27 unfortunate signs she is leading you on (and what to do about it)

Have you ever liked someone a lot only to find they were just leading you on the whole time?

It’s got to be one of the worst feelings in the world…

Unfortunately, it happens way too often!

Here is a master guide for how to spot when a girl you like is just leading you on…

27 unfortunate signs she is leading you on (and what to do about it)

YouTube video

1) She’s not interested in your life

This goes right in the first place on this guide, because many men miss it.

One of the most unfortunate signs she is leading you on is that she simply doesn’t care about you.

It sounds obvious, and it is, but many guys miss what’s right in front of their face.

When a woman isn’t really interested in getting serious with you but she still wants your attention, money, body or time, she’ll use many tactics and seductive techniques to get you hooked.

She may even feign an interest in your life.

But the one thing she’ll never do if she’s leading you on, is actually care.

So how can you tell the difference between a woman who actually cares and one who’s faking it?

Read on…

2) She makes you feel replaceable

One of the biggest ways to tell is in how she makes you feel.

Does she show you that she appreciates and needs you?

Or does she treat you like an afterthought and act dismissively toward you in most cases?

She builds you up just to break you down.

And at the end of the day you are left with this constant feeling of being replaceable.

If you feel replaceable and disposable, then she’s probably leading you on.

3) She ignores what you say to her

One of the top ways to tell when somebody really likes you is that they care what you say.

A girl who’s leading you on is the exact opposite. She ignores what you say to her and doesn’t listen even when you really need her attention.

We all get preoccupied sometimes, and that’s one thing, but this is different…

Because you can bet she definitely expects you to listen when she wants to talk.

But if you have something to say or open up about she tells you she’s busy or just nods and then changes the subject.

While the signs in this article will help you understand whether she’s leading on you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like your partner leading on you. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems. 

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.  

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were. 

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

4) She’s unsure and uncomfortable talking about the future

Another one of the most unfortunate signs she is leading you on is that talk of the future really spooks her.

She doesn’t want to hear about it and shies away from any talk of you and her down the road.

If she thought of you as a real candidate to be her partner, then talking about the future wouldn’t freak her out this way.

But if you even hint at talking about where things are going in two months or next year, she’s over the top with anxious behavior and avoidance of the subject.

Let’s be honest, this is the behavior of a girl who’s leading you on.

5) She won’t say what she really wants

In addition to shying away from talk of the future, a woman who is leading you on will be very vague about her emotions.

Regardless of what she says she’s looking for, she won’t generally be willing to be clear about what she feels for you or what she’s looking for.

This can be really frustrating if you have feelings for her or want to get a better picture of whether there’s the potential for a relationship.

As Britni de la Cretaz writes:

“Being led on really just boils down to two people who want different things from a relationship – and open communication is the best way to avoid that issue altogether.”

6) She flirts with other guys

Even if the girl you’re seeing is just something casual, the least you could hope for is that she doesn’t flirt with other guys in front of you.

Is that too much to ask?

With a girl who’s leading you on, the answer is apparently yes.

She will frequently comment on how hot other guys are and chat them up right in front of you.

Or she’ll scroll down their social media pages oohing and ahing all for your benefit.


7) Only she decides when and where

Another of the unfortunate signs she is leading you on is that she’s always the one who initiates meeting up.

I’ve experienced this myself and it’s definitely noticeable when you pay attention.

She is the one leading interactions and deciding when you meet and where on an ongoing basis.

You end up becoming passive and compliant, fulfilling a role whereby she dishes out attention to you and you become nothing but a doormat who’s supposed to jump at the scraps.

It’s demeaning and never ends well.

As Khushi Mehta writes:

“Since she does not consider herself your girlfriend, you only get to hang out with her on her schedule.

“She will call you up as and when she is free, without being considerate of your family, work and social commitments.

“You may hear from her often when she is alone and lonely and needs someone to hang out with.”

