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“Will I ever find love?” Not if you keep doing these 17 things…

Okay, so it’s another Saturday night and you are curled up on the sofa wondering what the hell is wrong with you because you don’t have a date – AGAIN!

All of your friends have dates, boyfriends, husbands and there’s nothing special about them, right?

So why can’t you find someone to love you?

This is going to be a hard pill to swallow, but have you ever thought that maybe you are the problem?

Your friends have dates, boyfriends, and husbands because they aren’t you.

Ouch, I know. That’s harsh. But stay with me here for a second.

What if the reason you aren’t happily attached to another human being is that you are doing things that don’t attract other human beings?

Double ouch.

If you haven’t found love yet and you feel like you’ve tried everything, consider that maybe you haven’t tried everything, and then read this list of 17 things you need to know if you haven’t found love.

And be open to exploring these reasons.

The answer you seek could be right here and you aren’t open to seeing it. Go ahead and stay single then, we are just trying to help you here.

1) You ask too much of people

Have you ever considered that you are putting too much pressure on people to be awesome all the time?

You know love is not really like that, right?

Prince Charming wakes up with bad breath and needs to comb his hair, too.

No one is perfect and you need to stop thinking that you are perfect so you deserve perfect.

You deserve someone who will make you happy. But that’s about it.

The fact that we even think we deserve love is a misnomer.

We desire it, but do we really deserve it? Don’t we have to work for it? We can’t just sit around and think it’s going to magically appear.

2) You expect too much of people

You want it all and you think you’ve found it time and time again only to be disappointed. You can’t have a boyfriend who makes millions of dollars in his own company AND is someone who will whisk you away on a weekend getaway.

If he’s hauling ass to build a company, you need to sit tight while he does his thing.

Another thing to consider is the rate at which you expect a relationship to move.

If you have only just met and you are wondering why he’s not blowing up your phone, ask yourself what you have going on that would make him want to do that?

Don’t you have a job you should be doing right now? Of course he isn’t texting you a million times day, people have jobs.

3) You don’t think you need to change

Thinking you are great just the way you are is awesome, but if you haven’t found that person that makes you feel whole, you might want to take a look at your half of the equation.

Consider that there’s something about you that isn’t attracting the right kind of man.

And we don’t mean you looks – we mean your personality, your demands, you work schedule.

Perhaps you haven’t left the house in three weeks and are genuinely wondering why no one is calling you for a date.

Wake up to the bullshit you are feeding yourself and you might find things start to change.

4) You are picking the wrong people

Let’s say you have found lots of great guys you could be in a relationship with but when it’s time to get serious, he just bails.

On the flip side, it might not be you. It might be that you are picking the wrong kind of guy to be with.

It’s not unheard of – some women are perpetually attracting to the wrong kind of guy. It’s just what happens. It’s also called self-sabotage.

You pick the same kind of guy over and over again and then you don’t have to find Mr. Right and settle down. Sound familiar?

5) You don’t see the writing on the wall

There could be a guy standing right in front of you telling you how beautiful you are and asking for your number and you are so clueless that you don’t see what is happening.

Again, this is a form of self-sabotage and you could be committing it more than you know. Do you want love to find you or do you want to stay the sad sap that can’t find love?

We hang on to our stories pretty hard and they soon become our identities. If you never let Gerry take you out, how will you know if Gerry isn’t the one?

Don’t judge a book by its cover, remember? You might need to crack a few eggs to make this omelet, but unless you let people into your life, you’ll never know what’s possible.

6) And when you do find someone, quit thinking it won’t last

Entering into a relationship thinking that it’s doomed means one thing – it will be.

And then what happens when it doesn’t work out? You’ll feel validated. “See, no relationship ever works out for me.”

But it’s exactly this thinking that causes this to happen over and over again. You’re sabotaging the relationship before it even starts.

There’s only one way to change this: Start being more optimistic about your newfound relationship! See the good in them, ignore the bad. And assume that they’re doing the same with you.

7) You keep playing games

You’re upset. You’re hurt. And when your partner asks you, “what’s wrong?” You say “nothing”. Or you get angry over something else later.

Don’t be like this. Your partner will have no idea what they’ve done wrong and your resentment will just pile up even more.

Instead, talk about your concerns or issues. I know it sounds lame, but honesty is the only way to build trust in a relationship. Without trust, a relationship can’t grow.


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8) You keep thinking that love is enough

You’ve heard it before: “Love is the only ingredient for a healthy and happy relationship”. Right? Wrong!

The truth is, it takes a lot more than love to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship. A successful relationship is about trust, commitment, attachment, attraction, communication and a whole lot more.

