Tina Fey
Ladies, forget gurus. Forget spiritual men. Forget self-help books. Try dating a bad boy.
I taught yoga for close to fifteen years. I’ve come across a great deal of attractive, thoughtful, and sensitive men in the yoga circuit.
We had a great talk about the challenges of silent meditation retreats, how to approach yoga postures, the inner workings of breathwork techniques, eastern philosophy, and even swapped vegan smoothie recipes.
But despite their gorgeous, physical appearance, Sanskrit tattoos, man-buns, and eagerness to improve themselves, I kept my distance.
Ladies, date some bad boys instead.
Before I begin, let me clarify what I mean when I call someone a “bad boy”.
By no means do I mean anyone who is violent or psychologically aggressive. I’m talking about a man who isn’t afraid to voice his opinion, who dares to push boundaries, who asks for honest and clear communication, and who relentlessly pushes past what he thinks he is capable of attaining.
So, here are 11 reasons why it’s great to date a bad boy:
1) Bad boys aren’t afraid to challenge what you say and do
I don’t know about you, but I tend to close off and shy away from conflict.
So dating someone who isn’t afraid to ask difficult questions head-on, or takes the time to listen while I express my darker experiences openly because he’s been through them too is refreshing.
Opening up to a ‘bad boy’ who isn’t afraid to challenge you because deep down he genuinely cares and wants you to be safe is a strong experience.
With love, they want to help crack you out of painful memories and grow. They know it because they’ve been there. And they don’t want others to go through it.
2) When we are exploring our inner world, we can be very vulnerable
I avoided dating yoga men because I was a teacher and felt like I was in a position of offering advice and there was a power imbalance.
Most of the men exploring spirituality were looking to make major changes in their lives.
They wanted to reach into a new part of themselves. I knew they wanted to investigate their hearts, inner space, and mindset and I didn’t want to interfere or complicate their process.
So dating a bad boy can be refreshing because they are usually aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They also aren’t looking to be fixed or feel particularly broken. They tend to know themselves well and I find this to be a better place to start to relate from.
3) It’s easy to mistake similar interests with a deep connection
It can be easy to get caught up just because you have a lot in common with someone with whom you are compatible.
Perhaps you are into the same activities, share similar values, life philosophies, or lifestyles. This might make you think that your relationship will be deep and meaningful as well. But things aren’t always so cut and dry.
Conflict is revealing and helps us grow.
When you date a bad boy, you come across men who think differently and will challenge you on your outlook and mindset. The friction can feel uncomfortable. But this is a great place for growth.
4) You don’t have to “fix” anything and you surely aren’t broken
In the field of self-development, it’s easy to think that you have issues and that you are not perfect. You might be labeled with certain personality traits, attachment styles, or different levels of trauma.
Gurus and life coaches will try to give you a formula or recommendation to follow. With the notion that you will suddenly find some missing key to happiness that you’ve overlooked.
But ladies, dating bad boys has nothing to do with that. No one is trying to fix one another.
It’s about being around someone new, and different, and being curious about how we can enjoy experiencing and thinking about life.
5) We can take ourselves way too seriously
Some painful issues can linger in our lives that probably need addressing. Childhood trauma and abuse can lead us down hard paths.
But instead of dwelling on your issues, and finding solutions in self-help books or therapy sessions, you might learn a lot from a bad boy.
You can watch how he handles his stress and negative mindset and emotions.
You might find new ways of handling your emotional and mental state in a new way.
Sometimes hitting the gym hard or going for a 20 km run can be a great way to deal with frustration and stress instead of discussing your problems with a friend over a latte or a therapist with long-winded discussions.
The conscious mind can’t always be addressed with thoughts. It’s like trying to use a knife to cut itself.
6) Bad boys can help you see what’s good in your life
When you have good things going on, people take notice.
Bad boys usually aren’t afraid or challenged by other people’s success. They’ll celebrate it.
They will go out of their way to compliment you and tell you how they see you compared to the rough patches they’ve experienced. A new perspective and some honest and supportive words can be refreshing.
7) Bad boys can challenge you on finding true meaning and purpose
If a man sees that you aren’t living up to your full life purpose and potential that he sees in you, he won’t be afraid to call you out on it.
A bad boy will push you to be your best.
If you find that you aren’t connected with yourself or just going through the motions of life, it probably means that you aren’t connected with your inner, guiding self.
How do you tune into your authentic inner voice?
What do you want from this precious life that you have?
It’s difficult to find meaning and purpose in your life. And not fall into the patterns of doing what everyone else is doing around you.
