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Zen philosophy reveals 4 ways to stop caring what other people think of you

“When you do not seek or need approval, you are at your most powerful.” – Caroline Myss

Are you stuck in a dead-end job? Do you feel the need to escape the chaos? Do you continually seek other’s approval and validation? Have you lost the passion for life? 

If so, it’s time to do some soul-searching. It’s time to connect with yourself.

As kids, we sought our parents and elders’ approval in every aspect of life. As we grow up, we continue to chase  validation of others – peers, colleagues, classmates, friends, lovers – just to be heard, feel worthy, loved, and to get attention.

We’re always compliments and approval to feed our confidence. As a result, we struggle to handle negative comments and opinions that are thrown towards us. 

If will make you powerless and hopeless. There’s a way to combat this problem and release the need to seek approval.

Stop chasing after validation and support from others.


We feel worthy and valuable when people compliment, encourage and believe in us. However, being entirely dependent on others to experience self-worth is not healthy. The moment people stop saying positive words towards you, you feel dejected, devalued. This will only lead you to become a people pleaser. You need to stop it right now and become self-sufficient.

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Do not throw away your power.


When someone hurts us, or acts in a way that we don’t like, we become angry. Instead of avenging such behavior or actions of others, learn to react less. Do not give away your power by being mean or negative like that other person. Words or actions of others cannot determine your value. You alone can realize and maintain your self-respect.

Be compassionate towards other people.


Compassion is the most important ingredient in life. Everyone – like you – have their problems and issues in life. And you should realize that they are not responsible for your happiness. Thus, it is crucial to understand this soon and stop adding pressure to people who are present in your life. Instead, be compassionate towards them and help them out in sorting out their problems – but only if they allow you to!

Seek approval from yourself.


Other’s action does not determine your self-worth and value. As mentioned above, it’s only you who can realize and build your own value. You cannot expect others to be your anchor or element of encouragement. You are responsible for your own compliments, encouragements, and approval in life.

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Written by Justin Brown

I'm the CEO and co-founder of Ideapod, a platform for people to connect around ideas. I'm passionate about people thinking for themselves, especially in an age of information overload.

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