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13 reasons to ignore her when she pulls away (why she’ll come back)

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If you’ve ever got the feeling that the person you like is pulling away, don’t give in to your own fear of rejection. 

But one thing you should know: pulling away actually makes them approachable again. 

Here are 13 reasons to ignore her when she pulls away and why this will make her come back to you.

1) You’re showing that you can handle whatever comes your way in life without taking it out on others 

Ever heard the saying “It’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness”? 

By pulling away, you let her know that you’ve got coping mechanisms in place to deal with whatever life throws at you. 

You’re showing her that she can trust you not to be affected by what she says or does. 

And when a relationship is based on trust, it’s easier for your partner to open up and say things that are important to them.

So don’t be afraid to pull away and ignore her behavior. Especially when she acts like a drama queen. 

You’re showing her that you can handle whatever comes your way in life with dignity and class. 

And the best part is she is learning to trust you. A relationship based on trust is the best foundation for love.

2) You’re taking responsibility for your feelings and demonstrating that you can deal with them

The truth is:

When a person pulls away, it’s because they’re afraid you’ll be hurt if they open up.

This is their way of protecting themselves and pulling away is the best way they know to protect you.

And this is exactly why it’s so important to not let your frustration come out on her when she tries to hide from you. 

By ignoring her blatant attempts to pull away, you let her know that you’re mature enough to handle your emotions. You won’t get angry and you won’t try to fight her when she pulls away

And the best part is: 

When she sees how strong you are, she’ll learn that opening up to you is the best way forward.

3) She will return and be grateful that you didn’t pressure her

Many couples go through a phase where one person pulls away.

There are many reasons for this like:

-They have unresolved issues.

-They feel you don’t show enough maturity.

-They feel that your life goals are not in alignment with their own.

Whatever the reason, it’s important that you understand that this is a normal phase in relationships and not something to be worried about. 

When someone pulls away, they are testing the bond between you two to see if it’s strong enough to survive any storm. 

If you push her during this phase, it’ll break the bond permanently. 

Instead, when she pulls away, be casual about it and don’t give into your own fear of rejection. 

It’s a good way for her to test your strength and to see that she can trust you with her emotions. 

And when she sees that you’re strong enough to handle things on your own, she’ll feel safe and secure around you again. In other words, she’ll feel love again.

4) This will make you desirable and attractive to her

Another reason why you should ignore her when she pulls away is that this will make you desirable and attractive again.

Here’s why:

When she pulls away, it’s because she feels you’re too strong and that she can’t defend herself against your influence. 

This is the same reason why a friend doesn’t keep a secret from their best friend even if they don’t want them to know. It’s because the strength of the relationship makes it difficult for them to say “no”. 

If you let your frustrations come out when she pulls away, it’ll just make her feel weaker and less desirable.

Instead, by ignoring her and pretending to be uninterested, you’ll make her feel like you’re giving her freedom of choice. And when she feels like she has freedom of choice, she’ll show interest again.

But sometimes ignoring her will make her feel insecure and that you’re no longer into her. I know relationships can’t be perfect all the time.

Don’t worry, I have a solution for that too.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like:

How to get your ex back and save the relationship – Facing the truth about why they left and how to find a way to make things work. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems. 

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.  

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were. 

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

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5) You give her the time she needs to figure out if this is what she really wants in life

Maybe she’s unhappy with her job. Maybe she feels like a failure. Maybe there are unresolved issues from her past she has to deal with.

So when she pulls away, all you need to do is ignore her, be patient, and give her time to work out what’s really bothering her. 

Because at the end of the day:

The more time you give, the more love and trust will develop between you both. And if you’re lucky, she’ll realize that coming home to you is what makes life worth living.

Sometimes this is a good way for her to get a chance to figure out how to deal with her unresolved issues.

And sometimes this is a good way for her to see that she has nothing to fear from you by dealing with her fear of appearing weak and vulnerable in your company.

6) She may be feeling lonely and in need of attention

Sometimes when someone pulls away, it’s because they’re feeling overwhelmed by their daily responsibilities.

They may be feeling lonely and in need of attention. 

But if you try to chase and convince them, they’ll just feel like you’re after sex or that you want to control them. They’ll pull away even more. 

Instead, by ignoring her, she’ll be able to understand that your intentions are pure because you’re not pressuring her for anything.

Want to know the best part?

Try to ignore her for 3-4 days and then try to show her attention again. Chances are she’ll be ecstatic when you try to show her that you’re interested again.

And this is a good way to make sure she doesn’t go back to pulling away because she feels like you want her in your life. And when she feels like that, it’ll make her more open and free around you.

7) You may have some good qualities about yourself

Things change. Sometimes you get a promotion, buy a new car, or move into a better house – and suddenly it’s as if you’ve become an entirely different person.

And when this happens, she may start to feel unworthy of your attention and like she’s not good enough for you anymore. 

This is one of the reasons why people start to pull away from their partners: they don’t feel they’re good enough for them anymore.

You might think that ignoring her is a good way to get her to open up again, but the reality is that it’s a good way for you to understand what you can and cannot change about yourself.

By ignoring her, you’ll be able to see what you do have of yourself. And this will let you start working on improving your flaws.

And if there are things about yourself that you believe don’t need changing – like being a healthy, ambitious person – then ignore her and she’ll come back around soon enough.

