated with stress, in new couples.

15) He is constantly trying new things that you like to do

Everyone wants to impress the person they love, so if you find that he’s constantly trying new things that you like to do, then there’s a good chance he’s been bitten by the love bug.

In fact, a study suggested that people who claimed that they were in love had varied interests and personality traits after those relationships.

So if he is going salsa dancing with you when it’s something that he’s never done before, he’s probably in love with you or at least on his way there.

Most women don’t want a guy who falls all over them at every opportunity, but his willingness to try new things and share in what you enjoy most is a great sign.

Maybe he even tried a new food that he hasn’t before which you recommended. You can tell he didn’t love it, but it turned into a good joke instead of something awkward.

That sour face he made when he swallowed instead of asking the waiter to return the food?

That’s the face of love.

16) He is farting in front of you

As gross as it sounds, couples that are comfortable farting in front of each other are more likely to have a successful relationship. If you tell this to family and friends they would probably think you’re out of your mind but it’s actually true.

When you’re comfortable enough to do gross things in front of each other, it’s actually a good sign.

You might feel disgusted, but that’s what love sounds and smells like sometimes.

At least, some data says so. And facts are facts, right?

According to a 2016 survey by Mic, being comfortable enough to fart in front of each other is a key transition from liking someone to being in love with that person. So that disgusting fart he just did could actually be one of the important signs he loves you.

17) He’s feeling more anxious or nervous around you

Yep, falling in love can cause you to get the jitters! While it’s certainly true that love can make you feel great in the early stages of love, but according to Thought Co, they can also make you feel anxious and obsessive.

This is why he might appear like he is a little more nervous or anxious than usual. Pay attention to his behavior. Is he acting like he’s a giddy schoolboy at his first middle school dance? It could actually be a good thing.

This one is related to stress and sometimes it can manifest in him stuttering or even being at a loss for words when you act a question or acting strange when you invite him out.

However, this usually occurs at the beginning of the relationship and should dissipate as he becomes more comfortable.

18) He loves everything about you…even the weird things

We all have our quirks and once you truly get to know someone, those weird little traits start to come out. Have you always wondered about his bizarre email address or why he loves reptiles so much?

He’s probably wondering about some unique things about you, too.

And when you truly love someone, you start to get attracted to those weird trait that makes them, them. You want to know more, even if it’s a little bit strange.

According to Live Science, when you’re in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique. This belief is also coupled with an inability to feel a romantic passion for anyone else.

It’s like an “all rights reserved” stamp that goes on your heart and feelings when you fall in love with someone.

So if he loves the weird things about you…perhaps even things you consider liabilities for yourself, then it’s a strong indication that he is in awe of your uniqueness.

19) He can’t stop complimenting you

Compliments by itself don’t mean much. Any guy can give a compliment in order to get a girl in the sack…but usually, those compliments are generic and without meaning.

But if he truly loves you, he’ll probably be complimenting you on subtle things that you may not even be aware of.

It could be unique tidbits about your personality, or he’ll notice a little change in your hairstyle.

Jonathan Bennett, a Dating/Relationship Coach, told Bustle, “If your partner possesses the ability to brighten your mood with a few words of praise when you need it most, it’s a great sign that he or she understands what makes you tick and appreciates your authentic self. This person is a definite keeper!”

Let’s be honest, guys aren’t great at giving compliments, so if he is complimenting you constantly without even really knowing that he’s doing it, that’s a great sign that he loves you.

On the other hand, 11 signs he doesn’t love you

1) The relationship doesn’t give him a sense of purpose

Men need to live meaningful lives and to dedicate themselves to the people we care about.

I know this because I’ve recently created an online course on taking responsibility for our lives. What I teach is the importance of having a sense of purpose and taking action every day towards it.

And I think that the realization that men need a sense of purpose can be incredibly powerful for women.

Because if your relationships doesn’t give him purpose and meaning, then this is a clear sign he doesn’t love you.

The good news is that there is an easy way to give him what he needs. More on that below.

But first, conventional wisdom says that men only fall for exceptional women — maybe she has an incredible personality or is a firecracker in bed. That we love someone for who they are.

However, I think this way of thinking is dead wrong.

Men care less about the attributes of a woman than they do about how the relationship makes him feel about himself.

Ask yourself these questions:

Does the relationship provide him a sense of pride and purpose? Does it fit within his identity… the way he wants to see himself as a man?

That’s what the hero instinct is all about. I’ve touched upon this concept above.

Men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel essential, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

The hero instinct speaks to the built in desire men posses for something in life that goes beyond sex and even love.

For a relationship to be successful, it must give men a sense of meaning and purpose. That you genuinely want and need to have him around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

How do you trigger the instinct in your man? And give him the sense of purpose he craves?

The best place to start is to watch this free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer. You can watch it here.

