15 reasons an ex after a breakup will suddenly try to hurt you

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You have just ended your relationship with your partner. But suddenly you realize that there is something odd about the way your ex behaves:

They are trying to hurt you.

Does this sound familiar?

If so, you probably wonder what the reason for their strange behavior is.

Here are 15 reasons why an ex after a breakup might suddenly try to hurt you

1) He still has feelings for you

The first and most obvious reason why your ex tries to hurt you after a breakup is that they still have feelings for you.

This is why they contact you, make it difficult for you to move on, and try to make you stay in touch with them.

They know that if they can get you back, they will get a second chance at getting your attention and love.

If your ex still has feelings for you, he might still want to be with you.

They might not know how to break up with you.

But you already made the decision to break up, and that’s why it’s so hard for them to get over you.

The result?

Your ex tries to demonstrate that they still have feelings for you and that they are still important to you.

Basically, they are trying to make you feel sorry for them.

Or at least, they’re trying to grab your attention to let you know that they still want you.

2) They’re unable to cut you off completely

Did you notice that your ex was becoming more and more attached to you while you were in a relationship?

If so, chances are that they can’t break this emotional attachment even after breaking up with you.

In other words: your ex can’t get over you.

This is why they continue trying to stay in contact with you.

They have feelings for you, and it’s not easy for them to give up on those feelings. As a result, they’ll do anything to try and get your attention.

You see, being emotionally attached to someone is not easy to break. It feels like you’re losing a part of yourself.

That’s why your ex will do anything to stay in contact with you, even if it means hurting you.

And you know what?

They may also try to hurt you because they are mad at the fact that they’re attached to you but you don’t feel the same way.

Regardless of their intention, one thing is for sure: they’re unable to cut you off completely.

They’re unable to cut you off from their lives, from their thoughts, and from their feelings.

This is why they’ll try to keep you close so that they can feel close to you.

3) A relationship coach can give you real clarity

While the reasons in this article will help you understand why your ex might be trying to hurt you after breaking up with you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

That’s what I recently did.

When I was at the worst point in my relationship, I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me. They are perfectly placed to help you with breakup issues in your relationship too.

Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site because they provide solutions, not just talk.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

4) They want revenge and to feel better

Now I’m going to introduce the most common reason why your ex might be trying to hurt you.

Your ex may be doing this because they want revenge on you for ending the relationship.

This is a very common reason for someone who’s been dumped to try and get back at their ex. They feel like they’ve been wronged and are seeking retribution.

Let’s be honest:  this is a very human and understandable reaction.

but it’s also very hard to process because your ex’s intention to hurt you is so direct and upfront.

This is why they may be acting in ways that seem like they’re hurting you on purpose. They want to feel better about themselves and get revenge for being dumped.

It’s not surprising that a person who’s been dumped would want to hurt their former partner in some way.

Unfortunately, this is a very dangerous reaction, and you should be very careful about how you handle it.

The problem is that there’s no need to get revenge on your ex because they broke up with you.

I mean, if they truly wanted to hurt you, they’d have kept the relationship going. This means that they truly don’t care about hurting you and that the revenge motive is just a mask for something else.

What do I mean here?

Well, if you’ve ended the relationship, your ex might want to hurt you as a way to get back at you.

It’s as if they want to prove to you that you were wrong about their feelings for you. Your relationship was great, and your ex wants to prove that they can make you suffer as much as you have made them suffer.

As a way to feel better about the breakup, your ex might want to hurt you.

The truth is that sometimes your ex might want to take revenge to feel better about themselves and to get back at you for being so negative.

You wouldn’t want to get revenge on someone who was kind and loving, would you?

But here’s the thing:

  • If the breakup was your idea, your ex might want to prove to themselves that they can be as strong as you were.
  • If the breakup was their idea, your ex might want to hurt you as a way to prove that they’re not the ones who made a mistake.

In this case, they may want to hurt you to show that ending the relationship was the right thing to do.

5) They don’t want to be the “victim” of your breakup

Let me take a wild guess.

Your ex doesn’t want to be the “victim” of your breakup.

And as a result, they decide to hurt you to prove that they still have power and control in the relationship.

They might also want to hurt you as a way to regain control of the relationship and prove that they’re not the one who made the mistake.

Needless to say, all of these reasons are wrong and dangerous.

But guess what?

Your ex wants to hurt you too.

The reason why this happens is probably related to the norms of our society that value dominant personality types who are able to take control and make decisions.

But if you were the one who decided to break up with them, chances are that it will make them feel like they’re victims of your actions.

And your ex might want to hurt you as a way to feel better about themselves, regain control of the situation, and feel the power.

This means that your ex might want to hurt you as a way to prove that they’re still in charge of the relationship.

What can you do?

The best thing that you can do is to stay calm, and be kind and understanding with your ex.

It’s better to be respectful, kind, and understanding with them. Because sooner or later, they’ll realize that they’re the ones who made a mistake, and you’re not the one who should be hurt.

This means that it’s not in your best interest to let them know how much their behavior is hurting you unless it’s really necessary for them to understand how their actions are affecting you.

