13 obvious signs she only wants attention (and she’s not really into you)

So, there is a girl that you really like, but you can’t quite understand what her intentions are.

You might think that she’s into you because she’s not putting up much of a fight when you text her, but in reality, she might just want attention.

Sounds familiar? Well, we’re here to tell you that it’s okay and there is plenty of fish in the sea.

Here are 13 obvious signs she only wants attention and is not really into you!

1) She enjoys the compliments but vanishes quickly

Here’s the deal – if you shower this girl with compliments and hope that she will say yes to the date, but she simply enjoys it, smiles, wants some more, and vanishes at the mention of something more serious, it is a clear sign that she only wants your attention.

She probably doesn’t plan to do anything more than listen to every compliment you give her and enjoy herself.

Every woman loves compliments, but if, after all your flattery, she does not reciprocate at least a little bit, then this is a clear sign that she’s using you.

2) She does not make any effort for you

If she doesn’t make any effort to look good for you or even plan anything out with you, then she’s not really into you and doesn’t see you as boyfriend material.

If a girl wants a boyfriend, she will make an effort because she knows that if he sees her in an ugly outfit or if they had a boring date, he might not be interested anymore.

However, if she’s just out for some attention without any intentions of committing herself to anything serious, then such efforts are not necessary.

3) She puts you in the friend zone

A friend zone is an awkward place where you want to date her, but she doesn’t see you as anything more than a platonic friend.

She doesn’t see you as boyfriend material, so she will treat you like a close buddy with whom she can do something with, maybe even sleep with sometimes, but that’s it.

If she wants to keep the friendship only, then don’t force your way into her romantic life.

If a girl puts you in the friend zone, then at least make sure she doesn’t come into your life whenever she pleases.

That’s not cool and can cause a lot of drama and unwanted attention.

But guess what?

As my professional relationship coach explained, the reason why a girl often puts a guy in the friend zone is that she’s trying to attract his attention.

I know this might sound confusing but a certified coach from Relationship Hero helped me figure out the girl I was attracted to constantly put me in the friend zone.

Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site because they provide solutions, not just talk. 

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

4) She wants attention but puts off the idea of commitment

If this girl only wants some attention while putting off the idea of commitment, then the chances are that she won’t be interested in you even if she says yes to meeting you.

If she wants to go out on a date only and then says she has a boyfriend, then again, don’t get attracted to her.

If this girl wants you only for attention, and that is it, then you should be looking elsewhere.

5) She’s flirty at first but doesn’t let anywhere close to her

pexels athena 2962243 13 obvious signs she only wants attention (and she's not really into you)

Sometimes girls will act coy and flirtatious when they meet new guys.

There is a big difference between the flirty and the legitimate sign of interest in someone.

If you were to look at the two side by side, you would see that one is more fake than the other.

Is she is flirty just for the sake of it, it is time for you to move on.

6) She is not comfortable with small talk

How many girls do you know who will simply reply to your text messages and never say a word but will use emoticons instead?

The truth is that women love small talk, but if they are not comfortable with it, then they’re not invested in the conversation.

If she never follows up on what you’re saying, it means that she is not comfortable with the conversation itself.

She is probably indecisive if she wants to continue the conversation or she wants to end it.

Either way, keep in mind that if you don’t feel comfortable and she is taking too much of your time without any result you are hoping for, you can always move on.

Girls who are afraid to express their feelings in fear that you will run off can be very difficult to get close to.

If they are not confident enough in themselves, chances are you will not feel comfortable getting too close and risk making a fool of yourself.

7) She disappears when you want to ask her out

If you want to ask a girl out and then she doesn’t reply, this is a clear sign of disinterest.

If the girl doesn’t even care enough to say no, then at least protect yourself before putting yourself through all that trouble.

In other words – she is just leading you on.

Perhaps she has someone she likes and wants him to be jealous of you.

However, this is not something that you should accept as normal behavior.

She is probably just searching for a way to avoid facing her own insecurities and wants to use you to overcome them.

8) She doesn’t reply to you

If she is not responding to your texts, it means that she is not interested in meeting up with you, and she has no intention of pursuing any kind of relationship with you whatsoever.

When you notice that this kind of behavior persists, then it’s better to just move on and find someone who will at least be interested in talking to you.

If this kind of behavior repeats with every woman you like, it is time to take a peek into your subconscious and do everything you can to remove the behavior patterns that always lead to the same result.

9) She’s not genuinely interested in what you have to say

This is a big one. If she doesn’t show genuine interest, then it’s best to move on and find someone who is actually looking for a relationship.

If she won’t speak to you, reply to your text, or even talk to you at all, then there is a reason behind it.

Maybe the reason is that she’s not interested in speaking with you and doesn’t have anything nice to say about you.

On the other hand, the reason why she might keep coming back and engaging in the conversation could be that she just learned this kind of behavior, and it helps her get through her days easier.

Perhaps she only needs to hear you say all these nice things to her so she can feel better about herself.

Maybe she has a friend who is always saying things like this, and she has taken on this behavior as well.

If she is not genuinely interested in you or what you have to say, then it’s best to move on and find someone else.

We’re all human, and we have feelings, right?

But sometimes, our programming kicks in, and we end up repeating the same mistakes over and over without understanding the root cause of these problems.

10) She acts distant and reserved when you meet her

pexels chermiti mohamed 9425024 13 obvious signs she only wants attention (and she's not really into you)

Whenever you text each other, she keeps sending you new messages, she flirts with you, and you feel like there is strong chemistry between you two, but she keeps on backing off when you try to get close to her – so, what’s the catch?

Well, she probably doesn’t know what she feels, and she is probably doing the same thing with other guys as well.

She probably has some underlying issues with self-confidence that she is trying to resolve this way.

However, it is not up to you to resolve her issues. That is something she has to do on their own.

At this point, it is best to move on and find someone who is genuinely interested in talking to you.

Although some girls might put up a wall because they are nervous or shy, if she doesn’t stop putting up a wall, then it might be time for you to move on.

11) She does not make plans with you

When there is genuine chemistry and the desire to start a relationship, a girl will make it clear that she wants to spend more time with you.

If she just keeps on blowing you off and making excuses why she cannot make plans with you, then there is a reason behind it – she is not genuinely interested in talking to you in person.

She’s just hoping that the more time goes by, the more comfortable she will feel about meeting up with you.

But if this type of behavior repeats itself, it might be time to move on and find someone who actually wants to meet up with you and really wants to date you.

Wasting time and becoming emotionally invested in the potential relationship with a girl who is not giving anything back simply isn’t something that you should tolerate.

12) She keeps making up excuses to put off the date

If you are asking her out and she keeps coming up with whatever reason she can think of to put off the date, then you should definitely not proceed with this girl.

The last thing you want to do is waste your time trying to convince a girl who doesn’t even want to talk to you in the first place.

Make no mistake about it, if she avoids you and doesn’t even want to consider going on a date with you, you can be sure that you are just wasting time, and you should stop it as soon as you notice it.

If she just keeps on ignoring you, then it’s best to stop trying to call her and forget about her completely.

I know this may not be what you want, but trust me – she will respect you more when you show her that you don’t want to be her toy.

13) She talks to you more on social media than face to face

Social media has become a very important indicator of popularity lately, and it seems like people are ready to do just about anything to get more likes and comments on their profiles.

If she talks to you more on social media than she does in person, she probably does it to show the world that she is popular, but trust me – she sees you as an opportunity to gain attention and likes.

In essence, she wants to attract views just to feed her ego and make herself feel good about herself.

If she can get all her friends and followers to talk about her, she doesn’t have to say anything.

That is, if you are reading this article, then you know all about this manipulative behavior by now.

Sometimes a girl will come on strong and treat you like a king, only to leave you standing there with your mouth hanging open.

This is a very common behavior nowadays because girls prey on guys who are ready to commit themselves to them.

Sometimes they will start talking to you and change their minds once they see that you are not giving in to their traps.

Final thoughts

The truth is that most women are very difficult to win over.

But, in general, when you notice that a girl is just using you, the best thing you can do is to pull away.

Why does this work?

Well, it’s a psychological fact that when we fear we’re going to lose something, we want it 10x more.

This is where “nice guys” get it so wrong. Women have no “fear of loss” with a nice guy… and that makes them pretty unattractive.

So, if you want this girl to become obsessed with you, then check out this excellent free video.

What you’ll learn in this video isn’t exactly pretty – but neither is love.

Picture of Clifton Kopp

Clifton Kopp

Welcome to my writings on Ideapod! I'm a bit of a "polymath" in that I like writing about many different things. Often I'm learning from the process of writing. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a comment on one of my articles.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.