14 reasons men always come back (complete guide)

Are you wondering whether your man will come back after your breakup?

If your relationship has just ended, you need to know something:

You can hardly find a man who hasn’t been pulled away from a relationship.

But one thing is for sure – men always come back.

Men will return to their ex-girlfriends and ex-wives because there is something that draws them back.

Let’s discuss everything you need to know about the reasons men always come back.

1) They can’t accept the fact that you’ve moved on

Let me ask you a question.

How did you handle your breakup?

Did you send him a bunch of text messages? Did you call him all the time and talk about how much you missed him? Did you cry a lot?

Or maybe you just moved on and accepted the fact that he was no longer in your life.

And now you have already started to realize your goals and live the life you already deserved. You feel happy.

Does this sound familiar?

If so, then your man is not going to accept that you’ve moved on. This might sound a bit irrational but actually, that’s one of the most common reasons why men come back.

Believe it or not, most men just can’t accept the fact that their ex-girlfriends can live a better life without them. They want to be involved in your life so much that they want to make sure that you never move on.

So, if you notice the signs that your man is coming back, then chances are that he might be completely obsessed with you and want to make sure that you never move on.

2) They have a strong emotional attachment to you

How strong was your emotional bond when you were together?

If you have deep feelings towards each other, then you should be surprised that your man wants to come back to you and try to start a relationship with you once again.

Do you wonder why?

Well, this is because deep emotions lead to strong attachments.

The simple truth is that when men love women sincerely, they will never get over their relationship with them. They will always want to be in a relationship with them.

What does it mean?

It means that your man will always want to be with you. You might think it’s wrong. It’s not.

It just means that there are deep emotions involved here. They will never be able to move on from their past relationship.

So, if you’ve been with him for a long time and you have this strong emotional connection with him, then he will find it hard to accept that you are no longer in his life.

You might think that this is just irrational and not true because you’ve already moved on. But men don’t see things like that. They will always be looking for a girl who can make them feel good about themselves and who can make them happy again.

So remember: if that’s the case, then your man might not be able to control his feelings, and he will come back to you.

3) He hasn’t given up on your relationship yet

In the points above we were talking about the fact that men cannot accept their ex-girlfriends moving on from their lives.

After all the hurt and pain, he still hasn’t given up on your relationship.

He’s trying to avoid the pain of being alone again. He doesn’t want to be single again. He doesn’t want to experience the hurt and rejection again. He’s scared of going through it all over again!

Selfish, isn’t it.

This is what I call a “Double-Edged Sword”; you can use this to your advantage if you think you want to be with him, or you can choose to walk away.

To better understand what is going through your partner’s head, I suggest watching Rudá Iandé’s free Love and Intimacy Masterclass.

He covers the attachment styles many couples experience, regardless of gender. He’s also an expert on the topic, having spent over two decades working as a guide and educator for personal development and relationships.

We crave love, so we seek it out – but often the love we seek is harmful to us. Emotionally unavailable men seek out partners who want stability and support because some part of them wants that too – or at least thinks it does.

But when it comes down to it, these elements are often incompatible.

So we stay stuck in an endless cycle of chasing partners who do not meet our needs nor expectations. 

I suggest watching the free video here.

You’ll get a better idea of why these men claim they will do anything to keep you. They make all these grand promises about how they’ll change and they’re certain you’re the one.

Despite these promises, they unfortunately don’t even know what they’re looking for, fear being alone, and have no idea of the harm they do to others along the way.

It’s your choice whether you even take him back.

Remember, it’s up to you to decide what’s next.

You have to realize that he may never give up on his relationship, and he believes you’re exactly why he needs you in his life right now.

But what you need to remind yourself is that it’s not only about him and his feelings.

It’s also about you. What’s more, it’s about your relationship with yourself.

And I want you to hang on a second and ask yourself: are you over this relationship? Have you given up on him, or do you want to date him again?

If you’re still in love with him, answering those questions might not be easy.

With time and reflection on your needs, you will be far more capable of realizing whether he is even a good match for you.

If you’re stuck in doubt about whether he worth another shot, give the masterclass a go.

Rudá’s exercises really prompt you to think about what you need in a partner, and will help you to decide on your next step.

4) He wants his old life back again

Can I be totally honest with you?

Men easily get used to their lifestyles. This gives them the sense of safety or security that they need to feel.

When a man feels secure, he’s able to live his life without being afraid of anything. He’s able to control things and the people around him. He’s able to be the man that he wants to be.

But now you probably wonder why I’m telling you all of these.

The reason is that when a man feels insecure, he doesn’t know what to do anymore. And that’s why they try hard to get back to their old life again. And guess what?