6) They have self-confidence issues

Did you notice that your ex was always trying to feel better about themselves?

If this sounds familiar, chances are that they might have self-confidence issues.

What does it mean?

Well, self-confidence is a psychological term that describes the belief that one is valuable, worthy, and important.

And when someone has self-confidence issues, it means that they don’t believe that they’re valuable or worthy.

This means that they might feel like they’re not good enough and that they need to prove themselves to you.

They might also be trying to regain their self-confidence by hurting you.  So they’re doing this as a way to feel better about themselves, and regain their self-confidence.

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Let me explain what I mean.

Let’s say your ex broke up with you because they thought it was the right thing to do.

As a result, they might want to feel better about themselves by hurting you.

They might also want to hurt you as a way to make themselves feel better about breaking up with you.

And if this is the case, then I’d like to remind you that your ex doesn’t really care about hurting you at all. If this is true, then the main reason why your ex wants revenge is probably related to their own self-esteem issues and not their desire for revenge on you.

So if your ex is trying to hurt you to feel better about themselves, it probably means that they have low self-esteem and don’t believe in themselves. And this is why they’ll try to make you feel bad about yourself.

7) The demands of society make your ex behave in this way

Have you ever thought about the way that society influences our behaviors?

Do you think they’re doing what they’re doing because it’s what’s expected of them?

The truth is that society has certain expectations surrounding breakups. People expect that the person who broke up with their partner should try to win them back.

Well, if this is the case, it means that all the popular and trendy things in society are making your ex do things that are probably not in their best interest.

But what if you could change their attitude and make your ex realize that hurting you won’t solve any of their problems?

The truth is, most of us never realize how much power and potential lies within us.

We become bogged down by continuous conditioning from society, the media, our education system, and more.

The result?

The reality we create becomes detached from the reality that lives within our consciousness.

I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can lift the mental chains and get back to the core of your being.

A word of caution – Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.

He doesn’t paint a pretty picture or sprout toxic positivity like so many other gurus do.

Instead, he’s going to force you to look inwards and confront the demons within. It’s a powerful approach, but one that works.

So if you’re ready to take this first step and align your dreams with your reality, there’s no better place to start than with Rudá’s unique technique.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

8) They’re jealous of your new relationship with others

Did you already start meeting other people after breaking up with your ex?

Yes, it’s completely true that you have the total right to meet whoever you want to.

But guess what?

Your ex doesn’t seem the same. Instead, they seem to be jealous of you and your new relationship.

And that’s another reason why an ex, after a breakup, might suddenly try to hurt you.

It’s because they will be jealous of the new relationships that are developing with others in your life.

They may even think that if they can get back together with you again, then they might have a chance at getting to know these new people better as well.

This can lead them to hurt or try to hurt those people in order to scare them away from getting back together with their ex again.

But what can you do about it?

Well, try to explain to your ex that your relationship is already over. You’re not going to get back with them, and you have the right to have new relationships with other people.

That way, you’ll convince them to stop hurting you in order to get back with you. Because after all, it’s not going to happen.

You’ve already moved on and you’re not getting back to them.

9) They want to see if you care about them or not

Believe it or not, sometimes people will try to test your feelings for them – whether it’s a friend, family member, or ex.

Some people might want to know if you’re still interested in them, and they’ll do this by trying to get back together with you.

If you’re still interested in them, then they’ll be happy and give you attention. But if you’re not interested in them anymore, then they’ll find out that their efforts were wasted – and that can lead to hurt feelings on their part.

So here’s why it happens:

If your ex suddenly starts trying to hurt you, it might be that they want to know if you care about them.

You’re either very upset because of the breakup. You’re desperate to get back together with your ex. Or you don’t care about their feelings at all.

But the truth is that your ex wants to see if you still care about them or not.

And that’s why they try to hurt you.

Well, let’s say that your ex kept asking for time alone with you – even after the breakup. If this was happening often enough, then there might be some truth to the fact that they really do care about you.

But if your ex keeps doing this after a while, then there’s no way of knowing whether they really do care about you or not.

So just stop giving in to them and stay away from them until they stop contacting you again. Then it’s up to you whether or not to go back together with them again. You don’t owe anyone anything!

10) They’re trying to win you back

Can I be completely honest with you?

Your ex might be trying to win you back by suddenly trying to hurt you.

When you were together, your ex probably did everything he or she could to make you happy.

If you broke up with them, they might want to do the same thing to make you feel hurt and rejected. They might want to make you feel as if you had made a mistake by breaking up with them.

After all, your ex wants to prove that they are the right person for you. They might want to make you jealous because they’re hoping that you will want them back. They might want to make you suffer because they want you to know that they can’t be happy without you.

Whatever the case, the most logical explanation is that they still have feelings for you, and want to get back together with you.

But what are their reasons?  Why would they want a second chance at getting your attention?

The answer is simple: if they can get back together with you, then it’s likely that they’ll be able to convince you that things are going well between the two of them again.

And if things are going well again, then there’s a chance that both of you will be happier than ever before.

If this happens, then both of you will feel great about the relationship again. And since your ex wants both of you happy, he’ll probably try his best to make things work between you again.

So it might seem strange that they’re hurting you to get you back, but that’s just the way it is.

11) Your ex is angry about the breakup

Okay, you’ve broken up with your ex and you’ve probably noticed how they felt about it.

Where were they disappointed? Sad? Relieved?

Or maybe they were angry or frustrated that you broke up with them because they didn’t want to.

So one of the most obvious reasons why your ex tries to hurt you is that they’re angry about your decision.

They might feel as if you were unfair to them in your decision, and this has made them angry. This has made them even more upset and frustrated.

So they’ll do all that they can to make it clear that they don’t understand why you decided to break up with them. They’ll do all that they can to make it clear that this was a bad decision, and it’s going to be hard for both of you if things continue like this.

But if your ex is really mad about the breakup, then there’s a good chance that he or she is using the breakup as a way of getting revenge on you.

In other words, the breakup might be their way of getting back at you for something that happened in the past.

12) They still want physical contact with you

It might be hard to believe, but sometimes people hurt other people in order to maintain a relationship.

Sounds impressive, right?

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Well, that might be the exact reason why your ex, after a breakup, will suddenly try to hurt you.

This is because he wants to feel closer to you and get a sense of reassurance that he still matters.

Here’s the thing: sometimes, we can’t help but be attracted to people who are important in our lives, even if we don’t love them anymore.

This means that even if we don’t love someone anymore, we can still have strong feelings for them.

And this means that our exes might have strong feelings for us even if they don’t love us anymore or even care about us anymore.

In other words: your exes will want physical contact with you after a breakup because they want reassurance that they still matter to you and that they still have a connection with you.

And guess what?

They might hurt you suddenly because they find it hard to control their impulses or the urge to be physically close to you.

And in this case, they might even try to physically hurt you by touching your hand or hugging you tightly.

However, if they really want to stay with you, they won’t cross the line of violence.

So, if you notice that your ex is doing something like this, then there’s a good chance that they’re trying to hurt you.

13) They’re using reverse psychology techniques on you

I’m sure we’ve all heard the term “reverse psychology” before.

And if you haven’t, then you should know that reverse psychology is a tactic that people use in order to get someone to do something that they don’t want to do.

Reverse psychology means that someone is encouraging the behavior by pretending you want something else.

And guess what?

If your ex uses reverse psychology techniques, then it means that they understand how they can get you to want them back.

And that’s why they decided to hurt you all of a sudden while this behavior is not something they would do. It’s not something you would expect from someone who is still in love with you.

In other words, your ex is using reverse psychology techniques and trying to hurt you to get you to want them back.

14) They’re trying to prove something to someone else

Let me ask you a question.

Did your ex already start dating someone else after you broke up with them?

If the answer is yes, then you should know that your ex could be trying to prove something to someone else.

They might be trying to show their new partners that they no longer care about your feelings.

And that’s why they’re hurting you.

And you know what?

If your ex is trying to prove something to someone else, then it means that they’re really not in love with you anymore.

And in this case, you shouldn’t let them manipulate your feelings and use you to build trust in their new relationship.

But this person isn’t always their new partner.

Your ex might have a secret reason for trying to make things work between the two of you again.

Maybe their friends are pressuring them into getting back together with you because of some kind of promise they made, or maybe there’s some other reason why your ex wants to get back together with you that we don’t know about yet…

But whatever the case, your ex might want to prove something to someone else at the same time that he or she wants how they felt right when you told them.

15) They just can’t let you go

And the final reason why your ex after a breakup suddenly tries to hurt you is that they just can’t let you go.

They can’t control their feelings after understanding that you’re going to break up with them, and it’s their instant reaction to say something that will hurt you.

That’s why they’re trying to hurt you.

They’ve made a commitment to you, but they can’t let you go. So they’re trying to express everything they feel and make you convinced that they need them in their lives.

This means that sometimes their intention to hurt you is an expression of their desperate psychological condition and their worry about an uncertain future.

In other words, they’re trying to hurt you so that you’ll stay with them and so that they won’t have to face life without you.

It’s their way of trying to survive the pain of losing someone they love.

Final thoughts

All in all, breakups are hard for everyone. They hurt, and they take time to recover from.

After a breakup, most people are inclined to leave their ex in the past and move on with their lives.

However, some exes take this time after a breakup as an opportunity to seek revenge on the person who broke up with them, express their feelings or get back to them. That’s why they suddenly decide to hurt you after a breakup.

Hopefully, you already understand some possible reasons why an ex, after a breakup, will suddenly try to hurt you. So, choose the best possible strategy based on your feelings and try not to get hurt again.

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Nato Lagidze

Nato is a writer and a researcher with an academic background in psychology. She investigates self-compassion, emotional intelligence, psychological well-being, and the ways people make decisions. Writing about recent trends in the movie industry is her other hobby, alongside music, art, culture, and social influences. She dreams to create an uplifting documentary one day, inspired by her experiences with strangers.

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