The guy you hooked up with wants to be just friends.
Naturally, you are confused and you don’t know how to react.
I know. It sucks, but it happens. And it’s not just you. I’ve been there too.
The good news is that you can do something about it. The bad news is, it’s not easy.
So, let’s talk about it!
Here are 10 tips if you are in this situation:
1) Try to find out why he just wants to be friends with you
Knowing why he doesn’t want to be more than friends with you should be helpful. How?
Well, most of the time, a guy’s reasons are not even related to the person he hooked up with.
For example, this guy may like you enough to date you, but there could be other factors that stop him from getting involved with you.
Like what? He could simply not be ready for more, or he could have other priorities in his life.
So, instead of thinking the worst about yourself and believing that he just wants to be friends with you because he doesn’t like something about you, it would be best to find out his real reason.
Even so, it’s natural to think you are to blame. So, relax if this is already happening to you and make a conscious decision to find out the truth.
2) Don’t overreact to his decision to be just friends
Do yourself a favor and don’t make a big deal out of it. Getting mad at him will not improve anything, and you can both feel worse about the situation by getting mad.
When you overreact, you can only make things more unpleasant. You are basically showing him that you are upset and trying to make him feel guilty for what he did.
But, wait! You were part of it, too, so you shouldn’t blame him exclusively for what has happened or for what you thought was actually happening.
So, try to give your situation some thought before you go all out on it.
You really need to think this through and look at what the real problem is, or you could end up ruining a good friendship.
3) Trigger this guy’s innate drive to change his mind
Are you determined to change this guy’s mind? Then, you have to trigger his innate drive to make him want you as a girlfriend and even more, a life partner.
I’ll be honest with you. There aren’t many ways for you to trigger a man’s emotion and drive.
What am I talking about? The psychological term for it is the ‘hero instinct’.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
4) Don’t make excuses for him instead of talking to him
This is a poor habit that nearly every girl has. I am guilty of this one, too.
The problem is that you may be trying to make an excuse for him by saying things like:
- He is just scared of falling in love, so this is why he wants to be friends with me.
- He’s still not over his ex-girlfriend and so he has mixed feelings about me.
- He’s not ready for a relationship.
You get the point – you find an excuse for his behavior, but you never talk about it with him.
You are basically lying to yourself by finding an excuse for this guy’s behavior.
A truthful and direct discussion is the best way to change things, but don’t expect him to change if you never talk about it directly with him.
You need to step out of your shoes, revert back to a more rational mind, and try not to make excuses for him.
5) Don’t agree to be friends with him if you don’t want to
Another tip for you? Don’t agree to be his friend when you don’t want to.
You might feel a bit pressured by his decision of wanting to only be friends with you. But, don’t let that pressure make you agree to be just friends with him just because he wants it that way.
Your answer has to be honest. Otherwise, you’ll end up in a hurtful situation when you interact with this guy as friends but still have the same feelings for him.
I’ve seen it happen before.
It’s not a good idea to just agree with his decision because you don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. If he prefers being friends, that’s fine, but you don’t have to feel the same way.
Pretending and hiding your feelings will not serve you in the future.
6) Set clear boundaries for yourself to avoid such situations
Setting boundaries – what does it really mean?
Setting boundaries means that you have to set limits and rules for yourself.
For example, if a guy is asking you out, you should have very specific rules to follow, depending on what you want.
Boundaries come naturally with time and experience. But, usually, girls don’t know where to draw their lines or have the skills to draw them correctly.
In this regard, it’s best to learn how to choose the right boundaries for yourself. They will not only help you avoid similar situations, but they’ll also help you live a more happy and more stable life.
For example, a rule could be not to hook up with a guy unless you go out on 3 dates with him. Or, another rule could be to be friends first with a guy before hooking up with him. These are up to you.
Boundaries are important because they are rules that you set for yourself, which will help you organize your relationships and build better connections with guys.
7) Change his mind by making him infatuated with you
This guy clearly thinks you are attractive, but he doesn’t want to date you. However, you can change his mind by making him infatuated with you.
What is infatuation? Infatuation is when a guy is absolutely obsessed with you to the point that he can’t think of anything else.
But, there’s a catch here. It’s not something that happens overnight; it takes some time and effort to get this guy infatuated with you.
Infatuation is usually short-lived and very intense, but it’s a great tool to use in your favor.
So how can you make him completely infatuated with you?
Relationship expert Clayton Max explains that to get through to a guy, you can’t just convince him to be with you; you have to appeal to his deep, primal instincts.
And the easiest way to do this is by sending a number of powerful texts, which you can get by watching this free video.
8) Keep flirting with him if you’ve got nothing to lose
This guy hooked up with you already, so I’m sure the attraction is there.
Since it might not be so easy to change his mind and get him to date you, you may keep flirting with him just for fun. If he is attracted to you, he will be happy with this outcome.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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Also, since this guy is already interested in you, he won’t mind that much if you keep flirting with him. This will provide some fun and light-hearted entertainment for both of you if nothing else.
However, keep in mind that this tip works best if you don’t have deep feelings for him. If you’re pining for this guy, then flirting with him will only make you feel more hurt in the end.
