16 reasons she pushes you away when you get close (and how to respond)

If you are dating someone and she pushes you away when you get close—she doesn’t want to talk for any length of time, shares small bits of information, and seems emotionally reserved—it can be very frustrating.

But before you give up on this person and call it “just not meant to be”, think about the 16 reasons she might push your way.

So, let’s begin.

1) She is not sure you love her

She may be afraid you will lose interest and walk away if she opens up to you.

What’s more?

She needs proof that your feelings for her are real, that they aren’t just a crush or a phase.

Help her feel secure in your love for her by telling her how important it is that she shares herself with you.

Remind her of how much you treasure the special moments spent with her.

2) She has been hurt in the past

She is afraid of putting all her heart into a relationship only to have it end in hurt and pain.

Let me explain to you.

She has been burned by her partner(s) in the past and feels that she must protect herself from further rejection or pain.

It is too scary for her to get close to another person after she has learned such a painful lesson about love.

You need to show her that you don’t take your relationship for granted and that she deserves to be treated with trust, love, respect, and admiration.

Fortunately, if you can show her that you are a kind and caring person who wants to help her heal these wounds, then you will gradually begin to get through her walls of resistance.

And the two of you can enjoy a happy relationship together!

3) A relationship coach can give you real clarity

While the reasons in this article will help you understand why she pushes you away when you get close and how to deal with it, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like what to do when she pushes you away.

They are popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago.

After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

4) She wants you to take responsibility for the relationship

Being close can make some people feel very vulnerable and unsure of themselves, so they may want to step back and “feel safe.”

As an alternative, they may seek a sense of control by avoiding closeness.

Help her feel secure by letting her know that you are available to listen and offer support when she needs it.

5) She is not sure she can trust your feelings

She may be suspicious of how strongly you feel about her because your feelings are so new and untested.

Think about it.

She may wonder if you will change your feelings when you discover you don’t get along as well as you thought or when someone else comes along who has more to offer.

Let her know that the feelings you have for her are the real thing and will only grow stronger over time if given a chance to blossom.

6) She just doesn’t feel safe with you yet

She needs to be around you more before she feels comfortable opening up to you.

Be patient with her and don’t push for more than she is ready to give.

Be there for her when she wants you to be. Show her that you are happy to just be with her and not talk.

7) She holds back to keep her self-respect

She wants to make sure she doesn’t give more than she intends or lose herself in the process.

On the other hand, she may want to respect and love herself enough to not give of herself unless she is comfortable with the level of commitment you are offering.

Help her relax by listening to her and respecting her decision, no matter what it may be and tell her that you can wait for more time and that you trust in the love between you.

8) She has low self-esteem and doubts her attractiveness

If the undercurrent of insecurity in this person is strong enough, it may run even deeper in the background than you think.

You will notice this when she doesn’t fully engage with you in conversation.

To make a point.

She may not take the lead or initiate sex, or she will constantly wait for you to say or do something.

You must reassure her that you are happy and satisfied with her participation. Otherwise, it’s just not going to happen.

9) She is afraid of being judged by others for being with you

If the love and affection she feels for you are genuine, she will be fine with being with you.

But many times, she is afraid of her family members, friends, and even strangers judging her and making negative comments about her relationship.


Remind her that people will only be able to make judgments about you if they are close enough to see what’s going on in real-time.

Remember too: Don’t take it out on her!

10) She has unresolved issues from childhood that keep her from sharing herself

If your lover holds back, she is probably responding to her past.

The only way you can get her to open up is to learn what happened in her childhood that has made her afraid to form lasting intimate relationships.

What can you do more?

To help her deal with this fear more effectively, you must let her know that your love is unconditional: You will never abandon her or betray her trust.

11) She is afraid that things will escalate into a sexual relationship

Girls want to be on the same level both emotionally and physically when they start a new relationship.

Here’s the thing.

Many women will not “have sex” until there is an emotional bond between them.

When she meets someone she likes, she may be processing the different feelings and not ready for intimacy yet.

There’s nothing wrong with that…even if it vexes you at times!

Women get much more attached emotionally than men do; they also take longer to feel comfortable having sex.

If you get too close too quickly, she may feel trapped in a sexual relationship she is not ready for that is why she pushes you away.

It’s important to keep her apprised of your sexual desires, but don’t push too hard for sex.

Let her know that you are okay to take things slow and you want a real relationship with her.

12) She is not ready for a relationship

If she is still dealing with her issues and turmoil, you will notice that she will only open up to a certain point and then will withdraw once again.

She may even have other affairs on the side, or multiple boyfriends/husbands at the same time.

