The moment you break up with your ex, no matter how fleeting the relationship was, you do everything in your power to make sure it’s final.
You delete their number from your phone and block them on every social media platform that you both use.
It is only natural to want to move on from the past and everything that reminds you of your ex.
However, some people just can’t seem to get over their exes.
And even if they have blocked all their numbers, these people suddenly get a text message or an e-mail out of the blue from their ex.
Don’t overthink it. It’s normal behavior.
I’ll take you through the top reasons why your ex suddenly contacts you now. Let’s jump right in.
1) They want an ego boost
If you broke up with someone and they still want to maintain a connection with you, there’s a good chance that their main reason for doing so is to feel better about themselves.
People tend to be inherently selfish. And there your ex is probably thinking more about their needs than yours at the moment.
For some, their ego has been hurt because of their breakup and they want to build it up again.
They want your attention and to know that you still like them and are attracted to them.
They feel that they were wronged in the relationship, and want to make amends by re-introducing themselves into your life in an attempt at getting back together.
For some people, it is as if they can’t seem to let go of you because it hurts their ego too much. Rejection is a painful experience to get over. And no one likes to feel pain.
They’ll keep calling and texting you, hoping that you’ll give them attention and let them know they are still wanted.
Take it for what it’s worth, it’s a random outreach. If they continue to pursue you and try to reconcile, then you can give it some thought.
But for now, try to remain indifferent to their messages.
2) They are genuinely worried about you
You broke up with someone, and they still want to maintain their connection with you because they are worried about you.
The truth is, certain people honestly and genuinely care about the well-being of others.
A lot of the time, these people will want to know if you are okay and if everything is okay in your life.
Break ups can be extremely painful and bring up all sorts of emotion.
They can easily throw us into a pit of despair.
Some people truly care about your well-being and would like to see if they can help you in any way that they can. Even if they dated you and you have parted ways since. Even if they are committed to someone else at the moment.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as wanting to see how you’re doing. If a person doesn’t want to be bothered by you anymore, it might be time for a rethink on your relationship together.
They might also see that you are doing things out of character after the breakup and want to make sure that you aren’t hurting yourself in any way.
3) You’ve moved on, but they haven’t
If they were, they would not have any reason to contact you. And even if they did, the conversation would be short-lived.
Exes usually try to get closure or apologize for misdeeds and that’s it.
If they contact you after some time, they might want to rekindle the flame.
However, if you have moved on from them and are in a happy and committed relationship, they might not be able to handle that. If you have moved on and are happy with your new partner, you should let them know.
Let them know that your new relationship is going strong. Otherwise, they might try to come back into your life.
4) You hooked up after breaking up
If your ex contacts you after a hookup, it could be because they want to continue seeing you even though your relationship ended.
They might want to continue seeing you again and again without any commitment and enjoy the perks of being sexual with you.
If you are not interested in continuing such a relationship with them, you should let them know.
You might even want to ignore their text messages and e-mails since they are not worthy of your time and attention.
They might be continuously contacting you because they cannot go on with their daily life.
They might be in some kind of trouble and they want you to help them through it.
Even if there is nothing you can do to help them, remember that it’s not your responsibility. You aren’t in a relationship with them anymore.
That idea can be hard to let go of. Sometimes we make our partner our purpose and our priority, and when that’s taken away, it feels as if the floor has been ripped from beneath us.
If that sounds a little like what you’re experiencing in the absence of your ex, try focusing on your own life.
Ideapod’s co-creator Justin Brown has worked for years in helping people better channel their efforts to worthwhile places.
And if you need a helping hand in refocusing your attention and efforts away from your ex, try out his free Find Your Purpose Masterclass.
Dwelling on your ex, your perhaps regretful hookup, or your next relationship might not be the best solution for you right now – but focusing on yourself is never the wrong answer.
Even if you do want to rekindle the romance or if you never want to see your ex again, you’ll have other aspects going on in your own life to distract you from either conundrum!
5) They want to reconcile
If your ex contacts you after a breakup, they might want to try and get back together with you but don’t want to say that directly. They are sending a few messages to feel out the situation and to see if you will respond and warm up again.
They would probably want to keep the interactions short, sweet, and to the point until you know what their intentions are.
You should be wary if they want to get back together.
Because you never know what is truly going on in someone’s mind.