Bad boys aren’t afraid to break the rules.
They can help you to push your limits to see what it is that you want.
I came across a new way to think about my life purpose after watching Ideapod co-founder Justin Brown’s video on the hidden trap of improving yourself.
He explains that most people misunderstand how to find their true life purpose.
I wouldn’t label Justin as a typical “bad boy”, but he offers the same challenges of dating one in his talk. He challenges you to find your life purpose without using conventional self-help techniques. It’s a refreshing and honest discussion:
8) Bad boys remind you to care for other people
Some of the strongest men have the softest hearts.
They will put themselves in high-risk positions like lifesaving, fire fighting, and safeguarding life in medicine and through physical protection.
Bad boys remind you to be strong, usually don’t want to see anyone else go through unnecessary pain. It’s easy to get caught up in self-improvement and your own daily life.
Sometimes it leads you to neglect other people around you and get caught up in your mind.
People worldwide are suffering.
Bad boys can remind you to take care of your friends, your friend’s parents, and your loved ones.
9) The self-help field can make you feel like a victim
Bad boys won’t let you be down on yourself.
Many of them have pulled themselves out of turmoil, bankruptcy, living in the back of their car, and yet they continue.
If you get too caught up in self-improvement, you might forget how good your life is and won’t let you wallow in a state of feeling broken or like a victim who needs repair.
10) Bad boys challenge your ideas, beliefs, and values
Sometimes self-improvement books and videos can push us to be a certain way.
They tend to promote ideals of being peaceful, complacent, and taking on a set of ideas that might not align with your inner voice.
Nobody should force you to think or behave any way you don’t. And dating a bad boy is an easy way to have someone challenge what you are thinking and feeling about life.
11) Bad boys remind you to live freely
You only have one life.
You can’t live free if you’re always trying to improve yourself.
Yes, you can if you challenge yourself to grow. But this will come up in life naturally. It’s up to you to face each moment head-on.
If you are too focused on what’s wrong with your life or how perfect you want it to be, you might hold yourself back from laughing and living in the moment.
So, how can we avoid the traps of self-improvement?
Get out there and live life!
Talk to different people. Get to know the minds and hearts and struggles of others. Grow through real-life conflict and diversity and conversations.
It’s easier to stay in a state that you are used to. It’s easier to live your life when you feel miserable. It’s easier to have a negative mindset.
Bad boys can remind us to have fun, to take some risks, to step into places we don’t normally go.
Bad boys can help us grow so that we can empower ourselves.
Dating a bad boy can help you to break down some of your self-imposed rules, or find other unconventional ways to be open and honest with yourself so that you can get closer to loving your true nature.
And remember, it’s just dating. These men will come and go.
If you want to feel empowered and aligned with your life, then the best thing you can do is start loving the person that you are.
See the good in yourself.
The problem is that there are too many superficial teachers and fake gurus out there. They are ready to sell you unrealistic and ineffective ideas for improving your life by becoming a “better version” of yourself. Many of them have no idea who you are or what your life was like.
They tend to recommend that you meditate, radiate “positive vibrations” and visualize the life of your dreams. They say this will make it all come true.
Here’s the crazy thing:
Visualization and positive vibes can drag you back into a time-wasting, idle fantasy.
So, what is it that you are here for?
What is your life purpose?
Before you can experience a real change, you need to know yourself and why you are here. You need to be challenged, and honest.
I learned about the power of purpose from watching Justin Brown’s video on the hidden trap of improving yourself.
Justin used to be addicted to the self-help industry and New Age gurus, who sold him on visualization and positive thinking. It left him lost and confused.
That’s why he traveled to Brazil to meet the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, who taught him a life-changing new way to find your purpose and use it to transform your life and everything around you.
After watching the video, I took some time to reflect on my purpose in life. It completely busted through the issues I was having with loneliness and feeling useless.
This new way of finding success by finding your purpose helped me to start loving myself.
How to find your purpose?
The way you find your purpose is by listening to your inner wisdom and following its guidance.
But it’s not something that requires fancy meditation, chanting, being in a relationship or around a teacher, or even dating the bad boy.
It can just be about paying attention and listening to what the Universe is saying to you through the things that are happening in your life.
Starting today, I have been on a mission to find the best way to help you to find your purpose and share them with you.
I found Justin Brown’s video on finding his purpose in life the clearest, most effective approach. As he says, it’s a “weird new way” to find your purpose, because it’s all about giving up on visualization and fantasizing about a perfect life. Instead of embracing what’s already been in his life up to the present.
I recommend checking it out. Here’s the link.
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