Emotional baggage from past relationships: 10 signs you have it and how to deal with it

Are you still holding on to old relationships?

If so, you might want to read this blog post.

Here are 10 signs that hint you may be carrying around some emotional baggage from your past relationships!

1) You keep comparing your present partner to your ex(es)

It’s no secret that some people are more prone to comparing than others.

Many of us go through the same routine each time we bump into a friend or even a complete stranger – we check them out, look for physical similarities and inevitably assess whether they’re as attractive as someone who we used to go out.

This is, however, an unhealthy habit that can lead to compatibility issues and sometimes lead to unfulfilling relationships, etc.

It’s time to get over this nasty habit. In an ideal world, you would be able to see the positives in everyone, but that’s not always possible.

Instead of letting your past experiences hold you back, learn how to deal with it so you’re no longer living an unfulfilling life.

2) You feel inadequate around your new partner

Exes have a way of weighing on your conscience.

It’s not so much what they did but what you experienced with them that has the biggest impact.

For example, if you were bullied by your ex, you might be worried about how you will behave in your relationship with the current person.

Your previous experiences dictate how you handle situations in future relationships and no one can change that except you.

Once you accept this fact, it will be easier to be less hard on yourself and open up to your partner more.

The first thing you need to do is to think just what exactly hurt you in the past and what can you do to avoid it in your future relationships. You need to find the right balance that will suit you.

Sometimes, we imagine how our relationships would have turned out if only we’d been able to communicate or express our feelings better.

This can be very unhealthy because you need to move on and deal with your present relationship in the best way you can.

The past is the past, so don’t waste any more time wishing things had turned out differently.

3) You’re having trouble managing your emotions

Emotional baggage is a part of life, but you don’t need to suffer in silence.

You can learn to handle it in a better way so it doesn’t affect your current partnership.

By learning how to deal with old emotions and get over the past, you’ll be able to bring out the best in yourself and your partner.

But what if you could change the way you perceive your past?

The truth is, most of us never realize how much power and potential lies within us.

We become bogged down by continuous conditioning from society, the media, our education system and more.

The result?

The reality we create becomes detached from the reality that lives within our consciousness.

I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can lift the mental chains and get back to the core of your being.

A word of caution – Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.

He doesn’t paint a pretty picture or sprout toxic positivity like so many other gurus do.

Instead, he’s going to force you to look inwards and confront the demons within. It’s a powerful approach, but one that works.

So if you’re ready to take this first step and align your dreams with your reality, there’s no better place to start than with Rudá’s unique technique

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) You’re not cool with being vulnerable

Being vulnerable is crucial for every relationship if you wish to become close to the person you are with and show just how much you care.

But being vulnerable isn’t something that comes naturally to everyone and sometimes it can be a challenge.

You may realize that your old relationship has left you feeling a little less than confident when it comes to opening up and letting your true self shine through.

Having had the rug pulled out from under you in the past may have left you feeling unable to trust your partner or people in general, which could be one reason why you’re finding it hard to open up and really connect with your partner.

Once you’re able to reveal parts of your personality, thoughts and desires that aren’t so ‘natural’, your partner will understand why you make certain choices.

In fact, most people would probably prefer it if their partner was more vulnerable than they are.

Don’t be so afraid to open up! You might be surprised just how beneficial it can be for you to show your vulnerable side to your partner and truly connect on a deeper level.

Sometimes it’s not just insecurities or bad experiences that stop you from being vulnerable, but an unwillingness to recognize what your needs are in the first place.

When you aren’t aware of what you need and want out of a relationship, it can be hard to express yourself and make sure your partner is willing to meet those needs.

5) You feel like you’ve been lied to or deceived in the past

Past experiences play a huge role in who we become as people, both good and bad.

It’s common for people to let their past experiences affect the decisions they make in the present and it shows.

If you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s understandable that you would expect things to go wrong again.

But how do you move past your fear so you can live without regrets?

Rather than dwelling on these fears, learn to deal with them effectively so that you can be more mindful about the future.

In this way, you will be better equipped to deal with your current relationship and others that may come after it.

What does it take to build a life filled with exciting opportunities and passion-fueled adventures?

