Emotional attachments are difficult to break, and it can be tempting to ignore or avoid the feelings altogether.
But before you start judging yourself harshly for feeling the way you do, it’s essential to understand why this problem exists in the first place.
This post has 15 practical ways that may help you let go of your emotional attachment that will be sure to work if implemented with determination.
But, before we get into it, let’s look at the difference between love and attachment.
How can you tell what is it that is actually harming you?
Love is what gives you butterflies and makes you feel like the world is perfect, but it also teaches you that it’s not always going to be perfect.
And that’s okay.
Love is extremely positive.
It helps you grow as a person and become a better human to the people around you.
And it often brings about the most beautiful and impressive moments in life.
Love is what makes you happy, even when something goes wrong.
An emotional attachment does the exact opposite.
It makes you anxious, depressed and oftentimes leads to a lot of negative consequences such as fights with your partner or friends, quitting your job and relationship, or even divorce if you are married.
Love is never possessive, and if you love someone, you will never feel jealous of your partner’s family and friends.
You trust them and treat them as your own. It’s easy to love because it always makes you happy, even when things go wrong.
In contrast, an emotional attachment is possessive and jealous.
Always wanting what you don’t have instead of appreciating what you do have.
Unhappy with the relationship because it’s not perfect or simply because it has ended.
Signs you are overly attached to someone
There are certain signs that you will notice in your behavior that can help you realize that the attachment you are feeling is unhealthy for you.
What’s the catch?
You have to be honest with yourself and admit that you feel this way.
Do you feel like you own them?
Like they would die if they didn’t have you?
Do you feel like the relationship is not worth having unless it’s perfect (both in the minds of each other)?
Do they tell you they love you, but all you hear is, “You don’t meet my expectations?
We’ve all been there.
We are happy and content in the relationship, and we simply stop committing our time to anything else than to the person we are in love with until we realize that we have neglected all the other bonds with family members and friends.
Finally, we realize how much it has affected us.
You keep thinking about the person
The first sign that you are emotionally attached to someone is when you find yourself unable to stop thinking of them, and it’s not just because he’s your partner or a friend.
It’s when you find yourself caught up in a negative circle of thoughts, imagining things that did and didn’t happen.
You feel lonely when they are not around
Being alone should feel good to you.
It can be a good time to reflect on what you want to achieve in your life and where you want to go, but it’s also a good time to spend with your family, friends, and work colleagues.
You may feel empty when all these people don’t include the person that is filling your head all the time.
This person may be in your personal bubble, even if they haven’t even met your family.
You use them to vent all your problems
No one wants to hear he/she is unsupportive, boring, or irritating.
No one wants to hear they’re lazy and uninterested.
No one wants to know they have no friends or family because of their behavior.
If you feel that the interaction with this person is very toxic for you, it’s time to do something about it.
There are many people in the world that will love you for you and your virtues.
15 important ways to stop being emotionally attached to someone
If you have become aware that you are too attached to your partner or anyone else from your surroundings, it is time for a change.
Be honest with yourself and try this 15-ways challenge.
1) Distance yourself from that person
The more time spent together, the harder it will be for one of you to break the emotional bond.
Ever noticed how when you talk on a daily basis, their opinion starts influencing and changing yours?
This is why it is important to keep a distance from the person.
Find new hobbies and friends, the ones that don’t include that person in any form, so you can be a healthy and independent individual.
2) Assess the reasons why you feel this way
Facing your thoughts and feelings is one of the most difficult things you will do.
It is important to do it every day in order for you to understand what feelings, good or bad, you have inside of you.
Change starts with a thought, an idea, and then a new action.
This is why it is essential to understand what are your triggers and give yourself the time to think about them without the influence of that person on your mind.
3) Identify the negative pattern you repeat
This is your mind telling you that you can’t be validated only by one person’s whole life.
One of the main reasons why we are emotionally attached to someone is because we have an underlying fear of abandonment, which also has multiple possible causes.
If you tend to choose people who give you very little attention but ask for a lot, you need to become aware of the past experiences that molded you in this way.
