Why is it that we think the purpose of love and relationships is to get married?
When did we suddenly make marriage the gold standard of a relationship’s success?
Why can’t it be that it’s okay staying single or we can even be in an open relationship if that’s what we want?
I’ve decided to challenge the societal convention of getting married. And maybe you want to as well.
Here are 10 signs you’re not meant to get married, and why it’s okay if you feel this way.
1) You’re not sure if marriage is for you.
This sign is the simplest. If you don’t feel like you have to marry a specific partner, it’s okay.
Being in an open relationship or staying single can be okay, too.
2) You’re not sure if you want kids, and don’t want them at the moment.
I’ve seen a lot of couples getting married because the woman wants to get pregnant, but her partner isn’t so keen on the idea.
It’s okay to not want kids, especially now.
Maybe you don’t want them right now because you’re building your career and focusing on your future; being a parent could be too hard when you’re also trying to accomplish something else.
3) You want to take your time and don’t want to rush into things.
You know what? Rushing into marriage has to be one of the worst mistakes you could make. A wedding only lasts a day, but that marriage lasts a lifetime.
You need to give yourself enough time to get to know your partner and make sure he or she is right for you. You can’t rush into things, even if it means staying single longer than you’d like.
4) You don’t want to go into debt just because some religion or society says you should get married and have kids.
It seems that weddings are just a money-making scheme now. You need this, you need that, you must have at least a few of these.
People spend thousands on their weddings and it’s just not necessary. It’s okay to want to save your money for something else or avoid taking on credit card debt in the process of getting married.
Why go into debt for something that isn’t that important to you.
5) You don’t want to be bound by marriage if it doesn’t make you happy.
When a couple gets married, they state that they will stay together until “death do us part.”
The problem is, sometimes this makes people stay in a bad marriage when they should get out of it and find someone better. Don’t feel like you must be tied down to someone you don’t like just because of an outdated phrase.
6) You want to be financially independent so that getting married doesn’t mean giving up your money or assets.
Getting married shouldn’t give someone else control over how much money you earn or how much inheritance is passed down to your children.
It’s okay to not want to be financially dependent on someone else.
7) You’re afraid you’ll lose yourself in the process of a marriage.
If you and your significant other are all about sharing everything, sometimes this could mean giving up your individual tastes, wants and needs in the process.
What happens if he or she doesn’t like something about you? Will you have to change it? Will they pressure you into going along with their tastes and preferences? Are they okay with your individuality?
8) You don’t want to become a slave to someone you really don’t want to be with.
It’s okay not wanting to be in a marriage that’s forced on you.
Maybe you think you should stay in the relationship for your children and not because it’s what society wants. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Work out a compromise for your family and start this journey with someone who is compatible with the things that are important to you.
9) You want to focus on yourself, your career and your future instead of someone else.
If you want to get married, be prepared to give up some of your personal time for the one you’re with. When you’re with someone, it might be very easy for her or him to request that you do things for them, like watching their kids.
You don’t have to do that; if they do it, it’s okay if you feel angry or resentful.
10) You don’t want to change for someone else.
If you’re thinking about getting married, it could be that you’re really not okay with how some things are and don’t want to change them. Maybe you want to stay single instead because they start demanding that you stop drinking alcohol or quit smoking weed.
If they start telling you what clothes you can wear, what makeup looks good on your face, or even beginning to control your spending habits and emotions, it’s okay if you get out of the relationship.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to change yourself for someone you don’t want to be with.
Being single is okay. Being in an open relationship is even better! Being in a relationship that isn’t going well and doesn’t make you happy is fine, too.
All of these things are acceptable when it comes to deciding what’s best for you. You should feel empowered and strong in who you are, not out of control or pressured into doing something that isn’t right for you.
Be happy with who you are and don’t feel like you need a partner in order to be successful or happy. Marriage isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t get married if that’s what you want to do, but stay true to yourself first. You should be a priority before anyone else.
11) You don’t want to get married just because you want to get married.
If you feel like something is missing in your life, don’t try to fill it with a partner.
Instead, try finding ways to make yourself happy again.
