“Will I ever find love?” Not if you keep doing these 5 things…

Okay, so it’s another Saturday night and you are curled up on the sofa wondering what the hell is wrong with you because you don’t have a date – AGAIN!

All of your friends have dates, boyfriends, husbands and there’s nothing special about them, right?

So why can’t you find someone to love you?

This is going to be a hard pill to swallow, but have you ever thought that maybe you are the problem?

Your friends have dates, boyfriends, and husbands because they aren’t you.

Ouch, I know. That’s harsh. But stay with me here for a second.

What if the reason you aren’t happily attached to another human being is that you are doing things that don’t attract other human beings?

Double ouch.

If you haven’t found love yet and you feel like you’ve tried everything, consider that maybe you haven’t tried everything, and then read this list of 5 things you need to know if you haven’t found love.

And be open to exploring these reasons.

The answer you seek could be right here and you aren’t open to seeing it. Go ahead and stay single then, we are just trying to help you here.

1) You Ask Too Much of People

Have you ever considered that you are putting too much pressure on people to be awesome all the time?

You know love is not really like that, right?

Prince Charming wakes up with bad breath and needs to comb his hair, too.

No one is perfect and you need to stop thinking that you are perfect so you deserve perfect.

You deserve someone who will make you happy. But that’s about it.

The fact that we even think we deserve love is a misnomer.

We desire it, but do we really deserve it? Don’t we have to work for it? We can’t just sit around and think it’s going to magically appear.

2) You Expect Too Much of People

You want it all and you think you’ve found it time and time again only to be disappointed. You can’t have a boyfriend who makes millions of dollars in his own company AND is someone who will whisk you away on a weekend getaway.

If he’s hauling ass to build a company, you need to sit tight while he does his thing.

Another thing to consider is the rate at which you expect a relationship to move.

If you have only just met and you are wondering why he’s not blowing up your phone, ask yourself what you have going on that would make him want to do that?

Don’t you have a job you should be doing right now? Of course he isn’t texting you a million times day, people have jobs.

3) You Don’t Think You Need to Change

Thinking you are great just the way you are is awesome, but if you haven’t found that person that makes you feel whole, you might want to take a look at your half of the equation.

Consider that there’s something about you that isn’t attracting the right kind of man.

And we don’t mean you looks – we mean your personality, your demands, you work schedule.

Perhaps you haven’t left the house in three weeks and are genuinely wondering why no one is calling you for a date.

Wake up to the bullshit you are feeding yourself and you might find things start to change.

4) You are Picking The Wrong People

Let’s say you have found lots of great guys you could be in a relationship with but when it’s time to get serious, he just bails.

On the flip side, it might not be you. It might be that you are picking the wrong kind of guy to be with.

It’s not unheard of – some women are perpetually attracting to the wrong kind of guy. It’s just what happens. It’s also called self-sabotage.

You pick the same kind of guy over and over again and then you don’t have to find Mr. Right and settle down. Sound familiar?

5) You Don’t See the Writing on the Wall

There could be a guy standing right in front of you telling you how beautiful you are and asking for your number and you are so clueless that you don’t see what is happening.

Again, this is a form of self-sabotage and you could be committing it more than you know. Do you want love to find you or do you want to stay the sad sap that can’t find love?

We hang on to our stories pretty hard and they soon become our identities. If you never let Gerry take you out, how will you know if Gerry isn’t the one?

Don’t judge a book by its cover, remember? You might need to crack a few eggs to make this omelet, but unless you let people into your life, you’ll never know what’s possible.

NOW WATCH: I’m 36, still single, and finally figured out why

RELATED ARTICLE: Unrequited Love: Why it hurts so bad and 8 crucial steps to take


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  1. Lucia

    I’m 31 years old ,single.This information i have read it will help me to change my life and way of living..I believe i will definitely get the right person .

  2. Matt

    Well coming from the point of view as a man in his early forties who is on The Spectrum… I don’t Bear a lot of faith in the general attitude of Neurotypical ( & some ASD ) women towards me and other Spectrum males. We are fobbed off repeatedly like robots or blowflies and viewed somewhat like Mr Bean or Forrest Gump. And then there is the assumed perverse or deviant behaviour ( not) because we don’t possess social cues or swagger like NT guys take for granted . So congenial love for myself and others in my position is not impossible… but relatively unlikely in today’s ableist society.

  3. Katen

    So we are to go with less than what we feel like we deserve just to be in a relationship? NOT!! Even my preacher said that to be in a relationship we need to lower our expectations!!! I only ask 4 things of guys: say what you mean, mean what you say, if you say you are going to do something…do it…and above everything-be honest….yet these 4 things seem impossible for them to even comprehend… let alone follow…….

  4. Ze

    I think I’m trapped in “hyper-gamy” concept, where I am drawn to male that are older, wiser, more successful, and have walked-the-talk. This is also worsened by the fact that I am highly educated (a medical doctor, and also has a master’s degree), and the culture in my profession is very black and white: either you competent or not competent. It is difficult for me to understand why my potential partners are slacking off in their relatively low pressure jobs, or not taking their lives seriously (while I work hard to save people’s lives!).

    I think dating life was easier when I was a full-time master degree student living on scholarship only. I could relate to many guys, and they could understand roughly what I am doing. Now that I am working in a hospital and treating acutely ill patients, completed a master’s degree, (and potentially could win another scholarship for doctoral next year); I feel like my life experience is so different it is really difficult to connect with 99% of population. Dating colleagues is unfortunately frowned upon, and even if I sometimes matched online with another medics – I don’t think I could fulfil the role they want because basically we are equally stressed out, equally efficient with time, and equally wanting to have life outside medicine but don’t know how.

    I am now 29 year old, and I am actually thinking of not pursuing the PhD because by the time I finished I would be 33 and I am worried I would even be more shaped by my career and education, and will not find somebody. That’s obviously foolish to today’s standard, but I cannot see how I could see the “good” in potential partners if all my life are exams and assessments and I have been living up to the high standards given to my shoulder.

    I guess looking back from my experience, the reason why I am single is because I find it difficult to relate my life experience to most people, and that my job and education have shaped me to be someone who’s technical and judgemental.

    1. Eric

      Maybe you’re just pretentious and self-absorbed. Perhaps you should read your post outside your narrow outlook. You are sooooo intelligent and serious…. take the stick out of your self absorbed and righteous ass and learn to engage with people rather than patients who need you to fix them.

  5. Edward

    Great article and awesome video!

    I have found both to be very inspiring and educational. Great insights on the video regarding the need for us all to form community.

    1. Justin Brown

      Thanks Eddie! Glad you enjoyed it. The videos are new for me, going to do a lot more of them and see about building a community on YouTube. Hope you’re well.

  6. Michaela

    I really, really hate this concept of “Give this one guy you’re not attracted to a chance! Can’t you see how much he likes you?”

    Sure, but I’d rather be single than force myself to go on a date or enter a relationship with someone I’m not attracted to, not interested in, and wouldn’t want to touch with a ten-foot pole. Why would I do that to myself again? That’s exactly the thing that got me into not one, but TWO very abusive relationships. Because I gave “chances” to the sweet, shy guys who promised to worship me – and when *I* wasn’t the perfect and selfless goddess-angel-object-of-their-desire 100% of the time, it went sour really quick.

    Since this article is so heavily-skewed against the ladies, that’s who I’ll address here: Love is not the be-all, end-all of happiness. Having a boyfriend or husband won’t complete you or necessarily even make you a better person. You can do all of that on your own, with your family, or your tribe of friends. It’s MUCH better to be single than to be stuck with someone who treats you horribly because you just needed to be in a relationship.

    1. Maryanne

      Omg! Thank you for the flip side

  7. AJ Front

    Pretty heavy gender bias, blaming women for not finding love because they want their millionaire boyfriends to text too much, lol

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