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10 reasons you can’t stop thinking about someone you barely know

Is there someone you just can’t stop thinking about?

You’re wondering what’s going on that suddenly you feel drawn and attached to this person you barely know or dated.

There seems to be a deep connection and romantic feelings that you can’t even explain.

Let’s find out what it means when you’re becoming smitten with this person and what you can do about it.

Can’t stop thinking of that one person? 10 reasons why

There are fascinating reasons why your thoughts are running endlessly, and your mind is latched onto this person.

1) You feel an unspoken attraction

With this unspoken attraction, you see the person in a more favorable, attractive light.

This instant attraction is one interesting reason why your mind is filled with thoughts of this person.

You have strong feelings for this person that struck the chord inside you. And you want to know if you have a twin flame connection.

The way the person smiles, talks, or makes eye contact makes your heart race.

You find yourself daydreaming about what dating this person would be like. You seek ways to contact this person and desire to talk to them or hear their voice.

While you can feel that there’s chemistry between the two of you, you’re uncertain in expressing your feelings.

You experience it, but it seems so hard to define what it really is.

In the book “The Psychology of Human Sexuality,” social psychologist Justin Lehmiller shares some factors why people feel attracted to someone.

This includes:

  • Physical closeness to someone near us
  • Similarity we share with this person
  • Physical excitement of seeing or being with this person
  • A good feeling that this person brings
  • Physical attractiveness of this person

It can be bittersweet especially if the person doesn’t know how you feel or doesn’t share the same emotions you do.

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2) You’re using the person as a distraction

If you feel interested in someone suddenly, your mind jumps straight onto this person.

By focusing on this person, you’re distracting yourself from other aspects happening in your life.

For instance, if you’re having a difficult time at work or a rough time with your family, you’ll choose to fill your thoughts with this guy instead.

You imagine going on a date with this guy or spending time talking with him.

You keep yourself preoccupied with what you’ll wear to impress him or what you need to do so he’ll start to notice you.

Thinking of this person temporarily distracts you and lifts your mood somehow.

3) You’re drawn to their personality and attitude

This person has traits that you admire. He seems to have characteristics that give you the desire to get closer to him.

You feel that strong connection because of his positive energy, vibe, and charisma.

You even find the way he looks, talk, and walk impressive.  Or it can be their confidence, kindness, or razor-sharp wit.

Maybe his presence makes you feel good. Maybe hearing his voice or seeing him raises your spirits, thus you can’t help but think of him.

And it’s not just you as you can also see that others flock towards this man as well.

No wonder, even if you barely knew each other or just dated, you feel such a deep connection and attachment that you can’t stop thinking about this person.

4) It could be a sign of obsession

If you’re in a romantic relationship or dating someone for a long time, it’s normal to think about someone constantly. And it’s normal even after the relationship has ended.

What’s isn’t normal is when you start to obsess about the object of your affection that you become distracted. You can’t focus on your life and on everything that you’re doing.

And this kind of obsession isn’t good for your mental health.

Ask yourself what’s causing you to obsess over this person. Is it because you feel that this person could be your soulmate or do you think you’re in love with this person?

Okay, I have to tell you that what you feel isn’t love at all as love affects you positively.

Here are some warning signs of being obsessed with someone:

  • You’re likely to stalk him in every way you can
  • Your friendship and relationship with others are suffering
  • You seek unwanted attention from the person

5) You’re drawn to the person’s mysteriousness

A study published in Psychological Science reveals that being unavailable isn’t attractive, but women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

It means that women find mysterious men more attractive as there’s a sense of uncertainty behind it.

It’s one major reason why you can’t get this man out of your head.

You’re thinking about him way too much as he’s such an enigma to you. His aloofness and withdrawn characteristics tend to pull you.

You want to figure out what’s behind his elusive, enigmatic aura.

You’re challenged as you want to have full access to his mind and know his innermost feelings.

There’s something about this person that caught your attention.

It could be the way he engages in conversations with others. It could be because he seems wise beyond his years or something else.

Your subconscious mind is trying to figure out exactly what it is.

Because you’re so intrigued, you can’t help but think too much of this person.

6) You’re projecting on to him

According to licensed psychotherapist Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed, LCSW, projection is “unconsciously taking unwanted emotions or traits you don’t like about yourself and attributing them to someone else.”