4) Ask for help if you need to
Ever noticed how problems get smaller when we share them?
You don’t have to do it alone.
Ask your friends and family for a favor; they will always help you out.
That’s what family is for.
A negative relationship only teaches us how to be negative and feel the same way all the time.
In case you are too embarrassed to talk about your fears and doubts with your family, try finding a professional that you can trust.
It is the only way to control the damage that the person already has done in your life.
The psychologist can help you by listening to you and sharing some important insights that will help you to move forward.
5) Give a cold shoulder
Are you sick and tired of being too attached to your partner or a friend? Well, change it!
Simply turn to other things and see how you feel when you spend some time apart from that person.
Tell them that you are not happy with the way things are going.
The less attention you give them, the better.
This can be very challenging, so practice self-love and appreciate yourself for all the things you can do for yourself, for who you are, and for all the positive aspects of your personality.
6) Avoid them
There’s no win-win situation when it comes to being with someone who is emotionally attached.
Get out of the situation and don’t talk about them if you see that they are feeding off your energy.
These types of relationships usually consist of empaths and narcissists.
If you are not happy with the way things are going, the less attention you give them, the better.
Simply tell your friends and family that you are not happy with the way things are going and see how they react to your statement.
Some people will change their behavior; others will tell you that you are too sensitive, and some may even stop talking to you altogether.
If it’s a relationship with a predator, it is very important to be careful of their manipulations.
This may be the reason why you are having so much trouble being happy.
A predator will always make you feel like you’re horrible and that you cannot stand them.
If they have done unpleasant things to you, avoid them.
The more time that you spend with someone who has wronged you, the more you are going to be affected by it.
It is important to talk to a professional who can help you step back from the situation and help you heal from it.
7) Make a list of all the reasons he/she is not good enough for you
Think about it for a moment – what are the reasons that this person may not be good for you?
It may seem silly to create a list of everything that you don’t like about him/her, but it is always important to understand what are the reasons that he/she is not good for you.
Seeing it on paper will help you think about the situation from a different perspective.
Giving your attention and energy to someone who is not good for you is the worst thing you can do for yourself and for your future relationships.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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8) Have a plan on how to spend your time after you cut off ties with the person
Individuals who are very attached to a person or a group of people may get withdrawal symptoms and depression.
They need to have plans in order not to fall into the trap again and again.
The best way to avoid getting depressed is to be productive!
Turn to hobbies and the things you enjoy.
It may be talking or being offline.
Those who enjoy spending time with their friends, family, and/or love will have fewer problems recovering from a situation like this.
However, if you don’t enjoy any of these things, you may want to read some books about self-help.
If you choose the latter, make sure you pick the best ones.
9) Look at the people in your social network and get close again with everyone left behind
Stop putting all your energy on one person or one group of people and spread it out to everyone who cares about you.
You will feel better, don’t worry.
You’ve heard the advice a million times – do something productive and turn to people who love you.
When we talk about how to break an emotional attachment, we can talk about it all day long, but the most important thing is to put our thoughts and ideas into practice.
One of the best ways to do that is by joining communities that share common interests and values with you.
10) Pick one thing that you have been holding back on doing because of this person
Do it now and notice how good it feels!
It could be painting your nails, visiting a new country, or doing anything that you’ve been dreaming about.
It’s all about the act itself and letting go of guilt.
Whether it’s a coffee shop, your favorite restaurant, or a new park, try doing something you’ve never done before.
Get out there and meet new people. They may be perfect for you!
Doing the things that make you feel good about yourself will help you get out of a relationship that is draining all your energy.
Work on regaining peace and confidence in yourself.
It’s important to stay healthy as much as you can.
This means eating well and working out, which will help you feel better every day.
Also, spend some time in nature, it is always a good idea to do this for our mental and physical health.
There are many things on how to break an emotional attachment that you can learn from friends and people that have the same problem as you.
11) Be honest with yourself
Lying to yourself will get you nowhere.
As long as you’re not honest with yourself, you will never be able to move forward.
Pay attention to your emotions, and don’t ignore them.
