Men and women show their emotions very differently. This is especially true after you’ve split up and gone your separate ways.
After a breakup, it can feel like you’re in the Twilight Zone.
You can find yourself wondering if your ex-girlfriend even cares anymore and replaying what happened a thousand times in your head.
Whether she broke up with you or the other way around, the self-doubt and sadness circles like vultures.
Maybe she doesn’t even care about me anymore, you think. But still …
You’ve been noticing some things that you think might mean you’re still on her mind or in her heart. Is that your imagination going wild and wishful thinking or has your ex still got the hots for you?
It can feel like you’re looking back at your relationship in a funhouse mirror. It’s all wonky and messed up but you still feel like somewhere back there is the girl you fell in love with and who once meant everything to you.
Does she feel the same?
What the hell is going on?
Here’s how to tell if your ex-girlfriend still misses you. If this list sounds a lot like her behavior then you can bet your ass – and your heart – that she’s not over you yet.
1) She’s all over your social
If she’s liking and clicking all over your social media there’s a good chance she still misses you.
She wants to see if you still have those photos of the two of you up, or whether you removed that poem you posted for her a month after you started dating.
You’ll notice her likes on photos of you and heart-eyes emoticons and all that sort of stuff. If she’s a little more mature in the age category it can be more subtle.
An email reaching out to you.
A thoughtful comment under a photo of the two of you in Prague.
This woman is still into you, no doubt.
2) She wants you to get jealous
Any woman or man who plays games is usually in an unstable and emotionally unstable place internally.
And it usually backfires. Messing with someone’s emotions doesn’t generally trigger attraction and the kind of hero instinct that builds relationships.
If anything – even if it spurs a chase and spike of interest in the short-term – it results in bitterness and resentment long-term.
But that doesn’t mean that games don’t happen: especially after a breakup.
If your ex-girlfriend is posting photos with new guys or even bragging to you about hot guys she’s meeting then she’s dropping not-too-subtle hints that she’s back in the sack with some smoking new hunk and doesn’t need you anymore.
Why would she want you to know that if she’s not into you anymore? Just out of spite. Likely not.
She’s probably hoping you’ll react by trying to get her back.
3) She’s reaching back out to you
Depending on how much – if any – contact you kept after the breakup, this point may or may not apply.
But if she’s sending you messages, emails, texts and snaps then she’s probably still hankering for some time with you and another chance at romance.
Be especially alert if she seems to be making up excuses to see or talk to you that seem unnecessary.
“Oh did you hear about …?”
“What did you end up deciding about …?”
“Did you ever find that hair curler I lost at your place last year?”
Does she really need to know these things? If you’d found the hair curler chances are you would have told her – if you’re a decent person.
She’s clearly trying to create a pretext to talk to you more even though you’re broken up.
4) She rebounds like a bouncy ball
This advisory is different than if she’s trying to make you jealous. In this case, she genuinely may not try to “show off” that she’s with a new guy or getting back in gear with a new hunk of man meat.
It’s just that it’s obvious from what you hear around town, see on her social and hear when you chat with her that she’s got a new guy.
And then two weeks later another new guy.
Rinse and repeat.
You might also notice that her latest guy looks a little bit like you and also studies history at university just like you … What’s up with that?
This ultra-bouncy rebound behavior is not what someone does when they’ve really moved on. It’s what a girl does when she still loves you and she’s trying to drown it out with new partners and distractions.
5) She’s contacting your friends
It’s perfectly possible your ex just ended up becoming close with your friends, so if that’s the case ignore this one.
But if she’s reaching out frequently to your friends she never seemed to care much about then she’s most likely trying to hunt down your whereabouts and find out how you’re doing.
In fact, maybe she contacted one buddy who you didn’t even realize she had the contact info for … Mighty strange …
Check in with your friends and ask them directly.
Is she asking about you? About your love life, even?
That’s the behavior of an ex-girlfriend who doesn’t want to be an ex anymore.
6) She stays in touch with your fam
Again, this girl may be Miss Congeniality and she might have bonded with your dad over their shared love of building model airplanes.
But chances are if she’s staying closely in touch with your family she’s working to rebuild bridges she burned with you and attack your castle of love from the other direction.
The safe, cozy direction where your family is located.
Did that metaphor get a bit muddled? Love attack? What I’m saying is that when she feels she’s hit a roadblock with you and the breakup isn’t going to change then she may reach out to get further on your family’s good side.
Then they can plant a bug in your ear about what a nice girl she is, and whatever happened with …
Thanks for walking right into the trap, dad.
7) Her behavior seems quite flirtatious
If you’re still in touch over the phone or online – or in person – then keep an eye on her behavior.
Is she wearing low-cut tops and winking at you. Maybe something less obvious like brushing your arm in an affectionate way.
This flirting is very intentional and girls do it when they want to gain a man’s attention.
If that man is you then pay attention and listen up: this girl wants you back and she’s trying to flirt her way back into your good graces.
8) She’s seeking out any attention from you – even if it’s a fight
This one can fool a lot of guys because they’re looking for all the sweet behavior and they get hit with a roundhouse to the head instead (hopefully not literally, although it’s been known to happen).
Here’s the deal.
