15 no bullsh*t reasons men lose interest when you show yours

In an ideal world, a new relationship would have you both falling in love at the same pace and feeling the same level of interest.

But that’s not always how things go. You might show your interest first, but he may wait weeks or even longer to reciprocate. Let’s be real—this can suck as much as it does for you.

This post outlines 15 reasons why men lose interest when you show your interest in them. Hopefully, by the end of it, you’ll have a better idea of how to deal with this kind of situation from now on and how to avoid finding yourself in it again!

1) He may be in love with someone else and can’t break it off

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Think about this for a moment:

You’ve been showing your interest in a new guy, but he’s never reciprocated. He always seems to be keeping his distance and doesn’t step up to make the necessary moves. You assume he must not see any potential in you, or maybe you assume that he’s just not interested.

However, what if it’s not that at all? What if he is actually crazy about you, but something is holding him back from fully committing to you?

This situation has happened to me before:

The guy I was interested in had been dating someone for a few years who was mentally and emotionally abusive to him.

He didn’t feel like he could break up with her because she had threatened suicide, so he kept me on the back burner as an option for him if things got really bad with her.

I knew this was going on and tried my best to accept it and respect his situation. Yet I was frustrated because I wanted him to realize how good we were as a match.

Fortunately, things worked out for us eventually—but only after she broke up with him without any drama or tears and moved on with her life (and left us both free).

If she hadn’t done this very classy thing, we would have continued dating forever without the hope of getting married or having kids!

The moral of the story is:

Men don’t always have complete control of their emotions when they’re letting women know that they like them a lot!

So even though you may be showing your interest in a guy and he’s not reciprocating right away, don’t automatically assume that it’s because he’s not into you. Sometimes, it could be that he just isn’t in a position where he can make the moves he wants to make yet.

2) He might be gay or bisexual but afraid to admit it

Yes, it’s really true — some straight men are either bisexual or gay but afraid to admit it, and thus they go through life suppressing those feelings.

They may even marry a woman and never fully share the fact that they like to have sex with other men.

What you may not realize is that these types of men can be very good at hiding their true feelings (even from themselves) as a way of coping with the stigma that is attached to male homosexuality in our society. In fact, many of them are “in denial” about what they’re feeling.

What makes this difficult for women is that these kinds of guys can be very attracted to them and can spend time around them without having any desire whatsoever to have sex with them!

So you need to guard against getting into a committed relationship with someone who might be showing signs of being interested in you if he actually feels totally sexually attracted to men and is terrified about being found out!

Here are some signs that can tell he might be hiding his sexual orientation:

– He seems very uncomfortable when the subject of homosexuality is brought up in conversation (especially around him).

– He doesn’t like to see gay or bisexual characters depicted on TV or in films.

– He refuses to read books or watch shows that have openly gay main characters.

– He’s hesitant about meeting your gay friends or family members for the first time.

These are just a few examples of signs that he might be hiding his real sexual orientation from himself, but there are many others. But remember to be respectful and understanding. After all, he’s not hurting anyone by doing this, and it could be that he’s doing it to protect himself.

3) He’s not that into you—yet

The truth is:

If a man is interested in you, he’ll show it to you. If he’s not, he will not.

It may sound harsh, but it’s the way things work—women are too emotionally open and raw to be able to hide their feelings behind flirting and romance.

But that doesn’t mean that all hope is lost.

Some guys are just slow on the uptake when it comes to catching onto other people’s relationship aspirations, so instead of taking his initial lack of interest personally when you show your interest in him, let him know your intentions directly by saying something like:

“I had a great time meeting you last night/at dinner/on this cruise/at this conference/in this coffee shop—and I would love to see you again!”

If he doesn’t respond with something like: “I’d like that too…” then at least you know where he stands.

And actually, even if he says that he’d like to see you again as well, but then never calls or texts again or avoids your Facebook requests (especially after several days), then at least now you know where his heart lies with respect to someone else (i.e. another woman).

4) He is threatened by emotional intimacy

Another reason men lose interest when you show yours is because they’re simply not that interested in emotional intimacy with you.