8) It’s a sign of emotional maturity, which women find attractive

As I’ve mentioned above, most girls will want to test the “emotional strength” of their partners.

And if you can’t deal with this and lash out or chase her, it’ll make her feel like you’re not emotionally mature enough for a relationship – which will turn her off. 

So if she’s pulling away and you ignore her, she’ll feel like you have more emotional maturity than the average guy – which will make her more attracted to you.

Pro tip:

Ignoring her doesn’t mean that you’re blowing her off.

Instead, pretend to be uninterested in her, but then subtly show that there’s something different about you. For example, you can cut down on the messages, then increase them over a period of weeks. 

This will make her try to figure out what she sees in you that makes you different – apart from the obvious things like your handsomeness and your charm.

9) Her leaving is usually a temporary defense mechanism because she’s afraid of her feelings for you

Maybe she’s afraid of commitment. Maybe she doesn’t want to get hurt again. Maybe she feels like there’s something wrong with her and you’ll reject her if you knew.

Yet the fact is:

If you ignore her, she’ll feel like there’s no other way for her to approach this issue – apart from seeing it for what it really is: an emotional barrier that needs to be broken down in order for you both to be together.

That’s why she’ll feel more comfortable approaching you again in the future when she’s ready.

So if ignoring her is causing her pain, then you have a responsibility to help her break down the wall. You have choices here: 

– Try to understand her emotional defenses and ask her open-ended questions like “how do you think this happened?”

– Try to understand the emotional issues she has and help her find a healthy way to express them by constantly asking what’s on her mind.

Either way, ignore her and she’ll end up taking you back – because there’s a part of her that wants what you have. 

10) She will miss the love and affection

One of the reasons you have to ignore your partner when they pull away is because they will miss you.

And while they’re hiding, they’ll miss the love and affection that you provide to them. 

They’ll miss being able to confide in you. They’ll miss being able to share their problems with you. 

And if they ignore you, they’ll realize what they’re missing out on – and this will make them want to come back again when they’re ready.

So like I mentioned above, once she’s ready, try to wait for her and help her see through the emotional defenses that she’s been hiding behind.

11) She’s being forced to share her feelings, instead of bottling them up

Think about this for a moment:

When you’re with your partner, wouldn’t it be much easier for them if they could tell you everything that was bothering them? And wouldn’t it benefit both of you if they could confide in you when things get hard?

But the reality is:

You can’t share feelings with someone who keeps pulling away from you. And that’s because if you try to share your problems with someone who’s pulling away, they’ll find ways to ignore what you’re saying.

The same thing happens in your relationship:

She can’t share her feelings with you if she’s pulling away. And this is what causes a lot of emotional pain when she starts pulling away from you. 

But by ignoring her, she’ll be forced to deal with all of these negative emotions on her own. Because she won’t have anyone to confide in, she’ll be forced to talk to herself and try to figure out what’s stopping her from feeling whole and happy.

And when she starts talking to herself, it will help her realize how much she needs you in her life – and how much you mean to her. And once she realizes this for herself, it’ll make her more confident about approaching you again.

12) You’re reminding her you’re secure in who you are and what your relationship means to you

You might think that ignoring her is the best way to make her want you again, but in reality, it’s the opposite.

You’re actually reminding her that you’re secure in who you are and what your relationship means to you.

This only works if there’s some hurt in the relationship that she has caused. For example: 

If she cheated on you and broke your trust – then ignore her and show her how secure you feel about yourself by focusing on your life without her in it.

If she treated you like garbage and told you what you wanted to hear to get what she wanted – then ignore her and show her how secure you feel about yourself by reminding her that there are other people out there who will treat you better.

And if the relationship was based on something real and true, then ignore her and show her how secure you feel about yourself by taking action to fix the relationship so that it means something real and true again.

13) It shows that you’re confident enough to stand up for yourself, which she likes in a man 

The last reason why you have to ignore your partner is that she’ll feel that you’re confident enough to stand up for yourself, which she likes in a man. 

When she sees that you’re ignoring her, she’ll feel insecure and anxious about whether she can have another chance at this relationship. 

And this will make her try to solve the problem by pursuing you again when she’s ready.

Also keep in mind that when a woman is ready to talk about her feelings and her issues, it doesn’t mean she’s going to stay in the relationship. At least women are able, to be honest with themselves and understand what they want in a relationship before they get into it.

So when you’re ignoring her, she’ll be forced to look at herself first and figure out if you’re really the one she wants in her life or not.

And by doing this, she’ll become more aware of herself and understand who she is.

Final thoughts

We’ve covered 13 reasons to ignore her when she pulls away.

At the end of the day, relationships are a lot like a mirror. If you ignore her, it shows her what she wants from you and what she needs to change about herself.

And once she breaks down these emotional walls that have been blocking her from happiness and love, it will make her more confident about approaching you again.

But remember that don’t completely ignore her. A little bit of love and affection will go a long way to help her out.

Hopefully, you’ll use this post to help save your relationship and fix any problems that you might be having in the relationship. Good luck!

Written by Thảo Anh Nguyễn

It is the little daily things that make life worth living and I know how to put you in the right perspective. I write about the intersection of life and love: how spirituality has changed my relationships, what I do to cultivate love in my life, and why I believe that all relationships are spiritual. Meet all your needs for your relationship and pieces of life advice with my articles.

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