So, you’ve met a new guy. You’ve been on a few dates and you always have fun. The sex is pretty phenomenal.
But how do you know when he’s falling in love…and when you’re just a cool person to hang out with?
We’ve all been there. It’s really hard to feel like you’re falling head over heels, but not know if he’s doing the same. You want to know if you have a future together or if you’re just getting your hopes up.
In this article, I’m going to show you the important signs you need to know about if you want to know if he is falling in love with you.
Let’s jump right in.
11 no-nonsense signs your man is falling in love with you
1. He wants to spend time with you
A man who is falling in love with you will naturally want to spend a lot of time with you. He’s not going to get sick of hanging out or bored in your company.
He doesn’t go home first thing in the morning. Instead, he wants to hang out all day. It’s not that he’s trying to invade your space, he just really wants to be with you for a bit longer.
When a man is falling in love, he doesn’t want to make unnecessary rules about when and where he can see you. He won’t talk about needing ‘time’ or ‘taking it slow’.
Of course, you shouldn’t be in each other’s pockets every day, but falling in love is supposed to be intense.
It’s perfectly fine if he wants to spend lots of time together early on, as you bond and get to know each other.
However, be sure not to neglect the rest of your life for him (or allow him to do the same), but if he wants to up the time he spends with you, that’s usually a good sign.
But a word of warning: beware of love bombing. If he’s super-intense and giving you constant, over-the-top affection, that’s not love, but a form of control.
2. He often opens up about his past, including the bad bits
Part of a developing long-term relationship is getting to know more about each others’ pasts, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
When you get to know each other on this deeper level, an emotional attraction develops that goes way beyond the physical.
This is the foundation of love and, if you do end up together long-term, is what will give your relationship strength.
But this can be a tough thing to do. Everyone has things in their past they’re not so proud of. Everyone has times when they wished they’d done things differently.
These aren’t things you talk about with a brand new date.
But someone you think you might want to spend your life with? Then you open up because you don’t want to have any secrets.
If your man is increasingly open about his past, if he starts to tell you things he wouldn’t tell his friends, then he’s telling you that he wants to build a real, solid, lasting connection.
3. He seems a bit nervous sometimes
If your man seems a little nervous, it can be a sign that he has deep feelings for you that he is working out. Just as you’re wondering whether he’s falling for you, so he’s wondering if you’re falling for him.
That might seem crazy to you right now, as you probably think it’s obvious. But men can have just the same insecurities and fears as women.
Maybe you even feel like he’s about to say something sometimes, but he ends up clamming up.
If this is sending your anxiety into overdrive (because you think this is the start of a breakup chat), think again.
He might just be on the verge of telling you he loves you, or at the very least having the ‘exclusive’ chat.
Nerves are very often a really good thing.
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4. He’s introduced you to his friends, and he wants to meet yours
When a man sees a future with you, he wants his friends to meet you and like you. They’re a big part of his life, especially if he’s been single a long time.
If you’ve already met them, did he seem nervous and excited? If so, he might just be a keeper.
And did his friends seem to be interested in you? If your guy is falling in love, you can bet he’ll have been talking to his friends about you.
They’ll be keen to find out more about you and hang out with you because they think that you might just be a permanent fixture in his life.
The same goes for his friends’ girlfriends. If they make a big effort to include you, they’re probably assuming you’re here to stay as part of their group (because he’s told them you might be).
And if he really wants to meet your friends, then that’s even better. It means that he values the opinion of the important people in your life.
If he seems a bit nervous but genuinely interested when he does meet them, that’s also a very good sign. Nerves mean he cares what they think of him.
Want to get inside a man’s mind on why he wants to stay single? Watch our founder Justin Brown’s video below.
5. He starts talking about things happening in the future
Does he end up mentioning a vacation you might go on next summer? Or does he talk about your birthday next year?
If so, he’s probably mentally planning ahead.
He’s not necessarily assuming anything at this point, but he might be thinking about the future often enough that he finds it hard not to mention future plans when you’re together.
After all, his head is full of them.
He could also be deliberately testing you to see if you’re feeling the same way as him.
He’s going to ask you to marry him, just yet, but maybe he’s testing the waters to see if marriage is something you see in your future.
The same goes for kids, moving out of the city, or traveling abroad.
If he talks about these being things he might like to do, he’s hoping you’ll make it clear that they’re things you’d like too.
6. He doesn’t play games
Dating often feels like one big game.
You wonder if he’ll call, or not. You’ll ask your girlfriends how long you should leave it before you reply to his messages.
You never know when the next date will be, or even if there’ll be one.
All that can be exciting and fun, but it’s not a great start to a real relationship.
Even if there was a little game playing right at the beginning, if you’re past the first few dates, that should be gone now if you’re going to have a future.
A man who’s falling in love with you won’t screen your calls and he won’t take two days to reply to your texts.
If you find yourself second-guessing, feeling anxious, and trying to work him out, he’s probably playing games of some kind (even if you haven’t quite figured out which games yet).
If you feel calm and together around him, you never find yourself wondering when he’s going to call or obsessively phone-checking, then he might just be your guy.
7. You catch him giving you ‘the look’
In the early stages of a relationship, most of us try and act a little cool. But if someone’s falling in love, they won’t be able to keep up the cool act.
