14 real reasons why good men choose to be single

Being single has a bad reputation in many societies.

Many friends and family wonder what’s “wrong,” and why you’re not in a relationship or marriage.

But the truth is that being single can be a proactive choice, even for those you wouldn’t expect.

Reasons why good men choose to be single

1) They conserve their energy and choose carefully

One of the top real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they don’t waste energy.

A man who knows his own worth isn’t interested in sending out 100 flirtatious texts and seeing who responds.

He chooses who he wishes to speak to and thinks it over, then contacts her.

The same goes for having a relationship and dating.

He’d much rather be single than spend his time “seeing what works” and going for test drives on a bunch of different possible romantic opportunities.

He’ll politely decline a date if he’s not really feeling it.

And he’ll also avoid casual encounters unless he is sure the other individual is into it and it’s in line with his own moral code.

He’s just not a time-waster or into half-truths.

2) They prefer to focus on their other goals

Another one of the biggest real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they prefer to focus on their other goals.

This could be related to career, pursuing other interests (which I’ll get to) or even developing new skills like learning languages, learning new talents or attending courses on everything from basic mechanics to cooking.

There is often the belief that a man only chooses to stay single when he’s damaged or insecure, but in some cases it’s the opposite.

He chooses to stay single because he genuinely wants to focus on certain non-relationship things which would be harder to do if he was with someone.

This isn’t always a permanent decision, and the high-quality man is always willing to reassess his priorities.

But at this time he may be choosing to stay single for this reason, and that’s something I personally think can make a lot of sense.

3) They never get the woman who they want

Another of the most interesting real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they would rather be single than settle.

I know exactly how this feels, because it’s my story.

For many years I chose to stay single because I wasn’t having success with the women I wanted to be with.

Part of the reason was my approach…

For much of my life, I was the stereotypical “nice guy.”

I would try to bury my neediness and push it down, playing it cool and befriending girls who I actually wanted to date.

I wasn’t honest about my feelings and they could sense that. It killed any potential attraction and romantic chemistry.

But I learned how to turn it around by reverse-engineering the process of falling in love.

I’m not saying it’s all a mechanical system: love is magical and spontaneous, after all…

Not everyone has the chemistry we dream of finding.

But even when you do have amazing chemistry, it takes more than just good-luck or a good hair day to make someone fall for you and take a real interest in you.

4) They’re resolving trauma and their issues first

Another one of the important real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they have trauma and issues they want to resolve first.

They simply don’t want to unload their baggage on someone else and get into a codependent and toxic relationship.

Perhaps they’ve been there before and experienced how unsatisfying and upsetting it can be.

Or they have heard from friends and those they trust about how painful relationships can be when you haven’t worked through your issues.

The thing is:

The high-quality man understands that resolving trauma and issues doesn’t mean reaching some plane of perfection or bliss.

It is much more about becoming comfortable and secure in your own body and owning and accepting your pain and trauma as a part of you.

And while he’s in that process of coming to grips with the more painful parts of his identity and past, he prefers not to link himself to a romantic partner.

5) They want to build financial security before getting serious

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Like it or not, we live in a world where money does matter.

And it’s also not particularly easy to get.

Good men know that, and they also tend to have a strong instinct to look after those they care about.

Their nightmare is to be in a relationship and be financially insecure or arguing about money night and day.

Sadly, far too many promising relationships bust apart as a result of financial problems and fights.

That’s one of the big reasons why good men choose to be single. They want to build up a nest egg first and then take stock of the situation.

He may have a specific saving plan as well.

Now, this doesn’t mean that this man is going to be ignoring potential romantic opportunities or pass it up if he falls deeply in love.

But it does mean that he’s going to be consciously deciding to stay single as his first choice in order to save money and become more financially healthy.

6) They’ve found relationships to be too much drama

Another one of the top real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they’ve found relationships to be too much drama.

Now obviously this is a bit of a generalization.

But for many people, relationships can start out wonderfully and quickly become a waking nightmare full of stress, arguments, boredom and even verbal or emotional abuse.

If you’re in a bad relationship you know exactly what I mean.

7) They just love to have their own space

One of the top real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they love their own space.

That may sound egotistical, but it’s not necessarily.

Wanting – and even needing – your own space is a perfectly valid thing.

Anybody who’s had roommates or long-term live-in relationships knows how hard it is to share space with another person, even if you love them.

Having your own space is a precious thing, and it can be a sublime experience.

Think of hiking out along a river all alone and sitting for an hour meditating on the beautiful water as it flows over the rocks. No interruptions, no texts, no worries about whether your girlfriend is OK at the moment.

Think of coming home at the end of a long day to a nice clean room with beautifully crisp sheets and fresh pillows and just plopping right down in it…

No need for chit chat or even a kiss on the cheek.

You’re home and you have your own space and you’re a king of your own castle.