James reveals the exact phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to trigger his hero instinct.

By triggering this instinct, he’ll immediately see you in a whole new light. Because you’ll be unlocking a version of himself he’s always longed for.

Here’s a link to the video again.

2) He can’t be trusted

According to Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “Trust is one of the keystones of any relationship—without it two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship lacks stability.”

Without trust, love can’t flourish. Without trust, a relationship can’t grow.

If you can’t help but think that he’s betraying you or cheating on you, it might be that your intuition is right, and he might not love you.

Sometimes, however, it’s even smaller things.

Maybe he told you he deleted the dating app on his phone but you notice it’s still there.

Or maybe he lied about how close his friendship is with his ex-girlfriend.

It might not mean he’s cheating but it’s not a great sign for open and honest communication down the road. Keep an eye out for warning signs.

Remember, trust and respect is one of the most important aspects of any healthy relationship, and if he can’t be trusted, then there isn’t much chance for the relationship in the future.

3) He makes you feel like sh*t

Is he constantly putting you down? Does he not care about your opinions? Does he think he’s better than you?

These are signs that he doesn’t respect who you are as a person, and most likely, these disparaging comments will take a huge hit to your self-esteem.

This isn’t always completely in-your-face, either.

Sometimes it can just be little sarcastic comments he makes, or him turning away when you tell a joke. If he’s being passive-aggressive and unappreciative of who you are then you need to take a step back.

Sensitive people can often blame themselves and wonder what they’re doing wrong, but chances are that you’re not to blame for his weird reactions and little digs at you.

Most people want to be a relationship because it makes them feel better.

Researcher Dr. John Gottman studied numerous couples and found that couple who stayed together typically had 20 positive interactions for every one negative interaction; couples who split up had 5 positive interactions for every one negative interaction.

This points to an important truth about relationships: They’re supposed to make us happier. If you want to know if he is really into you or not then pay attention to how he makes you feel.

If it’s true love, you’ll both give and receive evenly and make each other feel special. If you’re feeling the opposite from his words and actions, then he likely doesn’t love you.

4) You’re just not his priority

Does he get annoyed if he has to do something for you? Does he never go out of his way to help you out?

If you answer yes to these questions, then you just might not be at the forefront of his mind.

In other words, he’s only in the relationship because it’s “convenient” for him. If you’re looking for signs he loves you this is  — unfortunately  — a sign that he probably doesn’t.

Does he forget plans you made or send you a two line email for your birthday that you can tell took him about 10 seconds to do in between beers with his buddies? Not a great sign. At all.

Sure, maybe he’s just a lazy bum. But maybe (and this one’s more likely) he’s just not that into you.

A man that’s truly in love will make you his priority and will go out of his way to help you.

Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, a couples therapist, told INSIDER that whether they make you a priority lets you know that they value your connection.

5) He doesn’t care what you have to say

Dating expert Justin Lavelle told Bustle that “listening to your partner when [they’re] speaking is one of the most essential shows of respect within a relationship.”

Does this guy do the smile and nod thing? Is he bobbing his head like a marionette and being condescending with “yeah, for sure” and similarly vague comments when you ask him a question or say anything?

if he’s tuning out and treating you like a nobody then he’s not in love with you.

A guy who cares about you deeply will hang on your words.

He will care about what you have to say.

If he struggles to listen to you and doesn’t even consider your opinions about anything, then that’s a surefire sign that he doesn’t respect you.

As we’ve said above, without respect a relationship can’t grow. And without respect, love is almost non-existent.

6) He refuses to stick to any plans about the future

A man that loves you will commit to a future with you. Every time he talks about the future and what his plans are, it will always include you in it.

So if he’s extremely non-committal and refuses to even think one week ahead, then he might not see a future with you.

Does he really love you but he can’t commit to seeing you even once or twice a week? That’s doubtful.

When a guy loves you he wants to see you and think about the future.

Sometimes he might just be stressed or preoccupied but it isn’t that hard to tell the difference.

Does he go from Mr. Easygoing to Mr. Awkward and Silent in two seconds when you bring up your plans next month and ask him what he’s doing? Red alert.

Tina B. Tessina, PhD. says that a man could be afraid to commit as “he may still be holding out for “Ms. Right” or have a secret yen for someone else, who is unavailable (his friend’s wife, his brother’s girlfriend, his childhood sweetheart).”

7) His main priority with you is sex

If all ever wants to do is have sex with you, and he avoids hanging out with you unless it involves sex, then it might be a sign that he only sees you as fun.

In a healthy relationship, sex is only one facet of many different facets. Heather Cohen, a research scientist, told Bustle that “putting all your positive ‘eggs’ in the sex basket is risky.”

He should also be willing to have deep conversations and romantic dates with you that doesn’t involve sex.

Your intuition and observation can tell you the answer on this one.

