How to let go of control: 26 no bullsh*t tips that actually work

We live in a world where we want to control everything.

The idea that we can control everything is an illusion and at some point in our lives, we’re all forced to lose control.

I know it’s not easy to let go of control, so here are some easy tips on how to accept and embrace uncertainty once and for all.

Let’s dive right in:

1) Stop worrying about what others think of you

Whether it’s about your body, personality, work, or the way you express yourself – stop worrying about what others think of you.

Now, whether their judgments are positive or negative, you need to do what you want to do and what you think is right, without stressing over whether someone else will approve or not.

In other words, do what makes you happy and forget all the judgmental bullsh*t that goes on inside your head.

Remember, it doesn’t matter how many people criticize your decisions, hobbies, or anything else – all that matters is that you’re happy with yourself no matter what.

You can’t control what others think about you, so you need to stop worrying so much about it and wasting your mental and emotional energy.

2) Stop being afraid of failure

We’ve all been afraid of failure at some point in our lives, it’s a natural thing to feel.

But at some point, we have to let go of the fear.

We have to say, “to hell with it” and just go ahead and try stuff.

The truth is that maybe we’ll fail, and that’s ok. We can always learn something from the experience.

Or, maybe we’ll succeed. How great would that be?

But it’s not possible unless we try.

Sometimes we’re so afraid of failure because of irrational fears that have taken over our heads a long time ago. We don’t fully realize how ridiculous our fears really are because they’re overwhelming.

The bottom line is that in order to let go of control, you have to accept that failure is a natural part of life.

3) Tap into your personal power

So what can you do to let go of control?

Begin with yourself. Stop searching for external fixes to sort out your life, deep down, you know this isn’t working.

And that’s because until you look within and unleash your personal power, you’ll never find the satisfaction and fulfillment you’re searching for.

I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. His life mission is to help people restore balance to their lives and unlock their creativity and potential. He has an incredible approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist.

In his excellent free video, Rudá explains effective methods to learn to lose control and achieve what you want in life.

So if you want to build a better relationship with yourself, unlock your endless potential, and put passion at the heart of everything you do, start now by checking out his genuine advice.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) Stop comparing yourself to others

We are all constantly “comparing” ourselves to everyone else, whether it be in regards to their accomplishments or physically attractive features.

The thing is:

We want to be able to control how they perceive us.

Now, part of learning to let go of control is learning to stop comparing yourself to others.

It’s a bad habit that can give you the wrong image of yourself – a negative image.

That’s not going to help you at all. And that negativity is going to hold you back in life and make you feel inferior.

Remember that you’re an individual.

Don’t live your life based on what other people want you to be instead of focusing on your own self-expression.

Don’t waste precious time trying to be like others.

5) Stop blaming others for things going wrong

It’s easy to lay the blame on someone else.

In fact, it’s very difficult for people to admit when they make a mistake.

Sometimes things go wrong, it may be your fault or the fault of someone else, but the bottom line is, it’s in the past and you need to let it go.

You see:

Part of letting go of control is learning to let go of negative emotions such as blame.

This one is a tough one to let go of – trust me I know – but it’s really important not to let your emotions control you.

Instead of blaming others for your wrong-doings, learn from the experience and move on.

Let go of the negative emotions and try something else in order to get the results you want.

6) Don’t try too hard

This one sounds a bit weird, but it’s actually very important.

As a matter of fact:

Trying too hard is the fastest way to failure.

Instead, you need to take things easy and learn from your mistakes rather than keep trying harder and harder to get things done.

That’s not how real magic happens in our lives. Magic happens by learning from your mistakes, not by throwing yourself against them over and over again hoping that they’ll work out all right in the end.

In short:

If we feel that we’re doing something wrong or not quite right, maybe we just need to relax and not try so hard.

7) Don’t become too attached to an outcome

pexels pavel danilyuk 8637953 How to let go of control: 26 no bullsh*t tips that actually work

It’s very important to accept that you may not always have the outcome you were looking for.

This one is very important because it will save you a lot of disappointment in life.

You need to accept that you’ve done your best and the rest is out of your control – que sera sera.

In short:

Don’t be attached to an outcome, don’t get hung up on the outcome or the result, just do what you can do at this very moment and then let it go.

8) Don’t be obsessed with winning

Life isn’t just about winning.

We seem to get it in our minds that we can’t lose, or that if we do, then everything will be a disaster.

We think that losing is the most horrible thing in the world and creates unnecessary fear.

You see:

Just because you don’t win at everything doesn’t mean you’re a loser.

Stop being afraid of losing and start taking risks.

Keep in mind that the journey is what counts, not the destination.

9) Ground yourself in the present moment

The future is almost impossible to predict, so stop worrying about it and start focusing on what is right in front of you.

In order to learn to let go of control, you need to be able to let go of the past and the future and ground yourself in the present.

Ask yourself:

  • What are you feeling right now?
  • What are you doing now?
  • How are you feeling at this very moment?

What can you do to ground yourself?

