“Why does my boyfriend hate me”? 10 reasons (and what to do about it)

We’ve all been there — you text your boyfriend for the zillionth time in a row, and yet he still can’t seem to respond.

And then when he finally does, he’s short with you and practically ignores what you’re saying. You try to plan something fun with him, but it’s always something that doesn’t work on his schedule.

Why? Because he hates you now.

Your boyfriend hates you, plain and simple. You will never know when the exact time was that he started hating you. Maybe it was right after you guys got together or maybe it was a few months ago… It doesn’t matter.

The point is, he probably hates you now, and these are the possible reasons:

1) You don’t have your own life

You’re supposed to be dating your boyfriend — not living with him. If you spend all of your waking hours with your guy, there’s little space for anything else in his life — especially if he’s trying to live out some other dreams.

It is not healthy to make your world revolve around him.


Because if he feels that you entirely need him in order to be happy and fulfilled, he’s not going to be a good boyfriend.

You really want your boyfriend to take an interest in your life, don’t you? It’s okay if he doesn’t all the time — but it will only make him resent your closeness.

What to do about it?

If you’re so concerned about his feelings, do something about it — go out without him, talk to some new friends, read books or a good magazine … whatever it is that you want for yourself.

Take back the control of your life. Even though you have your boyfriend now, you are still a whole, separate individual.

As I have mentioned, don’t let your world revolve around him – but of course, you still have him in your world.

After all, if he’s the love of your life, don’t you want him to live his life the way he wants it to be?

2) You get jealous over everything

If you find yourself losing your mind over every single little thing, it might be time to reconsider your relationship.

If your boyfriend is still texting some of his ex-girlfriends or he spends too much time with his good friends, don’t blame him. It’s not his fault that you have trust issues.

But what can he do if he knows that something will upset you? If he has to tiptoe around like a cat in order to avoid getting on your bad side, it’s understandable why he would resent you.

Need I say more?

If you are constantly threatened by the idea of your boyfriend spending time with another girl or doing something that’s not directly related to you, then he will eventually resent you.

What to do about it?

Stay away from this kind of jealousy that creeps into a relationship.

Research has shown that continuous feelings of jealousy may cause an eventual coldness in love and make one partner feel trapped in the relationship.

The best thing is to actually tell yourself that these insecure emotions are worthless and dangerous for your relationship, and then try to get rid of them once and for all.

3) You’re moody and hard to get along with

This one is pretty self-explanatory.


Because it means that you’re not treating your boyfriend like a partner — as someone to be taken seriously.

You might feel like he’s only interested in your body and there’s nothing else to him. You might not enjoy his company at all, or you might just be bored with the fact that he has no other interests besides you (no, really — it happens.)

If your boyfriend is constantly making you feel bad about yourself, it probably won’t be long before he will also start taking everything out on you.

What to do about it?

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and make sure that you’re treating him right.

If you’re not enjoying yourself, then tell him about it. If he’s always running late for dates, let him know that you are bothered by it. If he does nothing but brings you down all the time, then ask yourself why you’re still with him.

Assess the relationship you have with your boyfriend, and then make sure you’re acting in the way that you want to be.

4) Is your relationship with him in a rut?

If so, let me tell you:

I’ve been there, and I know how it feels.

When I was at my worst point in my relationship I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me and helped me understand the things I am doing wrong with my relationship and achieve a healthier relationship with my boyfriend.

Relationship Hero is an industry leader in relationship advice for a reason. They provide solutions, not just talk.

What to do about it?

Why not take some of your time and try to consult a special and experienced coach from Relationship Hero?

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

5) You nag him endlessly and he finds it incredibly annoying

When you first started dating, you were positively euphoric.

Life was great. There was nothing that could possibly go wrong. And then it did.

And now here you are — nagging and complaining about everything from his inability to take out the trash to his shabby taste in music. Why?

Because if you’re in a relationship, there’s always something to complain about. Love is not perfect, and you should know that by now.

Girls are known for complaining about everything — especially their boyfriends.

It comes with the territory. A girl who complains about everything is hard to deal with, but if you are like this, he has no choice but to accept your ways under any circumstances.

Otherwise, you will pick a fight with him over something that doesn’t really matter at all.

What to do about it?

Remember that your boyfriend can’t read your mind — he won’t know what bothers you unless you tell him.

It is important to talk things out in a calm and mature manner. It’s a good idea to try to understand where your boyfriend is coming from. Don’t be afraid to say things like:

– “I need more support,” or

– “I need you to be on time for our dates,” or

– “I hate that you always make me wait for you”.

For sure your boyfriend is willing to hear you out, just make him understand what you are feeling.

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6) You complain and cry about everything

A relationship isn’t meant to be easy — it’s meant to be worth it.

We all know that relationships have their ups and downs. It’s the built-in test that helps couples grow together instead of apart when real-life pressures weigh them down.

Be honest with me, do you initiate fights over small and stupid things almost all of the time?

I know this is something that you have to work on if you truly want to be better. When you complain about every little thing, it gets boring for your boyfriend.

What’s more is if your boyfriend seems upset, you don’t ask what’s wrong. You just complain and cry about your problems without listening when he’s trying to talk.

He wants someone who will listen and help him out, instead of making his problems all about you.

What to do about it?

If you want your boyfriend to stay by your side, you need to change the way you communicate with him.

Don’t let your relationship become a fight and always make sure that you are looking for solutions instead of just finding more problems.

Do so and he will never feel like hating you or worse, leaving you.

Remember: keeping a positive outlook when things get tough is the key here.

7) You’re not self-sufficient

Do you know how to cook your own food? Do you know how to take care of yourself?

Or do you insist on relying solely on him for everything — including the things that he doesn’t have time for?

Plus, what if he actually finds cooking for you dull and unpleasant?

What about if he doesn’t like the way you eat, which makes him feel guilty for keeping up with it? Or when you keep complaining about his lack of time and taking things out on him because of it?

These little things all direct to being self-insufficient.

If he’s got to constantly help you out with things, it makes him feel more like a provider than a boyfriend. And nobody wants to feel like a provider.

If all of that goes on or becomes an issue in a serious way, your relationship is going downhill fast.

What to do about it?

If your boyfriend’s life is busy or stressful, he doesn’t have time to think about your needs or wants. So, do try to help him out in regards to what you expect from your relationship.

And to make it easy for both of you, don’t rely on him with everything — that way you can both enjoy yourselves more and spend more quality time together.

8) You don’t let him know how much he means to you

This is one of the most common relationship problems for women.

How so?

Something happens in a woman’s brain when she’s in love and she thinks that her love is so obvious that her boyfriend knows just how much she loves him.

But guess what? This is never the case.

Many women think that their boyfriends should be able to pick up on cues that they are in love. But as we all know, men and women communicate in two totally different ways — and your way of communicating love might not going to work with his brain.

And that’s where I think a lot of women misunderstand the whole idea of being in a relationship with the man they love:

Women tend to get hung up on all the wrong things around men and relationships — mainly, what they aren’t getting from their partners.

When women focus on what they don’t have in a relationship — it always ends up leading them to disillusionment and heartbreak. They think that they should feel something more or different than what they are currently getting from their boyfriend.

Trust me on this: men will want to hear you say the words, “I love you.”

He wants to hear you say those three little words!

Guys can settle for less affection and attention without feeling unloved, but hearing those important three words from their partners is what makes them feel loved.

If you are not telling your boyfriend that you love him and letting him know how much you mean to him, it’s going to make him feel unimportant.

What to do about it?

Even if you are not experienced in the art of saying, “I love you,” saying it will be the best thing you could do for your relationship.

Remember that his ears are always open for those three little words so put your heart into them when saying them.

Not only through words, but also through actions.

Don’t keep your boyfriend guessing about how much you love him. Show him how much you love him by being the kind of girlfriend he always wanted.

9) You’re not being a good listener

Being a good listener is something that most women tend to forget about in relationships.

Ask yourself these questions:

– Does your boyfriend complain about your listening skills?

– Does he ever tell you that he feels like you don’t really hear what he’s saying?

– Or does he just feel like you aren’t really interested in what he has to say?

If so, then you need to consider making some changes in the way that you listen to your boyfriend.

Listening in a relationship is a skill that women need to practice.

When your boyfriend is telling you something, it’s important to really listen and make sure that you aren’t missing anything.

The thing is, guys like to talk about themselves.

And when a guy’s talking about himself, it’s the greatest gift you can give him — which means listening to him without the cell phone on the table or while doing other things that take your attention away.

What to do about it?

The key is for both partners in a relationship to be present when they are with each other.

But here’s the thing about listening in a relationship:

You should be focused on him when you are listening. Make sure that you are giving him your undivided attention.

Don’t start thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner or the errands that you need to run. Instead, focus on what he is saying and respond proportionately.

10) You hold him back

This is yet another deadly mistake that women tend to make.

What do I mean by this?

I’m referring to the fact that many women expect their boyfriends to be perfect — and they don’t want to put in any effort whatsoever in order to get them there.

But what men want from their girlfriends doesn’t come out anywhere.

All it takes is a little bit of effort on your behalf if you want your man to be the way he’s supposed to be.

What to do about it?

Every man wants to feel like you have his back.

In a way, a man is looking to be with a woman who understands him and supports him. This is what creates trust in a relationship — which is one of the most essential ingredients for love.

And that’s why you need to know the right things to say to trigger the hero instinct in your boyfriend and make him want you even more. He needs to know that you are on his side and that he can count on you at all times.

What are some things you can do?

It’s as simple as supporting him in whatever he does. Encourage him to pursue his dreams. Offer to help him achieve them.

Show him that you truly trust and believe in the man he is right now — and it will lead you into a deeper place together.

When your boyfriend feels this kind of security in your relationship, he will automatically start to blossom into the man that he was meant to be: the best version of himself.

Final thoughts

Do the above reasons answer your question?

I further suggest that you ask your boyfriend how he really feels about the way you treat him.

Perhaps he has a different perspective than what I’ve outlined in this article. That’s great because now you can get to know him and his wants and needs better.

This is where you can begin to listen to him and figure out what he’s feeling.

And then, you can adapt the things that work for you, and eliminate the things that don’t.

I know that there are other mistakes that women make when they are in relationships with men — and that’s fine.

You can expect to make mistakes in your relationships as time goes on and you become more competent as a human being. All you have to do is learn from them, and then move forward in an empowering way.

By now you should have a good idea of how to make your boyfriend unhate you.

So what can you do to resolve this effectively?

Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.

You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.

And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.

So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.

Click here to watch his excellent free video. 

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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