Does your man seem closed off, but you know that deep down, he feels a lot?
He probably has his emotional walls up, protecting himself.
This can be frustrating, especially when all you want to do is be there for him and help him with his emotions.
However, there are ways to break his emotional walls down.
Keep reading to find out 17 ways to get him to open up more!
1) Show an interest in him
It’s simple: when you’re interested in getting to know your man, he’ll be more apt to open up to you.
You can start small by taking an interest in his emotions or in his hobbies or activities.
Things like asking questions, showing flashes of genuine interest, complimenting him, and asking how he likes to spend his time will get him to open up more.
If you notice that he’s always closed off, you can also try showing more interest in him during the day and see how he’s doing.
You see, when a guy notices that you are showing an interest in him, that will slowly make him feel safer to open up to you.
The thing is, many guys are afraid to open up to someone who will then not care about them at all and leave them.
But that’s not you.
You see him as a person, not just as a “boyfriend” or the guy you’re seeing.
That’s why you’re willing to open up to him and show your interest in him.
It will make him feel more comfortable to open up to you, too.
Think about it: do you like opening up to people who don’t seem interested in you?
2) Be a better listener
Listen to what he has to say.
If you notice him being more open, be more of a good listener and he’ll be more apt to open up to you.
You see, some people make the mistake and, when their man finally opens up a bit, they are distracted, not really listening to what he has to say.
This will immediately bring the emotional walls back up because he won’t feel seen and heard by you.
So listen to what he has to say and he’ll open up more.
This can help him open up to you more because he knows that you’re there for him when he needs it.
I know, it’s not always easy, maybe you have something else to do or you are exhausted from a long day at work.
However, if this is important to you, you need to make time and listen when your man finally talks about his feelings in the slightest.
You see, he’s testing the waters and when he notices that you don’t listen, he’ll feel like he shouldn’t talk about his feelings anymore!
That’s why he’ll be less open to you, and that’s how it works!
So: try being a good listener and being patient.
3) Ask how you can help
When you are at your wit’s end, you can try asking him how you can help.
This is a great way to show that you care and to let him know that you want him to open up more.
You can also try it as a sincere question. Try asking, “What can I do to help you open up more?”
Turns out you might also try, “I’ve noticed that you’re pretty closed off sometimes. Do you have any tips on how I can help you open up more?”
You see, communication is key in any relationship, and maybe your partner isn’t aware of the fact that he is closed off!
Or maybe he’s aware but thinks that you prefer a guy who doesn’t talk about his emotions!
Either way, letting him know and also asking him how you can help to make him feel safer are amazing ways to show that you care.
You’ll be surprised at the results.
Be patient and consistent with your approach. If you try one thing and it doesn’t work, try another.
If you can get him to open up more every day, he’ll feel more comfortable opening up to you.
But don’t worry if he is defensive at first. Most guys have their emotional walls for a reason, something happened that made them close themselves off.
That doesn’t just go away overnight, so give him time!
4) Bring out his inner hero
I know, this might sound a bit strange at first but hear me out!
Bringing out his inner-hero can really help open him up a bit more!
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, open, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
5) Let him know how much he means to you
If you want your boyfriend or partner to open up more, try letting him know how much you care for him.
This can be done in any number of ways from telling him you love him to writing him a letter.
It’s important that you don’t try to force him to open up; this is about you opening up to him and letting him know that he’s important to you.
You see, when you are the one taking the first step, opening up, and being vulnerable, he’ll be more inclined to do the same.
And the best part?
Letting him know how much he means to you will give him the peace of mind that you aren’t going anywhere.
He’ll feel less afraid of losing you as well. He’ll also feel more confident in himself and in your relationship because he knows that his feelings are important to you.
Everybody’s love language is different, maybe he likes to hear the words, he wants to have a long hug, or he appreciates acts of service.
Whatever it is, figure out what makes him feel most loved, and then let him know about your feelings.