If you catch your guy giving you a thoughtful, daydreamy look, or a lingering stare, then you might just be onto something.
You might be getting ready in the morning, and turn around to see him just enjoying watching you.
Or maybe he’ll catch your gaze just a bit longer than usual over dinner. Or he’ll just look incredibly happy to see you when you meet…
All these things can mean that your guy is falling for you hard.
He’s enjoying you, and he can’t help himself from looking at you lovingly (even if he hasn’t actually said the word love yet).
8. He feels essential to you
Men have a built-in desire for something that goes beyond love or sex.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel essential to the woman in their life.
If he is feeling essential in your life and you in his, this is what often separates the feeling of “like” from “love”.
This biological drive compels men to provide for and protect women.
He wants to step up for her, feel essential, and be appreciated for his efforts.
So if he is feeling essential to you, then you can bet your bottom dollar he is falling in love with you.
9. He pays attention when you talk
A guy who’s into you wants to hear what you have to say.
You won’t find him reaching for his phone mid-conversation, or zoning out when you talk about your family, friends, and hobbies.
He’ll ask questions about you and your life and he’ll be genuinely interested in the answers.
When a guy’s falling in love with you, he’s starting to picture what your life might be like together, long-term.
When you tell him about your family BBQ last weekend, he’s secretly hoping that he’ll be invited to the next one.
When you tell him about the new project you’re on at work, he’d be keen to hear about it because he knows that if you end up together, your career will be important to him as well as to you.
Whatever it is that’s going on in your life right now, he wants to know more because he wants to be part of your life, now and in the future.
10. He meets you halfway on plans
When a guy wants you, he won’t be selfish about how you spend your time together.
He’ll be willing and happy to compromise with you when it comes to making plans because he respects you and the fact you have your own life and preferences.
If you need to stay at work late, he’ll be happy to change your restaurant booking.
If your best friend breaks up with her boyfriend and needs you to be with her, he’ll understand you can’t see him.
None of this will affect his feelings or plans for the future. He knows that if you’re going to last, you’ll have to compromise, so he’ll do it happily.
Healthy relationships always involve a bit of compromise and give-and-take, and he’s showing you he’s OK with that.
11. He makes you feel like you’ve come home
Be honest with yourself – when you know, you know.
If a guy constantly makes you feel needy, anxious, and unsure, it’s unlikely he’s falling in love with you. If he makes you feel confident, happy, and sure of yourself, he might just be the one.
The guy who’s falling in love with you wants to know all about your dreams for the future because he hopes that the future will be shared.
He would never wait a day to text you back because he enjoys talking with you. He won’t get freaked out if you invite him to your friend’s wedding in 6 months time, because he wants to still be with you then.
When a man loves you, he’ll make you feel secure, comforted and like you’re in exactly the place you need to be.
Are you ready for a deeper connection?
It can feel stressful and emotionally draining to work out whether your man is feeling a deep connection with you or whether he’s just someone to have a bit of fun with.
As you start to use these signs to understand if he is more serious about your relationship and he wants to commit, you have two options at hand:
1. You can sit back, play it cool, and wait for him to make a move and express his feelings.
But if you wait, and act passive, you are putting all the control in his hands.
If he doesn’t make a move to express his feelings, you’re still left to wonder what’s going on between the two of you.
Or while you wait for him to make up your mind, you might repress your own feelings and send mixed messages to him that will likely confuse him or push him away.
You might risk losing him altogether.
Or having him seek out a deeper connection with someone else.
2. You can let him know how you feel about him.
If you decide to tell him how you feel, this is where things get really a little scary.
Because you have a few things to be careful of:
You don’t want to frighten him away if you’re moving too fast and expressing your feelings before he wants to. You could risk losing him.
And you don’t want him to misinterpret your feelings and think that you’re pressuring him into anything when your intentions aren’t like this at all.
You don’t want there to be any miscommunication about what the two of you are doing together.
Communication is key in any kind of relationship, especially one that’s developing.
The key is confidence and clear communication.
All relationships and interactions come with risk. But when you’re clear on what you want and how you feel and are able to express your feelings in a confident manner, it can be amazing how it changes the atmosphere around the two of you.
And when he feels this connection with you, he’ll respond.
Otherwise, it gives you the space to move on and create a deeper bond with someone else who is ready for all the love you possess and are able to express.
But that raises the question:
Why do you want to be in a relationship so badly?
The answer is contained in the relationship you have with yourself.
I explored this important question deeper with a talk given by the shaman Rudá Iandê. He reminded me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love and become truly empowered.
As Rudá explains in this insightful free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!
We need to face the facts about how we cope with being single and lonely.
Far too often we chase relationships. We hold idealized images of someone and build up expectations that are guaranteed to be let down.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to feeling content and at ease when I’m alone and feeling lonely.
If you’re done with frustrating relationships, endlessly trying to figure out men, and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
The better you feel when you are alone and in your own skin, the more magnetic and alluring you will become. Others will be drawn toward you.
You won’t have to try to figure out if someone is into you or not.
And it will be enough to know that you are comfortable and confident with the one person who will be with you all your life – yourself.