You should know that this person has let you go once and might do it again or vice versa. So why revisit a situation that didn’t work in the first place?
You should not get back into a relationship with them again until you know that they are serious this time around and what their intentions are.
If they want to get back together, they might also want to be friends again.
But this is also tricky to navigate.
Do you really want to be friends with someone you were so intimate with?
Will you be ok with them dating other people?
Will that help you to move on with your own glorious life?
It is best to keep your communication with them to a minimum until you have gotten over your ex and you know what you want in life.
Then, you can either let them know that you are happy and have moved on from them, or that you are willing to meet up with them at some point in the future.
6) Your ex’s new partner is bad in bed
Your ex might have broken up with you because they thought you were not good enough for them and now they are regretting their decision because they are with someone worse for them.
After having broken up with you, they might have met someone else and are having a relationship with them but see some major issues and flaws that they never experienced with you.
The new partner might not be good for them. They may be violent or abusive or harshly critical.
Perhaps, their new partner is bad in bed.
Or perhaps they are unable to make them happy in other ways.
They might have contacted you because they want to break up with their current partner and contacting you is considered dangerous or naughty behavior.
Perhaps they even want to upset their current partner and make them upset or jealous to give them a reason to call off the relationship.
Reaching out to you out of the blue can shows that your ex is unhappy with their current situation.
7) Your ex has problems that led to the break-up
Your ex might have previously broken up with you because of something that they couldn’t control and they are contacting you because that obstacle is now removed.
Perhaps, they had to travel a lot for work and had no choice but to break up with you.
They might want to apologize and feel bad that they had to break up with you.
If they broke up with you because they had issues in their body like anxiety or depression, they might want to explain what was going on in their private life.
They might understand that they were not in a position to be in a relationship with you.
If they broke up with you because they wanted to protect you from someone, they might want to apologize to you.
If you break up with someone because you feel like they are a bad influence on you, they might want to apologize.
They might want to set things right and make amends. If they are contacting you after the break-up, let them know that you are happy in your life and you don’t need their apology.
8) Your ex is nostalgic for the good times
If your ex misses the good times that you both shared, they might have contacted you because they want to feel good again.
They might have been yearning for those days when you were in a relationship with them.
You might have excited them and shared joy with them in a way that they can’t find themselves or with someone new.
If you have moved on from them, you might want to let them know, so that they stop bothering you.
You should let them know that you are happy in your current relationship and have no intention of getting back into a relationship with them.
If they have broken up with their current partner, they might have been thinking about you and finding a way to get you and all the good memories back.
They might have been regretting their decision to break up with you.
If your ex misses the good times that you both shared, don’t get back into a relationship with them immediately. See if they miss you or the idea of you.
Remember that the past is something that you will always share but is difficult to recreate.
9) You have mutual friends and colleagues
Your ex might have heard that you are doing well from common friends and wants to reconnect with you, so they are reaching out.
They might want to meet your new partner and congratulate you.
They might want to meet your new partner but don’t dare to ask you out on a date.
If you and your ex have mutual friends and colleagues, they could have heard that you are doing great.
They might want to meet you so they can share their good wishes with you.
Let them know where you stand. Be clear. You don’t owe them anything anymore and there’s no reason why you have to let them into your life.
If you are not interested in meeting them, you can always politely turn down their offer.
If they want to meet your new partner, you should introduce them and let them know that you are happy in your new relationship.
10) Revenge is on their mind
Your ex might have broken up with you and blocked your number and social media account because they wanted to hurt you or mess with your mental sanity.
They might have wanted to destroy your self-esteem and make you feel worthless.
Some people have hurtful intentions towards others.
You never really know what they are thinking.
Your ex might have wanted to get back at you for some reason.
If your ex has contacted you out of the blue, it could be because they want to get back at you.
They might have wanted to hurt you and now, they get to do that.
They might have contacted you because they want to take advantage of you. Or, they have contacted you because they want to get back at you.
Don’t respond to their calls or reply to their text messages if this feels like the case.
11) They want to take you back
If your ex contacted you because they want to get back with you, they might be apologizing.
They might have broken up with you and now, they want to get back together.
You should always remember that it is a two-way street.
Your ex might have left you because of the way things were going in your relationship but now, they might think that everything is okay.
That doesn’t mean they want to try again with you.
They might have contacted you because they want to make amends.
They might want to take advantage of you again or be friends with you again.