One of the things that can help you ground yourself, live in the moment, and learn to let go of control is mindful meditation.

To meditate:

  • Find a quiet spot
  • Sit in an upright and alert position
  • Close your eyes
  • Focus on your breath as it comes in through your nose and travels to your lungs
  • Notice how your belly rises
  • Follow the breath as it travels back out
  • And again
  • Repeat this for anywhere between 10 minutes and an hour
  • For best results, practice daily

By focusing on your breath – in and out – everything else will stop and you learn how to be mindful of the present moment.

Stop worrying about the future or what could have happened and learn to ground yourself in the present – the present is all we have.

10) Let your emotions take over (sometimes)

Of course, it’s better to keep a clear head and not let your emotions take over, but sometimes letting your emotions take over can be a good thing.

The truth is:

In life there are moments that require us to let go of our control – sometimes we just need to get out of the way and stop trying so hard.

You’ll find that not allowing yourself to experience your emotions will lead to stress and anxiety.

Letting your emotions take over can be a great release – like unlocking a secret inside of you.

So, get out of your head from time and let your emotions take over.

11) Don’t be afraid to look stupid or silly

One of the biggest things that stop us from following our dreams is the fear of losing control.

  • We are afraid to make mistakes.
  • We’re afraid of embarrassment.
  • We’re afraid of looking stupid and silly.

Oftentimes our fears get in the way of us living life to the fullest.

While it’s obviously better not to look foolish in front of others, sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone and let go of control in order to achieve your dreams.

12) Be willing to surrender

We need to learn that we can’t have everything we want out of life all of the time.

We are not entitled to everything in life, and whenever we try too hard to get something we will inevitably lose it.

In order to learn how to let go of control, we need to be ok with all outcomes.

But I get it, it’s not easy letting go.

If that’s the case, I highly recommend watching this free breathwork video, created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê.

Rudá isn’t another self-professed life coach. Through shamanism and his own life journey, he’s created a modern-day twist to ancient healing techniques.

The exercises in his invigorating video combine years of breathwork experience and ancient shamanic beliefs, designed to help you relax and check in with your body and soul.

After many years of suppressing my emotions, Rudá’s dynamic breathwork flow quite literally revived that connection.

And that’s what you need:

A spark to reconnect you with your feelings so that you can begin focusing on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.

So if you’re ready to take back control over your mind, body, and soul, if you’re ready to say goodbye to anxiety and stress, check out his genuine advice below.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

13) Consider the universe

If you have trouble letting go of control, just think about the vastness and complexity of the universe.

Think about how small and insignificant you are in relation to the universe.

If you look at the big picture and everything that happens in the universe – our lives are very small.

The universe is complex, chaotic, and random.

In essence:

We have our parts to play in the infinite universe, but if we think we are in control, then we are fooling ourselves.

14) Be ok with not being ok

If you want to learn to let go of control, then you’ll have to be ok with not being ok.

What do I mean?

Well, some people are so obsessed with being in control that they think they can control their feelings all the time. And when they don’t feel ok and can’t fix that feeling, they tend to feel worse.

Here’s the thing:

It’s ok to feel bad. Nobody can feel good all the time.

We are human, and we have feelings.

We need to accept our feelings and not try to escape them.

  • It’s ok if you don’t feel well today.
  • It’s ok if you feel sad or anxious today.
  • It’s ok if you feel like giving up on life today – it happens to everyone at some point in their lives.

And the bottom line?

By letting go of control, we can be more in tune with our emotions, and we can be more accepting of the people and situations around us.

15) Start with small steps

matthew henry kq3MXXDGeOM unsplash 1 How to let go of control: 26 no bullsh*t tips that actually work

The best way to practice letting go of control is to start by taking small steps.

Now, you may find yourself taking a step in your direction only to get stopped by an unexpected obstacle.

That’s ok! It’s that “exceptional” obstacle that will motivate you to take a bigger step in the future, and you will eventually reach your goal.

For example, you may find it hard to trust anyone to take care of your baby.

So, maybe you leave your baby with a sitter for one hour. When you come back, your baby has a fever. But that’s ok!

It would have gotten a fever with you there or in the babysitter’s care, don’t let that stop you.

Next time, leave your baby with the sitter for two hours.

Step-by-step, you learn to let go of control.

In a nutshell:

You need to let other people step in and help you to function and have a normal life.

It’s all about progress.

16) Don’t do it alone

Letting go of control will take a little bit of time, and most people find it very hard to do on their own.

I know it’s not easy to let someone else take care of things for you and leave your worries behind.

But, with the help of a friend or therapist, letting go of control becomes easier for everyone.

It’s important to have support and feel supported when working towards letting go of control.

17) Enhance your relationship with yourself

If you want to learn to let go of control, you have to learn to love yourself.

Start giving yourself more attention and care.

You see:

It’s important to take care of our mind, body, and spirit first, before taking care of anything else in life.

We tend to neglect ourselves out of fear that if we don’t do things right, we will ruin our chances for a better future.

But in reality, you already have everything you need-  it’s simply a matter of learning how to take care of it and make use of it.

