Why is it so hard to be attracted to nice guys?

‍Nice guys finish last. It’s a common saying that has been around for almost 100 years and is just as popular now as it was back then.

But why is that the case? Why is it so hard to be attracted to nice guys?

We’ll uncover the deeper reasons behind this phenomenon and understand what lies behind this lack of attraction!

Nice guys tell you how nice they are (and good men show you with their actions, not their words)

Nice guys will tell you how nice they are and how they would treat you like a princess.

But they’re actually terrible at proving it with their actions.

Nice guys will go on and on about what they would do for you and how perfect they are.

But, they won’t actually do anything to show you.

Even if they do, they will be so busy letting you know how nice they are to you, that it kind of puts a shadow on their actions.

You see, the thing is, real men will show you their affection and their commitment to you with actions, not with words.

Nice guys won’t show you their affection and their commitment to you with actions, not with words.

But that doesn’t mean that nice guys can’t be good partners.

It just means that sometimes, they are too busy being seen as the “nice guy” to actually take action that will make them an amazing man in your eyes.

And let’s be honest, as a woman, you hear lots of bs from men every day.

Men will promise you the world but frankly, that doesn’t really mean anything as long as they have no actions to prove it.

But at least nice guys sometimes really do try to make you feel good.

And when it comes down to it, nice guys will be there for you when things get tough and they’ll fix your problems.

They will do things for you because they want to make sure that you are happy and just want to make sure that you are well taken care of.

However, when they spend a lot of time talking about their good deeds, it can be hard to feel attracted to them.

Nice guys will beat around the bush and never be straight with you

Nice guys will have a hard time being honest with you because they don’t want to say anything wrong or cause an argument.

This can be really frustrating because you never know where you stand with them or how they truly feel.

When they want to voice their concerns, they beat around the bush and never be honest with you.

They won’t tell you how they really feel about you because they don’t want to upset you.

But the thing is, if you know how they feel, then there is no conflict and no pain in the relationship.

They would rather be dishonest and pretend that everything is perfect just so they don’t cause any problems or hurt your feelings.

Another way that nice guys fail to be upfront and honest with you is by having a hard time saying ‘no’.

If you ask them for something, they’ll often agree to do it, even if they have no intention of doing so.

The thing is, this is an incredible unattractive trait because most women value a man who is honest and open about his feelings.

And when a man is not honest with you, it makes him seem like he’s weak and unsure of himself.

He doesn’t want to be a man who can’t say “no,” so he gives in to all of your demands.

This makes him seem like a pushover and like he is afraid to stand up for himself.

To feel safe with a man, a woman likes to know that he is not afraid of conflict if need be.

Of course, we don’t necessarily want a guy who will pick a fight over any tiny thing, but it is good to know that a man knows when to stand up for himself.

Nice guys want their niceness to be rewarded

Nice guys will often expect their niceness to be rewarded, like their partner will suddenly fall in love with them.

But the reality is that the niceness is usually expected from the partner.

In fact, people often use the word ‘nice’ as a backhanded compliment, meaning that someone did a half-assed job.

So, if you’re a nice guy, don’t expect your partner to suddenly fall in love with you.

Good men don’t expect to be rewarded for being good and nice.

Rather they are just being themselves and they expect nothing in return.

Nothing is less attractive than a guy who thinks he is entitled to you just because he was nice to you.

If you are a nice guy, then it is important to remember that nice guys don’t expect to be rewarded for being good and nice.

Instead, they know their niceness will be appreciated by their partner.

Nice guys don’t get anywhere

Women like it when men are successful in life.

This doesn’t mean that they need to have a ton of money, but simply to be successful in what they like to do.

The thing is, being nice won’t get you anywhere.

Justin Brown summarized it perfectly in his video below, he said: “When you go out of your way to be nice, you are playing by other people’s rules.

YouTube video

You unconsciously internalize values, standards, and principles of life that are set by others.

Instead, the path to living a good life comes from developing your own values, standards, and principles that come from within.”

If you want to understand why you aren’t attracted to nice guys or why no woman likes you, this video is a must-watch!

Nice guys have a lot of stories of women dumping them or being the victim

Nice guys will often have a lot of stories about how women dump them or how they are the victims.

But the truth is that some women dump nice guys because they are too nice.

They’re often passive, indecisive, and timid.

This is one of the reasons that nice guys often struggle with women.

They don’t know how to take control of a situation and they don’t know how to be assertive without being aggressive.

Another reason why women dump nice guys is that they are looking for someone who can be their equal.

Many nice guys are passive, indecisive, timid, and lack confidence.

They’re not typically the type of person who can handle the daily challenges and stressors of life.

Now, for a woman, all of these traits are incredibly unattractive.

Usually, women want a man who is able to make decisions, who knows who they are, and feels confident in themselves.

So, if you are a nice guy and struggling with women, it’s important to understand why this is happening to you.

It is possible that you need to change your behavior in order to attract women.

For example, if you want a woman to like you, then stop being so nice!

Go out of your way and be more aggressive towards women.

