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17 definite signs he loves you (and 10 signs he doesn’t)

Can’t stop wondering whether your man really loves you?

Well, stop thinking and start reading.

Below, I’ve gone through the complete list of 20 signs he loves you (and 10 signs he doesn’t).

It’s pretty cut and dry if you ask me, but have a look for yourself. You’ll probably be kicking yourself for not realizing it sooner.

Check them out:

1) He’ll do anything for you

It doesn’t matter what it is, if you’re in need of something, he’ll be there to give it to you.

If you’re feeling a little down and need someone to cheer you up, he’ll be right there telling you stupid and goofy jokes to get you smiling.

If he’ll do anything for you when you need it, there’s a good chance that he might love you. A man that’s in love always wants to help out the girl and be the hero.

Tiffany Toombs, Relationship Expert, and Director at Blue Lotus Mind, told Bustle that “we learn most about a person when they are placed in stressful situations.”

So if they’re reacting to the challenges you’re experiencing by helping you out, there’s a good chance he genuinely loves you.

2) He’s more distant than usual

This may seem like a strange one, but hear me out.

When a guy is in love, it can leave him feeling confused and unsure of what to do with his emotions.

So in order not to feel uncomfortable, he might start avoiding you.

In fact, some women say that they thought their guy was going to break up with them when they actually popped the question!

A reason for this could be that a lot of men may have a fear of intimacy, so the feelings of love are freaking them out a little.

According to Seth Myers in Psychology Today, one study found that “men scored higher on a fear-of-intimacy scale.”

So don’t worry if he’s appearing more distant than usual, he might just be experiencing deep emotions that he’s unsure of how to handle.

Give him time and he’ll start to feel more comfortable with his emotions.

3) He is always looking for your advice

Is your man seeking your opinion, whether it’s work stuff or social life matters? Whatever it is, if he’s looking for your advice, it means he respects you, admires you and cares what you think.

They often say that one of the was important aspects of love is respect, and if he’s asking for your advice, then clearly he respects what you’re going to say.

“Love brings bliss to both types of relationships, but only if tempered by respect.” – Peter Gray Ph.D. in Psychology Today

4) You’re his priority

Yes, he has other things going on his life, like work and family, but when it comes down to it, you’re the one who takes the cake on the list of his priorities.

If he’ll do anything for you and he even put his own needs ahead of yours, then that could be true love.

According to Randi Gunther Ph.D. in Psychology Today, a key component of a healthy, long-term relationship is “their willingness to admit wrongs and to choose a compromise.”

5) He’s talking about the future with you in it

If he’s talking about his future plans and it’s clear that you’re apart of it, then that’s a great a sign that he is committed to a future with you.

Let’s be honest, guys aren’t exactly the best at making concrete plans for the future, so if he sees you two together in 6 months, a year or 10 years, it’s clear that he’s happy in the relationship and he wants you to be part of his life for a very long time.

Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College says that when partners ask each other questions about the future, it shows “a certain level of intimacy”.

6) He won’t forget the little things

If you tell him that you’re having after work drinks with some colleagues, he’ll remember and ask you how it was when you get home.

If you mention that you need a new toothbrush, he’ll pick one up when he’s at the store.

If he’s in love, he knows that his responsibility is to look after you and he’s not going to bail from that.

And if he’s in love, he’s always consuming the information about your life that you’re giving him.

After all, you’re his number one priority.

In fact, when you’re in love, it’s hard to focus on anything else. Research from Loyola University suggests that people who are in love have lower levels of serotonin, which could be a sign of obsession.

“This may explain why we concentrate on little other than our partner during the early stages of a relationship,” said obstetrician-gynecologist Mary Lynn, DO, in a news release.

7) He’s always physically close to you

If a guy is in love, they’ll always find excuses to cuddle you and be as close as possible to you.

If you’re eating dinner at a restaurant, he’ll sit next to you so he can touch you. If you’re at a party, he’ll be by your side all night.

He feels great when he’s around you and he wants to protect you physically as much as he possibly can.

It’s just his way of saying I love you, without you know, actually saying it.

In fact, a great way to see if he’s really into you is to look where his feet are pointed.

Judy Dutton author of How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover, discussed body language with Marie Claire and explained,

“Feet typically point in the direction they want to go, so if someone’s feet are pointed toward you, that’s good. If they’re pointed away from you, that’s bad. If someone’s feet are pointed in toward each other, that ‘pigeon toes’ stance is actually a good sign, since it’s a subconscious attempt to shrink in size and appear harmless, approachable … which may very well mean someone likes you, a lot.”

8) He friends already know everything about you

Surprised at how much his friends know about your life? Don’t be. If a man is in love, he’ll talk about the girl he is into you to his friends and family. What her personality is like, what she does for work, why she’s so sexy…a guy just can’t help it.

