when you find the one

12 no bullsh*t signs a man is falling in love

You’ve met a new guy. You’ve been on a few dates and you always have fun. The sex is pretty good too.

But how do you know when he’s falling in love…and when you’re just a cool person to hang out with?

In this article, I’m going to show you the important signs you need to know about if you want to know if you and your guy have a future together.

It’s really hard to feel like you’re falling head over heels, but not know if he’s doing the same.

It’s not that you’re looking for a big commitment yet. You’re not hearing wedding bells or anything too full on.

But you do need to know whether you might have a future, or whether you’re just his ‘right for now’ girl.

The signs in this article will help you work out exactly what’s going on in your guy’s head.

If it turns out he is falling in love, you’ll be able to relax and enjoy your exciting new relationship.

And if it doesn’t, you’ll know it’s time to move on to someone who will fall in love.

12 no-nonsense signs your man is falling in love with you

1. He wants to spend time with you

This seems obvious, right? A man who is falling in love with you will naturally want to spend a lot of time with you. He’s not going to get sick of hanging out or bored in your company.

He doesn’t go home first thing in the morning. Instead, he wants to hang out all day. It’s not that he’s trying to invade your space, he just really wants to be with you for a bit longer.

When a man is falling in love, he doesn’t want to make unnecessary rules about when and where he can see you. He won’t talk about needing ‘time’ or ‘taking it slow’.

Of course, you shouldn’t be in each other’s pockets every day, but falling in love is supposed to be intense.

It’s OK if he wants to spend lots of time together early on, as you bond and get to know each other.

Don’t neglect the rest of your life for him (or allow him to do the same), but if he wants to up the time he spends with you, that’s usually a good sign.

But a word of warning: beware of love bombing. If he’s super-intense and giving you constant, over-the-top affection, that’s not love, but a form of control.

2. He wants to protect you

Is your safety and wellbeing his number 1 priority? Does he make an effort to protect you against things that can harm you—from the little things in life to the big threats?

When a guy falls in love, it’s often because you have triggered something deep inside him. Something he desperately needs.

What is it?

To fall in love, a guy needs to feel like he’s your protector. And that you genuinely respect him for doing this.

In other words, he needs to feel like your ‘hero’. Because when a man loves you he wants to be the one guy you can count on.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct.

This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.

I know it might all seem kind of silly. After all, you’re an independent woman. You don’t need a ‘hero’ in your life to “rescue you”.

But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.

The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in this life. This is rooted in male biology.

Although you may not need a hero, a man is compelled to be one. And if you want him to fall in love with you, then you have to let him.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say, messages you can send, requests you can use to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, watch James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

He tells you everything you need to know about the hero instinct, including how to trigger it in your man.

I don’t often recommend videos but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts in relationship psychology I’ve come across. And James Bauer is the real deal when it comes to relationship advice.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

3. He seems a bit nervous sometimes

Just as you’re wondering whether he’s falling for you, so he’s wondering if you’re falling for him.

That might seem crazy to you right now, as you probably think it’s obvious. But men can have just the same insecurities and fears as women.

Maybe you even feel like he’s about to say something sometimes, but he ends up clamming up.

If this is sending your anxiety into overdrive (because you think this is the start of a breakup chat), think again.

He might just be on the verge of telling you he loves you, or at the very least having the ‘exclusive’ chat.

Nerves are very often a really good thing.

4. He’s introduced you to his friends, and he wants to meet yours

When a man sees a future with you, he wants his friends to meet you and like you. They’re a big part of his life, especially if he’s been single a long time.

If you’ve already met them, did he seem nervous and excited? If so, he might just be a keeper.

And did his friends seem to be interested in you? If your guy is falling in love, you can bet he’ll have been talking to his friends about you.

They’ll be keen to find out more about you and hang out with you, because they think that you might just be a permanent fixture in his life.

The same goes for his friends’ girlfriends. If they make a big effort to include you, they’re probably assuming you’re here to stay as part of their group (because he’s told them you might be).

And if he really wants to meet your friends, then that’s even better. It means that he values the opinion of the important people in your life.

If he seems a bit nervous but genuinely interested when he does meet them, that’s also a very good sign. Nerves mean he cares what they think of him.

5. He starts talking about things happening in the future

Does he end up mentioning a vacation you might go on next summer? Or does he talk about your birthday next year?

If so, he’s probably mentally planning ahead.

He’s not necessarily assuming anything at this point, but he might be thinking about the future often enough that he finds it hard not to mention future plans when you’re together.

After all, his head is full of them.

He could also be deliberately testing you to see if you’re feeling the same way as him.

He’s going to ask you to marry him, just yet, but maybe he’s testing the waters to see if marriage is something you see in your future.

The same goes for kids, or moving out of the city, or travelling abroad.

If he talks about these being things he might like to do, he’s hoping you’ll make it clear that they’re things you’d like too.

6. He often opens up about his past, including the bad bits

Part of a developing long-term relationship is getting to know more about each others’ pasts.

When you get to know each other on this deeper level, an emotional attraction develops that goes way beyond the physical.

This is the foundation of love and, if you do end up together long-term, is what will give your relationship strength.

But this can be a tough thing to do. Everyone has things in their past they’re not so proud of. Everyone has times when they wished they’d done things differently.

These aren’t things you talk about with a brand new date.

But someone you think you might want to spend your life with? Then you open up because you don’t want to have any secrets.

If your man is increasingly open about his past, if he starts to tell you things he wouldn’t tell his friends, then he’s telling you that he wants to build a real, solid, lasting connection.

7. He doesn’t play games

Dating often feels like one big game. You wonder if he’ll call, or not. You’ll ask your girlfriends how long you should leave it before you reply to his messages.

You never know when the next date will be, or even if there’ll be one.

All that can be exciting and fun, but it’s not a great start to a real relationship. Even if there was a little game playing right at the beginning, if you’re past the first few dates, that should be gone now if you’re going to have a future.

A man who’s falling in love with you won’t screen your calls and he won’t take two days to reply to your texts.

If you find yourself second-guessing, feeling anxious and trying to work him out, he’s probably playing games of some kind (even if you haven’t quite figured out which games yet).

If you feel calm and together around him, you never find yourself wondering when he’s going to call or obsessively phone-checking, then he might just be your guy.

8. You catch him giving you ‘the look’

In the early stages of a relationship, most of us try and act a little cool. But if someone’s falling in love, they won’t be able to keep up the cool act 24/7.

If you catch your guy giving you a thoughtful, daydreamy look, or a lingering stare, then you might just be onto something.

You might be getting ready in the morning, and turn around to see him just enjoying watching you.

Or maybe he’ll catch your gaze just a bit longer than usual over dinner. Or he’ll just look incredibly happy to see you when you meet…

All these things can mean that your guy is falling for you hard.

He’s enjoying you, and he can’t help himself from looking at you lovingly (even if he hasn’t actually said the word love yet).

9. He feels essential to you

Men have a built in desire for something that goes beyond love or sex.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel essential to the woman in his life. Feeling essential is what often separates “like” from “love”.

This biological drive compels men to provide for and protect women. He wants to step up for her, feel essential, and be appreciated for his efforts.

So if he is feeling essential to you, then you can bet your bottom dollar he is falling in love with you.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I mentioned this concept above.

Watch his excellent free video here. He explains exactly what the hero instinct is and how understanding can rocket your relationship to the next level.

James argues that men are not especially complicated; we’re just driven by primal instincts when it comes to women.

We all know that instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior. James Bauer simply takes this a step further and applies it to the romantic behavior of men.

I don’t often pay much attention to new fads in psychology. However, I think the hero instinct is a compelling explanation for what drives men romantically.

No one is saying that women need a hero to take care of them. Today women can change a tire, open their own jars, and generally fend for themselves in life.