Most of us hope for a life like that, but we feel stuck, unable to achieve the goals we wishfully set at the start of each year.

I felt the same way until I took part in Life Journal. Created by teacher and life coach Jeanette Brown, this was the ultimate wake-up call I needed to stop dreaming and start taking action.

Click here to find out more about Life Journal.

So what makes Jeneatte’s guidance more effective than other self-development programs?

It’s simple: Jeanette’s created a unique way of putting YOU in control of your life.

She’s not interested in telling you how to live your life. Instead, she’ll give you lifelong tools that’ll help you achieve all your goals, keeping the focus on what you’re passionate about.

And that’s what makes Life Journal so powerful.

If you’re ready to start living the life you’ve always dreamt of, you need to check out Jeanette’s advice. Who knows, today could be the first day of your new life.

Here’s the link once again.

6) You’re holding on to more than you should

Many people carry around a photo of their ex, often in their wallet.

If your ex is someone who you were very close to, it’s pretty easy to fall back into old habits and keep the photo as a reminder of the relationship.

Yes, this might be a hard pill to swallow, but try not to hold on too tightly.

The truth is that you don’t need a picture to remember what they look like.

If it helps, you can put it somewhere that you don’t ever go, or you rarely do, like an attic or get rid of it completely.

Many people have an old photo of their ex but never look at it.

There is no need for the old baggage to affect your current partner.

It’s time to let go of the memories and move on.

Sometimes, people hold on too tightly to their relationships because they’re afraid of being alone.

The truth is that being alone doesn’t mean you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life.

You can learn to enjoy your alone time, making it easier to let go of an old relationship and finding a new partner.

7) You hold the idea that you can fix someone

When we think about fixing someone and making it right, we often gravitate towards doing things for them rather than letting them discover what they want for themselves.

We want to reach out, but we are held back by our own insecurities and fears.

This can lead to broken relationships where one or both parties try too hard to gain the other’s approval or do everything in their power to try and change the other person.

If you are trying to fix your past and all your partners, this is mostly because you are probably overthinking things.

There’s a method of thinking that is perpetuated by our education system and culture.

It has been thoroughly ingrained within us to see the glass half-empty despite the fact that there are several examples standing firmly on the other side of the fence.

The truth is, even if you want to fix the past, you’ll never be able to!

It’s best to treat these thoughts as nothing more than a distraction and get on with your life.

Do yourself a favor and stop holding on to things.

You can learn to let go of the past and move forward.

The more time that passes, the harder it can become to let go of your past and you might find yourself dreaming about the good old days with your ex or clinging on to the times you spent together.

pexels rafael barros 1841423 Emotional baggage from past relationships: 10 signs you have it and how to deal with it

Sometimes – even when we want to let go of our past – we can’t help but miss them.

It’s perfectly normal and shows just how important they were in our lives and how much they meant to us.

8) You always need to be right

Nothing is more frustrating than arguing with your partner about something you simply don’t agree with.

If you always have to be right, this can lead to an argument that will get out of hand. Instead, take a step back and see if there’s a different way of looking at things.

Spend some time thinking about what may have made your partner upset in the first place and then work through it so you can come to a better solution.

The need to be right at all costs is often a symptom of something else going on.

If you’re in a relationship where everything is a fight, it’s important to take a step back and see why this is the case.

My point is this – maybe your primary family didn’t give you enough freedom do decide, do what you want, and be whatever you want to be, so now you have the need to prove your partner that you are right and they are wrong.

Rather than taking all this up with your partner, the first step is to ask yourself why you feel the need to be right.

It is probably some underlying issue that is pushing you to see your partner in a wrong way.

Perhaps that is a way for you to stand out and overcome insecurities that you may have, or perhaps it is a way of seeking approval from the people already holding the power in your life – your primary family.

However, realizing that these issues have power over you is the first step towards overcoming them.

Once you fully understand just how powerful these negative patterns can be in your life and just how toxic they can become it will get easier to deal with them and start some new ways of connecting with your partner in a more honest way.

It is not easy to let go of this need to be right, but it is worthwhile.