6) Find out what makes him feel bad or uncomfortable
Knowing where your man stands emotionally will help you show him that you care and let him open up more.
One way to do this is by asking him how he feels and what he wants you to do to make him feel better.
Another great option is to find out what makes him feel bad or uncomfortable so that you can avoid it as much as possible moving forward.
You’ll both feel better if you can avoid these things that make him uncomfortable.
If you’re not sure how to do this, ask him! It’s better that way.
You can also let him know that you want to do something that feels good to him.
Remember, you shouldn’t try to force him to open up if he’s not ready.
You can, however, ask him these questions and let him know that you’re interested in learning more about him.
7) Help him see his value
It’s important to let your man know that he has value.
More often than not, emotional walls are built up as a result of feeling unworthy.
When you let him know that he’s important, you’ll be giving him a sense of value.
He’ll feel like he has some worth to you and that will make him feel better about himself as well.
You’ll both be happier and have a more fulfilling relationship.
This can be done in a variety of ways, such as when you’re showing emotional interest and when you’re being helpful to him.
You can also let him know that he has value to you when he’s ready to open up more.
The thing is, you can’t really help him too much here, seeing your own value and worth is an inside job, and no matter what other people say until you believe it yourself, it’s useless.
However, your kind words can definitely help!
You can try emphasizing again and again how much value he adds to your life and how grateful you are for him.
You can also let him know how much you appreciate his help and that you’re grateful for everything he’s done.
He’ll feel appreciated and will feel better about himself.
This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to open up to you!
And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.
All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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8) Let him know how much you care
Another way to get him to open up more is to let him know how much you care.
This can be done in many ways, from verbal compliments to handwritten notes.
It’s important that you don’t try to force him to open up; this is about you opening up to him and letting him know that he’s important to you.
You can also try giving him a gift or special experience that shows how much you care, like taking him out to dinner or to a movie.
You see, when you show him that you care about him, he will feel safe in your presence and like he can open up to you.
Who knows, maybe in the past he opened up to someone who left him in the rain, so now he’s terrified of opening up again!
And that’s okay.
You can also try letting him know how much you care by not being afraid to show your emotions.
You can try showing your emotions in a variety of ways, like when you’re upset or happy by talking about it, or when you’re angry by yelling or crying.
This will help him know that he can tell you anything and that he has no reason to be scared of opening up to you.
It will also help him feel safe around you and have more trust in his relationship with you.
9) Take the time to get to know him
Taking the time to get to know him will help you get to know him better and also open him up more.
Try asking him questions about himself and his life.
You can also show interest in his hobbies or activities, which can be a way to get to know him better.
You see if there are things he doesn’t want to talk about, like maybe his family, don’t keep asking about it and pressuring him.
Instead, ask about other things in his life so he knows you have a genuine interest in his life.
By showing interest in him and his life, he will feel safe around you and let down his guard.
He’ll start to open up more to you, which will help him feel better about himself.
You can also try talking about the things that make him happy or sad.
It’s important that you don’t ask about things in his life just for the sake of talking about them; this isn’t about you trying to get information out of him.
The goal here is to show interest in the important things in his life and let him know that he’s important enough for you to take time out of your day to talk with him.
10) Make an effort to understand his emotional needs
The next way to get him to open up more is to make an effort to understand his emotional needs.
It’s important that you know what those are so you can help him through them.
You can do this by asking him questions like, “what did you need out of that experience?” or “why did you feel the way you did?”
This will help him know that you are genuinely interested in getting to know him and understand where he’s coming from.
He’ll start to feel more comfortable around you, which will make it easier for him to open up more.
You see, some people don’t even know what their emotional needs are, so you might need to be observational.
When he’s upset, does he like to cuddle or does he prefer being left alone?
How does he spend his days when he is feeling sad?
All these details add up to his emotional needs.
Of course, you can also ask him about it. For example, when you know he’s feeling down, ask: “What do you need from me right now, do you want me to stay and cuddle, or do you want some space?”