That can be a really beautiful thing!

Like Magnificent Online puts it:

“Who doesn’t love sprawling out in their bed, alone! It’s one of the greatest gifts in life to have a big bed.”

I can confirm this is absolutely true.

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8) They’re picky and willing to hold out for a good fit

This relates to the first point I made about the biggest real reasons why good men choose to be single: they don’t want to settle.

They think more highly of themselves and any potential partner than to go half-ass into anything.

They’re either committing or not. They’re either interested or they’re not.

Sure, a good man is willing to take a chance.

But he’s not willing to lie to himself or someone else.

He’d rather just hold out for a good fit and stay single unless and until that happens.

9) They’d rather be alone than hitched to the wrong person

One of the biggest real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they don’t want to end up hitched to the wrong person.

An average or low-value man is willing to lead a woman on for years in return for intimacy and companionship even when he’s not sure how he feels.

A good man just won’t do that.

He respects his potential partner too much to lead her on.

He’s also seen the awful disasters that happen when people jump into relationships they’re not ready for or which are with the wrong person who’s not a good match.

For that reason, the high-quality man is more than happy to stay single unless and until he finds someone he truly wants to commit to.

As Anjali Agarwal writes:

“Sure, I’d rather be in a good relationship than be single, but a bad relationship is worse than being single.

“I’m receptive to a good one if it comes along, but I’m being picky from now on.”

10) They prefer to focus on their hobbies and passions

Sometimes, one of the real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they have hobbies or interests which are taking up their time and energy.

It could be fly fishing or learning to quilt, but that isn’t really the point.

The point is that they are willing to prioritize their own hobbies and passion at this point.

One of the ironies, of course, is that sometimes a single man will meet the right partner through his hobbies and passions.

Not only are there shared interests and common ground, meeting someone through your passions gives you a chance to meet someone who’s also putting their hobbies and passions first.

And that’s a pretty fine place to start!

11) They aren’t willing to fake interest when it’s not there

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One of the other real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they aren’t willing to be fake.

There’s a disturbing phrase we can look at here to dig into this:

Men fake love for sex.

Women fake sex for love.

It’s awful I know…

But let’s be honest: don’t you think it’s sometimes true?

12) They like setting their own schedule and priorities

Sometimes high-quality men want to stay single for the simple reason that they want to be able to set their own priorities. 

They want their own space, as I mentioned, but they also want to look at the schedule for their coming week and be able to set it with some degree of certainty. 

Nothing introduces more wild cards than a relationship, and they know that. 

So for the sake of their current goals and priorities, they’d prefer to stay single and decide for themselves what they’ll be doing day by day, instead of having outside commitments determine it for them. 

This may not be something you agree with or follow, but for some men who choose to stay single it’s very much a consideration.

13) They’re honest about still being in love with someone else

One of the other real reasons why good men choose to be single is that they’re in love with someone else.

Far too often, we chase new love, new sex and new adventures after a breakup…

Anything to make the pain go away.

But it doesn’t. And neither do our memories of that special person who changed our life.

And so the difference is that a high-quality man doesn’t play the game.

If he’s still in love with somebody else he fully admits it.

He doesn’t try to bury his own pain in the arms of another or downplay it to himself or others.

The high-quality man is upfront about still being preoccupied with someone else.

And this can be his reason for choosing to remain unattached.

14) They’re unusual or unique and it’s hard to find a match

I don’t need to tell you what you already know.

It’s very hard to meet the right person, although there are ways to help speed up the process.

For men who are more on the unique side or unusual, staying single can just be a way to be authentic.

They aren’t ready to settle down and hide who they are.

Because they’re weird


Obsessed with antique maps or archery and role-playing games…

And they’re going to stick with that come hell or high water.

Because it’s better to be loved for who you are than be loved for somebody that has nothing to do with the real you.

Being single can be a choice

The fact of the matter is that being single isn’t a death sentence or something that we should look down on.

In many cases, a high-quality man would consciously prefer to remain single than to mislead or hurt others or himself.

In many cases, a high-quality man wants to prioritize his career, financial security and personal development ahead of connecting with other people.

The fact of the matter is that whether you’re single or not there’s a lesson you can take from this:

If you’re single or in a relationship, you have a lot to learn.

There is room to grow, challenges to overcome and plenty of situations to come which will help you strengthen yourself and your own personal power.

I want to close out by once again recommending the folks at Relationship Hero.

If you’re deciding to stay single or are in a relationship, you can get help to guide you on your path and ensure that you are doing what’s best for your future and your own development.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

Picture of Paul Brian

Paul Brian

Paul R. Brian is a freelance journalist and writer who has reported from around the world, focusing on religion, culture and geopolitics. Follow him on www.twitter.com/paulrbrian and visit his website at www.paulrbrian.com

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