You need to be patient and wait until she has been able to work through her deep-seated issues and confusion before you can expect any real progress in your relationship.

13) She is afraid of conflict

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Her door may open a crack, but she doesn’t want to fully expose herself to you. She wants to feel you out before she shows you who she is.

The thing is:

She is not your average woman who would rather have conflict than harmony. She is just afraid of hurting you or her self-image if conflict does arise.

Give her the space she needs by using the back-off method, and then try again later when there’s less tension between the two of you.

14) She has a lot of emotional baggage

This issue is both a blessing and a curse.

It is a blessing because it shows how much she loves you and is not afraid to let loose with you.

Moreover, it is a curse because it means she has her own family, friends, and responsibilities that are taking up all her time.

If she has not completely worked through this issue, she may continue to push you away because of fears related to doing so; or she may push you away out of fear that if she doesn’t, things will fall apart.

15) She doesn’t know how to communicate

This is a simple fix.

Improve your listening skills and learn how to respond effectively to what she is feeling and thinking.

16) She doesn’t want you to know every little thing about her

She wants to keep some parts of herself private until she can figure you out and make sure you are a safe bet.

If she is hoping for a long-term relationship with you, it is only natural that she would need to keep some things in reserve.


Tell her that while you would love to get closer to all of her, if there are certain things you don’t know about, it will not jeopardize the relationship.

How to get her back after she’s pulled away

If she has pulled away from you, then she may not have any interest in getting back together.

She is afraid and does not know if you will be there for her, especially if you have hurt her in the past.

In this case, your task will be a bit more difficult. You need to get her to open up and trust you again before she will want to get back with you.

1) Ask her to give you a chance and see what happens

This can be quite hard, especially if she has been hurt in the past.

Keep trying! She will eventually open up to you again, although it may take weeks or even months for her to trust you again.

2) Be kind and supportive of how she might feel right now

You need to resist the urge to blame her or get angry with her.

This can make her feel worse and push her away even more, especially if it was your fault.

Instead, you need to let her know that you are willing to talk it out and work through this together.

She will value this and know that she matters to you if you do this right now.

3) Give her space and time alone if she needs it

Don’t make her feel worse by trying to talk about your feelings or telling her what she is feeling.

She may not be ready for that just yet. You need to give her some time alone and let her get used to this idea before you will be able to talk about it helpfully.

4) Keep doing things with your friends as you normally would

You need to remind her that you’re not going anywhere and that you aren’t going to leave her if she does not want to be with you.

She needs to feel safe enough in relationships that she can open up again.

Chances are she will not want to be working on this alone, so you will need to let her know that you are still there for her.

This can help convince her that your intentions haven’t changed or been affected by what has happened in the past.

5) Give her things to think about so she won’t be afraid

If she is afraid of getting hurt again, then you need to reassure her that this will never happen.

You can do this by talking about the future together. Make plans for the future and tell her that you are going to love her and care for her no matter what happens.

6) Be patient with how long it might take for her to open up again

It might take a while for her to completely open up again. You need to be patient and give it time

She needs to feel safe with you before she will be ready to open up.

Attitude is everything if you want her back. If she still has some trust, then she will be willing to work things out with you if you are willing to.

However, if she has no trust in you, then she may never open up again. She may believe that you can’t be trusted and will always hurt her.

In this case, you have to work hard to prove to her that this is not true and that you are willing to give her the time she needs.

Whether she decides to take you back or not is entirely up to her. You just have to be there for her and show her that she has nothing to fear anymore.

Let your confidence do the hard work

There are many more reasons why a woman might push you away when you get close, but please keep these 17 in mind as you begin dating someone new.

I certainly hope this article helped make your dating experience more enjoyable.

And in my own experience, working on your confidence would help.

I have learned this from relationship expert Kate Spring.

As she taught me, confidence sparks something deep inside women that sets off instant attraction.

If you want to boost your confidence around women, check out Kate’s excellent free video here.

Watching Kate’s videos has been a game-changer for me. Because I know exactly how it feels to not get dates… to be searching for “the one”… to be stuck in a relationship that just isn’t working.

However, with Kate’s help, I’ve been with the sort of high-quality women I never thought possible. The confidence she has given me has helped me succeed in other areas of life too.

Here’s a link to Kate’s free video again.

Picture of Kathy Lee

Kathy Lee

Hi, I am Kathy. I am a blogger, contemporary dancer, yogis, traveler, and dreamer. Currently exploring the amazing Thailand. The beach is my happy place. I love sharing thoughts and feelings through dancing or writing. My dogs are my best friends. What I believe in: Simplicity. Kindness. Love. Ice-cream.

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