If your ex contacted you after the break-up and wants to get back together, let them know that it is not going to happen.
Your ex should not contact you or be in contact with you if they do not understand that things are over between the two of you.
12) They are lonely
Your ex might have contacted you after the break-up because they are lonely and need meaningful human contact.
They might be trying to get back into your life because they feel hurt and neglected and want to feel as good at the best moments of your relationship again.
You know that they have moved on from you but your ex does not know how to move on from their previous relationship.
Your ex might have contacted you because they want to make sure that you are doing well.
They might be feeling lonely and wondering how you are doing.
They might have been thinking about you and wanted to call or text you.
You should let them know that everything is okay and they need to move on from their relationship with you.
Maintain a cordial relationship with them but do not get back into a relationship with them.
13) They are checking up to save face
Your ex might have contacted you because they are worried that you are doing well without them.
They might have wanted to check up on you and make sure that everything is fine.
They don’t want to leave you with the impression that they did not care about your well-being.
You know what they did wrong but they do not want to own up to it.
These reasons for an ex to be contacting you can be quite subtle and hard to decipher.
And if you’re struggling to piece together the puzzle as to why they might be reaching out, delving deeper into the intricacies of love and emotions might be of use.
World renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. has a fantastic free masterclass running on Love and Intimacy.
His guided, practical exercises prompt you to really think about what your past relationship entailed, what your expectations are, and where your current emotions lie.
You’ll likely also gain a far clearer picture as to the reasons for your ex reaching out, and whether or not you should respond.
14) They are drunk
If your ex has contacted you because they are drunk, let them know that you will talk to them the next day if at all.
Don’t take this outreach too seriously. They aren’t thinking clearly.
As far as they are concerned, it’s the last call at the bar.
They want to know how you are doing, and have the habit of going by your place. But careful. Do not get back into a relationship with them.
You should be happy in your current relationship and shouldn’t give your ex any reason to believe otherwise. Your ex will use this opportunity to try to get back together with you because they have no one else.
They might be interested in getting back to you but you should not be interested in getting back to them.
15) They are addicted to you
A reason why your ex may contact you is that they’ve been trying so hard not to that they are full of repressed emotion and feel driven to reach out again. They might as well be addicted to you. They can’t stop thinking about you.
They might be in that place when trying to forget you.
They might be in the same place as they have been before; at least that’s what they think.
They might have been thinking about you and they wanted to check up on you.
You should not respond if this is the case because it is something that your ex has been doing before so why should you be any different?
You know better.
Maintain a cordial relationship with them but don’t be involved in a relationship with them.
Move on with your vibrant life
After a break-up, it is common to want to know why your ex broke up with you.
However, it is best to not ask them because they might feed you with lies and make you feel even worse than you already do. If you want to get back together with your ex, you should focus on the present and not go around blaming yourself for the past.
Be sure to focus on your feelings and be confident in yourself. If you have their number or know where they live, don’t harass them or stalk them.
This might make things worse for both of you and can lead to a devastating situation like stalking or harassment by the police.
The way I see it is you have two options when your ex reaches out to you:
You can let it affect your day and open up to what they have to say.
Or, you can move on with your life and keep out of any drama that they are trying to pull you into.
In my experience, an ex-partner tends to reach out randomly because they are confused. And this means that you are usually better off without them.
If they are clear and want to rekindle, they will go out of their way to make themselves known.
But you have to honestly ask yourself if this is something that you want to get involved in.
If your ex contacts you again, you can feel free to tell them that you don’t want to be in touch with them anymore.
Don’t let your ego get the best of you.
Just go on living your life as if it was no big deal.
If you’re dealing with having a hard time letting go of relationships that no longer serve you, have you considered getting to the root of the issue?
Have you looked at the most important relationship you have in life – the one with yourself?
I learned this important reminder from Rudá Iandê, who I mentioned above. His insightful video on Love and Intimacy offers key points to help you improve the relationships you have with others.
He also helps you look at why it can feel so hard to let go of our past relationships.
You’ll find practical solutions to love and much more in Rudá’s powerful video – solutions that’ll will resonate into other areas of your life.
The best thing you can do is to build up your sense of self again and your confidence so that you can navigate this relationship as you need.
The more you focus on and care for yourself, the more you will be able to live your vibrant life, single or involved with someone else.
But remember to love yourself first.