Depending on your ex-girl’s personality and situation she may be starved for attention and on a bit of a drama kick.
When you don’t respond “enough” for her liking you might find your phone blowing up with angry or sarcastic texts.
Or find her trash-talking you to mutual friends.
Does this girl hate you or what? Maybe. But it’s quite possible – likely, in fact – that she actually loves you and is just expressing it really badly.
9) She seems a bit obsessed with you
This pointer is related to all the rest, of course, but it’s worth emphasizing that if your ex-girlfriend seems a bit obsessed with you it’s probably because she is a bit obsessed with you.
When an issue comes up is she right there in your corner backing you up?
Does she fly off the handle and get annoyed when you don’t give her attention?
Is she clicking like on every random shitty photo you post somewhere?
Does she tell you she understands everything is over and she doesn’t want to talk anymore and then message you a week later tearfully saying she can’t forget about you?
10) If you move on at all she goes haywire
It’s normal for an ex-girlfriend to feel a little uncomfortable when you meet someone new or show signs of moving on.
Even if she’s done with you it’s obviously going to be difficult for her to see a guy she once loved finding someone new and putting her in the rearview mirror.
But if her behavior is more possessive and extreme it’s a different story.
When you just go out for one date (that’s a total flop) and she hears about it and starts melting down your phone with over-dramatic accusations or memories you had you can be sure she’s missing you and hoping you haven’t fallen for someone new.
Clearly people don’t always behave how we’d like them too, especially those we love.
But try to be understanding of her possessive behavior and see it for what it is: the sign – albeit somewhat emotionally immature sign – of a girl who still has feelings for you.
11) She makes a big show of being over you
If she’s really over you, then she’s over you. She may contact you a few times, but you won’t hear much drama or interest or anything.
When she’s not really over you she may react in more extreme ways.
Blocking you across your social networks or stalking you on them.
Reaching out to your family like their prodigal daughter or insulting you behind your back.
It’s a game of extremes when love hangs in the balance. The same can be said for her behaving outlandishly as if she hates you and is totally over you.
If she really is so over you why is she posting about what an asshole you are every night or telling your parents you’re a psychopath?
Maybe you really are majorly unbalanced and emotionally toxic, it happens to the best of us – if so please watch some of our free masterclasses and become in touch with your true essence and the part of you that can improve and grow – but chances are you’re more or less a decent dude and she’s just still really in love with you.
12) She’s painting the town red
There’s always the chance your ex-girlfriend was a party animal when you met and dated her. But if not then look out for her painting the town red.
Hitting up bars like a party princess at a bachelorette party.
Being seen outside the hottest clubs downtown with some new piece of arm candy and a new hair-do.
Drunken messages and selfies at 2 a.m. when you’re trying to sleep.
If this isn’t the girl you knew, it’s the girl she’s become because she misses you and wants you back.
13) Her friends reach out to you
When her friends reach out to you more than once or twice it’s a clear sign she’s been bringing you up to them.
What should you do?
Just act normal. It’s perfectly fine to be in touch with her friends, and if you’re still interested in her let them know. There’s no shame in that.
Think of friends as messengers. They may not always be neutral – far from it – but they can usually be counted on to more or less get basic messages across from you to your ex.
Something like “I want you back” could do the trick – or if you’re very corny you could even send her the song by the Backstreet Boys, although I definitely don’t recommend doing that if you don’t want her to see you as a total clown (but hey, even clowns need love, am I right?)
14) She brings up old memories
Whenever you talk to your ex-girlfriend and she seems to bring up old memories and times you had there’s a reason for that.
Obviously she misses you and the amazing time you spent together.
It’s on her mind and in her heart and she can’t help but gush to you about it when you talk.
Before she goes to sleep at night you can guarantee she’s replaying some times you had together and there’s at least a part of her that’s hoping that more times like that could come again some fine day.
15) She wants to know your future plans
Sure, maybe she just wants your advice on what college to go to or why you’re planning to move to Atlanta.
But chances are she wants to check what you’re doing in the future because she’s still into you.
Are you really “just friends” or colleagues now? When she’s asking you every plan you have for the future you should be a little skeptical that it’s merely idle interest. This chick obviously has some hopes and dreams that involve you and she’s hoping there’s still at least a 1% chance of getting back together.
Every question she asks you about your career, love life, and what you’re busy doing translates into one basic question:
Does your future still have a place for her in it?
The ball’s in your court.
There are times that you break up and you know that’s really it. You walk away and you try to put the past behind you.
You work on yourself and building a healthy relationship to yourself in order to understand the hidden patterns and traumas that are sabotaging your happiness. You wish your ex-girlfriend the best and move on with life.
Then there are other times you just know there’s some unfinished emotional business. You said goodbye, but it doesn’t really feel over … and you want her back.
No matter how much you try to forget and you change your life and yourself there’s still a part of you that’s in love and that’s open to her coming back and being your special someone once again.
The thing is: you can’t force it – nor can you even pressure it. Your job – if you really want your ex-girlfriend back – is more like a meteorologist. Except instead of predicting and understanding the weather your job is to understand (and accept) her behavior and perspective.
If she is showing the above signs then there’s a very good chance she is opening the door for you once again.
Whether you walk through is ultimately up to you.