You may not realize that you’re doing this unconsciously.

As you find the qualities of this person desirable, you can’t stop thinking of him. You’re like creating a person with the traits you desire out of your subconscious fantasies.

You’re using this person as a defense mechanism to cover your blind spots by attributing them to someone else.

It’s like protecting yourself from aspects of your personality that you don’t find unacceptable. It could be your feelings, thoughts, flaws, fears, and quirks toward this man.

It’s easier to project your fantasy as you barely know this person.

When you feel a certain association or kinship with a person, it becomes hard for you to get them out of your mind.

7) You’re dealing with anxious attachment

Your attraction is rooted in the strong anxiety that you feel towards the man you barely know.

Psychologists say that you could be dealing with anxious or preoccupied attachment.

And people who usually feel that tend to look to others for affirmation.

Sometimes, this also happens to those who look for other relationships as a way to deal with ones that didn’t work out.

They think and get attached to someone they barely know as they’re looking for better possibilities.

As you barely know or dated this person, desire closeness or crave intimacy. Sometimes you may even develop a deep emotional connection.

There are other reasons why people get emotionally attached too easily, including:

  • An emotional void that needs to be filled
  • Past issues of abandonment
  • A tendency to avoid being single or lonely

Lauren O’Connell, licensed marriage and family therapist shares,

“Usually falling in love with, and being unable to get over someone you barely know and have barely dated, is reflective of having ‘attachment issues. You get the illusion of the relationship without actually having it.”

8) You feel an instant connection

Feeling this kind of connection with anyone you meet rarely happens.

So when you come across someone you have an instant connection with, you can’t get the person out of your mind.

Even if you’ve just met, you can feel that there’s a special energy and vibration that you can’t understand.

It’s like just thinking about the person brings such good vibes. It gives you comfort and makes you feel alive.

There seems to be an overwhelming feeling that you can’t explain. You don’t even know what to do with it.

Perhaps you’re thinking if this man you barely knew could be your soulmate, your twin flame, or your kindred spirit.

Look out for these things to know that if what you’re feeling is a cosmic connection:

  • You’re curious and want to get a complete sense of a person
  • You feel a different kind of spark
  • You know that you can trust this person
  • You’re comfortable being yourself

And you can also be sexually attracted to the person that you keep thinking of him.

9) You’re attached to relationship goals, not the person itself

Sometimes people think and get attached to someone they barely know because of the idea of where the relationship could lead.

Relationship expert Paul Bashea Williams shares,

“People become married to the potential of having something long-term. It isn’t necessarily about the specific person they just met, it’s about the relationship status they had expectations of gaining.”

This means that you may not stop thinking about this man not because you’re really thinking of the person, but about what you can find with him.

You get focused on the result of a “what-could-have-been” relationship.

You fill your mind with wishful thinking as you idealize the person that you barely know.

You imagine yourself spending quality time with this man and having a supportive environment of love and respect.

Rather than getting to know the person or what this person would play in your life, you’re fixated on the plausible outcome of the relationship.

10) Loneliness is killing you

If you find yourself thinking of the man you’ve just met, it could be because you’re lonely.

This is true especially if you just ended a relationship with your former flame.

You’re distracting yourself by thinking of the man that you have just met. Maybe it’s because you miss being with somebody.

You allow this person to dominate your thoughts probably because you don’t want to be alone anymore.

Or it could also be because you’re imagining this person as a life partner.

But then, even if you want to get closer to this man, you can’t.

Maybe the man you’ve met is already in a relationship. This means he’s somebody that you can’t have anymore.

Your feeling then becomes unrequited.

Truth is, it’s painful to love and have feelings for someone who belongs to someone else.

It’s a difficult situation where your mind is torn between thinking about him and finding ways not to think about him anymore.

What to do when you can’t stop thinking of someone you barely knew

You probably have come to realize that you’re thinking way too much about this person.

You can’t seem to stop thinking of this man no matter how hard you try.

If it gets in the way of your daily life and affects your sleeping habits, it isn’t healthy anymore – and you have to do something about it.

Here are some tips you can use to help you get this man off your mind.

1) Figure out why

Ask yourself what you want with this person. Is it friendship, relationship, romance, or sex? And will it be worth it?

If your mind is immersed in unrealized hopes, you can perhaps talk to this person. Reach out and if possible, casually ask him out.