Their old life includes their old relationship with you.

This is why most men try hard to get back to their old lifestyles again after they’ve been single for a while: because they’re scared of being alone again and living their lives on their own terms!

They want their old lifestyle back again!

They want the security and safety that they used to have when they were in a relationship with you!

And here’s the interesting thing: even though you’ve been dating other guys, he’s still trying to get back to you.

pexels ba tik 3754277 2 14 reasons men always come back (complete guide)

5) He’s afraid of being alone

Let’s be honest.

Everyone hates being alone. Nobody wants to feel lonely, abandoned, or isolated from other people.

Do you think that men are an exception?

No, they surely are not!

The truth is that a man who’s been single for a while feels like he’s being forced to be alone. He feels like you’re forcing him to be single again.

Of course not! It can be hard for you to imagine what would happen in his head when he’s alone because you’ve never been in his shoes.

However, you need to understand that being alone can be really scary for men – maybe even scarier than for women.

And guess what? He doesn’t want to be alone!  He doesn’t want to feel that way!

So, he keeps on searching for you and trying to get back to you.

But you know what?

The thing is, they’re not honest enough with themselves to admit that they need you and that they want you in their lives. They’re afraid of being alone. And that’s why they try hard to get back to you.

But he doesn’t tell you this directly, right?

Well, that’s because he’s afraid of what you would say. He’s afraid of what you would think about him. And he’s afraid of being vulnerable around you.

But one thing is for sure: he’s afraid of being alone, and that’s why he tries to come back.

6) He doubts if his decision to break up with you was right

Frankly, the last thing your ex wants to think is that he made the wrong decision about your relationship.

He doesn’t want to feel like a jerk, so he tries to convince himself that his decision was right and he’s doing the right thing.

But deep down inside, he’s still hurt about what happened, and he’s trying to convince himself that it was for the best. But that’s not always true.

And you know what?

When he feels that he made a mistake in your relationship, he may start to doubt whether or not he should have broken up.

And this doubt leads him to overthink the reasons why he broke up with you in the first place. He has to think about whether or not he really needed to break up with you and whether or not breaking up was the right thing for him.

And guess what? Overthinking makes him feel and about himself. And the only way for him to avoid these negative feelings and overcome the cognitive dissonance is to get back to you.

Sounds impressive, right?

But here’s a catch.

To overcome these negative emotions, he has two options:

  • To forgive himself and take responsibility for his mistakes.
  • To start thinking about getting back to you.

And unfortunately, he might choose the first option. But if you notice that he wants to come back to you, chances are that he has already chosen the second one.

7) He invested too many emotional resources into your relationship

When you’re in a relationship with someone, you put a lot of emotional energy into it.

And at the same time, you invest your emotional resources in this other person.

And if that other person doesn’t treat you right and breaks up with you, then there are going to be a lot of negative emotions involved.

Now you probably wonder how this is related to your past relationship and the fact that your ex tries to come back.

Well, if he invested a lot of emotional energy into your relationship, then it can be very hard to get over you.

That’s why he decided to try to get back to you.

So if you want your ex back, then you should try to help him overcome his negative emotions and convince him that he made the right decision.

You can do this by reminding him of all the good things about your relationship and all the fun times that you had together.

But if you think that this relationship wasn’t worth anything, then you should try to be honest, don’t give him any hopes, and tell him that you’re not ready to get back together. You just don’t need him in your life anymore.

But if you want to be more positive, then you can ask him how he feels and express your willingness to get back together.

8) He has low self-esteem and low self-worth

What did his self-esteem look like when you were dating? Was he confident and positive about himself?

Was he proud of himself for being the best boyfriend in the world?

I bet that he had high self-esteem and thought that he was a very good person.

But guess what? Things have changed since then and now he’s not that positive about his qualities or his emotions.

After he broke up with you, I’m sure that he started to feel very bad about himself.


Because you were the one who was helping him feel proud of himself. And since you stopped supporting him, he started to feel bad about himself.

So, now that he’s feeling bad about himself, it’s hard for him to get over his ex.

That’s exactly why he decided to get back together with you. He just needs his old girlfriend to make him feel better about himself again.

And that’s why he can’t stop thinking about her and why he just can’t move on.

9) He wants someone else in his life

Do you notice that men are always looking for someone else when they’re single?

It’s not that he perceives you as a special person. It’s not that he wants to be with you.

He just needs someone in his life. And the thing is, he doesn’t know how to be alone. He doesn’t know how to live his life on his own, so he keeps searching for you and trying to get back to you.

But why you? Why does he want to be with you and not someone else?