8) She pouts if she doesn’t get your attention

pexels anthony shkraba production 8412426 27 unfortunate signs she is leading you on (and what to do about it)

One of the top unfortunate signs she is leading you on is that she isn’t willing to make any commitment to you, yet she expects you to make one with her.

She wants your attention and pouts if she doesn’t get it.

If she texts, you’d better answer…

If she asks to hang out, you’d better have a pretty good excuse if not.

This pattern can get exhausting, and the codependent expectation that you’ll give her all your attention is nonsense.

9) She keeps you off her social media

This is a big thing to watch out for if you’re looking for unfortunate signs she is leading you on.

Not all women are into social media and Instagram, I get that.

But if you’ve been seeing a lady who’s very social media conscious and she’s been careful to keep her off her social media, then you can be sure there’s a reason.

Most often, the reason is that she’s not very serious about you and she doesn’t want to bother making it a “thing” on her official channels.

Now you know…

10) She’s all about sex all the time

You’d think that a girl who knows what she wants in the sack would be a good thing.

And usually it is.

But in some cases, it can actually become kind of frustrating.

If you’re looking for more, but she’s just interested in your performance in bed, then you could well have a case of a seductress who’s toying with you.

This girl just wants to lead you on in order to use you.

Feels kind of weird, doesn’t it?

11) She makes you feel like you’ll never be good enough

One of the top signs of a girl who is leading you on is a constant feeling of insufficiency.

It sucks to feel like you’re not good enough, and somehow the kind of girls who lead you on always know just how to push those buttons…

It can be terrible to feel like you’re not on a high enough “level” to get the kind of relationships you’ve always wanted.

But when it comes to relationships, you might be surprised to hear that there’s one very important connection you’ve probably been overlooking:

The relationship you have with yourself.

I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his incredible, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.

And once you start doing that, there’s no telling how much happiness and fulfillment you can find within yourself and with your relationships.

So what makes Rudá’s advice so life-changing?

Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but he’s experienced the same problems in love as you and I have.

And using this combination, he’s identified the areas where most of us go wrong in our relationships.

So if you’re tired of your relationships never working out, of feeling undervalued, unappreciated, or unloved, this free video will give you some amazing techniques to change your love life around.

Make the change today and cultivate the love and respect you know you deserve.

Click here to watch the free video.

12) She uses you as an emotional comfort pillow

In addition to being heavy on the sexual activity, a girl who is leading you on will often use you as an emotional comfort pillow.

She’ll come over to talk and cry it out, and then leave without a word…

She’ll use your body and your heart and then toss it out like a piece of soiled kleenex.

If this is what you’re into, then congrats.

If not, then you have a problem on your hands.

13) She has long term plans that don’t involve you

Another one of the unfortunate signs she is leading you on is that she has future plans that don’t involve you.

Often, this girl won’t even like talking about the future at all.

But if and when she does, you’ll notice a conspicuous absence of you in them.

She may also emphasize being “single” and “independent” when she goes into one of her little soliloquies.

“If she talks about long term plans and you’re nowhere in sight, know that this isn’t real,” notes Sunaina Mullick.

14) She intentionally blurs the line between serious and fun

If a girl is just having fun and let’s you know it, there’s not much grounds on which you can lodge a complaint.

But the kind of girl who leads you on is different.

She will sometimes make strangely deep and romantic comments, and then back off and laugh them off or say that you’re acting crazy when you start caring about her.

In general, her behavior will strike you as a weird combination of “just fun” and serious.

The truth is that she herself often doesn’t know what she wants, or has learned to use guys so well that she doesn’t bother to ever clarify to herself or others what she wants.

15) She’s hot and cold and you never know which

On a related note, the behavior of a woman who’s leading you on tends to be very hot and cold.

It’s impossible to know which mixed messages she’s going to be sending on any given day.

One day she’s all over you, the next day you’re a fly on her shoulder.

It’s far from flattering, to say the least.

16) She’s expects you to fix her problems

One of the most codependent and unfortunate signs she is leading you on is that she expects you to be her on-call counselor.

When you have a problem, you’re on your own.

But when she has one, it’s all hands on deck. In this case “all hands” meaning you…

17) She doesn’t want to ‘label’ what you are to her

pexels cottonbro 6328573 27 unfortunate signs she is leading you on (and what to do about it)

If the subject ever comes up about what your relationship is or how she thinks of you, the woman who is leading you on will clam up.

She will either say it’s too soon to tell, she’s not quite sure or that she’s waiting to see.

The bottom line is that she’s not very serious about you and doesn’t want to say it.

On the other hand, if you come out with strong feelings about her she’ll dodge the subject like bullet fire.

As Vin Serai explains:

“She’s very evasive when it comes to talking about your feelings.

“Every time you tell her that you love her or want to date her exclusively, she’d just smile or change the subject.”

18) She has breakdowns and blames you for them

We all have enough problems without being blamed for someone else’s.

But a girl who’s leading you on tends to blame you for her own problems.

It’s exhausting and uncalled for. Being there for her is one thing, but being an emotional punching bag for her is something else entirely (it’s bullshit).

19) She involves you in her drama

In general, a woman who is leading you on is an experience that will drain and haunt you.

If it’s happening to you then you need to take steps not to get your heart ripped out.

One of those steps is to avoid her drama, which she will do her best to involve you in if at all possible.

Stay away from any invitations or demands to get involved in her dirty business.

20) You’re her best-kept secret

One nice thing about dating someone is that you get to tell your friends about this special person.

But a girl who is leading you on will keep you a secret.

She won’t want you on her social media as I said…

And she’ll also want to hide you from public view as much as possible. To her, you’re just “some guy.”

Like Apollonia Ponti says about a woman keeping you a secret:

“When a woman does this, she’s really playing you for a fool.”


21) She gaslights you

Gaslighting is when you make someone believe that what they’re seeing which is wrong isn’t happening or that if it is happening it’s their fault.

A woman who is leading you on will often be an expert gaslighter.

If anything goes wrong – even a mixed up scheduling of a meetup or a miscommunication – it will be either your imagination or your fault.

Nice to know that you’re such a piece of shit I guess, right?

22) She intentionally tries to make you jealous

In addition to flirting with other guys, a woman who is leading you on will do her best to make you jealous.

She does this as a tool, getting you to start chasing her – then she withdraws her attention again.

It’s like a cat chasing a ball of string.

You’d think it would get old and she’d stop bothering, but the fact is that enough guys play along to make it worth her while to keep doing it.

23) She’s more into you when you lose interest

The idea of playing hard to get is popular in a lot of online dating advice guides.

And it can work to a limited extent in the courting phase.

But the general trend of a woman losing interest when you pursue her is a bad sign. It means she’s not that into you.

A woman who is leading you on will get more into you the more you withdraw attention. That’s because it’s the attention she craves, not you.

The fact is that a woman who really likes you won’t wax and wane so dramatically. If her interest only spikes when you stop being into her, then she’s playing you.

24) She acts uncomfortable when you get romantic

A woman who’s leading you on is often fine with sex and being dirty.

But if you get romantic or plan out a candlelit dinner she’s likely to get quite uncomfortable and act dodgy.

When she doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere, your romantic actions only make her feel anxious and awkward.

Check how she reacts the next time you suggest a “weekend away” with only the two of you…

25) She tells her friends you’re just a fling

Sometimes if you can’t get the news from the newspaper you have to go to the source.

If she’s beating around the bush and not telling you how she feels, listen to what she tells her friends.

If she’s letting those around her know that you’re just a fling and barely even introducing you to any, then she’s leading you on.

It’s as simple as that.

26) She wants you for the attention and ego boost

One of the biggest letdowns when it comes to unfortunate signs she is leading you on is that you realize she doesn’t like you, she just likes how you make her feel.

Knowing that you’re into her and will give her your time and energy gives her a kind of buzz.

She gets off on knowing that you’re there to stroke her ego and build her up when she’s feeling down.

As Psych2Go says:

“Even though they do not feel the same way about them, they would still string them along because it strokes their ego and they don’t want to lose that admiration.”

YouTube video


27) She openly compares you with other guys

Maybe you’re a great guy, maybe not.

But when a girl you’re interested in openly compares your pluses and minuses with other guys in a serious way it’s pretty jarring.

What’s she really trying to prove?

She’s either trying to justify why you’re not good enough to be serious about…

Or she’s trying to tease and entrap you even more.

Disaster zone ahead…

What to do about it if she’s leading you on

1) Empower yourself

If you’ve been dealing with a woman who’s leading you on, then you know how damaging it can be to your self-worth and confidence.

It makes you feel like you’re flawed, broken and replaceable.

It makes you feel insufficient, left behind and forgotten.

So what can you do to overcome this feeling that you’re not good enough?

Speaking from personal experience, let me tell you what to do…

Begin with yourself. Stop searching for external fixes to sort out your life, deep down, you know this isn’t working.

And that’s because until you look within and unleash your personal power, you’ll never find the satisfaction and fulfillment you’re searching for.

I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. His life mission is to help people restore balance to their lives and unlock their creativity and potential. He has an incredible approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist.

In his excellent free video, Rudá explains effective methods to achieve what you want in life and stop chasing the validation and attention of others.

So if you want to build a better relationship with yourself, unlock your endless potential, and put passion at the heart of everything you do, start now by checking out his genuine advice.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

2) Communicate with her

At the very least, you need to try your best to communicate with this girl who is leading you on.

If she’s behaving in a way she’s not aware of, or otherwise outside of her norm, it’s possible that you can break through.

The key here is to do your best and then leave it.

If she’s open to hearing out your frustrations and confusion then great. If not, you need to be willing to let it go.

3) Respect yourself

Another one of the big things you should do if you’re being led on is to respect yourself.

If you’re jumping at any scrap of attention she throws out, ask yourself why.

You don’t have to.

If you have feelings for her and she’s toying with you, that’s not acceptable. You need to put your foot down.

Like Serai says:

“Think about what you really want for yourself.

“Of course, it feels really nice to hear from her and hear the sweet and sexy things she says, but you do know deep inside that all this is going nowhere.”

4) Are you leading yourself on?

Another thing to consider if you’re being led on is whether it’s actually happening.

Sometimes we gaslight ourselves and build up false expectations that we had no grounds for in the first place.

As dating coach Apollonia Ponti advises here, sometimes the best thing to do with a girl who’s leading you on is to take a look in the mirror.

Is she really leading you on, or did you just build up high expectations around her despite her telling you she’s not looking for something serious?

YouTube video


5) Go your own way

In the end, the best solution to being led on is usually to walk away.

Hit the brakes on the clown car and get out, because this ride only ends at the circus with a carnie laughing at you and a barf-filled tilt-a-whirl.

You deserve someone who will take you seriously and care about you.

She can take all her ambiguity and toying with you and shove it in the trash where it belongs…

As Kate Dreyfus puts it:

“If she seems ambivalent or isn’t being direct with you, take some time for yourself to think about if you really want to be with her.

“Usually ambivalence is a “no,” but she’s just being too polite to say so directly.”

Walking off the end of a bridge to nowhere…

If you’re dealing with a woman who’s leading you on, I feel for you.

It’s painful, confusing and frustrating as hell.

Remember to take care of yourself and trust your gut.

You don’t owe her or the world any of your time or energy, and you need to respect yourself before you can give love to anyone else.

Picture of Paul Brian

Paul Brian

Paul R. Brian is a freelance journalist and writer who has reported from around the world, focusing on religion, culture and geopolitics. Follow him on www.twitter.com/paulrbrian and visit his website at www.paulrbrian.com

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.