16 reasons why you crave male attention (+ how to stop!)

Women crave male attention for different reasons, but the craving usually stems from a lack of self-worth or insecurity.

Some feel that if they are not desired by men then there is something wrong with them.

They may also crave male attention because they were not properly loved and validated by their father figure during their childhood.

Here are the top 16 reasons why you crave male attention, followed by a discussion of what to do about it.

1) To compensate for an unmet need or loss

Once a woman recovers from the effects of childhood negative experiences, her inner core starts to heal.

The result is the emergence of a new level of self-esteem and self-worth. This new level is often a little fragile. You can’t quite shake the need to prove to yourself and others that you are valuable enough to be loved. When men don’t demonstrate their love, it may feel like a deep lack in your life.

As a result, you may unconsciously seek out the attention of men so you can feel like you’re getting what’s coming to you. It’s like post traumatic stress therapy – your inner child is trying to get fixed.

When it feels like no one loves me, I seek my love and validation elsewhere – in other people and things.

2) To prove nothing has a one-size-fits-all solution

Sometimes you might be craving male attention because you understand that your situation is unique and nothing has a one-size-fits-all solution.

I know that from personal experience. 

My own experience is that most relationship advice from friends and family just ends up backfiring. 

Implementing what one person rights has led us nowhere, especially as at the end of the day, I know myself and my partners best.

So keeping that in mind, don’t blindly follow the advice of a bitter aunt or a colleague who has a great deal to say on your situation.

Remember that you’re the one in the driving seat, and whilst advice can be helpful, it’s not always providing the best way forwards.

3) To cope with loneliness

Many women yearn for male attention when they feel lonely. That’s because the craving can be useful to help you feel connected to others.

However, you don’t need to seek men’s validation in order to feel connected. You have a natural desire and need for human connection anyway. The thing is, it becomes a problem when you’re only focused on getting validation from men instead of being your own person inside.

When this happens, you may start to feel like you’re empty inside, no matter how much attention you get.

4) To feel alive, desired and lovable

It’s not surprising that many women seek the attention of men at times when they are feeling particularly lonely, unfulfilled or unloved. This may happen when they feel like they aren’t getting enough attention (sexual and otherwise) from their spouse or partner.

Or perhaps it happens when they have been emotionally neglected by their father figure while they were growing up.

Feeling unloved and uncared for as a child can lead to a lack of self-esteem, which can lead to a craving for male attention. It’s not surprising that women who grew up in a neglectful environment crave the love and attention they missed out on.

This is something I’ve learned from renowned shaman Ruda Iande’s Out of the Box Masterclass.

As an unconventional course on self-improvement, he doesn’t preach toxic positivity — in fact, he actually delves into complicated family dynamics that might have caused your insecurities.

In this case, your craving for male attention.

If you want to learn that you don’t need the validation of every man in your life, click here for a special offer on the masterclass.

5) To reduce anxiety about being alone or single

Women who feel like they are destined to be alone may crave male attention to help them feel more secure. This can lead to a love addiction, where it seems like every man you meet is your soulmate, even if he’s a total jerk.

You may try to get his attention in any way you can, including flaunting your body and being super-friendly. However, the thing is, you just don’t like the person he is.

That’s OK. You don’t need to date him or marry him to feel secure about being alone or single. You just need to learn to separate your love for him from your love for yourself.

6) To gain the feeling of being protected and taken care of

Many women crave male attention in order to feel protected and taken care of. This may be because it was unsafe for them to depend on their mother or father figure when they were growing up.

Maybe their mother was sick or passed away when they were young, or maybe their father was not well equipped to take care of them properly.

Maybe they experienced a lot of anxiety and confusion in their childhood.

As a result, you may long to be protected and taken care of by a man. However, this can easily lead to co-dependent relationships with men who are not willing or able to provide you with what you need.

7) To cope with grief and loss

It’s also common for women to crave male attention when they are dealing with grief and loss. It’s not surprising, because if you’re missing something or someone, the answer is to try to get that person back, right?

This can lead to love addiction in which you are happily involved with a man one day and deeply upset with him the next. This is confusing because it feels like your needs are being met… until they’re not.

Then you get mad at him for being unreliable and hard to please when it comes to your attention and affection.

8) To release a deep-seated resentment

If you were emotionally neglected as a child, the result is that your core self is missing. This makes it difficult to feel certain emotions such as love and empathy, to name just two.

You may not realize this, but you may still be feeling this absence in your life in subtle ways.