18) Use affirmations

If you’re having trouble letting go of control, try using affirmations.

So, what are affirmations?

Affirmations are positive statements that you repeat over and over to yourself.

They’re meant to help you believe in yourself and have a better perspective on a situation.

So for example you may say to yourself, “I can let go, I believe that the universe has a plan and everything will be as it should.”

Don’t be afraid to use affirmations to help you motivate yourself on your journey to letting loose.

19) Have faith

Having faith is a big part of letting go of control.

It’s important to have faith in the universe, faith in other people, and most of all, faith in yourself.

It’s important to have faith that everything will turn out ok if you just let go of control from time to time.

In my own experience, if you let go of control, the world will not come to an end.

20) Let go of fear

Fear can be a crippling emotion. In fact, it’s often the reason that we hold on to control so strongly.

But what if you could learn to let go of the fear and learn to let go of control?

The truth is, most of us never realize how much power and potential lies within us.

We become bogged down by continuous conditioning from society, the media, our education system, and more.

The result?

The reality we create becomes detached from the reality that lives within our consciousness.

I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can lift the mental chains and get back to the core of your being.

A word of caution – Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.

He doesn’t paint a pretty picture or sprout toxic positivity like so many other gurus do.

Instead, he’s going to force you to look inwards and confront the demons within. It’s a powerful approach, but one that works.

So if you’re ready to take this first step and align your dreams with your reality, there’s no better place to start than with Rudá’s unique technique

Here’s a link to the free video again.

21) Write a list of your worst fears

One thing that may help you let go of control is to write a list of your fears.

Think hard about the worst things that could happen if you let go of control.

The truth of the matter is that ignoring your fear will only make it stronger.

What you need to do is to face your fears head-on by putting them on paper.

Writing down what you’re afraid of will help you analyze your fear and put it into perspective.

Now, sometimes fear is irrational and you may find that when you look at your list with a cool head, things are really not all that bad.

Every time you feel that you’re unable to let go, read your list over and over again.

For example:

Maybe your fear of letting go of control is really a fear of change.

When you’re afraid of change, you tend to cling to the status quo and resist letting go of control.

But if you sit with your fears, you may find that it’s all an act of resistance.

You may be afraid of what will happen if you let go and give in to change.

In my own experience, fear is really a fear of the unknown and at the same time a desire for what’s familiar.

So writing down your fears will give them less power and help you face them.

22) Use imagery to help you let go of control

pexels eduardo lempo 3805667 How to let go of control: 26 no bullsh*t tips that actually work

If you’re having trouble letting go of control, try using imagery to help you.

For example:

Think of control as a big boulder that you have to hold above your head.

Think about the amount of energy, time, and headspace that is consumed with trying to keep that boulder up, and for what?

Then picture yourself letting the boulder drop next to you.

Now doesn’t that feel like such a relief? Don’t you feel much lighter?

There was really no need to carry such a weight – neither boulder nor control.

You see, imagery can help you see how your need to control everything can be a burden, and how letting go can feel like a weight lifted.

23) Let go of the need to be perfect

Another fear that people have is that they might fail because they’re not perfect.

Now, most of us have been taught that perfection is the key to success, but it really isn’t.

We should forget about trying to be perfect.

Instead, we should focus on improving our weaknesses and developing new skills and techniques in order to succeed in our lives and work.

24) Let go of the need to understand everything

We all have parts of life that we are trying to learn about.

We all find ourselves in situations where we’d like to understand what’s going on.

Some people have a need to understand everything. This is their way of coping with some of life’s difficulties.

They think that insight will give them control over a situation.

In reality?

Doing this will make your life more difficult because it’s impossible to understand everything.

And if you spend too much time trying to understand every single thing going on around you, you’ll get caught in a loop of frustration and anxiety.

So instead of trying to understand everything, learn how to accept that there are some things that we just might never know or understand.

In short: Let go of the need to understand everything! It’s just not possible.

25) Don’t be afraid to change things

As human beings, we get so attached to certain things, and sometimes we have trouble letting go of them.

The main reason is that we’re afraid something bad will happen if we change them or remove them from our lives.

Sometimes, we need to let go of certain things in order for us to move on and grow as individuals, but it’s difficult because of the fear of change.

Letting go is about understanding that everything changes, even our feelings and the people around us.

Once you understand this, you can better cope with those situations and challenges that come along in your life.

26) Speak to a mental health expert

Finally, if you’re trying to let go of control but aren’t able to do it, then you may need to speak with a mental health professional.

I know that the idea of going to therapy can be a little scary at first.

But, trying to fix everything yourself can be overwhelming.

In my personal experience, speaking to someone – especially a professional – can be very insightful, and the fact that you don’t have to go through it alone can be such a load off.

The thing is that there are some issues that may be causing you to feel like you need to control every little aspect of your life.

Speaking to a therapist may give you insight into what’s causing you to feel like you have to control everything, and then you can try some techniques for letting go of control.

In short: Pinpointing the root of the problem can be essential in dealing with it.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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