So your ex has left you and now you’re stuck.
You are devastated and heartbroken and you just want to lie in bed, sleep, watch Netflix, and eat ice cream.
You keep asking yourself, “Are they coming back? Are we going to get back together?”
NOT with that attitude!
Sorry to be so brutally honest, but it’s better to just come out and say it than to sugarcoat things.
Sometimes we do things that are guaranteed to have the opposite outcome of what we want.
Let’s take a look at the 10 warning signs you and your ex won’t get back together:
1) You haven’t accepted the breakup
Denying the truth won’t make it any less true.
If you’re telling yourself that your relationship isn’t really over and you’re expecting your ex to walk back in any minute now, you’re only making it worse.
You need to face facts: Your ex has left you.
I know it hurts but ignoring reality is not going to help you get over this and it certainly won’t get you back together.
Look, I’m not saying that you need to stop thinking about your ex or that you should get over them in a day, but you need to accept the fact that the relationship is over.
The sooner you accept the breakup, the sooner you’ll be able to get your life back and I guarantee you, good things will come your way.
2) You haven’t moved on
Look at you. It’s the middle of the day and you’re still in your PJs.
You’re eating cereal out of the box.
You haven’t taken a shower in two days.
If you keep this up, not only won’t you get back together with your ex, but you won’t meet anyone new.
Here’s what you’re going to do:
- Take a shower.
- Find some clean clothes to wear.
- Clean your apartment.
- Get some groceries.
- Make yourself a decent meal.
- Call up your friends and make plans to go out and do something fun.
There, now that’s a start.
It’s important to remember that when you fall, you need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.
The fact that your relationship is over doesn’t mean that your life is over. The sooner you move on, the sooner you’ll be able to experience joy and love once more.
And who knows?
Maybe once you’ve gotten your act together and moved on with your life, you might run into your ex, get talking and before you know it, one thing leads to another and you’re back together.
3) You have unresolved issues
If you and your ex broke up because you had a lot of issues – either as a couple or as individuals – unless those issues have been resolved, you don’t stand a chance of getting back together.
If you are responsible for the relationship not working out, you need to ask yourself why. How can you make it work a second time around?
For example, if you were scared of commitment, weren’t ready to start a family, or wanted to take a job halfway around the world, you need to address those problems.
Are you over your fear of commitment? Are you ready to start a family? What’s more important, love or work?
If you don’t know how you feel or if you still feel the same way, then nothing has changed and you won’t be getting back together.
In order for a relationship to work, you need to be happy in your life first.
You need to be fulfilled and feel good about yourself and where you are in your life. Only once you’ve achieved that can you find happiness with another person.
4) You don’t love yourself
Unfortunately, this is a common problem.
A lot of people are filled with self-loathing. They’re miserable. They’re self-critical and always putting themselves down. They don’t like themselves and they don’t love themselves.
This lack of love for oneself easily seeps into daily life and these people start to see only the negative side of everything and become bitter and pessimistic.
If this sounds like you, then I guarantee you your ex isn’t coming back. Why would they?
Ask yourself this: If you don’t love yourself and you don’t see any positive traits in yourself, how do you expect your ex to love you again?
You need to learn to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.
Here’s the thing: The reason that so many relationships don’t work out is that most of us don’t have a good relationship with ourselves.
What’s more, most of us have the wrong idea about what love is.
We have this idealized picture of what our partner should be like and even what we should be like, so of course, we end up disappointed.
I learned all this from a mind-blowing video by renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
His teachings gave me a whole new perspective on love and relationships and I finally realized where I’d gone wrong so many times before.
So if you want to learn to love yourself and be in a healthy and loving relationship, I really recommend watching the free video.
5) You are scared of being alone and single
There are no guarantees in life.
Sometimes, even the happiest of relationships don’t work out.
You need to understand that you will never be completely “safe” from being single again.
It’s a part of life. Even if you get your ex back, you might break up again someday. Things don’t always work out between people.
If you live in constant fear of being dumped, you will constantly be on edge, waiting for things to end – you’re bound to mess the relationship up.