If you can trust your partner, talk with them about anything, feel comfortable, protected AND LOVED, then that’s when you’re onto a winner.

9) You think you are too old

It doesn’t matter how old you are, you are never too old to find love.

“All the good ones are gone” simply isn’t true. You’re a good person and you’re still single, right? People have break-ups, or they haven’t thought about a relationship until now because they’re too focused on work.

The truth is, with age comes wisdom, so you’re MORE likely to find someone better suited to you.

But meeting people like this can only happen if you’re actively on the look out for potential love. But if you think that you’re too old then you’re not going to find someone.

It’s self sabotage. And you need to stop it.

10) You don’t believe in the numbers game

If you don’t buy a lottery ticket, you can’t win the lottery.

Likewise, if you don’t get yourself out there and date new people, you won’t find the special one.

There’s so many different ways to meet people these days, with apps like Tinder and Bumble, so use them to your advantage! Go ahead and meet new people.

Don’t go on dates expecting to find love. Go on dates to get to know other people. It’s the only way you’ll work out what type of person is right for you.

And think of it this way: You might not go on a date with someone who is perfect for you, but you might make some friends who know someone who is.

11) You think dating is rocket science

A common theme among people who are single is that they think they are terrible at attracting other people. Of course, if you can’t seduce someone, then your chances of getting a significant other are low.

But that’s because you think that it’s impossible to seduce someone. It’s not. You don’t have to come up with witty lines or funny banter.

Be yourself, be nice, and have a normal conversation. You might find that people will like you for who you are.

12) You think that love is a magical pill that will suddenly make everything better

If you’re feeling low, or down about life, you might be under this misguided belief that being single is the downfall for nearly everything that’s going wrong in your life.

But the truth is, love is only one factor in your life. Your life won’t get better until you take responsibility for every facet of your life.

Don’t get me wrong: love is incredible. But it’s not the be all and end all. If you can’t get your life together, then you’re chances of finding love will significantly decrease.

13) You’ve got needs nobody can satisfy

In a nutshell, you are just too needy. Whether you need your partner to call you four times a day or you need to know what they are doing every minute of the day, your expectations do not match your reality of relationships.

Nobody wants to be with someone who can’t stand to be by themselves.

What’s so wrong with you that you can’t just enjoy your own company? Think about that and then go out and look for someone to compliment your lifestyle, not complete it.

14) You think a white horse and prince are the only options

Your standards are just too high. Plain and simple. Get off your high horse and start looking for partners who are on the ground.

Sure, you might meet a tall, dark and handsome person to love, but the odds are slim that you’ll find them on a horse, and even more slim that they’ll be a prince.

So get with the program and get a more realistic purview of what humans look like and act like.

Sure, you can dream, but that’s about all you’ll be doing in your love life if you don’t get real.

15) You’re kind of a mess

If you expect your partner to be Mr. or Mrs. Right, you better get yourself together first. If you are late for every meeting you are supposed to attend, if you burn every meal you make, if you can’t wear clean clothes two days in a row, and if your car is constantly running out of gas, you might need a major tune-up before you head out and look for love.

Whether you are into guys or gals, people don’t want partners they need to babysit. Get yourself together and you might have an easier time finding love.

A clean shirt is a great place to start. Grunge is out.

16) You keep going back to the same places you meet the same people

There’s no doubt about it that people hook up with the wrong partners all the time. It can be a real downer when you realize how many love mistakes you’ve made in your life.

So it’s time to take stock of where you are concentrating your energy and change things up a bit. If you always pick someone up in a bar, trying hanging out in a different place next Friday night.

Or better yet, don’t go out on Friday night at all and stay home washing that laundry so you have a clean shirt to go out on Saturday night.

Always thinking, we are. We’ve got your back.

If you are never happy with the person you are dating, it’s likely not them at all, and almost always you. Yes, it’s not you, it’s me is a real thing. And baby, it sounds like you might be the problem.

17) You’re saying all the wrong things

Some people just can’t say the right things no matter how hard they try. If you fall into this category, the solution is to stop talking and start listening.

Rather than trying to be the star of the show, let your date be the star of the show. Ask them questions, and refrain from making comments.

If you put your foot in your mouth more than on the dancefloor, sit tight. Let your listening skills represent you until you are more comfortable around your current love interest.

The biggest thing when it comes to finding love is this: don’t let the lack of love define you. Remember that you are worthy of love, but that you can focus on loving yourself in the meantime.

 

NOW WATCH: I’m 36, still single, and finally figured out why

RELATED ARTICLE: Unrequited Love: Why it hurts so bad and 8 crucial steps to take

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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