Whether it’s travel or reading a book at the park or going shopping, find things that are self-serving and make you feel good about who you are.
You can have a good time by yourself, too!
12) You don’t think you can make a marriage work.
Maybe you have a lot of doubts about whether or not you can make a marriage work.
You may think that it’s not worth the effort because you’ll end up disappointed.
Maybe it’s just not your thing, but if having someone in your life is important to you and there is some sort of understanding between the two of you, maybe he or she will be willing to work things out with you.
13) You want a partner who you can relate to instead of someone who’s like everyone else.
You might think it’s important to be with someone who is similar to you, like the same type of person or race.
Maybe you’re looking for a partner who shares your interests and has similar values as you do, too.
But maybe that isn’t enough.
You can find out what makes another person tick through spending time alone together and experiencing each other’s lives without anyone else there to influence your thoughts or opinions.
14) You just don’t feel like you can do the marriage thing right now.
We all have our own lives to live and problems to deal with, so if you’re not in the right place mentally or emotionally, going through with something like a marriage might not be something you can handle yet.
It’s okay to wait until it’s the right time for you before taking on a new rite of passage like this one.
When it does happen, it shouldn’t be something that feels forced on you or miserable for anyone involved.
15) You don’t want to settle down with someone when you’re not ready.
Falling in love can happen between two people at any time, but settling down with someone? That might take some time to come around. You can have feelings for a person and then not be ready to get married or have kids with them.
Maybe you want to focus on yourself and your career first without having to worry about whether or not another person wants the same things as you do.
You might regret getting married if it stops you from pursuing your passion or career.
Then, when you’re ready, you’ll know how to go about it.
16) You don’t want to be with someone who is just a rebound for you.
Maybe you’re not over your ex or maybe you need some time out of a relationship to focus on yourself.
Maybe your friend is trying to set you up with someone, but that doesn’t mean he or she’s good enough for you.
When you’re over your ex, you’ll know it.
You’ll feel it in your heart and in your mind.
And if you’re not sure about what’s next for you, be with someone who’s not just a rebound for you. Give yourself time to heal and focus on getting better instead of setting yourself up for failure with someone who doesn’t want to be with someone who has baggage from a past relationship.
17) You don’t want to be in a relationship that isn’t good for you.
If you feel like the relationship you’re in is bad for you, it’s okay if that’s what you want to do.
Maybe it’s not something you should make a point of doing; maybe it’s something just for fun.
You’ll be the only one who knows if the relationship is right for you or if it’s something that will end up hurting your feelings later on because some things are easier said than done.
18) You don’t want to be in a relationship at all just yet.
You might want to focus on yourself for a little while and get your financial situation straightened out, or you might just want to be by yourself for awhile without having someone in your life.
19) You’re not ready for marriage yet.
You know what you want out of life, but you aren’t sure if being married or having a partner is something that’s important to you right now.
Maybe you’re still going through some stuff and are working through some things in your life.
Maybe you’re not ready for marriage or a relationship yet, but that doesn’t mean that it’s never going to happen.
You’ll know when it’s time for you, so don’t let your thoughts about marriage just sit there waiting for someone else to make them go away. You’re the only one who has the answers, and you’re the only one who can speak their truth.
20) You don’t know what will happen with your partner in the future.
Maybe you have doubts about whether or not this person is the one who will stay in your life, and you don’t want to tie yourself down before finding out.
If you’re unsure about a relationship, it’s okay to be cautious and wait out things a little longer before making a commitment to someone else.
21) You’re not sure about who you want to become as a person first.
Maybe you’re still trying to figure out who you are as a person, so it’s not important to you to get married first.
Maybe you want to learn more about yourself and what makes sense out of your life first before even thinking about getting married or having a partner.
22) You don’t want to be in a relationship that isn’t right for both of you.
Maybe you’re saying “yes” to someone because you want what they have, but you don’t want to be with them forever.
Maybe it’s only casual, or maybe it’s a one-time thing.
You might not always know what’s going on and how a relationship is going to turn out, but it might not be the best thing to take a leap of faith completely.
23) You feel like marriage is the next big step after college graduation and children.