So if he’s not great at expressing his feelings, but his friends and family know everything you, know that he truly cares for you and he might be in love with you.

After all, when someone is in love, they can’t stop thinking about that person, so it’s likely they’ll talk about them to their friends.

In the book “The Anatomy of Love,” by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, she says that “thoughts of the ‘love object’ begin to invade your mind. … You wonder what your beloved would think of the book you are reading, the movie you just saw, or the problem you are facing at the office.”

9) He’s always showing up where you are

If you mentioned that you love the beach on the weekend, and suddenly he is showing up at the beach, there’s a good chance that he’s got the feels for you.

If you told him you’re going to a cafe and he rocks up 5 minutes later, then he is probably in love with you.

Helen Fisher says that a key sign you’re falling in love is when the person you’re falling for has begun to take on “special meaning.”

This means that if he says “yes!” within a second anytime you invite him to anything, congratulations, he is probably in love with you.

10) How is he looking at you?

One of the best ways to tell whether a guy likes you or not is to look at his eyes. Are his eyes “glowing” when he looks at you? Is he always looking directly into your eyes without flinching?

If he can’t stop staring at you, it means that his undivided attention is on you.

In fact, according to The Independent, some studies have found that couples who repeatedly lock eyes with each other have a strong romantic connection than those who don’t.

Another way to tell if he loves you is to see if his eyes are dilated.

Body language expert Patti Wood told Cosmopolitan, “Dilation is a brain response that occurs when you like and are attracted to something,”

So if he can’t keep his eyes off you, there’s a good chance that he’s falling in love.

11) He just wants you to be happy

We’ve all heard the saying that in the strongest relationships, two becomes one. And when this happens, your partner’s happiness becomes just as important as your own.

In fact, research has suggested that “compassionate love” can be one of the biggest signs of a healthy relationship. Compassionate love refers to love that “centers on the good of the other”.

So if you find your man is going out of his way to keep you dry when you’re walking in the rain or he is making you breakfast on one of your busiest days, it’s a sign that he has got it bad for you.

12) He seems a little more stressed than usual

While we associate love with all those great emotions and feelings, the emotion of love can also release stress in the brain.

Sounds weird, but if you’ve found that he is a little more annoyed and stressed than usual, it might be that cortisol is getting released in his brain because of love.

This is generally in the initial stages of falling in love. A small study published in 2004 found an increase in levels of cortisol, a hormone associated with stress, in new couples,

13) He is constantly trying new things that you like to do

Everyone wants to impress the person they love, so if you find that he’s constantly trying new things that you like to do, then there’s a good chance he’s been bitten by the love bug.


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In fact, a study suggested that people who claimed that they were in love had varied interests and personality traits after those relationships.

So if he is going salsa dancing with you when it’s something that he’s never done before, he’s probably in love with you.

14) He is farting in front of you

As gross as it sounds, couples that are comfortable farting in front of each other are more likely to have a successful relationship.

When you’re comfortable enough to do gross things in front of each other, it’s actually a good sign.

According to a 2016 survey by Mic, being comfortable enough to fart in front of each other is a key transition from liking someone to being in love with that person.

15) He’s feeling more anxious or nervous around you

Yep, falling in love can cause you to get the jitters! While it’s certainly true that love can make you feel great in the early stages of love, but according to Thought Co, they can also make you feel anxious and obsessive.

This is why he might appear like he is a little more nervous or anxious than usual.

However, this usually occurs at the beginning of the relationship and should dissipate as he becomes more comfortable.

16) He loves everything about you…even the weird things

We all have ur quirks and once you truly get to know someone, those weird little traits start to come out.

And when you’re in love with someone, you start to get attracted to those weird trait that makes them, them.

According to Live Science, when you’re in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique. This belief is also coupled with an inability to feel a romantic passion for anyone else.

So if he loves the weird things about you…perhaps even things you consider liabilities for yourself, then there’s a good chance that he is in awe of your uniqueness.

17) He can’t stop complimenting you

Compliments by itself don’t mean much. Any guy can give a compliment in order to get a girl in the sack…but usually, those compliments are generic and without meaning.

But if he truly loves you, he’ll probably be complimenting you on subtle things that you may not even be aware of.

It could be unique tidbits about your personality, or he’ll notice a little change in your hairstyle.

Jonathan Bennett, a Dating/Relationship Coach, told Bustle, “If your partner possesses the ability to brighten your mood with a few words of praise when you need it most, it’s a great sign that he or she understands what makes you tick and appreciates your authentic self. This person is a definite keeper!”

Let’s be honest, guys aren’t great at giving compliments, so if he is complimenting you constantly without even really knowing that he’s doing it, that’s a great sign that he loves you.