A man who is in the market for a casual relationship, for example, may feel threatened by your desire to have an emotionally intimate, committed one with him.

This may be because he’s afraid that if you know what he’s all about at a deep level—including the good, the bad, and the ugly—you’ll walk away from him.

Worse yet, it could be that he’s afraid of becoming emotionally dependent on you during the relationship, and then having you leave him!

If you’re dealing with this issue yourself, ask yourself this question:

“Have I ever experienced what it is I’m looking for in a relationship?”,

“Do I actually even know what I’m looking for in a partner?”

You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves. Social etiquette, stereotypes and stigma ruin a lot of the natural, uncomplicated beauty of romantic relationships.

We are also often unaware of the damaging expectations we carry, or we just don’t know what we want in a partner at all.

So, how can you fix the external without seeing to the internal first?

I learned to dive deeper into what I needed from my partner from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy. 

If you want to improve the relationships you have with others and solve the power struggle in your love life, you need to be working on yourself first.

Rudá doesn’t just talk at you. He works through exercises and activities that force you to actually think about what it is that you expect, and what it is that you want.

Also, that at the end of the day, you don’t need whoever this guy is. He might bring you joy and learning and happiness, but the most important person in your life is you. It is that relationship that you need to nurture the most.

However, relationships can still be great. Sitting down, reflecting, and writing down my own expectations has helped me overcome barriers in my own mind, and break down barriers between my partner and I.

Check out the free video here.

You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video; solutions that’ll stay with you for life.

5) His life situation has changed (e.g., career, financials, etc.)

Maybe he did like you a lot, but then something happened that changed things.

For example, perhaps his career suddenly took off and he’s traveling around the world and dealing with new business associates—when before he was just an intern at a local branch of his office supply chain.

Or maybe he lost out on some big financial deal or investment and now he’s hurting for money and can’t meet up with you for coffee or can’t afford that $300 dinner you’d hoped to get.

And when you confess your feelings to him, he says: “I’m really sorry but I don’t feel the same way.”

That’s not because he doesn’t like you. It’s because the situation has changed and he can’t give you what you want or need right now—and maybe never again.

However, that doesn’t mean that there won’t be another opportunity in his life for things to get better (e.g., his career may take off again) and for him to call you up if he suddenly has free time and money again.

But Wait—Is There Hope For You?

Yes, there is! And it’s simple:

Show your intentions and your willingness to invest in him prior to this possible change in his life. If he did like you but then suddenly things changed, the worst thing that can happen is that he’ll tell you the truth and explain (in such a way as to not make you feel bad) why he can’t keep seeing you now or why he’s had to let you go.

But if you’ve set yourself apart as someone who is willing to invest in him—and even if it requires a little bit of sacrifice on your part—then this is one of those situations where your actions speak louder than words and instead of complaining about getting rejected or pining over what might have been.

At least now it’s out there that you’re interested in investing in him, so at least he has a choice: to take advantage of what could be an incredible opportunity for him in the future…or not.

6) He doesn’t see a future together

One of the reasons he might reject you is that he just doesn’t see a future together. No, it’s not the same as he can’t or won’t give you what you need or want—it’s because, for whatever reason, he just doesn’t think there’s a possibility of a future together.

For example, if you’re an older woman dating a younger man, and his friends tell him how ridiculous it is to date “a cougar”—and then they tease him to death about it—he’ll probably bail on you.

Or if you’ve been out on five dates and haven’t even kissed him yet, he might just think that your lack of physical affection means one thing—that there’s no chemistry between the two of you—and thus there’s no reason to go any further.

Or if he’s seeing someone else or living with someone else and that person either doesn’t approve of your relationship or is jealous or insecure about it, then that may be his way of letting you know that nothing can happen between the two of you.

So, those are just a few reasons men lose interest when you show yours.

Now, I know these reasons may be hard to take, but at least you know why he rejected you (and what to do about it).

And if he was decent enough to let you down easy and explain things in a way that doesn’t make you feel bad, then consider yourself lucky.

Because most men don’t do that—they will just stop taking your calls or texts or emails, call or text when they want to see you, and then in the end—when they decide they don’t want a relationship anymore having been taken for granted for so long—simply disappear out of your life.