When he realizes that you respect his needs, he will feel more inclined to open up to you, trust me!
11) Don’t expect him to reveal his entire life story
My biggest tip: don’t expect him to reveal his entire life story.
This is why many people fail to make an impact on their partner’s life because they don’t take the time to understand the person they’re trying to help.
He might tell you that he has a lot of trouble with his family or that he feels lonely, but if you expect him to tell you everything about him, he will feel like you are trying to control or manipulate him.
I know it sounds like a no-brainer, but just taking the time to get to know him and understand where he is coming from will make a huge difference when it comes down to giving advice.
Wanting him to tell you every detail is not always a good idea.
This can be overwhelming for your man and make him feel like he’s got to tell you everything.
Be respectful of his need for space and his desire for privacy, and don’t push him if he doesn’t want to share more than he’s comfortable with.
12) Talk to a relationship coach
While the points in this article will help you deal with breaking down your man’s emotional walls, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like opening up to one another. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago.
After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
13) Be understanding when he doesn’t want to open up right away
Understanding that this process takes time and is a process can help you to be more patient and understanding and will help you to get your man to open up more.
If his emotional walls are up, they are there for a reason and it’s highly unlikely that he will open up right away.
Now: you have to decide, are you willing to put in the effort to stay until he opens up?
This is important, you don’t want him to open up a little and then leave!
Patience is key when it comes to bringing down his emotional walls, so if possible, be understanding when it takes a while.
Be patient and understanding and he will eventually open up.
If you push him too much, you will make him feel like he has to tell you everything right away!
Don’t expect him to share everything about his life with you right away, it’s just not going to happen.
And don’t try to force him, this will only make him feel uncomfortable and he’ll try to hide his feelings from you.
14) Make conversations feel easy and natural, not forced
Nothing is worse for a man with emotional walls than feeling like he’s in a forced emotional conversation about his feelings and he can’t get out.
Being put on the spot like that is the worst thing he can imagine.
That’s why, if you want him to open up more, you need to make conversations feel easy and natural, not forced.
If he’s afraid of being put on the spot, he’s not going to open up.
What you can do to help your man feel comfortable? Well, start by letting feelings come up naturally, not addressing them head-on right away.
Of course, you can encourage him subtly to talk about his emotions, just give him the space to retreat if he doesn’t feel like talking about it.
15) Take it easy on the eye contact
Okay, I know this might sound weird, especially because we often tend to feel more listened to when a man looks us in the eyes, but it’s not always the case when it’s the other way around.
You see, when a man has emotional walls up, he’s usually feeling very vulnerable, especially talking about emotions.
Now: eye contact is one of the most intimate things two people can share, so sometimes, that can be too much.
So: take it easy on the eye contact, especially while he’s opening up to you.
Be patient with your man’s feelings and respect his need for space when it comes to sharing his emotions with you.
16) Try talking in the car
This might be a weird tip but trust me, it works! When you want your man to open up more, you can bring up topics in the car, while driving.
Think about it: there is naturally no eye contact and you are a bit distracted from driving, so the conversation is immediately less awkward!
However, if you’re in the car and he doesn’t want to talk about something, just let it go.
It’s not a big deal and you don’t have to force him into it.
This is just one of many ideas of how you can get him to open up more.
17) If he’s not ready, let it go
Most importantly, if he’s not ready to talk, let it go.
Keep showing him that you care about him but don’t pressure him to talk about anything.
You see, the more you pressure him, the more he will shut down, so it’s best to just let it go for now.
Take your time
I know, you might wanna storm off and try all of these tricks right away, but take your time!
You see, the more time you give him to open up, the easier it will feel for him.
If you truly care about this man (and just from reading this, you seem to care a lot), he will see it eventually and open up.
By now you should have a good idea of how to get your man to open up.
So what can you do to resolve this quicker?
Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder