Feeling deeply connected to someone is amazing. But you know what feels even better? When the connection is mutual.
However, it’s not always easy to tell whether someone feels the same way you do. This article might make things a bit clearer for you.
The short answer
Before diving head-first into all the signs you can look out for in order to determine if someone likes you, too, let’s get the short answer to the question:
It happens sometimes that people feel the same connection you do, but it’s not guaranteed.
Chances are, while you’re hitting it off with someone, they are having a great time, as well, but that’s not always the case.
Why would there not be a mutual connection?
You might be asking yourself: If we like each other and hit it off, why would there not be an instant mutual connection?
One thing that’s important to distinguish here is whether we’re talking about mere liking, or an actual, deep connection.
You see, for the latter, both individuals need to be very intuitive and empathic so that they can connect on a profound level.
More often than not, patience will be required. Depending on the situation, one individual might need a bit more time in order to surrender to this deep connection.
I use the word surrender here because it truly is no less than that.
Being so deeply connected to someone that you feel each other’s emotions and understand one another on a profound level takes a level of vulnerability not everyone is ready for.
It’s a surrender to the other person but also a surrender to oneself.
With this level of vulnerability, a lot of things can come to the surface that they’ve been trying to consciously or subconsciously suppress.
Turns out not everyone wants to face their demons, can you imagine?
So, as you can see, sometimes it’s less about a lack of connection (or potential thereof) and more about a hesitancy to surrender to the vulnerability that comes with it.
In my own experience, deep, loving relationships can be the scariest thing ever.
I know, it sounds silly, but it’s true!
Shallow relationships might not bring the fulfillment and bliss that profound relationships do, but they are comfortable.
They don’t:
- Encourage you to become better
- Make you reflect on yourself
- Trigger you
- Bring up deep wounds
- Challenge your beliefs
As you can probably imagine, deep relationships do all of the above.
While these things are what ultimately help two individuals evolve and grow, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a ton of work!
So really, it’s no wonder people tend to be more hesitant when such a strong connection comes along.
However, there are signs that will tell you whether the other person feels the same way you do.
Signs they feel the same way you do
To figure out whether the person you like feels the same way about you, there are a few things you can look out for.
Some of these things refer more to mutual attraction and not just profound connections, but in the end, that’s the basis of any relationship.
1) There’s reciprocity
According to experts in mental health and relationship issues, one of the biggest and most important signs of mutual connection with someone is reciprocity.
Reciprocity means that for example both of you contribute equally to conversations.
You ask them questions, but the conversation is not one-sided, they reciprocate.
Simply put, you’re receiving as much as you’re giving, whether that’s
- Questions
- Flirting
- Planning dates
- Talking
- Messaging
…and so on.
2) The eye contact gives it away
You know that look you give someone you really like?
That’s probably one of the biggest giveaways when it comes to whether or not they feel the connection to you, too.
You see, when two individuals are connected, they get this special look in their eyes.
It’s hard to explain, but it is kind of like nothing in the world exists to them at that moment except for what’s right in front of them.
What does that mean for you?
Pay attention to your partner’s eyes when you are with them.
Are their eyes almost constantly fixated on you?
When two people have a strong connection, they will look at each other, maybe look away, then lock eyes again.
It comes as no surprise, the eyes are the windows to the soul, after all.
If you’ve ever experienced deep eye contact, you’ll know what a deeply intimate experience it can be.
It’s true, sometimes it can feel more vulnerable than being physically intimate with someone.
So, when your partner locks eyes with you, there is a good chance they feel very connected to you.
3) It’s all in the smell
In German, we have a saying that goes something like this:
Ich kann dich gut riechen
Literally translated it means: I can smell you well.
I know it sounds a bit weird but let me explain.
You see, pheromones play a huge role in attraction and feeling a connection to someone.
Some people are perfect for you on paper, but something feels off when you meet them in person.
Turns out it can have something to do with their smell!
And by that, I’m not saying that they forgot to shower.
Pheromones are a completely natural part of your scent and no amount of showers will change that.
Being attracted to someone’s scent usually means that on a biological level, you’re very compatible.
So, to get back to the German saying that sounded weird at first, being able to “smell someone well” means that you really like them and feel compatible.
When the person you’re seeing compliments your smell or tells you that your smell is nice, chances are good that they feel connected to you.
4) Their body language speaks for itself
When two people meet, their body language often tells you more about their current feelings than what they say with words.