It’s not uncommon for you to be angry with men – especially ones who used to be important in your life as a child. You may find yourself feeling resentful of the men in your life, including the ones who are now perfect to you.

In order to reclaim what is rightfully yours (the person you should be) and fully embrace who you are on the inside, you may need to be willing to give this resentment up. 

This free 20-minute Self-Healing Meditation is a great way to regain control over your thoughts and start reflecting on buried emotions and resentment you carry with you – even if you’re not aware of these.

I wouldn’t have been able to let go of my own anger without first soothing my mind and allowing these deep-seated emotions to emerge on their own, making way for my healing to begin. The voodoo dolls under by bed have finally been laid to rest!

Click here to access the meditation.

You never know what resentment you too might finally be able to set free.

9) When it feels like there’s something missing from your life

If you feel like something is missing from your life, it’s often because your sense of self hasn’t been developed yet.

Perhaps you haven’t learned how to be independent or take care of yourself very well yet.

Or maybe you haven’t bonded with the men in your life in a way that feels necessary yet.

Either way, you have the potential to fill this sense of something missing in your life with the love and attention that you deserve from yourself and from others. You may not be aware of how much love is actually available to you when you’re ready for it.

10) When you are trying to measure up to other women

Many of us have a fear of not measuring up and being judged by others. You might feel like other women are better than you, or that you aren’t as popular with men as someone else.

This can lead to a love addiction in which you use male attention and validation to make yourself feel more accepted and liked. If this is your issue, becoming more peaceful inside will help you feel your own self-worth instead of always needing the approval of others.

11) When you’re trying to compete for male attention

It’s been proven that women don’t have an innate desire to be desired or loved by the opposite sex. This is especially true when it comes to their own sex.

However, this doesn’t mean we don’t want the attention of men in our lives. In fact, we almost always do! However, it doesn’t mean that this is healthy or a good idea.

Some women want male attention just because other women are getting some too. Or they crave male attention just because they know they have to have it to be considered attractive. Or they may crave the attention of a man because they feel like something is missing in their lives.

If this is you, it’s important to get on the right path with your own sense of worthiness and self-love before you can truly let go of male attention and focus on true love.

12) When you are trying to feel special or adored

Love addiction is not about getting the attention of your special someone or being loved. It’s about needing the attention of everyone else and hoping that it will be enough to make you feel good about yourself.

The thing is, we’re always special and adored. So what we need more than male attention is to cultivate our own connection with ourselves and stop comparing ourselves to other people. It’s all a waste of time because it only leads to more anxiety and frustration.

13) To cope with anxiety and insecurity

If you aren’t feeling secure in yourself, it can feel like a desperate need to fill yourself up with validation from other people.

It’s also a sign of low self-esteem when you’re only looking for approval from others in order to feel happy and free. In other words, you may feel like you have to have male attention from everyone in order to be confident that you’ll be the center of attention even though everyone already knows that already.

14) To improve your self-esteem

When a man in your life doesn’t treat you with love and respect, it may feel like an insult to your self-worth. If a man isn’t giving you enough attention because he doesn’t desire or trust you, it may feel like a painful loss of self-esteem.

It’s possible that this loss also comes from an unconscious sense that if you’re not desirable to him, then there must be something wrong with you.

This can create a strong drive to prove to him and yourself that you are someone he can desire and trust. However, the problem with that is that your need for his attention has become more important than your own self-worth.

Restoring your self-worth should be a much more important goal than making this guy love and desire you. This will be difficult because his attention is what validates you in the moment, and it feels good to get it.

15) When you don’t feel like you can depend on yourself

If you haven’t developed your own sense of worthiness and self-love, it can feel like a desperate need to have someone to depend on or a desperate plan to get some attention from others in order to be perfectly happy.

This is because all of us have the potential for true inner peace, love and happiness within us. However, we have to be willing to stop looking outside of ourselves in order to find it.

16) To avoid your own feelings or emotions

It’s common for people to become addicted to the love and attention of others when they can’t stand their own feelings or emotions. It’s much easier for some people to fall into this type of behavior because it puts them outside of themselves for a little while.

You can’t think about your own emotions when you’re busy trying to get or be someone’s attention.

If you’re addicted to something, it means there is a feeling that’s too painful and uncomfortable for you to feel on your own.

This is why it’s important to go deep within yourself when you feel like being loved by someone else will make up for something missing in your life. This will give you the awareness and self-love that you need instead of always depending on others.