While women may not need a hero, this doesn’t mean men still don’t want to feel like one.

That’s why it’s essential that women understand what the hero instinct is all about and how they can use it to their advantage.

Here’s is a link to James Bauer’s free video again.

Some ideas can be life changing. And for relationships, I think the hero instinct is one of them.

10. He pays attention when you talk

A guy who’s into you wants to hear what you have to say.

You won’t find him reaching for his phone mid-conversation, or zoning out when you talk about your family, friends and hobbies.

He’ll ask questions about you and your life and he’ll be genuinely interested in the answers.

When a guy’s falling in love with you, he’s starting to picture what your life might be like together, long-term.

When you tell him about your family BBQ last weekend, he’s secretly hoping that he’ll be invited to the next one.

When you tell him about the new project you’re on at work, he’d be keen to hear about it because he knows that if you end up together, your career will be important to him as well as to you.

Whatever it is that’s going on in your life right now, he wants to know more because he wants to be part of your life, now and in the future.

11. He meets you halfway on plans

When a guy wants you, he won’t be selfish about how you spend your time together.

He’ll be willing and happy to compromise with you when it comes to making plans because he respects you and the fact you have your own life and preferences.

If you need to stay on at work late, he’ll be happy to change your restaurant booking.

If your best friend breaks up with her boyfriend and needs you to be with her, he’ll understand you can’t see him.

None of this will affect his feelings or plans for the future. He knows that if you’re going to last, you’ll have to compromise, so he’ll do it happily.

Healthy relationships always involve a bit of compromise and give-and-take, and he’s showing you he’s OK with that.

12. He makes you feel like you’ve come home

Be honest with yourself – when you know, you know.

If a guy constantly makes you feel needy, anxious and unsure, it’s unlikely he’s falling in love with you. If he makes you feel confident, happy and sure of yourself, he might just be the one.

The guy who’s falling in love with you wants to know all about your dreams for the future, because he hopes that future will be shared.

He would never wait a day to text you back, because he enjoys talking with you. He won’t get freaked out if you invite him to your friend’s wedding in 6 months time, because he wants to still be with you then.

When a man loves you, he’ll make you feel secure, comforted and like you’re in exactly the place you need to be.

To conclude…

It can be tough to work out whether your man is really going to fall in love with you, or whether they’re just someone to have a bit of fun with.

If you know your feelings are growing, then you want to know if his are too.

Here’s how you can tell:

  • He’ll want to spend more time with you. Sounds obvious, but it’s easy to think that maybe he’s just busy or wants to take it slow. But don’t kid yourself. Love develops when you spend time together.
  • He feels like your hero. To fall in love, a guy needs to feel like he’s your protector. And that you genuinely respect him for doing this.
  • He seems nervous sometimes. You’re feeling nervous, and so is he. That shows you he cares.
  • You’ve met his friends. If he wants to keep you away from them, he doesn’t see you as part of his life. If you’re welcomed into his group, he’s in this for keeps.
  • He talks about the future. When a man is falling for you, he just can’t help talking about the amazing vacation you could have next year.
  • He’s opening up. Emotional connection is a huge part of love. If he’s giving you that, he’s falling in love.
  • He doesn’t play games. A man who loves you won’t screen your calls.
  • He looks at you lovingly. He just can’t help himself.
  • He pays attention. If he’s falling in love, he really wants to hear what you have to say.
  • He feels essential to you: Men have a biological drive to feel essential to the woman in his life. Feeling essential is what often separates “like” from “love”.
  • He meets you halfway. If you always have to do what he says, that’s not good. If he respects your needs, he might be falling in love.
  • You feel at home with him. A man who loves you will always make you feel like you’re exactly where you should be.

Falling in love is exciting and joyful, but it can also be stressful. Use this article to take the stress out and be sure that your guy is feeling just as loved up as you are.

Be the first to comment on this article at Ideapod Discussions

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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