And hearing all the sob stories of how cruel women have been to them in the past? There is nothing worse for a woman than listening to that.

Nice guys are desperate to please

Nice guys are often desperate to please their partner, but will never be able to do it 100%.

Moreover, the truth is that pleasing your partner shouldn’t be your top priority.

Instead, it should be about being true to yourself and knowing what you want out of life.

To be honest, if you have to make your partner the top priority in your life, you’re more likely to become a doormat.

Nice guys are desperate to please their partner, but they don’t know how to make their partner happy.

Instead of pleasing their partner, they should be communicating what they want and need out of the relationship.

And the irony of it all is that by being this person who desperately tries to please, they are actually making themselves less attractive!

Honestly, there is nothing enticing about a guy who doesn’t have the backbone to stand up for himself.

Nice guys are boring

Nice guys are often very boring because they don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Instead of enjoying the moment, they’re often busy worrying about how they could have done something better.

They’re constantly in their head and thinking about what they could improve.

You see, they’re not living in the moment and are scared to do something bad.

Nice guys are very rule-bound and are often uptight and anxious about life.

On the other hand, good men aren’t rule-bound.

They’re more like free spirits who know how to have fun and enjoy life.

They’re often spontaneous and don’t have to have everything planned out.

They’re more likely to do spontaneous things and are less likely to overthink things and have regrets.

These traits are attractive to women, while the “nice-guy traits” aren’t very appealing.

Nice guys always seek approval and validation

Nice guys are often very insecure and will seek approval and validation from everyone.

Moreover, this is a sign that you’re very dependent on other people to feel good about yourself.

You don’t have enough confidence in yourself to not need others’ approval.

Nice guys have low self-esteem and are often very critical of themselves.

They constantly look for the flaws in themselves and are never happy with what they have.

Good men, on the other hand, are very confident in themselves and don’t need others’ approval.

They know what they’re good at and are very secure in themselves.

For a woman, seeing a man who constantly seeks approval and validation can be a huge turn-off.

Honestly, constant approval and validation seeking isn’t attractive for anyone, not even women!

Nice guys will rush the relationship

Nice guys often rush into relationships and don’t give themselves enough time to find the right person.

Being in a hurry won’t help you find the right person and will only cause you to make rash decisions and end up with the wrong person.

Moreover, nice guys often make the mistake of falling in love with the idea of a relationship and not the actual person.

They fall deeply in love with the person they want that person to be and not who they actually are.

This is a huge mistake that will often lead to heartbreak.

And the worst part?

As a woman, when a guy rushes into the relationship, that can be an instant loss of attraction.

You see, there is nothing wrong with a man knowing what he wants (you!) and going after it, but when a guy is rushing a relationship, there is a hint of desperation.

It’s as if he is afraid to lose his opportunity to have you as if he is afraid that you will change your mind and decide not to be with him.

This shows that he doesn’t respect himself and his own needs, and so a woman isn’t going to respect him either.

He is a nice guy who wants to be with a nice girl who doesn’t want him.

It’s sad but true!

Nice guys are people pleasers

Nice guys are often people pleasers who put other people’s needs and desires above their own.

They’re terrified of upsetting or offending anyone and are constantly trying to please others.

People pleasers are often very terrible in relationships because they always put their partner’s needs above their own.

Sure, they might make you a priority, but it’s hard to respect someone who doesn’t respect himself.

Whereas good men are balanced.

They put their needs and desires first, but put their partner’s needs and desires at least as much.

They are able to recognize when they need to set boundaries and stand up for themselves.

People-pleasing is a pretty unattractive trait for women, so it’s no surprise that nice guys aren’t very attractive to many women.

Nice guys think they are nice, but sometimes, they are not

Nice guys think that they’re being nice, but there are times when they aren’t.

Oftentimes, these guys only believe that they are nice when in reality, they feel entitled to you just because they aren’t a player.

A true nice guy will do nice things for others without expecting anything in return.

Whereas a person who is being nice because they want something in return is a selfish person and is not being nice out of kindness.

You’d be surprised how many “nice guys” are actually not nice at all.

They are just nice to get something from you.

For example, if a guy is nice to you but then gets mad if you don’t want to be with him, he isn’t nice.

He’s being selfish and only thinking about himself.

He doesn’t care about you and your needs, he only cares about his needs.

As a woman, when a guy doesn’t express his feelings or doesn’t give you any indication that he likes you (or even that he has feelings for you), there is no way of knowing what kind of person he really is without getting to know him first.

And again, if a guy says he is nice, don’t believe him. Only believe his actions.


In conclusion, nice guys finish last because they often lack confidence, and their behavior is just not always very attractive to women.

Now: as a woman, don’t feel bad if you aren’t attracted to nice guys.

Frankly, there is a lot of psychological power behind this and there are reasons why you don’t feel that spark.

Picture of Anna Scheucher

Anna Scheucher

Freelance writer specializing in holistic health, wellness, and psychology. Check out my blog to find out more https://www.fullyholistic.com/!

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