Once you’re out of college and a bit more financially stable, you may want to take on another big life step that’s above dating or even getting married. You might even want to start a family, but maybe you feel like a significant other or husband is something that comes later.
It’s okay to make your own decisions about when you’re ready for certain things and what’s best for you. You don’t have to do it all at once.
24) Your family is pushing you to get married.
If the people in your life really care about you and love you, they won’t try to pressure you into something that’s not right for you.
Sometimes we don’t always get a say in this kind of thing, but if someone is forcing themselves on you, it might be wise to tell them to back off. You shouldn’t have to do something that makes you feel like your time and space are being taken away from you.
25) You’re not mature enough for a serious relationship.
Maybe you don’t have the best social skills, and you’re not quite sure if you’re ready to be in a relationship that asks for you to be with another person for the rest of your life.
Maybe it’s not the right decision for you and your quality of life right now. You can’t always feel like things are perfect when they aren’t and still want to feel like everything is changing too quickly.
26) You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t care about you just yet.
Maybe you’re not in a relationship with someone but don’t even know it yet because of how little they seem interested in you.
Maybe there’s a part of you that isn’t sure if this is the right person for you or not yet. If they aren’t interested in the main parts of your life, then chances are they’re not the one either.
27) You’re not ready to take on the responsibility of marriage right now.
Maybe you don’t want to get married until you’re in your thirties, or maybe you just have no desire to get married at all.
Maybe it’s not something that means a lot to you, but if it does and you really care about someone, then it’s okay if marriage is something that comes later for both of you.
28) You want someone to respect the way you live your life without trying to change anything about yourself.
Maybe you don’t want to take on someone who wants you to change, especially if it doesn’t make sense.
If someone wants you to change something about yourself, it might make them feel a little insecure. They might not be the right person for you even if they’re a good person overall.
29) It’s too early in your relationship to think about you and your partner getting married.
You’re still in that early stage of a relationship where you need to get to know them better and see how long things can last. You might not even know if you’ll spend the rest of your lives together yet.
It’s okay to take it slow and figure out if this person is right for you or not before moving forward in your relationship. Don’t put a timeline on it just yet.
30) You want to know where your relationship is going before you get married.
Maybe you’re in a relationship with someone but aren’t sure where things are going because there haven’t been any real conversations about marriage or what the future will hold for you two.
If this is the case, then it might be best to wait and see how things go before deciding if a marriage between you two is something that will happen or not.
31) Marriage is false advertising.
Maybe you’re single and don’t want to get married just to satisfy your parents or someone else’s expectations. Maybe you thought there would be a nice guy waiting for you in the future after a few dates and only found out that person didn’t exist.
You may not have been given the information about someone being interested in you, but it’s okay if that’s how things turned out because it didn’t turn out like you expected or wanted.
32) You want to find someone who is just as committed to marriage as you are.
If you’re in a relationship with someone and they don’t seem like they would want to get married or have the same goal of marriage, then it might be best to see what happens with your relationship or take a step back before moving forward.
You’ll probably realize if there’s something that is preventing them from having the same intentions for marriage before you decide to make things official between you two.
33) You don’t feel that you’re ready for marriage yet.
Your “grown-up” life is still in the process of happening, and it might be a few years before you actually feel ready to get married.
It’s okay if you’re single at the moment, but if the thought of marriage really makes you feel like a kid again, then it might be best to wait until you’re more ready.
34) You don’t want to take on the responsibility of marriage, but you do want a relationship to last for a long time.
It’s pretty common for everyone to feel differently about marriage at different points, and if marriage is something you feel like isn’t right for now then it’s perfectly fine if you don’t wish to get married yet or at all.
You can have a committed relationship with someone without actually being married to them, but you want to make sure you’re both on the same page about the future of your relationship.
35) You don’t want to take on marriage because it isn’t what you want.
Maybe you’re single and don’t feel like marriage is something that’s right for you, like a lot of other people do. If this is the case, then it’s okay if you don’t get married at all or just yet.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to do something that doesn’t make you feel like the person you are. You shouldn’t feel like a singleton just because it’s not the thing you want right now.