How to get over your addiction to male attention

To free yourself from your addiction to male attention, you must unlearn the idea that the attention of men is necessary for your survival or well-being.

The truth is that we are far more resilient and self-sufficient than we give ourselves credit for.

You can learn to feel good about yourself on your own terms and stop searching for love outside of yourself.

Below are some more tips to help you get over your addiction to male attention and learn to feel whole on your own.

1) Understand that the attention of men does not equal love or self-worth.

The only way to stop believing that you need male attention for your survival is to understand that this isn’t true at all! You don’t need anyone else’s validation or approval in order to feel like you’re good enough.

You can learn to feel good about yourself on your own terms and stop searching for love outside of yourself.

Learn how to feel good about yourself and activate your personal power here.

2) Realize that it’s okay to not have enough attention.

When it comes to male attention and affection, we often expect too much from ourselves or others. We look for someone to fulfill our needs and put ourselves on a pedestal in order to be perfect and loved by everyone around us.

You can learn to give and receive love on your own terms without the need for male attention.

3) Learn how to build your own self-esteem.

We all have the potential to be loving and kind people even though we often feel unworthy of it. You can learn how to start trusting yourself and developing your own personal power.

4) Stop looking for validation from others.

The truth is that you already know you’re good enough because the only person who could possibly not love you is yourself! So stop trying to overcompensate for a lack of self-worth by seeking the affection of others.

Learn how to elevate yourself here.

5) Understand that it’s not love if you’re trying to get male attention.

If you’re looking for love, what you may really need is understanding, acceptance and approval. You can learn how to give that to yourself here.

6) Acknowledge the fear of the unknown.

When you’re struggling with your addiction to male attention, you need to stop running away from your own feelings and emotions by jumping into something unhealthy with another person.

Give up on focusing on men

Another approach to breaking your addiction to male attention is to take a break from men. This could be for as little as one week. Or it could be a more extended break.

Your break will give you the opportunity to focus on yourself and to stop looking for love outside of yourself.

When you give up on males, what you’ll find is that your female intuition and inner wisdom will guide you in the right direction.

You’ll start to take control of your life, do more things you’re passionate about, and generally have a lot more fun.

When you’re passionate and having fun with life, you’re much more attractive to people around you. You develop a magnetic aura.

You’ll find that you’ll get more attention from men, but you won’t feel like you need it anymore. It’ll be the positive kind.

Step 1: Take a break from men.

The first step is to take a break from dating and from looking for male attention. This could even be as simple as taking a break from flirting with the bartender at your local bar.

Step 2: Do something you’re passionate about.

Once you’ve taken that break, do something you’re passionate about.

Focusing on building your business or doing a creative project you enjoy will give you something positive to focus on instead of how men make you feel.

Step 3: Surround yourself with supportive people who are better suited to support your growth and help you get what you want in life.

When you’re building your business or developing your creative project, focus on the people who are supportive of you and want to help you get what you want out of life.

It’s essential for you to surround yourself with positive people who can help support and guide your growth in the right direction.

Step 4: Move into a more positive environment where there’s less toxic drama in your life.

If you know that the places where you usually hang out are full of drama, it’s essential for you to move into a more positive environment.

By doing so, you’ll elevate your life and stop giving other people the power to disrupt and destroy your life.

Step 5: Focus on building empowering relationships with yourself and others.

Another approach to get your life back under control is to focus on building positive relationships in your life. These relationships will help you develop a more positive approach to the world.

Positive relationships give you something valuable to work with in your life and provide you with a much richer experience than what you’ll get from your addiction to male attention.

In these relationships, it’ll be easier for you to learn how to feel good about yourself and grow into a confident person who attracts the right people into their lives.

The most important relationship in your life

When you crave male attention, it’s because there’s something lacking in your life.

What you need to learn is that the most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.

You can address this lack by building a relationship with yourself that’s filled with self-love, self-acceptance, and a positive outlook.

And this is something you can learn from this free masterclass on love and intimacy by the shaman Rudá Iandê.

In this masterclass, Rudá Iandê walks you through how to create the relationship you want and make it last.

He shows you that the way to do this is by empowering the relationship you have with yourself. This is because the relationships we have in life are always a direct mirror of the relationship we have with ourselves.

By doing this, you’ll remove the need to go out into the world and look for male attention. Instead, you’ll feel inspired to build your life and express your worth.

You can access the free masterclass here.

Picture of Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.