And if you are scared of being alone, that’s not a good enough reason to be with someone.
You need to be ok in your own company. Embrace your own company. Being alone is not a bad thing.
And if someone comes along who makes you happy and whose company is even better than your own, then great. But never be with someone to avoid being alone.
All in all, that fear of being single and alone is something your ex can feel and unless you make peace with the possibility that you could end up alone, then he won’t come back for sure.
6) You thought your ex would be the solution to all your problems
If you thought your ex could solve all your problems then it sounds to me like you wanted a superhero, not a partner.
If you are looking to your ex to solve all your problems, you’re bound to be disappointed when they don’t.
In the end, no one can make you happy except for yourself.
You can’t expect your ex to do things for you that you won’t do for yourself. And think about the pressure you’re putting on someone when you expect so much from them.
It’s one thing to want someone’s support, it’s a completely different thing to expect them to do all the dirty work.
Relationships are about partnership. They’re about giving and taking, not just taking.
You need to take responsibility for your life and start to work on your own problems, otherwise, your ex sure isn’t coming back.
7) Your relationship was codependent
There are many different kinds of love, but one of the most toxic of all is codependent love.
This is where two people become so intertwined in each other’s lives that they lose their individuality and start to rely on each other too much.
Sometimes, when two people are in a codependent relationship, they don’t know how to get out of it. They are so used to living in a certain way that they don’t know how to break out of it.
If your relationship was codependent, your ex might have left you because they felt trapped.
Maybe they did not feel like they could make their own choices or they felt like they had to suppress certain aspects of their personality to stay with you.
Maybe they felt like they were not themselves anymore and they just couldn’t take it anymore.
You need to ask yourself if your relationship was healthy and if you were taking time for yourself when you were with your ex.
If your relationship was codependent, you need to break free from it. You need to become independent and stop relying on your ex. You need to have a life outside of the relationship.
This means hobbies and activities that don’t involve your romantic partner. It means spending more time with friends. It also means letting your partner do their own thing.
Give your ex the space they need to break free from the relationship and make the decision to come back to you on their own.
8) You were too clingy
Truth alert: Clinginess is a big turnoff.
Let’s be honest here, nobody wants to be in a relationship where the other person is too dependent on them because it makes them feel trapped.
This could be the reason why your ex has left you and won’t come back. If you really care about them, you will want to let them go instead of trying to hold them back.
Now, there is nothing wrong with being in a committed relationship, but there is something wrong with being in a relationship where you are too emotionally dependent on your partner and too controlling.
You need to learn to relax a little and give your partner a chance to breathe.
Learn to self-soothe. Don’t go running to them with every little thing. Speak to friends and family with anything you can’t solve yourself. Find a good therapist.
The bottom line is that if you’re clingy, your ex will want nothing more to do with you. And that goes for any future relationship too.
9) You have trust issues
You’ve been hurt in the past, I get it…
But put yourself in your ex’s shoes for a minute: You kept checking their phone and email, smelling their clothes, and accusing them of cheating. You were paranoid all the time. You kept getting hysterical and you started fights all the time.
Now, does that sound like a relationship you’d want to be in?
I know you’re scared, but as I said before, there are no guarantees in life.
If you want to have love in your life, you need to learn to let go of your fear and take the risk of trusting another person.
If you don’t deal with your trust issues, then you’re not going to be able to have a happy and healthy relationship – with your ex or anyone else.
10) Your relationship was unhealthy
Finally, if you were in a toxic relationship, that’s a pretty big warning sign that you and your ex are not getting back together.
Now, you might have been in an unhealthy relationship if you and your partner were constantly fighting, if you were engaged in unhealthy behaviors such as substance abuse, if one of you was being emotionally or physically abusive, if you were codependent, if you lied to each other, if either of you cheated, or even if you had poor or non-existent communication.
If you want to get your ex back, you need to ask yourself if you two could have a healthy relationship. What would it take on their part? What would it take on your part?
Don’t just go back to an unhealthy and nonfunctional relationship. You deserve so much better than that.