And then there’s no closure or chance for an explanation.

7) You weren’t meeting his needs sexually

Here’s the deal:

If you want to date a guy who’s been dating other women, you have to be realistic about one thing right off the bat:

He’s not going to be with you if he doesn’t get something out of it.

That’s right. He’s not going to stick with you unless there are some benefits for him.

And, in this case, that benefit is likely sexual intimacy and/or emotional intimacy (which makes for a VERY hot combination).

But if you’re looking for a commitment-phobe, then this won’t work for you. You’ll be wasting your time by taking him back and risking undermining yourself in the process.

So, if you want him to take a risk on you and commit to a relationship, then it’s all about being sexually compatible with him.

Be willing to compromise… play some head games… laugh at his corny jokes…and go easy on the flirting.

8) He’s just not ready for a relationship

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There are many men out there who are not yet ready for a relationship.

Maybe they’ve just broken up with someone, or perhaps they’re still recovering from a recent divorce—or maybe they’re just not ready for a serious relationship at this time in their lives.

And while they may have met someone whom they think is great and who might be “the one”, they just don’t feel like they’re emotionally, mentally, or physically ready to make that commitment right now.

But here’s the kicker:

You can change that.

Yes, you can change his mind about being ready for a relationship. It might take some time and effort on your part, but it is possible. Again, he’ll probably give you hints along the way that he’s not ready.

Just pay attention and listen to what he’s saying. Every time you run across a comment like, “I’m just not ready for that yet,” do your best to bring it out into the open and try to get him to talk about it.

Don’t argue with him or try to convince him that he’s wrong or lead him on in any way.

Just let the topic come up, ask questions about why he feels that way, and see if you can get him to open up about his feelings—and then ask what he needs from you in order to feel more comfortable making a commitment.

Again, all this will take some time and effort on your part (and without the promise of results), but it is possible for you two to have an honest discussion about his lack of readiness for a relationship and come up with a plan as how best you can help him get there.

9) You remind him of his ex and it makes him uncomfortable

As I’ve mentioned above, men can be reluctant to commit to a relationship after having a bad experience with their ex.

It’s pretty natural for him to compare you to her, and if you remind him too much of her, it might end up making him uncomfortable with the relationship.

On the other hand, if you have some traits or qualities in common with his ex-girlfriend, that could actually be a good thing since it could help him feel more at ease and less scared of getting hurt again.

You can use this knowledge to your advantage by doing what you can to make yourself seem as different from his ex as possible (but still retaining enough similarities so that you don’t turn him off to a relationship altogether).

For instance:

– If he used to date a woman who liked to party, you could be someone who is more interested in staying in a quiet and peaceful place.

– If he used to date a woman who was very sexual, you could be someone who wants to take things more slowly.

– Or if he used to date an insecure woman, you could be someone who seems so confident (but not cocky) that it makes him want to stick around.

But remember to be yourself, so that you don’t come off as fake!

The key is to make him see you as a much better fit for him than his ex-girlfriend so that he feels comfortable committing to you.

10) He wants to hook up and nothing more

You might be wondering why he loses interest when you show yours.

The answer is straightforward:

He wants to hook up and nothing more.

Oftentimes, men who are “commitment-phobic” will just want to sleep with you and get it over with—then go their way, and you go yours.

If he’s a sex addict (some men are addicted to sex), then that’s all he cares about. He may not have a hard time finding women who are willing to have sex with him so he sees no incentive in settling down with one special girl.

Don’t feel bad about this. Most men just want to get laid… and that’s perfectly understandable.

But, if you’re looking for someone who has a little more commitment in him, then be honest about how you feel about all the sleeping-around that he does.

And if he doesn’t want to commit and only wants to fool around… then clearly, there’s no point in trying to fix him up with you, right?

You’ll just have wasted your time and effort on him.

11) You’re moving too fast

This is a mistake a lot of women are guilty of.

You want to appear so confident in a new relationship that you are going headlong into things too fast, but don’t forget:

If you rush into things before he’s ready, you’ll only make him think that he should run for the hills just in case you’re planning on dumping him.