Maybe through this, you can remove the idealized version of the person you’ve created from your head. This will help you move forward as you turn the page away from your thoughts.

2) Try not to suppress your thoughts

According to Healthline, when you suppress your thoughts (or feelings) they tend to become stronger.

So when you put an effort and push this person off your head, the more he’ll stick there.

Stopping yourself from thinking about this man also means thinking of him. Instead, when you find yourself in deep thought, try to shift and think about something else (like your dog, your friends, etc.)

3) Accept the reality

Tune in towards those thoughts instead of away from them. While it may seem illogical, this strategy will help you accept the reality of the situation.

And make meditation practices work for you. By exploring and sitting down on your thoughts, you can work on letting them loose and get past you.

4) Take a break from him

Why not take time to have a break so you can get over thinking too much about him?

Try to limit yourself from checking him out on social media. You could also try not to text, call, or video chat with him until he contacts you.

By taking a step back, you can lessen those thoughts from lingering in your head.

5) Do things with your time

Spend most of your time doing the things you love. This will keep you busy and will take your mind away from this man.

It’s the best time to spend time with your family and hang out with friends. You can also enroll in an online fitness class, start a new hobby, or join community events. When this person occupies your thoughts at night, get a good book or watch a Netflix show instead.

6) Stay focused on the moment

Keep yourself in tune with reality. Be aware of the current circumstances to free yourself from getting disappointed when things won’t happen as you want them to.

Practicing mindfulness will help you focus. This way you can enjoy and experience life fully as it happens.

7) Think more for and about yourself

Self-love makes you feel complete and happy. So instead of spending too much of your time and energy thinking or daydreaming about this man, focus on yourself.

Think about your needs and give yourself the same love that you’re giving this person. See yourself as worthy of being loved and cared for.

As shaman Rudá Iandê shares,

“This key is to take responsibility for yourself, for your life, for your happiness and for your misfortunes. To make a commitment with yourself first, respect yourself, and make sure you have a relationship of love.”

– Iande

8) Do some soul searching

Get to know yourself more to understand your feelings better. See yourself in a better light with all those amazing qualities. In doing so, you’ll see that you don’t need someone to validate you.

Journaling helps a lot. Instead of thinking or writing about this person, write about your thoughts and feelings.

Think about the great qualities that you have and be thankful for them. Write about your dreams, your plans, and your desires.

9) Trick your mind

Your mind is very powerful, but you can work on controlling it. Talk to your mind about not letting this person come into your thoughts.

Trick your brain by distracting it whenever thoughts of the man you barely know pop out. Do this to channel your energy into something else.

There are things you can do if you feel lonely and depressed.

10) Stop feeding your thoughts

You will keep thinking of this person and it will get stronger when you keep feeding your mind. While it can make you happy in one way or another, continuously doing it can be hurtful, to say the least.

If this man pops up in your mind, acknowledge it. But never refuel your thoughts or indulge in them further. Just give your mind something new to focus on.

Take charge of your thoughts

Sometimes it can be frustrating and disappointing when our thoughts get wrapped up with someone we barely know or just met. While it’s normal to think of other people, we can’t let this control our lives.

Thinking of someone you barely know or someone you’ve just met and dated is something every woman experiences at some point in her life. So don’t stress and worry too much about it.

According to neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez, doing this is completely normal. And it only becomes a problem when you can’t cope with it or control your thoughts.

And you can’t force your mind to stop thinking right away. It’s not an easy process. Your mind will take time to sort things out.

But by acknowledging your thoughts and your feelings, you’ll get to understand why you can’t help thinking of this man.

This will make you realize that the attachment is not as strong as you think it is.

On the other hand, there’s also a chance that this person will remain strongly connected to you in one way or another.

If that’s the case, you will know as the universe will give you signs if this one is the right person for you.  And when you know it, you can make the power of manifestation work for you.

For now, the best that you can do is to be thankful that your mind comes across something beautiful.

Then, gradually control these thoughts and work on letting them go.

Written by Czaroma Roman

Czaroma is a content strategist and copywriter with a purposeful mindset. She finds fulfillment in crafting content for entrepreneurs and life coaches. In a place of love and growth, she's raising a tribe of three with her husband - and writes to inspire people to create impactful relationships.

Connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/czaroma
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/czaroma-roman-39a55117/

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