8 reasons your boyfriend needs constant reassurance (and what to do about it)

Is your boyfriend constantly asking for reassurance?

You know everyone needs it from time to time, but lately it’s beginning to feel a little much. 

What could be behind this? There are actually 8 reasons why this might be happening, and we’ll go through them right now. 

1) He’s feeling insecure

One of the top reasons why your boyfriend needs constant reassurance is that he’s feeling insecure. 

Some people naturally have high self-confidence, and others tend to doubt themselves a lot.

Certain events in our lives can make this worse, and so if your boyfriend has gone through a particularly difficult period recently he might be struggling with this all the more. 

What to do about it:

The truth is, this reason has more to do with him than you, but there are still things you can do to help him work through it.

Maybe there are certain things you say or do that trigger these feelings of insecurity in him. Talk to him and ask if this is the case. 

You could avoid doing these things to support him, or explain to him why you do them so he understands your real intentions.

Other than that, your boyfriend needs love and support. Let him know that you value him and that he is important to you. Be patient and understanding, and encourage him to work through whatever his past traumas are. 

2) He has gone through trauma in past relationships

Has your boyfriend experienced any trauma in his past relationships? This is another big reason why might need constant reassurance. 

Maybe he was cheated on by his ex-partner, or he was treated very poorly by a partner who was controlling or manipulative

He might be subconsciously scared of this happening again, even though rationally he knows you’re a different person. This fear drives him to need constant reassurance from you. 

What to do about it:

Above all, be patient and understanding. Avoid doing things that trigger reminders of his past trauma.

You need to create a safe and supportive environment where your boyfriend can openly express his feelings or fears.

If it’s a lot to work through, you might consider a relationship counselor, or he could see a therapist on his own.

3) He has trust issues

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if your boyfriend has trust issues, he may need constant reassurance to feel secure. 

Past betrayals or experiences where trust was broken can leave deep scars. 

I saw this for my own eyes in a friend of mine. He was deeply betrayed by his ex-girlfriend who cheated on him with his neighbor.

He got over her and moved on, but it left a significant mark on how he approached women in general.

What to do about it:

Trust issues need our compassion, because they often come from very difficult experiences in the past.

But if someone is unable to trust anyone anymore, it’s something they need to work through personally. 

You can help your boyfriend by being consistent and reliable, and showing him he has no reason not to trust you. Demonstrate to him that you are committed to the relationship

Openly communicate and address any concerns he may have. 

4) The relationship has lost its spark

Alas, it happens to the vast majority of relationships — feelings fade away, and sparks die out.

This is one of the most common reasons why people start needing constant reassurance.

They fear the relationship is slipping through their fingers, and they desperately want to get it back on track. 

The good thing is that he clearly still cares about you, since he wants to keep you in his life so badly. But the truth is, needing constant reassurance is not the right way to go about reigniting the spark.

Here’s a better way instead.

What to do about it:

I must admit that I was this person who was sad to see my relationship change, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

I was sharing these feelings with a friend over coffee, and she recommended I take a masterclass called Love and Intimacy.

It’s made by renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. When I watched his free video, I immediately realized some important insights about my approach towards relationships that were sabotaging it. 

Rudá taught me to see through the lies I was telling myself about love, and offered a practical solution to reconnecting with my boyfriend on a deeply meaningful level. 

If you’re feeling frustrated in your relationship, Rudá’s masterclass could be completely transformational for you. 

Click here to check it out

5) He’s afraid of being abandoned

The fear of being abandoned or left alone can be overwhelming for some people. 

These issues often come from childhood trauma, or our relationship with our parents. If your boyfriend felt neglected or abandoned as a child, it may have left a deep scar on him. 

As a result, he may constantly seek reassurance to ease his anxiety. 

What to do about it: 

Your boyfriend wants to be reassured that you won’t leave him and that the relationship is solid.

Here, actions speak louder than words — show him that you’re here to stay and not going anywhere.

But of course, this only counts if you actually 100% feel it! If you have doubts in the back of your mind, it won’t help anybody to pretend they’re not there.

It’s important to have open, compassionate, and honest communication as a couple and talk through where you both see the relationship as standing. 

6) He has a different love language

Have you heard of the 5 love languages? They are:

Your love language is how you prefer to receive love, and it tends to be how you show love to your partner too. 

But obviously, not everyone has the same love language. For example, my love language is quality time, and my boyfriend’s is physical touch.

As a result, partners can get their wires crossed if they expect to receive love in a different way, and consequently start worrying that their partner doesn’t love them enough.

If your boyfriend wants words of affirmation but you keep trying to give him acts of service, he may try even harder to get love from you the way he wants it, leading to him needing constant reassurance. 

What to do about it:

The first thing you need to do here is figure out your boyfriend’s love language. Luckily, there is a simple quiz you can take online for free. 

Take the test yourself too, and talk to your partner about what makes him happiest in the relationship. 

Together, you will find a way to both show each other love the way that you both want. 

7) He has a different communication style

youre the controlling one in the relationship 1 8 reasons your boyfriend needs constant reassurance (and what to do about it)

Another reason your boyfriend needs constant reassurance could be that he has a different communication style.

Just like love languages, people communicate in different ways on a day to day basis.

My boyfriend, for example, tends to be more reserved and he expresses things very succinctly. 

On the other hand, I take a more emotion-focused approach and I want to talk about feelings in depth. And honestly, sometimes this makes me need a lot of reassurance from him that he’s there for me.

If your boyfriend is like me, he might be experiencing the same thing. 

What to do about it:

The only solution to communication issues is to communicate better!

Encourage open and honest communication in your relationship. If the two of you seem to struggle with it, you could consider taking a course together. 

My boyfriend and I decided to take the Love and Intimacy masterclass together, which I mentioned above.

And we saw an immense improvement in our relationship. 

If you’d like to reconnect with your partner and bring the two of you closer than ever before, you should definitely check it out. 

Click here to watch the free video.

8) He’s picking up on your doubts about your relationship

We’ve gone through several reasons why your boyfriend might need constant reassurance — and the last one is that he feels you’re not fully into it.

The truth is, not every relationship is meant to last, and often one person feels more strongly about the other. 

So maybe his need for reassurance is warranted, because he doesn’t feel the same energy from you as he’s putting in himself. 

What to do about it:

This is a sad situation, but the number one thing to keep in mind is that you have to stay true to who you are.

If you’re not feeling that into the relationship, you’re not doing your boyfriend any favors by pretending you do.

Let yourself get deeply in touch with how you feel, and if this relationship is right for you. If not, it’s time to move on.

Helping your boyfriend get over needing constant reassurance

As we’ve seen above, there are a wide range of reasons why your boyfriend needs constant reassurance.

And based on what it is, there are also a number of things you can do about it to help him feel more secure, and your relationship flourish.

Take your time to figure out exactly what the right reason is, and you’ll be sure to find the right course of action to set things back on the right path.  

And if you really want to take your relationship to new heights, make sure to check out the free love and intimacy video I mentioned.

My boyfriend and I watched it together, and it changed our relationships in ways I could never even have imagined. 

Click here if you’d like to check it out

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Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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