It will save you time and energy, and will allow you to regain the confidence that you need to move on with life and finally be able to enjoy the love you were dreaming about.

9) You’re putting your partner’s needs above your own

It’s easy to slip back into the same behavior you engaged in during your first few months with your partner.

While it may seem like a good idea at the time, overdoing this can lead to resentment later on.

Instead, find a balance between putting yourself first and keeping the relationship healthy and stable.

It all boils down to this, if you are ignoring your needs and always putting the needs of your partner first, you can be sure that you will always be dissatisfied.

Eventually, you may end up resenting the person you are trying to please and just look for someone to take care of.

It’s often necessary to remind yourself that your partner can’t always be there for you, no matter how much you want to.

If you are going through a rough patch with your partner and feel like it’s worth staying together, there are some things that may need to change in order for things to work out.

What it means is this – you will need to work through your insecurities, so you can be sure that your relationship will last.

You’ll need to be firm but not aggressive.

This can help you put an end to any bad habits you may have picked up during the first few months of your relationship.

It’s also important to remember that if things get too much out of hand and you make a decision that is likely to cause more harm than good, non-violent confrontation is always better than suffering in silence.

Learning to stand up for yourself is not easy, but is not impossible either.

10) You’re keeping your past a secret

We all have some things that we wish never happened, so we prefer to avoid talking about it so we can avoid even more pain and suffering.

Some people struggle with keeping secrets from their partner, sometimes out of shame or fear of hurting them.

They keep some things hidden such as previous cheating, negative endeavors or a bad experience they had that they don’t want their partner to hear about.

Keeping secrets may lead to being jealous of other people and their peaceful lives.

Jealousy can be rooted in insecurity of yourself or insecurity about your relationship.

In reality, there’s nothing to be jealous of.

Your partner isn’t going to dislike you because of something that happened in the past or because you’ve lived different lives.

If they do, you will at least know where you stand.

What can you do to finally let go of the past?

There are no easy solutions, but there are things that you can do to move forward with your life and also take care of your partner.

Communication is one of the most important components that make up any relationship.

Couples who communicate about their pasts and present situations allow themselves to grow and get over the tough parts in their lives.

If you want to be free of your past and enjoy the present, then you will have to communicate with your partner.

Don’t ever be afraid to let your partner know how hard it is for you and that they can help ease the pain if they just listen.

Take it slow, but get it all out in the open.

Deal with all your issues head on and you can be sure that you will have a successful relationship after all.

If you are still experiencing trouble with trust, love and communication, seek advice from people who can give you a genuine advice and help you out.

Keep your head high and understand that everyone has something that they have been trying to keep hidden from their partner.

No one can make you do anything, but the people closest to you can make your life easier by not allowing those painful memories to control your life anymore.

Love is the most beautiful thing in the world.

Getting to live a life with your soul mate is something that many people yearn for.

It seems like such a simple thing to do.

The problem is, when you’re too invested in thinking about the partner from the past and ways to make them fall in love with you, it’s easy to lose sight of what real love actually means.

Final thoughts

Letting go of the emotional baggage is never easy, because it causes a lot of pain.

However, it is necessary if you want to have a good, happy and fulfilled life.

Many people hold on to it because it is simply familiar.

But I get it, letting those feelings out can be hard, especially if you’ve spent so long trying to stay in control of them.

If that’s the case, I highly recommend watching this free breathwork video, created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê.

Rudá isn’t another self-professed life coach. Through shamanism and his own life journey, he’s created a modern-day twist to ancient healing techniques.

The exercises in his invigorating video combine years of breathwork experience and ancient shamanic beliefs, designed to help you relax and check in with your body and soul.

After many years of suppressing my emotions, Rudá’s dynamic breathwork flow quite literally revived that connection.

And that’s what you need:

A spark to reconnect you with your feelings so that you can begin focusing on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.

So if you’re ready to take back control over your mind, body, and soul, if you’re ready to say goodbye to anxiety and stress, check out his genuine advice below.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

Azra Jovicic

Azra Jovicic

I am Azra Jovicic and I love writing about psychology and wellness. I am just trying to make the sense of the world and share with others the things I’ve found out.

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