Give yourself time to process everything that happened.
Be honest with yourself about the reasons for creating a non-healthy relationship in the first place.
These are issues that need to be addressed in order to move forward and start building better relationships with everyone.
A narcissist, an empath, or any other person who is attached to another person will usually have a hard time being alone and dealing with the feelings of emptiness that they may have.
Those feelings could lead them to bad habits like abusing drugs or alcohol and cheating on their partner, just so they can feel loved again.
Identify the issue and deal with it relentlessly so you can move on with your life.
12) Try writing down all the negative things you experienced
It can be difficult sometimes to vocalize the negative experience we’ve had, so one of the ways you can use to deal with it is writing.
Write everything down in your journal and then read it.
Let the words sink in, and really consider how these things have affected you.
Giving our attention and energy to negative things will just have us looking back and regretting them.
It is easier to write things down and make them a part of our journal, rather than keeping them locked away in some dark corner of our mind.
You will feel lighter and better, but it can also be beneficial for you to read it from time to time and understand how much you have progressed lately.
Writing can sometimes help us overcome a difficult situation and get a better perspective on the experience that hurt us.
13) Think about the root cause of this issue
Sometimes the reason why we allow to get too attached to someone is trauma.
If you have been hurt in the past and got too attached to someone, there could be a shorter but noticeable line to your feelings.
It is important to talk about it with someone who will help you understand what happened in your past.
It’s important for us to understand ourselves and how we handle situations.
By knowing our weaknesses and boundaries, we can avoid irrational decisions that are set by our emotions rather than logic or common sense.
Read books that will help you shed some light on the way our childhood shapes us and understand your family better.
It will help you to have a better perspective on the future of your relationships.
14) Make an effort to improve your life
The truth is that you can’t stay in the same place and expect different results.
Things will never change if we don’t make an effort to change them.
The situation that you are in now may seem hopeless, but there is always a way out.
Take it easy and work on your mind, body, and soul.
Being too attached to someone can only be harmful if we let it.
Make a conscious decision to change your life for the better and find new hobbies and people to surround yourself with.
You will be happier, so will your future relationships.
It’s important to accept that this happens to everyone, and there is nothing wrong with you if it does happen to you.
We’re all humans, and we all need love.
The things experience teaches us are usually valuable lessons in how not to make the same mistakes again in the future.
Take one step at a time, make sure that you’re making the right decisions.
It is important to remember that relationships are not permanent.
They are always going to change, no matter how deep they might get.
It is important to understand this in order to move on from relationships with narcissists or people who have disordered attachments.
There will always be those who are able to make us feel loved, but it’s important for us to remember that it will only last for a short while.
15) Build your self-confidence
It’s important to love yourself, but unfortunately, self-love is so hard to accomplish sometimes.
Loving yourself is being able to admit that you have weaknesses and accepting them with both arms wide open.
This is why building your self-confidence is so important – it takes a lot of time, but if you’re willing to work on it every single day, you’ll notice that you will feel a lot better overall.
Be aware of the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones.
There is a saying that we should control the things which we can, and then only accept the things which we cannot.
Sometimes though, there are those little things that you can’t control and can only be avoided.
The reality is that not all your relationships are going to end well.
As long as you’re okay with this, there’s nothing to worry about.
If you feel like something has ended too soon, it probably has, and everything will fall into place anyway.
The good news is that breaking your emotional attachment to someone is good for you, and it is possible to do it.
The thing is that you must keep in mind that it’s not easy and you will have to work for it and, most importantly, be patient.
There are no shortcuts here, but if you give yourself enough time to get used to the idea and make a plan of action, all your efforts will pay off.
Making friends with people who can help you challenge yourself mentally will also make the process easier.
Also, take care of your health so getting attached to other people won’t cause any damage to your body itself.
People who are in abusive relationships are usually the ones that tend to grow unhealthy relationships.
If you’re in a relationship like this, it’s important to become aware of it and make a plan to save yourself from it.
If you make an effort, there is certainly a way out of it.
I hope that these tips will help you gain the strength to put your life on track again and put yourself first!
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder