Why did I dream about my ex coming back? 8 possible interpretations

Dreams aren’t always just a bunch of random, meaningless scenes your mind conjures up at night.

Sometimes, they reflect our subconscious thoughts, feelings, and desires.

Dreams about exes can definitely stir up some emotions in you. But dreams about getting back with them specifically?

That can shake up your whole mental and emotional state…

We won’t blame you if you have trouble sleeping again after that!

So what does it exactly mean if you dream about reuniting with an ex-lover? Does it mean you want the back again? Or is it just a silly, meaningless dream?

Read on to find out!

The 9 most likely reasons you’re dreaming about getting back with your ex

1) You still love them

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Yes, you read that right.

Most people will tell you this is why—and, as hard as it is to admit, you already most likely know this is the true reason too.

This is especially applicable if the break is fresh. Even more so if the relationship was serious.

I know…

Dreaming about getting back together or other positive, romantic scenes with your ex can definitely make the moving-on process harder.

However, try to remind yourself that the breakup happened for a reason.

Letting go is one of the hardest things to do in life, but it must’ve been for the best for both of you. Dreaming about it doesn’t change the fact that it was the right thing to do.

Dreams are not necessarily visions of what should happen, even if they might be about something that you want.

Let me say it again…

Dreaming about an ex is a sign that your love was real. Even if it ended, it was still a beautiful thing to experience. It was still valuable and most likely taught you a lot of things.

Take solace in that fact and let yourself grieve the death of a beloved relationship. Only by allowing yourself to feel and process your emotions can you truly move on!

2) You’re unsatisfied with something

Dreams about exes aren’t always about the exes themselves.

Sounds confusing, right? Let me explain.

Sometimes, dreaming about your ex is just a sign that some aspect of your current life is lacking.

Take some time to reflect on your current life situation and examine all its aspects:

  • Your romantic and sexual life;
  • Your financial status;
  • Your career progression;
  • Your friendships and social life;
  • Your family relationships;
  • Your hobbies and personal passions;
  • Your spirituality.

Are you happy with all aspects of your life?

Has anything been bringing you down? Annoying you? Frustrating you? Worrying you? Nagging you?

Spend some time reflecting – you may realize that there are unresolved issues in other areas of your life that need attention, and they’re presenting them in the form of dreams of your ex. 

3) Your mental health is suffering from the lack of closure

This is especially true if you broke up a long time ago.

Chances are that you think (or convince yourself) that you’re completely over it and have received all the closure you need.

However, your dreams might be telling you otherwise.

Wounds might still be open, and regrets might still be lingering.

You’ve been able to ignore the throbbing pain for a long time, but now you’re finally feeling it again.

Let me tell you something…Don’t be too hard on yourself for not being over a relationship yet.

Emotions are infinitely complex, and fully processing them is never an easy task.

Here are a few things you can consider doing:

  • Write out all your feelings in a letter. Address it to your ex. Spill out everything: things you regret, things you miss, things you’re grateful for, things you’re still upset about. Don’t send it though! You’ll likely find that writing it to paper is cathartic enough.
  • Go through your old pictures and messages. Now, this might seem counterproductive. However, you might feel anxious (and thus have these dreams) because you avoid revisiting the past. Getting another glimpse into it might actually help you deal with it better.
  • Talk to your ex. I definitely don’t recommend this to everyone. However, consider this if you feel like your ex is open-minded and if the two of you are still friendly and respectful enough to each other. A conversation between you might give you the clousure you need.

4) There are serious problems in your current relationship

Having issues or feeling unhappy in your current romantic relationship can make you fantasize about your past ones.

In fact…

The problems you’re facing now might lead you to look back at your ex with rose-tinted glasses.

But please, don’t do it, ok?

You’ll most likely overlook the fair share of flaws that they most likely also had. And we don’t want that to happen.

It’s even more worrisome if you’re fully aware that your ex was controlling, narcissistic, or downright abusive but you’re still dreaming about them despite this.

If that’s the case, you might be falling back into the same unhealthy situations you had with your ex.

You need to ask yourself honestly why you feel the need to compare your current and former lovers.

Consider how you yourself act within the relationship too.

Do you express love the same way? Maybe you’re making the same mistakes?

It’s possible that your new relationship is also toxic and problematic.

So, maybe dreaming about your ex will open your eyes o your current situation.

5) You’re still processing your emotions

Having dreams like this doesn’t necessarily mean that you still have feelings for your ex..

Your lingering emotions can be about the relationship as a whole. Maybe you still feel some sense of regret or disappointment. Or, there are still things you want to tell them.

Essentially, you’re having these dreams because you’ve yet to find complete closure about the relationship.

And closure is critical, to let go…

Now that the relationship is over, you’re now able to look back on it from a more objective and mature perspective. You might have realized that there is some unfinished business.

This might be exactly why your mind is making you dream of being with your ex.

It’s not because you want to continue the relationship, but it’s because you now precisely know how you want it to have ended.

Dreams like this allow you to process and settle thoughts and feelings that you couldn’t process with your ex.

6) You want something else from the past

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Dreaming about your ex may mean you want to go back to the past—and maybe not even for your ex.

If reminiscing about your ex doesn’t ring any bells, then try and see if the other past circumstances in your life do.

Consider if you still:

  • Prefer how you looked back then;
  • Prefer where you lived;
  • Missed the support and assistance your ex gave you (even if you don’t love them anymore);
  • Liked your old job better;
  • Had better physical or mental health;

These could be the things you miss from your past and want to have back in your life. 6) You’re afraid of being hurt again

There’s a chance you’re dreaming about your ex because you’re afraid that your current relationship is about to end the same way.

Ift your past break-up was a particularly tough one to get through; you’re understandably afraid of getting hurt in the same way again.

However, this doesn’t have to be the case.

Keep this in mind: if you feel that your current relationship will end the same way your past one did, you’re likely facing the same issues you had with your ex.

You need to learn from your past relationship. Only then will you have the tools to solve your problems and build a longer-lasting relationship.

7) Maybe you just really, really, really want them back

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Not only you have some leftover feelings for them or struggle to get over them…

You don’t even want to get over them at all! You want to rekindle these leftover emotions!

That’s your call, girl! I’m not here to judge you.

No one can deny that some people have successfully rebuilt broken relationships and made reunions work.

8) You’re finally moving on

Now, we know we’ve said that you might be having difficulty moving on if you have dreams like these.

However, it’s just as possible that these dreams are a part of the process—and a crucial one at that!

Letting go of something—especially something you were emotionally invested in—isn’t as easy as turning your back and walking away.

Though painful, it’s a critical part of the healing process.

Remember that healing and progress are never linear, and you’ll definitely have nights when you’ll have feelings that contradict what you logically want.

And still, I believe you can do it and finally move on, girl!

Do you want to stop dreaming about your ex?

We don’t exactly have full control of how we dream. However, we can still try to avoid certain disturbing dreams.

After all, these dreams often do not come out of thin air.

Here’s what you should do if you want to stop dreaming about your ex:

1) Determine what exactly these dreams mean. We laid out the most likely reasons why you keep dreaming about your ex. Do you still love them? Do you miss parts of your old life? Are you having trouble with your current relationship? If yes, is it because you see similar patterns occurring? You will need to examine these things thoroughly.

2) Decide what to do about these emotions. After you determine how you truly feel deep down in your heart, you need to deal with these feelings. If you still love your ex, do you want to give this relationship another shot? If you feel like you haven’t moved on completely, what will help you get over them? If you’re unsatisfied with your current life, how do you plan to change that?

3) Finally, take action! Once you have a plan, all you need to do is commit yourself to it and take the steps to follow it. I believe in you, girl!

This whole process may seem tough and complicated.

But keep in mind that you will inevitably come out of it as a wiser, more mature person.

Are you worried about these dreams?

Now, admittedly, everything we’ve said is easier said than done. And things just might not work out the way you want them to despite trying your best.

If so, you may need to consider more radical solutions.

Here’s what I mean.

When I felt the most lost in life, I was introduced to an unusual free breathwork video created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê, which focuses on dissolving stress and boosting inner peace.

My relationship was failing, I felt tense all the time. My self-esteem and confidence hit rock bottom. I’m sure you can relate – heartbreak does little to nourish the heart and soul.

I had nothing to lose, so I tried this free breathwork video, and the results were incredible.

But before we go any further, why am I telling you about this?

I’m a big believer in sharing – I want others to feel as empowered as I do. And, if it worked for me, it could help you too.

Rudá hasn’t just created a bog-standard breathing exercise – he’s cleverly combined his many years of breathwork practice and shamanism to create this incredible flow – and it’s free to take part in.

If you feel a disconnect with yourself due to the disturbing dreams about your ex coming back, I’d recommend checking out Rudá’s free breathwork video.

Click here to watch the video.

Should you tell your current lover that you dream about your ex?

If you’re currently in a relationship, you’ve probably woken up from these dreams with your partner lying right beside you.

Well, that’s weird, huh?

You look at them peacefully sleeping and feell all sorts of emotions, wondering if you should tell them or not.

You almost feel as if you’ve cheated on them.

But that’s not the case.

Remember, unless you’re willfully fantasizing about your ex (which is a form of emotional cheating), or actively trying to talk to them while you’re together with your current partner – you’re not doing anything wrong.

You have no control over your dreams, after all.

So, do you tell your partner you’ve been dreaming about getting back together with your ex or not?

For 99% of the time, the answer is no.

Open, honest, and clear communication is critical in any healthy relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that you should disclose all your thoughts to your partner.

There should be a healthy balance, like with everything in life.

Some things are better left unsaid—at least not until you’ve dealt with them yourself.

Telling your partner you’ve been dreaming about your ex will not lead to anything productive or helpful.

It’ll only make them feel insecure about how you feel towards them.

But if I still haven’t convinced you that telling your partner you’ve been dreaming about your ex is a bad idea, consider these things first:

  • Ask yourself: what are your intentions?
  • Would there be any consequences if you tell your partner?
  • How will you deal with these consequences?

Another thing to keep in mind: if these dreams are truly bothering you, then your partner has probably noticed that something is off.

If they ask if anything’s wrong, tell them you’ve been having some bothersome dreams and leave it at that.

We highly recommend sorting it out yourself before even considering telling your partner. Take the steps we highlighted above to determine how you feel or what you should do.

If anything, it’s much better to discuss the reasons behind these dreams rather than the dreams themselves.

For example, if you’re unhappy about something in the relationship, that’s what you should talk about with your partner. Or, if you miss something from your past, discuss that as well.

In short…

It’s easy to assume that dreams about your exes mean you still love them. But there are many possible reasons to have dreams of this kind.

As distressing as they might be, they offer an excellent opportunity to learn more about yourself and your past.

To get to the bottom of what’s behind these dreams, it’s critical to consider your inner thoughts and emotions, current life circumstances, past memories, and personal tendencies.

More often than not, it’s these things that you should be worried about instead of your ex. So be open-minded and take into account other aspects of your life as you investigate your disturbing dreams.

However, dreaming about your ex may as well mean you want to get back together with them, which may not be the easiest thing to do.

If you really want to get your ex back, you’re going to need a bit of help.

And the best person to turn to is Brad Browning.

No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.

So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.

Here’s the link to his free video once again.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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