You see, there are a few things to know about body language:
- When you want to seem likable to someone, copy their body language (for example crossing your arms when they do)
- When someone likes you, they will subconsciously copy your body language
- When someone is attracted to you, they will face you with their body (pointing feet and hips to you, etc.)
Taking these three things into account, watch the person you feel connected to.
Are their hips facing each other when you talk? That’s usually a sign of undivided attention and connection.
Do they shift whenever you change position?
If you want to enhance your connection a little, try to copy their body language a bit (without being too obvious, of course).
You see, a huge part of attraction and connection happens on a subconscious level, and although most people aren’t aware of it, body language has a huge influence on that.
That’s also the reason why physical appearance is not the most important attribute sometimes, confidence is.
5) They remember the details
Next up on how to tell whether someone feels a connection with you, too, depends on whether or not they remember details of what you told them.
Turns out people who feel strongly connected to someone are curious and want to remember every last detail.
You will also notice them having an interest in you. They want to talk, ask you questions, inquire about your opinions, and just want to get to know you better.
If a strong connection is present, they will remember little details, like that you love onions on your pizza.
When they bring up these little details in conversations, you’ll know that they feel connected to you, as well.
6) They blush when you’re around
Having a strong connection with someone is exciting. Especially in the first days or weeks, you feel giddy around the other person.
To tell whether they also feel the connection with you, pay attention to their behavior when you come around.
Do they:
- Fix their posture
- Fix their hair/ clothes
- Smile
All of these indicate that they find you attractive and feel connected to you.
However, truly confident people can sometimes get these little movements under control.
The one giveaway that they can’t control?
They have no control over their blush.
You see, when people are attracted to each other, they often blush in each other’s presence.
So, what does that mean for you?
If their cheeks are turning color when you’re around, chances are good that something is happening inside them.
They might be shy, but you’ll know from the color of their cheeks that they’re definitely not indifferent to you.
7) Physical contact
You know how when you like someone, you want nothing else than to feel their touch at all times?
It doesn’t even have to be in a sexual context. When there is a genuine connection with someone, merely holding their hand can fill you with excitement and happiness.
Now: how can you tell that someone feels mutually connected to you?
It’s when they find excuses or small ways to make physical contact with you.
Physical touch is a huge pillar of attraction, no doubt about it.
Simply put, you don’t want to touch people you don’t feel connected to on some level.
So, if your partner finds little ways to touch you like:
- Brushing your hand
- Touching your shoulder
- Brushing your hair out of your face
- Putting their hand on your back
…it usually means they are pretty attracted to you.
Don’t be shy to reciprocate if you notice them “accidentally” touching you a lot.
This will show them that you feel the same way.
8) They go out of their way for you
People tend to be nice and help others out as long as it’s not a huge inconvenience.
Once someone has to really go out of their way to help someone else, it’s usually just for people they really care about.
What does this mean for you?
Well, don’t go and ask the person you like for huge favors just to test them, but just watch their behavior in general.
Do they go out of their way to do something nice for you?
This could be:
- Bringing over soup when you said you’re sick
- Ordering you flowers when you texted them that you had a bad day
- Getting you a unique gift
…or anything else that makes you go “you really didn’t have to do that!!”
You see, these little (or big) acts of kindness truly set normal acquaintances apart from deep connections.
It points out that they like you, but not just that, they like you enough to go out of their way to brighten your day.
This is especially accurate when you notice that they don’t really make that kind of effort with other people in their life.
9) “You hang up first!”
You know those movie scenes of teenagers spending 30 minutes arguing about who should hang up first?
As cliché as it might be, there is something true about it.
You see, when you feel a deep connection with someone, you want to talk to them constantly, and the thought of ending the conversation is not pleasant.
Now: Chances are good your partner is not saying “You hang up first!”, so how can you tell?
Well, a good indicator that someone feels really connected to you and doesn’t want to stop talking to you is when they linger during brief conversations.
For example, when it’s a coworker we are talking about, they might linger around your desk for longer than necessary because they don’t want to leave.
Another way this can show up is when they call you for something very brief, but instead of hanging up, they keep dragging out the conversation with seemingly pointless questions.
In reality, they just want to keep hearing your voice, even if it’s just to answer how the weather is right now.
You might know the feeling yourself, not really caring what the conversation is about as long as you can keep talking to that special someone.
In that case, a mutual connection is undeniable.
10) They are anxious around you
Okay, this one is a bit tricky, to be honest.
The thing is, many people get uneasy and restless when they’re around someone they feel deeply connected to.
You will notice them try really hard to make a good impression and act all nervous.