Well, believe it or not, he thinks that you’re available. He thinks that you’re single, so he can be with you.

But you see, he’s wrong. You’re not available. You’re not single. Just because you’re not dating anyone doesn’t mean that you’re ready to start a relationship with him again, right?

10) He really misses you

Even though most of the reasons I’ve just discussed above are focused on the bad sides of your ex, in reality, he might just want to get back to you because he misses you.

Sounds astonishing, right?

I mean, the fact that somebody misses you so badly that he wants to get back to you after all that time is pretty unbelievable.

But it’s the truth.

He really misses you and can’t stop thinking about you. And the more time passes by, the more he misses you and the worse his feelings towards you are going to get.

And that’s why he wants to get back to you. He needs your love again and just can’t live without it.

He misses everything about you and he misses your relationship. He misses your feelings, and he misses everything that happened between the two of you while it lasted.

That’s why he can’t stop thinking about all of these things, and that’s exactly why he wants to get back together with you again.

But why does he miss you right now? Why hadn’t he done anything before?

Well, probably just realized how much he loves you. He thought he could get over you, but after all that time, he realized that he just couldn’t get over you.

And that’s why he wants to get back with you again.

11) He still cares about you

Let’s admit it; a lot of people break up with their exes because they think they don’t care anymore. They believe they’re not in love anymore, and they don’t care if their partner is happy or not.

But the truth is that some people do care about their exes and feel bad when they break up with them.

They feel bad for them and think about them a lot. And that’s why they want to get back together again.

They miss the relationship and want to be with them again so much that it hurts them inside when the relationship ends.

That’s one of the main reasons why men always come back. And that’s also why when someone breaks up with his ex, he might start thinking about her a lot more than usual, just because he still cares about her after all this time has passed.

And that’s why he wants to get back together with you.

She avoids being around you 14 reasons men always come back (complete guide)

12) He needs your support right now

Ever noticed how desperate your ex had been to receive your support back when you were dating?

In fact, he probably needed your support a lot more than you know.

And now, as he doesn’t have anyone who would support him anymore, he feels really vulnerable and really lost.

And that’s why he wants to get back together with you again. He needs your support now more than ever. He just realized that he can’t live without you for the rest of his life.

That’s also why he wants to get back to you. He needed your support back then, and he needs it now too.

You see, they need your support so badly that they would do anything to get it again. And if you don’t give them the love and care they need, they might just do something drastic in order to get it from you again.

But you should know that however desperate he might seem, it’s completely up to you to decide whether you want to get back with him or not.

13) He’s jealous of other guys around you

It might be hard to believe that a guy could be jealous of other guys around his ex. But the truth is that some guys are the exact opposite of what you think they are.

They’re not as nice and sweet as they seem to be, and that’s exactly why they’re so jealous when another guy talks to their ex. They get angry because they feel like their ex is cheating on them, which makes them even angrier than before.

And that’s why he wants to get back with her again. He feels like he’s losing her and wants to prove to himself that she really loves him only, which makes him even more jealous than ever before after she broke up with him.

Does this sound familiar?

Well, then you need to help him realize that he has already lost you. And it’s not business to decide whether you should be meeting other men or not because you’re not in a relationship anymore.

But the fact of the matter is that being jealous of other guys around their ex-girlfriends is one of the most common reasons why men always come back.

14) He wants to know if you’re still interested in him

And the last reason a guy would want to get back together with his ex is that he wants to know if she’s still interested in him.

He wants to know if she thinks about him, misses him, and cares about him. And that’s why he wants to get back together with her again so that he can find out.

He doesn’t want to go through all of this time without knowing the answer to these questions, and that’s why he wants you back in his life again.

Or maybe deep down, he’s somehow convinced that you still care about him, and that’s why he wants you back.

He needs to know if he still has a chance with you or not.

If you’re still interested in him, then maybe he can get his hopes up again and try to get the relationship back on track.

But you should know something about this reason: sometimes men just want to find out what their exes think about them. And it doesn’t mean that he’s genuinely interested in getting back together with you.

Final thoughts

The bottom line is that whatever the reason for your breakup, no matter how your relationship ended, men always have one thing in common: they always come back.

And if you want a certain man to come back to you faster, and stay by your side no matter what, you must learn about the Hero Instinct.

The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

Picture of Nato Lagidze

Nato Lagidze

Nato is a writer and a researcher with an academic background in psychology. She investigates self-compassion, emotional intelligence, psychological well-being, and the ways people make decisions. Writing about recent trends in the movie industry is her other hobby, alongside music, art, culture, and social influences. She dreams to create an uplifting documentary one day, inspired by her experiences with strangers.

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