36) You want the freedom of being single at the moment.
Maybe you just don’t feel like marriage is something you’re interested in right now, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to have a relationship with someone or be serious about someone.
You might not feel like marriage is the thing you need at the moment and that it’s okay to be single for a while if that’s what makes things comfortable between you and a person.
37) You don’t have time for anything serious at the moment.
Maybe you’re single because you’ve been focusing on your career or school, or maybe you just haven’t had time to focus on a relationship yet.
It’s okay if you’re single and don’t want to be in a relationship just yet because it’s not what you want for now. You’ll find someone else when the timing is right for you and what you want out of your life.
38) You want to find someone you can be with for the rest of your life.
If you’re single and don’t want to get married just yet, maybe it’s because you haven’t found someone that makes you feel like they’ll be with you forever. You might feel like everyone is just trying their best, but not a single one of them is right for you.
If this is a concern for you then it’s okay if you’re single or just haven’t gotten to the point where marriage feels like the right thing yet.
39) You think marriage is just a piece of paper.
If you’re single and don’t feel like getting married, maybe you feel like marriage isn’t important or special because it’s just something that a lot of people do already. It’s not hard to get married, but you may have some other reasons for not wanting to do it.
Maybe you don’t see the point in having a ceremony where no one really cares about what happens afterward because they’re not going to be involved in your relationship anymore.
40) The thought of moving away from your family makes you nervous.
Even if you don’t intend to get married, someone is going to have to move when you do decide to get married. It’s not going to be so easy for everyone to move just because it’s time for a couple in a relationship to get married.
You might feel uncomfortable about the idea of living your life too far from where you grew up with your family for the rest of your life.
It’s not something that you have to do, but if that’s the case then it might be best for you to get to know someone who will support your family and help make sure they’re okay with the idea of moving.
41) You don’t want to move too far from your friends or family.
Maybe you feel like marriage is going to be more about taking your significant other away from you than it will be about supporting one another in life and making someone else happy.
You might be hesitant about getting married at all because it sounds like it means giving up all of your interests and friends in life, which can make things a lot harder than they need to be.
42) You don’t have time for all the details of a wedding.
While it might be nice to have a big wedding and be able to have your friends and family come together for the ceremony, maybe you just don’t have the time for all the work that comes with planning, hiring musicians, and all of the other things that come with planning a wedding.
It’s definitely not something that everyone has time for as a couple or single person, but it’s nice if you want to do it for your significant other if you’re ready.
43) You fear commitment too much to get married at this moment in your life.
You might be concerned about your relationship and not want to be too committed to someone because you don’t think it’s something that’s appropriate for you just yet. You’ve only been dating this person for a short amount of time, so you don’t feel like marriage is the right thing for you.
You want to date someone who’s not going to just leave you because they’re not happy with something or anything in your life, but if that’s the case then it might be best for you to get to know someone and see how things go between the two of them before deciding what will work out between the two of you.
If you think it’s best to wait before getting married then you don’t need to feel pressured into doing something that’s not what you want. If this is the case for you, then it’s perfectly fine if that’s what you choose to do.
You should never make a decision like this unless it feels right in your heart and mind at the time. Marriage isn’t something that everyone gets to have or should have, so if it happens later in life or never at all, then it’s okay.
44) You have a busy life and don’t think you’ll be able to do it justice.
If you’re single and don’t feel that marriage is the right decision at this time in your life, then maybe it’s because you have a busy life already with school or work and aren’t sure that marriage is something that you want right now.
You have other things to figure out before taking on marriage, so until this point in your life has passed, it might not be a good idea for you to get married just yet.
45) You’re too young for yourself to consider getting married now.
If you’re a single person and feel like marriage is the right decision for you but you’re still more than a few years away from being ready to be married, then it’s probably not going to be right for you to get married just yet.
You don’t want to rush into something that will make your life more complicated later on when you might not have the same feelings that you wanted at that point in time.
It’s always better if you wait until things are right in your life before getting married, so if this is what’s best for you then it’s completely okay if you decide to keep dating people or not marry anyone at all.