Does he basically ignore what you say and rush through dates to get to the “dessert”? Is he constantly trying to get your clothes off before even saying more than a few words?

Does he want to get inside you but not interested in what’s actually inside you? Warning sign.

A man that’s truly in love with you will want to spend time with you no matter what. To truly love someone means to be interested in more than just their body.

8) He never helps you with anything

Does he never come to your aid when you’re in need of help?

If you mention that you need a toothbrush, does he go out of his way to go and get it?

Is every day a new uphill battle to feel like this guy even cares about you much at all?

Even worse, maybe he helps you but then brings it up in the future as a reason you need to do favors for him or excuse poor behavior on his part. The simple fact is you can tell he just doesn’t really want to help you in any real way.

It’s little things like this that show a man that’s in love.

When a man loves you he wants to help out.

If he doesn’t care for you, or help you when you need it, then it’s a sign that he isn’t in love with you and he is only in the relationship for himself.

As we mentioned above, “compassionate love” (love that centers on the good of the other) is important for healthy love, so if he isn’t showing any compassion, it might be a bad sign.

9) None of his friends and family know about you

If you go out with his friends and they have no idea who you are, then that could be a bad sign that he never talks about you.

When you love someone you are proud of them and you want to introduce them to those closest to you.

“People who want to build a future together blend their lives — they don’t keep them separated,” Eliza Boquin, the owner of The Relationship & Sexual Wellness Center, told Bustle.

If a man is in love, he can’t help but mention his love interest to his family and friends.

If you bumped into his friend at the grocery store and they looked startled because he never told them about you then you already know this is heading in a bad direction.

Does he seem awkward about even telling you about his family or friends and obviously not want to introduce you to them?

It likely means you aren’t someone he sees as a long-term, serious love interest.

10) He keeps trying to change you

If he’s asking you to change who you are and how you go about life, then that’s a sign that he doesn’t love you for who you are.

He thinks he’ll be happier if you change your personality or habits.

Nobody is perfect, but if you love someone it also means you are willing to accept their uniqueness and not need to constantly try to change them to your exact specifications.

“Don’t do this, do that.”

“Why are you like that about X?”

If these kind of statements have become the background soundtrack to your time with this guy he doesn’t love you or, if he does, his form of love is toxic and you need to address it with him head-on.

According to Andrea Bonior Ph.D. in Psychology Today, having to put up a facade can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and make you feel empty over time. A man who pays attention to the real you and doesn’t try to force you to change is a man who’s worth your time.

You deserve a man who loves you for who you are, not a man who is trying to change you into something you’re not.

11) They don’t remember the little things about you

For some reason, they just can’t remember any little details about you.

Despite spending time with you, they haven’t noticed what your favorite food is even though you’ve told him a million times. If he never pays attention he just might not be that into you.

Everyone can forget a birthday or one thing you mentioned a time or too, especially when there’s a lot on your plate.

But if he forgets that you even have a dog when you told him ten times or doesn’t recall your hours of describing your childhood love of gymnastics it’s a sign that he’s not in love.

“If the person is not inquiring about your life or is not trying to get to know you by asking questions,” Social worker Danielle Forshee told Elite Daily.

“They [don’t] integrate you into their daily life or talk to you about their day or integrate you into their life in general.”

This is a clear sign that his mind is elsewhere and you aren’t a priority in his life. A guy that loves you will remember every little detail about you because that’s where their interest lies.

It might sound minor, but one of the key signs he loves you is him caring about the details and things you tell him about yourself.

Conclusion: Does he love you?

Although these 19 signs he loves you will help you to figure it out, the truth is that he may not even know the answer…

Men are wired differently to women. And we’re driven by different things when it comes to relationships.

I know this because I’ve been an emotionally unavailable man my whole life. My video above reveals more about this.

And learning about a new concept in relationship psychology has made it crystal clear why I’m like this.

It’s not often that a mirror gets held up to my lifetime of relationship failure. But that’s what happened when I discovered the hero instinct. I ended up learning more about myself than I bargained for.

I’m 39. I’m single. And yes, I’m still looking for love.

After watching James Bauer’s video and reading his book, I realize I’ve always been emotionally unavailable to women because the hero instinct was never triggered in me.

Watch James’ free video here for yourself.

My relationships with women involved everything from ‘best friends with benefits’ to being ‘partners in crime’.

In hindsight, I’ve always needed more. I needed to feel that I was the rock in a relationship. Like I was providing something to my partner that no one else could.

Learning about the hero instinct was my “aha” moment.

For years, I wasn’t able to put a finger on why I would get cold feet, struggle to open up to women, and fully commit to a relationship.

Now I know exactly why I’ve been single most of my adult life.

Because when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship and forge a deep connection with you. I never could with the women I was with.

To learn more about this fascinating new concept in relationship psychology, watch this video here.

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Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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