On the other hand, 10 signs he doesn’t love you

1) He can’t be trusted

According to Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “Trust is one of the keystones of any relationship—without it two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship lacks stability.”

Without trust, love can’t flourish. Without trust, a relationship can’t grow.

If you can’t help but think that he’s betraying you or cheating on you, it might be that your intuition is right, and he might not love you.

Remember, trust and respect is one of the most important aspects of any healthy relationship, and if he can’t be trusted, then there isn’t much chance for the relationship in the future.

2) He makes you feel like sh*t

Is he constantly putting you down? Does he not care about your opinions? Does he think he’s better than you?

These are signs that he doesn’t respect who you are as a person, and most likely, these disparaging comments will take a huge hit to your self-esteem.

Most people want to be a relationship because it makes them feel better.

Researcher Dr. John Gottman studied numerous couples and found that couple who stayed together typically had 20 positive interactions for every one negative interaction; couples who split up had 5 positive interactions for every one negative interaction.

This points to an important truth about relationships: They’re supposed to make us happier.

If it’s true love, you’ll both give and receive evenly and make each other feel special. If you’re feeling the opposite from his words and actions, then he likely doesn’t love you.

3) You’re just not his priority

Does he get annoyed if he has to do something for you? Does he never go out of his way to help you out?

If you answer yes to these questions, then you just might not be at the forefront of his mind.

In other words, he’s only in the relationship because it’s “convenient” for him.

A man that’s truly in love will make you his priority and will go out of his way to help you.

Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, a couples therapist, told INSIDER that whether they make you a priority lets you know that they value your connection.

4) He doesn’t care what you have to say

Dating expert Justin Lavelle told Bustle that “listening to your partner when [they’re] speaking is one of the most essential shows of respect within a relationship,”

If he struggles to listen to you and doesn’t even consider your opinions about anything, then that’s a surefire sign that he doesn’t respect you.

As we’ve said above, without respect a relationship can’t grow. And without respect, love is almost non-existent.

5) He refuses to stick to any plans about the future

A man that loves you will commit to a future with you. Every time he talks about the future and what his plans are, it will always include you in it.

So if he’s extremely non-committal and refuses to even think one week ahead, then he might not see a future with you.

Tina B. Tessina, PhD. says that a man could be afraid to commit as “he may still be holding out for “Ms. Right” or have a secret yen for someone else, who is unavailable (his friend’s wife, his brother’s girlfriend, his childhood sweetheart).”

6) His main priority with you is sex

If all ever wants to do is have sex with you, and he avoids hanging out with you unless it involves sex, then it might be a sign that he only sees you as fun.

In a healthy relationship, sex is only one facet of many different facets. Heather Cohen, a research scientist, told Bustle that “putting all your positive ‘eggs’ in the sex basket is risky.”

He should also be willing to have deep conversations and romantic dates with you that doesn’t involve sex.

A man that’s truly in love with you will want to spend time with you no matter what.

7) He never helps you with anything

Does he never come to your aid when you’re in need of help?

If you mention that you need a toothbrush, does he go out of his way to go and get it?

It’s little things like this that show a man that’s in love. If he doesn’t care for you, or help you when you need it, then it’s a sign that he isn’t in love with you and he is only in the relationship for himself.

As we mentioned above, “compassionate love” (love that centers on the good of the other) is important for healthy love, so if he isn’t showing any compassion, it might be a bad sign.

8) None of his friends and family know about you

If you go out with his friends and they have no idea who you are, then that could be a bad sign that he never talks about you.

“People who want to build a future together blend their lives — they don’t keep them separated,” Eliza Boquin, the owner of The Relationship & Sexual Wellness Center, told Bustle.

If a man is in love, he can’t help but mention his love interest to his family and friends.

9) He keeps trying to change you

If he’s asking you to change who you are and how you go about life, then that’s a sign that he doesn’t love you for who you are.

He thinks he’ll be happier if you change your personality or habits.

According to Andrea Bonior Ph.D. in Psychology Today, having to put up a facade can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and make you feel empty over time.

You deserve a man who loves you for who you are, not a man who is trying to change you into something you’re not.

10) They don’t remember the little things about you

For some reason, they just can’t remember any little details about you.

Despite spending time with you, they haven’t noticed what your favorite food is even though you’ve told him a million times.

“If the person is not inquiring about your life or is not trying to get to know you by asking questions,” Social worker Danielle Forshee told Elite Daily. “They [don’t] integrate you into their daily life or talk to you about their day or integrate you into their life in general.”

This is a clear sign that his mind is elsewhere and you aren’t a priority in his life. A guy that loves you will remember every little detail about you because that’s where their interest lies.

 

 

 


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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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