So take it slow, start with the usual dates and see where things go from there. Don’t wait around for him to make a move on you—you have to show interest in him first!

Don’t worry—if he’s not sure about committing to a relationship yet, spending time with him will give him the chance to start building up his confidence again so that he feels more at ease once his feelings start developing towards you.

12) He has commitment issues

Men often lose interest when you show yours because they get scared that he’s not getting the love and attention they used to get from their ex.

When men have a broken heart, they can be really emotional and clingy, but if you give him the impression that you’re interested in him, but you’re not sure you want to commit to him yet, he’ll continue to want to see where things go.

He might actually prefer that situation because it will enable him to do all the pursuing!

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13) He sees a friend in you and doesn’t want to lose that

Men can get attached to the idea of a relationship with you quite easily, and if he starts seeing you in a similar light to his friend, then he might not feel like he wants to commit to you.

This is especially true if you’re stepping into a new relationship when your friend is still technically single.

If he thinks that you’re going to make a great friend as well as girlfriend, but he also likes it the way things are right now, then he might be hesitant to give you his commitment.

So obviously, you can’t just force your way into his life. His relationship with his friend is important to him and it will always be there for him.

That being said, however, when there’s something significant about your friendship that is working for both of you (e.g. he has been chatting to you for ages and you’ve been flirting back), then it’s probably worth him at least considering the idea of expanding his horizons just a little bit before he completely closes the door on you.

14) He feels you’re too different from him

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This is a pretty common reason men lose interest in a new relationship.

A man might not be initially interested in you for the same reasons he wasn’t interested in his ex.

Instead of finding you physically attractive, he might find you to be a bit too different from him.

For example, if you’re very outgoing and talkative compared to him, or maybe you have many interests that differ greatly from his own (e.g. learning Spanish so that you can travel together).

If he’s looking for a confident, bubbly woman who he can treat like a princess, but you put him off because you’re quite insecure and don’t feel very confident in yourself, then he might just lose interest.

However, if this is all completely untrue, then be ready to work on it.

Men with commitment issues will often have their flaws hidden away from the world and will try to play the perfect guy to hide them.

If you love him and you really want to be with him, then you’ve got to be honest about the things that bother you about his behavior.

Being aware of your differences is something all couples have to deal with.

15) He doesn’t feel like he knows you well enough yet

The last reason I wanted to talk about is that a major sense of uncertainty can really get to a guy when you’re trying out a new relationship.

He may not be entirely sure if you’re the woman of his dreams or not yet. Relationships can be scary and we often like to wait until we feel like we know someone really well before we commit to them.

The best way to do that is by spending a lot of time around each other!

You might feel like you’re really comfortable in your next relationship, but he might still be guessing and trying to figure out if you’re right for him.

So if he’s not sure, then don’t panic yet. Just enjoy the time that you have together and take any opportunities that come your way to spend more time with him.

This also shows that he really puts a lot of effort into trying to connect with you.

So as long as you can see how much he wants to learn more about you, then don’t panic—you’re doing fine!

Final thoughts

We’ve covered 15 reasons men lose interest when you show yours.

Hopefully, you found something that helped you better understand the dynamics of how men lose interest when you show yours and what to do about it.

We’ve also included some workable solutions for some of these situations for men who are struggling to commit.

As I mentioned earlier, the first step is realizing there’s a problem. With any relationship, it’s important to be able to recognize early on where things aren’t quite working out.

If you can pinpoint the issues right away, then you can start to work on them and improve your relationship as a whole. If not, then you run the risk of your relationship slowly coming apart at the seams.

And by reducing some of his insecurities and helping him grow as a person, you can improve how he feels about himself and his relationship with you.


Picture of Thảo Anh Nguyễn

Thảo Anh Nguyễn

It is the little daily things that make life worth living and I know how to put you in the right perspective. I write about the intersection of life and love: how spirituality has changed my relationships, what I do to cultivate love in my life, and why I believe that all relationships are spiritual. Meet all your needs for your relationship and pieces of life advice with my articles.

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