All this fidgeting and awkwardness can be a sign that they are immensely attracted to you and don’t know how to cope with that.
However, the reason I said this is a tricky one is that when two people have a deep connection to one another, it is often accompanied by a deep sense of calm in their presence.
Being with that person doesn’t make you nervous, instead, it feels soothing and beautiful.
Simply put, it’s like coming home.
These two types of connections are very different in nature.
Does that mean one of them is better than the other?
No.
They are different, but both indicate that there is a connection present.
So, whatever it is, whether they are reversed back to middle school in your presence or they tell you how calm you make them feel – both are good news!
11) You lean towards one another
This one brings us back to body language.
Remember when I said that body language often says more about a connection than words ever could?
Well, it’s especially true when you talk to someone and you notice that both of you are leaning in towards one another.
You might be chatting about something, and suddenly you notice that without having realized it, the other person seems much closer than they did a few minutes ago.
Turns out it’s because both of you start leaning your upper bodies towards one another.
This unconscious movement indicates heightened interest, attraction, and connection.
The engagement is high and both of you are interested in what the other person has to say.
It’s also a sign that you’re not afraid of being close to one another.
All of these are great indicators of a deep connection!
12) They find excuses to spend time with you
Another way to tell if someone feels the same connection you do is when they obviously find excuses to spend more time with you.
For example, you are going somewhere that you know is a huge detour from their way home, but they something like “Oh, I have something to do in that area anyway, hop in!”
These obvious little excuses indicate that they like you a lot.
13) In a group, you’re focused on each other
You see, when you feel a strong connection with someone, you care about them way more than about the people around you.
Whether they feel the same will become painfully obvious once you spend time in a group of people.
Are they still fixated on you, not really caring about what’s going on around them as long as they can keep talking to you?
Then you know that they would rather talk to you than anyone else, which is a sign of them feeling a connection to you, too!
14) You just feel it
Last but not least, sometimes you just know when you have a deep connection with someone and they reciprocate it.
It’s hard to put a finger on what gives it away, but your intuition just tells you it’s true.
What does that mean for you?
Go with your gut when it comes to this connection. Trust yourself and what you perceive.
Nobody knows better than you whether or not they feel the same.
And when you’re in doubt, don’t be shy to ask them!
You see, if they feel the same, they won’t mind the question and will gladly give you reassurance, and on the off chance that they don’t, they aren’t the one, anyway.
What to do when you feel like it’s a mutual connection
Finding out whether or not they feel the same way about you is one thing, acting on that knowledge is something completely different.
When you feel nervous about asking them out or making a move, you could come clean and address your shyness directly by saying something like:
“I feel really nervous about this, but I like you a lot and was wondering if you’d like to have dinner”
Telling them how you feel can alleviate your own internal pressure and also reassure them.
Chances are they are nervous, as well.
This also applies to if you’re already seeing them, by the way.
Be honest about your feelings and open up to them.
You could say something like:
“I’m shy and this is making me really nervous, but I feel a really deep connection with you, and I was wondering if you feel the same”
Trust me, if they feel similar, this will be extremely charming to them.
And if all that sounds too intimidating, you can hint at what you want to say in a less direct way.
How to enhance the connection
If you want to enhance their feeling of attraction and connection a little, there are a few things you can try.
In my own experience, focusing on the following will help the other person become vulnerable and surrender to the connection.
- Using open body language – we already talked about this, but to use it to your advantage, face them, copy some of their body language, and don’t cross your arms.
You see, body language can be more attractive than any hairstyle, outfit, or makeup ever could.
- Look into their eyes – It can be uncomfortable at first, but being the first to be “vulnerable” can help your partner lower their guard, as well.
- Show them the real you – after all, you want them to love who you are as a person, so there is no use in pretending to be anyone other than that.
You are the prize
When we feel attracted to someone, or like there is a deep connection, it is easy to slip into feeling inadequate or unworthy when we’re not sure they reciprocate our feelings.
What you need to remember in those moments is that in the end, you are the prize.
You know what you have to offer, and anyone would be lucky to be with you.
Knowing your worth and being aware of the fact that no matter how they feel about you will have any effect on your worth at all will allow you to be your authentic self.
Not only will this improve your chances at a deep connection, but it will also make you happier in the process.
What you need to internalize is that if someone doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, they are doing you a favor.
You deserve someone who loves you just the way you are without needing any convincing.
Anything less than that is under your worth!
You are the prize, and only someone who sees this is deserving of your time and attention.