9) Tell him how you really feel about him
Hear me out: there’s a slight possibility that he thinks you just want to be friends with him and that’s why he says it first.
Maybe you did something (unknowingly) or said something that made him think you wanted to hook up – no strings attached.
Or maybe, he just wants to be safe and doesn’t want to leave the possibility of dating you open.
Whatever the reason might be, it’s possible that he is not sure about how important you are to him.
Maybe you haven’t made yourself clear and he’s not sure if things will work out between you two. Maybe he thinks you’re just so awesome that he doesn’t want to risk your friendship by committing to each other.
So, tell him how you really feel about him. Say that you actually want to be his girlfriend and not just friends.
10) Figure it out if he’s the player type
A guy who is a player is just not interested in dating a girl seriously at all. He prefers having multiple, short-term hookups.
That’s the life of a player, and it’s not compatible with a girl who has serious intentions when it comes to dating.
Signs a guy is a player:
- He isn’t good at communicating with you and doesn’t express his emotions well.
- He has a lot of male friends but very few female ones, or he doesn’t have many friends at all.
- He often goes hot and cold.
So, if this guy is a player, then don’t waste your time trying to change his mind about not wanting to be more than friends.
The best thing you can do is stop wasting your time with this guy. He clearly doesn’t want to date you, so stop trying to be his friend and try to find someone else who will treat you better.
Can you be friends with someone you slept with?
Yes, you can!
But, keep in mind that you will have to learn how to be friends with this person. It will not happen by itself, that’s for sure.
Also, you have to remember that it will be very hard for you to be friends with someone who hurt your feelings. You may need to take some time off from this person and get your feelings in order.
The key question here is whether you can trust him and enjoy his company, despite what happened between the two of you. If so, then try to just hang out with this guy once in a while as friends.
That’s all you need to get your friendship back on track. You don’t have to see each other all the time, but if you can be friends with him, then that’s more than enough.
Give yourself some time and learn how to be okay with his presence in your life again. This will allow you to start forgetting what happened between the two of you so that you can move on and start living a happier life.
But, before you make up your mind, ask yourself if you appreciate him enough as a person to put yourself through this. If the answer is no, then it’s better if you don’t try to get your friendship back.
This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to want to be more than friends with you.
And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.
All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you feel like you can’t be friends with this guy.
Why would a guy still want to be friends after hooking up?
Some guys, even though they are not interested in a woman romantically, might still be interested in her as a friend.
This is because they have respect for her and think that she is a good person – and of course, that’s more important than sex.
Also, the guy might feel guilty about what happened between you two and wants to make it up to you.
And last, he may not be sure of his feelings, and he doesn’t want to risk getting hurt again.
There are a lot of other reasons why a man might want to be friends with the person he slept with.
For example, this guy could also be really selfish and superficial. Maybe he just says that he wants to be friends with you to get out of the situation when in reality he has no intention of building a friendship with you.
So, the conclusion would be that you can’t know for sure why this guy wants to be friends with you. If he just wants to hook up again, then it’s best to walk away and find someone else to spend your time with.
The other option would be to make him explain his intentions. Ask him why he wants to be friends with you and what he wants to get out of it.
And if you think that his answer is genuine, then you can consider being friends with him. If he’s not being honest, then consider walking away from him.
However, his intentions should not change your mind. If you don’t want to be friends with him, it’s best that you don’t force things.
The main idea here is that you want to feel better and not just agree with whatever he says.
That being said, if being friends with him will make you happy and feel better, then go for it.
But, if forcing yourself to be friends with this person is going to make you feel worse, then try to just let him go.
He loves me but wants to be friends. Why?
Do you know for sure that this guy loves you? If so, then he must have really good reasons for wanting to be just friends. These reasons could be related to his own issues.
One possibility is that he has other priorities in life. A relationship with you is not something he wants or has time for at the moment. He might be busy with his family and/or friends.
Another possibility is that it’s just a temporary situation for him. He says he loves you, but the truth is that he’s not looking for a serious relationship.
So, if it’s just a one-time thing, you can’t take it seriously anyway. Let him say he loves you and move on with your life.
Either way, even if this guy loves you, he can’t be with you or doesn’t want to be with you. It’s up to you to decide what to do with that.
You could let him go or you could wait until he’s ready for a relationship. Some women choose the latter option and play games – they do this because they don’t want to lose the man they want.
But, this is not a good idea because you’ll pause your life for him. Who knows what you’ll be missing out on?
Can two people be friends if they are attracted to each other?
Yes, two people can be friends if they are attracted to each other!
But, it’s not always easy to make things work.
How can you be friends with someone that you’re attracted to?
The first thing is to ensure that you don’t get physical with this person. That will guarantee that you never get hurt.
If he is really interested in building a friendship with you and not something more, then he won’t try to get physical with you either.
In turn, you should not flirt with him or be too forward with him. To really make things work, you should act casual.
Also, do your best not to give him the wrong idea about how you feel about him. Maybe, because of the attraction between you two, he’s thinking that you want more than a friendship.
That will make it difficult for two people to be friends when they are both interested in each other romantically.
He wants to be friends after hooking up. What next?
By now you should have a good idea of what to do if he wants to be just friends after hooking up.
So what can you do to resolve this?
Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder