17 signs he’s only lusting after you (and it’s not true love)

Have you just started dating a guy?

Wondering if he genuinely likes you? Or are you worried that he is just lusting after you and not much else?

Let’s find out!

In this article, I’ll go through the top 15 signs that this guy is only lusting you, and he doesn’t genuinely love you.

I hope for your sake you’re proven wrong.

1) He invites you over late at night.

Has he asked you to meet up for an innocent cup of coffee and a catch-up?

Or did he ask to meet you late on a Saturday night?

If it is the latter, he probably doesn’t have genuine feelings for you.


Because if a guy genuinely wanted to get to know a girl for who she is, then he’d want to sit down and talk genuinely to get to know each other.

If he is simply lusting after you, he won’t care about getting to know you and he’ll simply want to get you in bed.

2) He only organizes to meet you at the last minute and doesn’t commit to anything in advance

This is the number one indication that he’s just lusting after you.

If a guy truly likes you, he’ll want to see you as soon as possible. You’d be the first person he calls.

He’ll be busy making plans with you and trying to spend as much time with you as he can.

If, on the other hand, the only time he makes time for you is when there are no other options, then this means that he doesn’t care about spending real time with you at all.

He just sees you as a last resort, and that’s never a good sign about a guy’s intentions.

3) He talks dirty to you but doesn’t listen to what’s important to you

There’s nothing wrong with being turned on by your sexiness and being comfortable enough around each other to talk dirty.

But if that’s all he can talk about and he can barely listen to you when you talk about something else that’s important to you, that’s obviously not a good sign.

There’s more to a relationship than just sex. We can all agree with that.

So if he can’t talk about anything other than dirty talk, then he likely sees you as a casual sex buddy and not much more.

4) He never talks about the future

If he doesn’t mention anything about the future, it certainly is a major red flag. He could just be having fun with you and nothing more.

This shows that he doesn’t have any intentions of making arrangements with you after the relationship has ended.

If an individual mentions anything about spending time in your future together, this is a guy who genuinely cares for you and wants to see where things go with your relationship.

But if he doesn’t mention anything about his future or plans for you both, he’s likely only lusting after you and not thinking of you as anything substantial.

5) He doesn’t spend quality time with you

He says he wants to be with you through thick and thin, but he avoids spending quality time with you.

“Does he ever call you? Text you? Send you a surprise gift? Or do any of the little things that show he cares?”

If not, then you can see what his guy’s true intentions are.


Actions speak louder than words.

So if he doesn’t actually spend quality time with you, and simply only wants to meet you when it benefits him, then you can bet your bottom dollar that this guy isn’t serious about you.

6) You only see him for sex

If you are only dating this guy because he wants sex, then be careful. It might be a sign that he is simply lusting after you and nothing more.


It’s pretty obvious that if a guy is only interested in your body, then he doesn’t actually want to be with you.

When you see him doing something nice for you, stop and think about what he’s really up to. Is this guy just a sex addict, or does he actually genuinely love you?

7) He sees other women

If this guy is seeing other women besides you, then he has little interest in you.

A man who truly loves you will be focused on spending quality time with you and only you.

If he’s going around dating other women, it means that he only wants to be with them physically.

If he was genuinely serious about being in a relationship with you, he wouldn’t see other women. Full stop.

8) He texts other women

In the same vein, texting other women is a dead giveaway that this guy is only lusting after you.

If he isn’t ready to commit, then he will see every other girl besides you just as an opportunity to sleep with her.

He treats every woman the same: An opportunity to add one more to his list.

As gross as this sounds, some men are like that, especially the smooth as butter guys I like to call “bonafide players”.

If you have an inkling that your guy is texting lots of women, then I’m sorry to say, but he only has one intention.

This is an obvious sign that he doesn’t genuinely love you and only sees you as a conquest.

9) He doesn’t want to know your friends and family

If this guy is ignoring your friends, family, and social circle, then he’s definitely showing a lack of interest in you.

He clearly has no interest in getting to know the most important people in your life.

This is a clear sign that he doesn’t care about you enough to make an effort to get to know what’s important for you. He only cares about himself, not you.

10) He stops calling you

If he stops calling you, texting you, and stops sending you gifts, then something fishy is going on.

If he genuinely loved you, he would clearly want to stay in contact with you.

And it goes without saying that a guy who doesn’t want to stay in contact with the girl he loves is only in “lust” and not actually “love”.

This is especially the case if you’ve slept with him, and he has gone cold after.

It sucks, but some guys are just jerks. They only care about the physical and not much more.

In the end, you should be thankful that he has stopped texting you. He is a jerk and you’re better off without him!

11) He wants you to change or become someone you’re not

If he demands that you change in any way, so that he can accept you, then prepare yourself for disappointment.

Men who really want to be with a woman will be okay with her personality no matter what. They’ll want to know her as she truly is. And only then will they be “in love” with her.

But if he tries to get you to be someone you’re not, then it’s not true love. True love is about accepting your partner for all of their flaws and weaknesses, as well as their positive traits.

If he doesn’t accept you for who you really are, and feels the need to change you into someone else, then he doesn’t love you genuinely.

12) He lies to your face

Men who do this have absolutely no respect for their partner. It’s an act of pure disrespect.

If he lies to your face, and says that what he did was different than what it was, then I’m sorry but this is a huge red flag.

Sure, there are big lies and small lies. If he went out his buddies for a beer but told you he’s too tired to go out, well then that might be a small one.

But it’s a slippery slope and soon enough, he’ll be cheating on you and then lying to your face when you ask him directly about it.

This is not a man who truly loves you.

This is a man who takes advantage of you and think it’s okay to lie to you without regard for your feelings.

Every woman deserves better than a guy who lies to their face.

13) He doesn’t make you feel special

A man who loves you will always make time for you. He won’t be the guy who brushes you off, is late (or leaves early), or ignores your calls.

He’ll be there for you when you need it, and he’ll want to support you through the bad times as well as the good.

But a man who doesn’t love you won’t do these things, because he’s happy to have someone on the side and doesn’t care about making time for you.

You’re just a side chick to him and therefore, not a priority.

If it’s just lust for him, then I’m sorry to say, but he likely won’t feel the need to make you feel special unless it means that he’ll get bedroom action.

14) He constantly puts you down (verbally or emotionally)

Putting you down in any shape or form is never okay.

A man who loves you will want to support you and make sure that you feel special and cared for.

But a man who doesn’t truly love you and only lusts for you won’t try to make you feel any better and will be constantly putting you down.

He may even put other women down in front of you, to make himself look better.

That’s a terrible sign that this guy is a narcissist and he doesn’t care about anyone’s feeling, let alone yours.

It’s a sign that he doesn’t truly care about you or what your emotions might be in the present moment.

He simply wants someone on the side that he can treat badly, with absolutely no consequences for doing so.

This is because if a guy only lusts for you, then he doesn’t care about your emotions or feelings. He only cares about the physical, and that’s the type of guy you need to stay away from.

15) He doesn’t call you in a timely fashion

A man who loves you will always make it clear that you are number one. He will be willing to drop whatever he is doing to make sure that he can spend time with you.

He’ll show up on time for dates, and most importantly, he’ll always answer your calls or text message when he says he will.

But if only lusts you after you, and doesn’t truly love you then he won’t care about making it timely.

If he only has time for you when he wants to sleep with you, then you’re not important.

It’s just lust to him, and not a genuine equal supporting relationship.

Of course, nothing matters more than the feeling that someone truly loves you. And if you’re wondering if this guy is “in love” with you, well, if he’s not willing to put in the necessary time then he clearly doesn’t.

Love equals quality time together. Never forget that.

16) He doesn’t want to meet your family or introduce you to his

Guys who are truly in love with a girl are always willing to meet her family and introduce them to her.

A guy who doesn’t love you is likely not going to make an effort to introduce you to his own family, let alone hers.

These qualities show that this guy has absolutely no love for you. He may be someone who’s just playing around with women, and he wants no one else but you on the side.

Let’s be honest, in a committed relationship it’s important to meet each other’s family and friends, but if he is not willing to do that, then it’s a clear sign that he’s not in love with you.

17) He is constantly looking at other women when he is on a date with you

If a guy loves you, then when he is on a date with you, he will focus on you and only you. He will make sure that he is not looking at other women, and that you’re his sole focus.

But if this guy doesn’t love you, then he will be more than happy to look at other women, even if you are on a date with him.

This means that this is a guy who wants you to be his arm candy and not much more than that. He doesn’t really care about a relationship.

This guy just wants someone on the side to have sex with, but nothing else.

It sucks to hear, but if he can’t stop looking at other women (and especially, flirting with them) then it’s not a good sign.

He might just be in it for sex and if you want something more, then you need to move on or have an honest conversation with him.



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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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